Most men's magazines write about how to avoid living with a woman. So, if you are lucky enough to lure your lover into this adventure, you will have to try to make it last longer than a week.
In general, men are simple and logical creatures, simple-minded and straightforward. But, due to the difference in the worldview of the sexes, it turns out that women simply cannot understand the simplest and most obvious things. So, just remember these rules and you will be happy.
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You've been dating for a while and have finally decided to move in together. It would seem a joyful event. But at the same time, it is also stressful, and here you may face mistakes that could be fatal for your relationship.
What they can be and how to deal with them, writes Knife.media.
Girl-wife turns into mother
Having found a nest, the girl begins to fuss, prepare borscht according to her grandmother’s recipe, do regular cleaning and in every possible way keep order in the house, which for her turns into a symbol of her success as a woman. She gets tired and often falls asleep before he can even hint at sex. He begins to feel a complex mixture of respect, guilt and irritation for her - he has again found himself in childhood, where respectable people consider it important to wear a hat, and a request to play with him is perceived as something of minor importance.
The vast majority of women fall for this bait and plant a time bomb in the relationship: when a boy at home does not have company to play on equal terms, with common interests, he looks for this company on the side. Since the sex hormone is mixed into his perception of comfortable communication, this search for understanding is fraught with falling in love - think, do you need it?
The most important quality of a girl in a partnership is not the function of feeding and washing, but the ability to enjoy life. “If she’s happy, then I’m doing everything right,” the man thinks, and his self-esteem grows, he feels comfortable, he becomes gentle and generous. He forgives unwashed floors and pizza stuck to the ceiling to someone who knows how to sincerely laugh at the chaos around him and exchange the elimination of entropy for leisure time together with him.
The boy-husband remains the same
Popular culture still represents a girl’s life path as a journey in search of a worthy spouse, and a wedding is the crown of this journey. What happens next is unknown, we only know that “everything is fine”, they live, get along and make good things, you can exhale, relax and build a nest, see the previous paragraph. Life is officially divided into a prologue and the main part, which begins with a stamp or an official move into a shared apartment with a guy, and the girl automatically finds herself in the mood for a New Start, Great Changes and other words with a capital letter.
The guy doesn't have that attitude.
The guy regretfully unfriends his exes, deletes his porn collection from his computer, and hides the flash drive with the backup in his ski boot pocket. He hopes that his life will become a little more comfortable, but in general it will remain the same: beer, friends, Minecraft and football. When a loved one demonstrates determination to remake him, this has twofold consequences. On the one hand, many women have made tough guys out of amorphous poor bastards who are rightfully proud of themselves. On the other hand, this is the same situation as with manifestations of male chauvinism. When he suppresses her, dictates her clothing style, sizes, the course of her career and the regularity of meetings with her friends, this is considered discrimination. And when she pushes him off the couch, poses the question “fishing or me,” uses her bonus to buy him a gym membership and, with the best of intentions, nags him about his lack of career ambitions—what’s that?
Finding a compromise on this issue is impossible without understanding the initially different (not for everyone, but for the majority of men and women) approach to living together.
Holiday as a reason for scandal
March 8, wedding anniversary or month of dating - most holidays invented for unity, fun and showing care for each other often turn into a nightmare for young couples. Forgot about the date, it means he doesn’t love you! She gave me perfume, but it makes me sick. I bought a two-week tour to Egypt, and I had just stopped drinking. I bought a last minute tour to Paris, but my visa ran out. Too practical a gift, too impractical a gift, money would be better, again an envelope and no imagination.
In general, this serious issue cannot be resolved suddenly half an hour before the stores close.
To begin with, men, be blunt: no matter how much a woman tells you that she doesn’t like flowers, this is not a reason not to give them, especially if the celebration is public. Relatives and colleagues will shower her with brooms, and you will look like a callous idiot. A bouquet for her is like a car for you: it’s not that it’s needed, but having it is better than not having it, and the brand directly correlates with the owner’s success.
The second useful tip: open your eyes and remember what she is wearing. It seems to you that all trinkets are the same. A gold (expensive!) pendant with a heart, given to a lover of leather chokers, will be as appropriate as crocodile Oxfords (solid!) under the Christmas tree for you, a loyal fan of Vans.
Bad gifts are so frustrating because they demonstrate that your partner doesn't know you, which means nothing good will come of it. To avoid such blows of fate, create a notebook in advance (a shared folder in Photo Stream, a board on the refrigerator) and document everything you would like to have there. Even if your partner doesn’t have a special fund to secretly buy it right away - and having a special fund for gifts, believe me, is a very sound idea - you can still choose from products from the same company, similar cost or the same subculture.
The second way to avoid the holiday fever is to constantly buy each other funny little things for no reason and not cherish the hope that all this will be in demand.
The Art of Prioritization
At first, it goes without saying that he (s) is the most important and important thing on Earth. Then habit smoothes out passion, the contours of familiar things appear from the dissipated pink fog, and in this old-new world there is no place for the best that was in you in love - that flight, that feeling of omnipotence and the only correctness that made you risk the entire established way of life without feeling this risk. You bet and won, now you need to maintain this victory.
The main mistake that a man makes at this stage is pushing his family into an honorable, but still corner of his universe. Everyone wants to make a career and do moderately crazy things to prove to themselves the fact of their existence against the backdrop of a balding image in the mirror, but not paying attention to the chirping of a friend who is worried about all sorts of nonsense like her own hairstyle, the oppression of minorities and rising utility prices is just that. , which kills romance. This, and not the lack of candles in the champagne bath, will make you sleep on the sofa with your own hand again.
The main female mistake is the willingness to exchange her vision of relationships for the crutches of authoritative stereotypes about them (“mom was right, they only need one thing”, “eye and eye, otherwise she will go on a spree”, “more rose petals and helplessness”), verified for centuries and centuries leading to the same disastrous ending. No, a child should not be more important than a husband, and in general you impose this choice on yourself. No, you don’t need to make decisions about your life based on the advice of friends and strangers on women’s forums, it’s the same thing. No, you will not repeat the mistake that your mother made with your father.
The only way to a bright future for relationships is to abandon blind faith in the fairness of fairy tales, the power of archetypes and the presence of universal ready-made solutions that are published in women's magazines. Refusal and willingness to think with one’s own head in contrast to one’s feminine nature, whose fragility and emotionality is glorified by poets - almost always precisely in contrast to this neurotic and irrational part of the female personality.
Let us remember that the Observer previously wrote about 3 typical mistakes in relationships that all good girls make.
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Flatmate. How to get along together? Part 2.
Different rhythms of life can also cause significant inconvenience to girls living under the same roof. One is used to reading in silence before bed, while the other falls asleep only to the murmur of the TV. This is a problem even for those who rent a two-room apartment - sound insulation usually leaves much to be desired. Therefore, here you also need to find some kind of compromise: turn the volume on the TV very quietly, use headphones, etc.
The age-old problem of girls next door is boyfriends who stay overnight. And although everyone knows each other, a critical moment comes when the couple retires to their room. A second later, loud music comes from behind the tightly closed door. Not only is it almost impossible to fall asleep listening to such a “lullaby,” but you also have to tiptoe to the toilet so as not to disturb the couple. The main thing is not to forget to put on a robe. It’s just that wearing a T-shirt doesn’t look like a naked body in front of him...
Therefore, if one of you has a boyfriend
, immediately discuss how often he will spend the night in your apartment. If you don’t have regular partners yet, raise this topic anyway. Such a discussion should be as open as possible, since this is one of the most dangerous problems.
In addition to boyfriends, home harmony is also disrupted by relatives and friends who come to stay in a rented apartment. Therefore, we also need to immediately discuss this problem. Such “stops” are not an easy test for both. Probably the most unpleasant thing in such a situation is that you have to entertain people you barely know.
Of course, the girl neighbors have many more conflicts and problems, but I “remembered” the most common ones. And finally, a few more rules that you should not forget about so that unnecessary conflicts do not arise:
— you need to wash your dishes immediately after eating; - in the morning, do not use the bathroom for more than 10 minutes; — do not leave your personal belongings in the bathroom or other common area; - agree that you will not enter each other’s room without knocking and will not take guests there; - warn each other in advance about parties and guests; — when the first month of your living together has passed, make lists of complaints against each other. Maximum detailed.
And in order not to die from resentment, also prepare lists of the most pleasant episodes of your life under one roof. Discuss these works, take note, and henceforth compile them once every six months, organizing a festive home dinner on this occasion. The fewer omissions you have, the fewer conflicts.
I would like to end all this on an optimistic note: any problems are eventually solved.
And one more thing: surveys have shown that those who are not connected by friendly feelings have the greatest chance of getting along: colleagues, fellow students. Living under the same roof, they keep their distance. And this helps a lot to maintain peace and order.
As Leopold the cat said from the famous cartoon: “Let's live together!”
Tags: renting apartments, rules, neighbors, psychology
