Ex-husband: rules of communication and ways to return him to the family

It often happens that after a divorce, the ex-husband suddenly tries to return everything back and asks to return. But is it worth taking it? Why is he doing this? Our article will tell you.

As a rule, when a man and a woman get divorced, each of them has questions about what happened between them. Yes, undoubtedly, breaking up is always very difficult, but sometimes situations arise when you have to decide whether it’s worth getting the relationship back? Will this be right? How to behave correctly and not make mistakes when your ex-husband wants everything back?

Why ex-husband wants to come back: reasons

Why did my ex-husband return?

You are very mistaken if you think that since love still exists, you can simply return everything back. However, nothing will work out if you never learn anything and don’t draw any conclusions from the current situation, but simply start from where you left off.

Statistics show that usually things can really work out in couples, but this is only if they have reviewed and changed their behavior after the divorce, have not lost qualities that are attractive to each other, and also build relationships taking into account past mistakes. So why does an ex-husband want to come back after a divorce?

There are several reasons for this behavior:

• Practicality

When a man wants to return to his family, this does not mean how much he loves his wife. It just happens that a man cannot live independently and needs constant care. Until a man meets a new woman who will do everything to take care of her, he will continue to try to return, especially if he knows that he is expected and accepted. Such couples can constantly come together and separate.

There is also a situation when the husband has been away for a long time and suddenly appears full of affection and tenderness. However, it quickly disappears again. Here, only one conclusion suggests itself - he became bored and wanted closeness, and there was no one to go to except you.

When a man begins to convince you that he loves you and is ready to bring things right now, then do not rush to accept him right away. It's better to ask why his behavior changed so quickly. Maybe he simply has nowhere to live and is considering you as a backup option.

• Fear of responsibility

Ex-husband is back

Some men may be very frightened by change and are more accustomed to the usual course of life. For example, the birth of a baby. This means that he will have to take on more responsibility, but he is not ready for this.

He may think that you will pay less attention to him and, in order not to lose first positions, he simply leaves. But since he is already accustomed to one way of life, he still returns, because he supposedly has come to his senses.

Such men rarely understand what they want and they do not have any clear goals. They are not able to make decisions themselves, are afraid of responsibility, are not ready for difficulties, and in general they are immature. You can never rely on such people and predict their behavior. So, there are chances to get into a difficult situation again.

• Thirst for thrills

There are families in which scandals and outbursts of emotions are a way to tickle their nerves. If during a quarrel a man runs away and slams the door, then rest assured that he will return within a week. He didn’t even think about leaving you, there were just too many emotions and he needed time to calm down.

• Outside influence

It also happens that all friends or relatives put pressure on a man and claim that you are not a couple. Such pressure can lead to a man leaving the family. However, over time everything will work out and he will return. In this case, think about whether the man is capable of making a serious decision on his own. Maybe he is susceptible to other people's influence? Is it true that the husband finally decided to return or will he leave again later?

• Ownership and the desire to possess a woman

Male owner

In many cases, women react with hysterics, tears and scandals when a man leaves. But not everyone does this. Wives may not make a scene, but simply accept their husband’s decision and take the situation calmly.

As a rule, men are not ready for this and expect to be stopped. This gives a good blow to pride and after a breakup, a man thinks for a long time and often decides to go back.

Usually in families, wives are emotionally attached to their husbands, even to the detriment of their own personality. They leave all their friends and interests. Men are naturally hunters and need to pursue women. And if there is no need for this, then he begins to look for other prey.

If after a breakup the wife returns to her old life and goes out again, then this hurts him and he wants to come back again. What to do in such a situation? You need to draw the right conclusions, otherwise you will get divorced.

• Coincidence

Often, a man’s problems may be to blame for a couple’s separation—money problems, dismissal, relocation, illness of loved ones. And a man doesn’t want to be a burden, and he can’t do anything. Accordingly, he leaves, and when everything gets better, the couple can be together again. There are other reasons for leaving, it all depends on the character.

• Rethinking

The most pleasant moment for a woman is the moment when a man understands all the reasons for the breakup and comes to his senses, but this happens extremely rarely. Remember that after a divorce, a man is left alone with his thoughts and he has time to realize and weigh everything. Often men, having already lost everything, understand how dear a woman was to him and now he would like to return back.

Do you have children together?

Now you definitely can’t escape each other, no matter how hard you try. You are the father and mother of common children. You need to remember this first and foremost. Children want to see the warmth and care of their parents not only towards themselves, but also towards each other. You are a model for the future close relationships of your daughters and sons. The younger the child, the more important mutual education is for him, especially if he is a boy. There is no need to prohibit, you should not tell the child that his dad is a bad and unworthy person. The child wants to be proud of both mom and dad. Additionally, you may be fostering genuine mistrust in the future. When children grow up, they either reproach the parent for prohibiting communication with the other parent, or they develop a general dislike for the whole world and others. It is better to keep your negative emotions to yourself, no matter how badly your ex-husband treats you. With age, the child himself will understand what is good and what is bad. He himself will be able to draw a conclusion about whether dad did the right thing. If the ex-spouse wants to see his child at least a couple of times a month, he should not be prohibited from doing so. It’s wonderful that he shows desire, and does not leave him to the mercy of fate.

If it hurts you to communicate with your ex-spouse, then limit conversations to the topic of your children and their wants and needs. Subsequently, the pain will go away, and you will be able to choose a day and time when you can spend time with the children all together. It is very important! Let the baby have a full-fledged family at least one day a month. As a rule, if the divorce is official, the man pays alimony. Sometimes spouses do not file for divorce, in the hope that the relationship will be restored, while the man sponsors his former family. He may not give you money, and you will defend your rights in court. In such a situation, it is very difficult to remain friends. Each situation is individual, but the only advice is to try to talk openly about the fact that you want to protect the child and provide him with everything he needs. Understand that a man may become distant and withdrawn if such a situation arises. The stronger sex is sensitive to solving financial issues. It seems to ex-husbands that the woman wants to harm them in any way, to take revenge for all their mistakes. Remove your pride and try to convey that you are as friendly as possible and are doing everything for the benefit of your common children.

What to do if your ex-husband wants to return - what to do?

Should I bring my husband back?

Family reunification is always difficult and painful. This is due to the fact that the breakup was caused by the man’s misconduct. When an ex-partner wants to return, a woman is faced with a choice - is it worth doing? Resentments and all the bad things are difficult to forget and can stir up old negative feelings. To understand whether it’s worth returning everything back, try to understand yourself and some simple tips will help you with this.

When a man leaves his family and then comes back, it is quite natural to think - what will happen next? After all, a man’s motives may be different, but you shouldn’t feed yourself too much with dreams. Find out what is the reason for your lover's return. Despite all the feelings, it is still worth asking about the true motives.

Let's say you start living together and for a while everything is fine with you, like a second honeymoon. But suddenly a situation occurs that led to a breakup. For example, you separated because your husband cheated. And today he cheated on you again. It turns out that passions have calmed down a little and parting again. Only now it will all be much more complicated.

It is unlikely that you will want to go through all this again and suffer that you behaved stupidly by believing in his love. If you agree with this, then it is better to immediately find out why he wants to return.

Turn off your emotions and approach the situation from a rational point of view. It is recommended that the husband and wife write on a piece of paper what they liked about their partner and what they didn’t. Then everyone analyzes what they have written and decides whether they are ready to change. This is the very first thing that will help you make such an important decision.

The second stage is more difficult because it is emotional. You have already realized what you are not happy with in each other and you know what needs to be changed. Now think about whether you need all this and whether you see yourself with this person in the future. You can answer affirmatively when you solve the questions:

• Do you have any children
• Is everything good financially?
• What is the situation in society
• You have resolved all your differences
• Can you continue to live happily without negativity and reproaches?

Analyze your emotional state of life in marriage and after divorce. Think about how you lived during the breakup, what emotions overwhelmed you, and can you take care of yourself?

How to get your ex-husband back?

So, if your husband asks you to get together, then:

• Think well and turn off your emotions
• Understand the real reason for returning
• Think about what you want from a relationship and whether the chosen one meets your expectations

When you have thought about everything, then decide for yourself whether you are ready to forget about everything that happened in the past and continue to live with the person so that nothing happens again. Otherwise, the man will begin to think that if he leaves again, he can always come back.

Learn one more thing - your life will not be the same as before. The whole past will remain with you and you will not be able to avoid hassles until you agree on the following points:

• How will you resolve conflict situations?
• Are you ready to change your views and draw the right conclusions?
• Will you be able to forget about the past

Remember that in this case you need to build relationships mutually. If only one side tries, and the other does nothing, then nothing will work out. When you take your husband back, you shouldn’t remind him of his mistakes. If you are expecting constant apologies, this is unlikely to happen. As a rule, a big scandal follows from this. It is important to understand that you have decided to continue to be with this person.

Why did you decide to return everything back then? Be sincere with yourself and don’t hide behind children and finances. Children are unlikely to be happy growing up in an environment of constant conflict. You should also not follow the lead of your friends and family that you should take your husband back if you don’t want it yourself. You also have the right to happiness and you can decide what to do next.

You are getting married for the second time

This is gorgeous! Divorce is not a reason to become depressed and think that you will remain with your child for the rest of your life. The happier mom and dad are, even when they are apart from each other, the happier their child will be. Many women in such a situation make a mistake - they begin to make excuses to their ex-man or hide their new relationship. Should not be doing that. Firstly, sooner or later everything becomes clear. Secondly, you are divorced, which means you have become strangers and have the right to build a new family. You have freedom and obligations have disappeared. There is no need to apologize, especially if it was the man who caused the divorce. In addition, he acquired exactly the same rights and exactly the same responsibilities disappeared. It may happen that you are afraid to enter into a second marriage, and in the meantime your ex-husband will calmly do it. The ideal situation is for families to be friends. Not everyone succeeds in this, especially if only one of the former spouses finds a match. Otherwise, there will be no emotions other than aggression and hostility.

Make yourself a happy woman. If you were unhappy in your marriage, now is the time to make it happen. Your husband will only be glad that you have a new life, that you do not suffer, and most importantly, that you do not bother him with your reproaches and insults. A happy ex-wife is a source of pride. Every man will once again be convinced that he made the right choice in the past and will be glad that such a woman is the mother of his children. In addition, men are more willing to make contact and help financially their happy ex-wives. They are inspired by the strength, resilience and beauty of the weaker sex. Show these qualities even after a divorce. Conduct yourself with dignity!

Why do husbands leave?

Experience knows many cases when a husband leaves the family, but then returns, and the couple continues to live happily ever after. Women are much more tolerant than men and are able to forgive a lot. In the life of almost every woman there has been a betrayal of a loved one and subsequent forgiveness.

Men are designed in such a way that cheating is a common thing for them, a physiological process that means nothing. Most often, a husband cheats on his wife because this corresponds to the status of a male, because it is interesting. There are often cases when betrayal occurs under the influence of alcohol. Unlike women, who painfully experience their own betrayal, men do not attach much importance to their adventures. Even if they are guilty, there will be no long-term worries, and after the wife’s forgiveness is received, the betrayal will most likely happen again.

And this situation is the norm for many men. They can cheat 5 times and be forgiven the same number of times, since for their wives the main thing is spiritual fidelity.

But if the husband packed his things and left, this does not indicate just physiological sex or sports interest. A family man, accustomed to the comfort of home, ironed shirts and delicious dinners, is unlikely to leave his family for the sake of a passing hobby. He is more likely to quietly meet with his mistress, but will not sacrifice his own comfort. Men leave for other women for the following reasons:

• Love.
  Such cases happen when first love meets. Old feelings flare up with renewed vigor, and this relationship ends with the husband wanting to leave the family. Men also fall in love with other women during a midlife crisis. The desire to feel younger pushes older husbands into the arms of young girls.
• Cheating wife.
  Men forgive female infidelity very rarely. This is a blow to their male pride, which not everyone can survive.
• Problems of a psychological nature.
  A man wants to leave home, where there is an unfavorable emotional atmosphere, where there are constant omissions, quarrels, where he is not understood. Often there are problems in a married couple due to disagreements in life views, issues of religion and raising children.
• Financial and everyday problems.
  Problems can also arise due to lack of money. If a wife reproaches her husband for his financial insolvency and nags him about this, sooner or later he will leave his wife.
• Problems in intimate life.
  A man's sexual life lasts quite a few years, right up to old age. And even after a year of family life, husbands need full intimacy. Women, while busy with everyday life and children, stop paying due attention to their spouses.
• Wife's appearance.
  In family life, husbands see their wives unkempt and unkempt, dressed in a completely unfeminine way. And at work, on the contrary, every day they see beautiful female colleagues in fashionable outfits, fragrant with perfume. Comparing, men every day stop looking at their wives as women. Hence - problems in sexual life, irritability, dissatisfaction with each other.

Where do husbands go?

Families do not always break up because of other women. And not every man, having gained freedom, strives to lose it again. If the husband left the family for his mistress, he will go to her. If the reasons for the breakup are different, then the man’s temporary refuge can be:

• parental home;
• rental apartment;
• friend's house;
• cottage or garage;
• office;
• car.

In extreme cases, the spouse quits his job and moves to another city. If he does not find a permanent place of residence, you can be sure: having been pushed around, he will definitely return.

Do you want your ex-husband to come back to you?

Yes, that happens. Especially if it was the woman who caused the divorce. In such a situation, it is worth considering whether you really want this and why you need it. Are you afraid of loneliness, can’t find a replacement, are you having a hard time financially, or do you want to continue living with this particular person, giving him joy and care? Analyze how much time has passed since the divorce. If this is a couple of months, it means that old feelings and fear of loneliness are still playing in you. Perhaps if he comes back, in a few weeks you won't want to live with him again. It is worth assessing the situation after six months of the incident. At this point, the view will become more objective. If you firmly decide that you love this person and want to return him, then act. Remind yourself, but carefully and unobtrusively. You shouldn’t call 3 times a day and ask where he is, who he’s with, how he’s doing. He is no longer your husband and is not obliged to report to you. Just keep in touch. Surely, you still have many mutual acquaintances, and joint holidays are an excellent occasion for general meetings. Calls can be used for unobtrusive reasons. Since you are left without male help in the house, a breakdown of a computer, faucet, or any household appliance is an excellent reason to call. It’s even better if you don’t ask him directly, but just talk about your situation casually.

How long will it take for my husband to return home?

As already mentioned, if a husband leaves the family, this does not necessarily mean forever. Some time will pass and he may return. It all depends on some circumstances:

• the reason why the husband left the family;
• How will your relationship develop after the breakup?
• What will you do to get him back?

If the husband left for his mistress, then, as practice shows, he will leave her. When the candy-bouquet period ends. It lasts on average 3-4 months. If you analyze why your husband left for someone else, you can identify the following reasons:

• the mistress is more attractive than you, more well-groomed;
• she has a lot of free time, so she can devote it only to your husband;
• she is not burdened with worries;
• she does not burden her husband with everyday problems, does not nag him;
• she is experienced in sex.

Why do husbands come back?

When your husband announced that he was leaving forever, it seemed to you that this was the end of the family, the end of the relationship. But statistics show that unfaithful husbands return in most cases. And this happens due to the following factors:

• Habit.
  Men themselves don’t notice how they get used to certain things, little things. And only life with another woman reveals these little things. He notices that his mistress does not cook as well as his wife, likes the wrong films and programs, listens to different music. And he comes back because he is unable to change his habits.
• Change of world view.
  If the husband left for someone else or simply left home, this probably happened in the heat of emotion. After time passes, the man realizes the value of the family, his mistakes and will return.
• Reconciliation.
  After the husband leaves home, communication with his wife and children still continues. And over time, all the anger and resentment disappears.

New marriage

It’s very cool when a woman, by the time she gets married again, has already dotted all the i’s in her relationship with her ex-husband. But, unfortunately, this does not always happen. With the advent of a new chosen one, all conflicts often get worse. It becomes especially difficult if an unsuccessful couple has a child. The ex-spouse may begin to be jealous of his child towards the new head of the family. What can you do in this situation:

1. Try to make friends. It's never too late to forget about grievances and sit down at the truce table. After all, you once found a common language, try to do it now. In the end, make the compromise, personal peace of mind and happiness are worth it.
2. Explain to the child that he has only one father. Even if the new husband is better than the former in everything, the “common blood” and genes will sooner or later make themselves felt. Only time will tell which of them became truly close to the child. Don't impose your opinion.
3. Don't feel guilty. You got divorced and became strangers to each other, which means you have the right to build a new family. Someday, my ex-husband will also want to create one.

Our whole life consists of many meetings and partings. Some people come here for a long time, while others just stay. All we can do is keep pleasant memories in our memory. Therefore, do not waste your time being angry and resentful towards your ex-husband. The past, alas, cannot be changed. But now you can open your heart to something new and beautiful.

Irina, Moscow

How to cope with your husband's departure

If the husband left and does not want to return, it will be unpleasant, painful and offensive for any woman. The moment he said he was leaving, it seemed like betrayal and betrayal. The first thought that arises in the wife is, of course, a mistress. But, as already mentioned, the husband does not always leave for another woman.

The breakup period for a woman lasts in several stages:

• Suffering
  - why did my husband leave? What is my fault? How to live further? During this period, a lot of stupid things are done in the heat of the moment, which both spouses later regret.
• Pride.
  Having cooled down a little, women think: so what if the husband left and didn’t call. So what if he's gone forever. I will live without him, but he will disappear.
• Again suffering.
  And pity for myself, for my husband. The woman is already ready to forgive everything in the world, if only he would return.

During these periods, a woman can do a lot of stupid things that she needs to beware of. Under no circumstances should you shed tears, beg, arrange a showdown with your mistress, or blackmail with children. The main thing is to give time for mental sobriety to return, and after that you can already think about what to do.