The modern schedule of life leaves less and less room for leisurely family dinners and conversations at the table. How to bring back this tradition if you feel like you are losing it? This can be difficult for the housewife to realize - but food itself is not as important as communication. Here are ideas gleaned from American families. They will tell you what to do when we finally sit down at the table together.
Over the past 25 years, tens of thousands of family dinner conversations have been recorded, transcribed and analyzed. Every “drink your milk” and “you stole my fork” was analyzed. Keeping in mind that a good family ritual should be fun and memorable, I decided to create a list of constructive mealtime activities.
We write first
It is not a rare occurrence when a girl cannot initiate a conversation with a man first, even on social networks for dating. In reality there is no difficulty in this. And it’s much better and more effective than waiting until the gentleman you like decides to start a conversation. You don’t need to think about how to communicate with a guy correctly, just start, take one step towards meeting him. It's better to do something than to regret that you had the opportunity but didn't do anything.
Let me give you the example of Japan, where girls are often the first to take the initiative in meeting the opposite sex. This has its own advantages, for example, according to statistics, partners who get together on the girl’s initiative are less likely to separate. Therefore, do not be afraid to start communication first.
Quick affection
Many girls, being under strong emotions, speed up the process of getting closer to a guy. They do not expect gradual second and third steps from him, but they themselves begin to act, increasingly invading their partner’s personal space. The guy himself may not like this behavior, who will also quickly lose interest in the girl. Attachment means that a person is ready to show all his cards. There are no more secrets, riddles and barriers that a guy could inquisitively overcome. Therefore, the interest in further knowledge disappears.
Reasons to start communication
Suppose you are determined to write to a young man, but you don’t know what exactly to tell him. You need to find a suitable reason for conversation.
It is worth paying attention to possible points of contact:
- If you know a page on a social network, then study it. Maybe you have mutual friends, places of work, hobbies, and so on. This information will greatly simplify the search for topics to maintain a conversation.
- Finding common interests. Talk about hobbies, what films you saw last in cinemas, how you like to spend time on weekends, what you prefer to listen to from music. If we haven’t found common interests, it’s okay, we’re looking for other points of convergence.
- Ask for advice on a particular situation. In this way, show your interest in his opinion, which will be assessed from a positive position.
How to start a conversation with a guy you like? Following the advice of a psychologist will be quite enough, the main thing is to take the initiative and not be a coward.
Let's talk about how to start communicating with a guy on a dating site:
- Guys are not girls, you can approach them with a banal “Hello! How are you?". Girls don’t write to guys that often, and this message won’t be perceived as trivial, and if he likes you in your avatar, then in 95% of cases the guy will answer you.
- Showing sincerity and interest in communication: “How was your weekend, did you have a good rest?”, “Let’s chat, it’s a boring evening, can you help brighten it up?” It is unlikely that a young man will refuse communication.
- Reason for communication. Ask for advice on watching an interesting movie: “Recommend something interesting from the fantasy series. I've watched so many films, I can't find anything interesting. Help me out." I understand that it is not entirely tactful to write to a stranger like this, but it is precisely through discouragement that a dialogue will start and interest will develop in the interlocutor.
- Start a dialogue based on the guy’s post. Give a compliment or write some interesting comment. Perhaps he posted a photo from a vacation in another city. Ask his opinion about this city and where you can have a good time there.
Avoid embarrassment, communicate easily and not under pressure. If something is interesting, ask, use your imagination, use your own phrases when talking.
How to interest a man by correspondence: 7 rules for ideal correspondence
Word games
Family meals are what scientists call “speech events.” This is an activity during which children learn to love language and use it correctly. I've tested dozens of word games with my daughters, their girlfriends, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. The following four games were popular among people of all ages.
- Vocabulary Thursday. Say a common word, such as "run", "fast", "happy", and have everyone name as many synonyms for it as possible.
- A game of alliteration. Let each person sitting at the table come up with a sentence in which all the words begin with the same letter.
- Filling in the blanks. Everyone takes turns coming up with a sentence and the others have to complete it, for example: “The sport I most want to learn is...” or “When I look at the sky, I think about...”
- Who cares? Does anyone ask a question like, “What’s the difference between New York and California?” or “What’s the difference between cookies and waffles?” Those sitting at the table must give different answers.
Topics for communication
It’s very easy to have a dialogue with a guy on the Internet, especially when he came into contact after you contacted him. If the guy immediately answered that he has a girlfriend, we leave him alone and look for another young man.
If he starts to carry on a conversation, he likes you. Heat up the conversation with an exciting topic.
Examples of interesting topics:
- The guy has an interesting hobby. Let's say he's a cook or is into drifting. Ask him to share his impressions and how he decided to do this. Men like to talk about their hobbies and delight others with them.
- Talk about vacation spots that he liked and would like to return to again. Let him tell you about his preferences during the holidays. He likes extreme sports or prefers easy walks in the parks. Ask about things that interest you. Does he like reading books, swimming, hiking, etc...
- A banal, but quite addictive topic, discussion of films and events taking place in the city. Before you begin the discussion, find out if he has an interest in the film or event.
After reading the young man's stories, share information about yourself. The main thing is not to overdo it; guys don’t really like people who are too talkative either.
Evening of autobiographies
There is an extremely valuable skill that parents can instill in their children that does not require special classes, additional equipment or an expensive tutor. I'm talking about the ability to tell a simple story from your life. From about age five, children gain the ability to describe past events, but this skill needs to be developed. The table at which the family gathers is an excellent platform for this kind of practice.
The more children know and remember about their family, the higher their self-esteem and stronger sense of self-confidence. Taking this into account, once a week, organize an evening when the children tell stories from their past, their “autobiography” if you like, for example, remember the day they scored two goals in football, or the evening when mom made delicious chocolate cakes. This game will come in especially handy on the eve of a serious exam or an important game, since, according to scientists, memories of the most vivid moments in life increase self-confidence.
Keeping the conversation going
It’s easy to maintain a conversation with a man in real life. Choosing a meeting place is similarly simple - a beach, a park, a cafe, a regular walk around the city.
Conversation rules:
- Don't be shy about talking to a guy you don't know first. You can start with the usual “Hello! I'm Masha! What's your name?". After you learn his name, use it more often when talking. A person puts his interlocutor at ease when pronouncing his name.
- Actions must take place depending on the circumstances. You see that the sky is becoming cloudy, ask his opinion about possible rain. A seemingly trivial conversation about the weather can captivate your conversation for long hours of chatter.
- A great option to interest a man is to ask for his help. Pretexts for help include: finding out the location of the cafe, assistance in choosing a product, and the like. Consider these prepositions as an impetus to continue the conversation. After helping, give thanks.
- Guys love it when people give them compliments. Don't skimp on them. Rate his physical form, sense of humor, perfume, clothing style...
- Don't drag out the dialogue into an awkward period of silence. It is better to leave in advance, citing important matters. Tell your guy that you enjoyed your time together. If he was also interested in you, he will ask for your phone number or a link to social networks; if he is a little “slow,” you can offer him this data yourself.
What to do if there are no common topics of conversation with a guy
I asked about his family and hobbies, to which he answered with terse words. What to do? How to save a conversation? It’s not that this guy and I didn’t have common themes, we didn’t have contact. Then it dawned on me. If there is no development, we need to find the reason. Where to begin:
- Create a personal file (in your desktop folder). Write in there as much information as you could get out of the guy.
- Ask him about his friends - who they are, their names, their occupation, how they met, what connects them, with which of them the relationship is closer, are there any common memories.
- Offer a joint business - you can start learning a foreign language together, and then examine each other. Focus on what will be interesting and useful to both of you; this method brings harmony and unity to the relationship.
- Get to know his sister or brother (if any), through them you will have the opportunity to get to know the person better.
- Invite him to a party as the hostess of a youth party. Take a closer look to see if he will behave in the same constrained and indifferent way with your girlfriends. If a guy becomes interested in someone, it means he’s just uncomfortable with you.
Look at how to interest him in a conversation - very simple ways.
Advice from psychologists
To start a conversation, read the basic tips from psychologists on the topic “How to talk to a guy.” By following these tips, you will feel more confident and will win over your interlocutor.
- Stop being afraid. Girls often have doubts when taking initiative. Suddenly the guy refuses to talk, which can greatly hurt his self-esteem. Now think about it, if a guy doesn't know you, you don't know him, and you tell him something, what effect will it have? Who will know about this? You have nothing to lose in this situation.
- Smile. Nobody likes gloomy and sad faces. But a smile attracts attention very well. A guy can literally fall in love with your smile and will remember it for a long time, and thanks to this memory he will think about you.
- Choosing the right time. Try to find out in advance whether this time for communication will be convenient for your interlocutor. If it works, then conducting a dialogue during this period is not the best idea. It’s better to wait and have a good chat after his work.
- Honesty. You should not embellish yourself or your life in front of your interlocutor. Otherwise, the truth will be revealed, and then the opinion of you will change, not for the better. Unfortunately, girls, like men, are often inclined to cheat when communicating on the Internet. Subsequently, when meeting in real life, the lie is revealed and communication stops.
Although you have thought for a long time about how to talk to a guy, stick to naturalness. You don't need to make winning a guy your top priority. If you are right for each other, it will quickly become clear. If you have your own tips on how to start a conversation with a guy, share them in the comments.
Problematic issues
Family meals are a rare moment when family members of different ages can be on the same page and learn to work as a team - just like when children work with their siblings and parents to put together puzzles or unravel difficult situations.
One evening during the week, ask each family member to talk about a “problem issue.” For example, a child is forced to work on a school project with a classmate he can't stand. Or mom has to take grandpa to the ophthalmologist, and a parent-teacher meeting is scheduled for the same time. Suddenly, everyone begins to jointly analyze the issue and propose possible solutions to it, and these are all elements of a successful solution to the problem.
Human needs human
In Maslow's pyramid, the need for love, acceptance and communication comes in third place, right after physiological needs and safety. Feeling your partner’s love and communicating with him is a necessary condition for a normal emotional state and the key to trusting family relationships.
Often, just a few years after the wedding, spouses feel that they have nothing to talk about, moving further and further away from each other every day. This can be explained by the onset of the stage of satiety in a relationship, when the candy-bouquet period is over, everyday life has destroyed all the romance, and the partner has already managed to show all his shortcomings.
Quote for thought:
“
How often does the process of rapprochement lead to distance
?
” (Tamara Kleiman) This situation can and should be corrected. It is necessary to relearn how to communicate with your husband in order to maintain the relationship at this difficult stage.
Imbalance in relationships
A relationship requires both parties to contribute to it. It is like the fuel on which growth and development occurs with movement forward. Under ideal conditions, a guy and a girl invest approximately equal shares of resources - emotional, material, organizational, etc. But if only the girl does a significant part of the work, and the guy, for his part, does not strive to make any effort at all, this relationship in itself will be meaningless.
In a harmonious relationship, the stronger half always tries to take the initiative and move forward, but if the conditions are not conducive to this, then the guy will simply lose interest in the girl and his own role in this couple.
Infatuation
We are talking about the type of guys who are easy about relationships and girls in general. They see in romantic unions only a way of new energy recharging, but soon their interest disappears and they again go in search of another chosen one. Often, such guys themselves do not realize how deeply they are entering into a relationship that for them is only experimental in nature.
Found a violation? Report content
Lack of attractiveness
Needless to say, spectacular appearance, charm and the ability to present oneself can captivate a guy at first sight. This will be the case in most cases, as soon as he meets an opponent with such data. If the girl has nothing to oppose on her part, the outcome will be predictable. But don't be discouraged. There are two good news. Firstly, you can always work on external attractiveness by improving individual qualities. Secondly, even supermodels can fail and stop being interesting to their partners. In principle, no one is immune from this, so such phenomena should be taken calmly.
What you can't talk about
During a conversation, you should try to avoid sensitive topics. When a person does not want to talk about something, there is no need to force him, although sometimes the temptation to find out some secret pushes a girl to take wrong actions. The guy will open up as you get closer. You also can’t put pressure on your interlocutor.
Try to avoid discussing political and religious views, financial issues. If your opinions differ, this may lead to an argument or conflict. You won't want to talk anymore.
Try to avoid direct questions. If a guy says he knows English, don't force him to immediately translate your favorite band's latest hit.
