Lyudmila Dronova, 50 years old, participant in solidarity rallies at the Belarusian consulate in St. Petersburg:
“My sister and 33-year-old nephew live in Minsk. Immediately after the election results were announced, he and his wife gathered for a peaceful rally. People took to the streets with flowers, children and dogs...
As a result, the security forces detained him right on the sidewalk, although he was not part of the column and was not in the crowd. They returned him on August 14 - with broken kidneys and broken legs - he still can barely walk. I can’t talk about this without tears...
My nephew told me how in the investigative prison in Zhodino, the security forces laid all the detainees on the floor like a carpet, trampled on them, and demanded that they sign something. We still don’t understand what exactly...
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The Kremlin has lost faith in Lukashenko
His mother, my sister, who had previously had no interest in politics at all, now began to go to protests herself. Before, my sister and I didn’t often talk about politics. She is a patriot of Belarus and has always taken a calm position. I also love the country very much. After all, everything seems to be fine - clean streets, order on the roads, sour cream, milk, sausage...
But we are not the cat Matroskin, so that you can buy us with this sour cream. This is not an indicator. The indicator is the meager salaries on which people survive, and these brutal detentions...
In general, I now compare what is happening in the country with my life with my jealous husband. For eight years in Belarus I lived with a tyrant - the kind that doesn’t let me work, feeds me, clothes me, sends me to a beauty salon whenever I want. But you can’t breathe. I escaped from this cage in 1998 and came to St. Petersburg. It feels like the same thing is happening to Belarusians now.”
Sergey (name changed), 31 years old, resident of Vitebsk:
“My wife and I go to protests every day because we cannot stay away from what is happening. We do this one at a time so that the child is not left at home alone.
I love my country with all my heart, we have kind, sympathetic people, a very rich history and beautiful nature. The authorities seem to be trying, keeping cities and villages clean, but there is no sense of development. Most enterprises in the country are state-owned, and nothing has changed in them for a long time.
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What can Lukashenko achieve?
Initiative is punishable, and the bureaucracy is so developed that even the most basic problems are baffled. Doctors and teachers receive meager money for their work; police officers are, perhaps, better off than anyone else in the country. What about pensions? A person who has worked all his life will receive a pension of plus or minus 300 rubles (8,940 Russian rubles - Rosbalt), and the one who drank, partyed and did nothing - 250.
Many people have the feeling that if you are not careful, they might come to you. Of course, if you work at a factory, live in an apartment bought on credit, watch Belarusian TV, and your whole life is the Bermuda triangle “work-shop-home,” no one will be interested in you. But if you suddenly bought yourself an expensive car, the tax office will immediately come to you and ask where the money comes from. If you are a private owner and have your own business, you are immediately on the pencil...
Interesting fact: after the collapse of the Soviet Union, Poles went to Belarus to buy bread, such was their poverty. And after ten years we would no longer be able to catch up with them economically, and even less so after twenty years. It is clear that the country is developing, a very hardworking nation. And now many people are leaving Belarus. From the east of the country people go to Russia, from the west to Poland. I also don’t exclude the possibility that I will leave. Although, to be honest, I would like to live normally here too...”
How to keep a man so he doesn't leave
An unpleasant life situation - a loved one has fallen out of love and wants to leave. It is even more difficult if he leaves a family with children. Every second woman during this period of her life tries to fight for her loved one so that he stays with her. Many, however, act at the level of instincts, without really understanding how to do it, how to keep a man.
They begin to behave too emotionally, shouting, scandals, threats and persuasion are used. However, such straightforward methods, as a rule, do not have a positive effect. More subtle, flexible and meaningful techniques are needed.
How to keep a man: what not to do
Separation and leaving are the last stages of a relationship. How to keep a man from such a decisive “stroke of the pen” is chosen by each woman independently, based on the specific situation. There can be any number of options for “complicating” or “easing” circumstances: children, a common business, an established life, comfort, on the one hand, and a mistress, children “on the side,” fatigue from each other, etc., on the other.
In order to prevent things from breaking up, you need to think in advance about how to keep your beloved man near you for a long time and firmly. It’s worth working on this every day of your relationship, because, as you know, in a union a lot depends on the woman. How she behaves, what she does, what kind of person she will be will determine whether a man will leave her or not.
There’s definitely no need to impose, bother, constantly talk about your love and ask him to say the same. This behavior does not cement the relationship, but on the contrary, like rust, it slowly undermines and destroys it. Of course, guys are different, and some people like this style, but they are clearly in the minority.
What to do and how to keep a man
So, in order for him to always be with you, so that he doesn’t even think to look the other way, you need to constantly work on yourself and stay in good shape. In other words, never relax. This applies to everything: clothes, figure, mood, facial expression, smile, gait. You must become a confident, self-sufficient and full-fledged person who, if anything, can live just fine without him. Men often say that they don't like ladies who are too independent. However, in fact, they simply adore such women, so become a passionate, purposeful and modern girl, in whose life, besides him, there are many other interesting things.
Live a full life, engage in hobbies, meet friends, go to courses and trainings, flirt with other young people. Believe me, no normal man will leave such a woman.
After all, they begin to look in the direction of others when they simply become bored, when the girl no longer surprises or delights him. The hunter's instinct has not been canceled, so you will have to try to constantly surprise and intrigue your other half. This part of the relationship rests on the woman’s shoulders and if she fails it, then the union is doomed.
So, is it possible to keep a man? Obviously, yes, but not when he is already “on his suitcases.” Once a decision is made, it often remains unchanged. “Keep” means not bringing things to the point of collecting, not sharing it with another, not begging for attention and words of love. A real woman (smart, cunning, a little calculating), who decided to build a relationship with a specific person, should have her own strategy on how to do this. This plan is thought out in advance, at the initial stage. Emotions are good, but they are not eternal and a strong union cannot be supported by them. A true woman can keep a man, who is smart enough to feel what he needs, what he wants from her and the relationship. Based on this, it must change, be interesting, be emotionally flexible, exciting and incomprehensible. Then he will not be able to say that it is a “read book” that he wants to close and take another.
Elizaveta, 25 years old, born in Vitebsk, lives in St. Petersburg:
“My parents are now sitting at home outside the city, near Vitebsk, they have had riot police outside their windows for several days in a row. But they don’t want to express their opinion, they try to be distant from all events... So I’ll tell you.
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Can we know the future by looking at Belarus?
I left Belarus because it was impossible to make money there. And all Belarusians who now do not live in their native country left not of their own free will, but precisely for this reason. The salary that Russians consider above average is, by Vitebsk standards, equal to the income of the director of an enterprise. Everything is very expensive, the products cost the same as in Russia. There are huge taxes in Belarus - it is simply impossible to be an entrepreneur.
And to earn even enough to buy a car, you need to save for years, literally not eat or sleep. And then you can be imprisoned just like that or deprived of your driver’s license for nothing. In Belarus, people are only happy with nature and clean streets, and this has been the case throughout my entire adult life under Lukashenko.
What did we have during the pandemic? There was not even a quarantine, because all the money was simply stolen, and there was nothing to pay the workers’ salaries. Everything was kept silent, and people went into self-isolation at their own expense. It’s worse there, much worse, than in Russia.”
If the husband wanted to leave
How sad it is to realize that recently the bonds of marriage do not instill any responsibility in the representatives of the stronger sex. Men leave their family with the same ease with which they created it, without experiencing either shame or torment of conscience. But, you see, a man doesn’t leave his family “because of a good life,” right?
This means that the reason for leaving lies much deeper, namely in the behavior of the woman from whom the man left. Experts in the field of family psychology claim that this is exactly the case, with the exception of a few points related to the temperament and character of the man.
If your husband wants to leave the family, there is no need to panic, cry for several nights in a row, take antidepressants and tearfully beg him to stay. It is necessary to think, so to speak, with a “cool head,” even if it is not easy, and answer two questions: “For what reason does he want to leave?” and “Is it worth returning it?” Remember, a man will not leave just like that, there is always a reason, but whether it is worth returning him depends on this reason.
Perhaps a man by his nature is not created for a serious relationship, and he has already left you more than once, but then returned with a guilty head. Your husband rushes headlong into a new “love adventure”, completely forgetting about his family, and then, having satisfied his passion and his ambitions, he returns to you as if it had never happened, claiming that this was the last time. Obviously, there will never be a last time, this is the character of this man, he will leave constantly, think about whether you need him? Is it worth fighting for?
He fell in love with someone else, cheated on you and leaves you for her? Of course, this is hard to realize, but aren’t women the most resilient and enduring creatures in the world? Do you want to continue living with a person who preferred someone else and openly told you so? In this case, a psychologist will help who will explain what female pride and self-esteem are. You will lose one thing, you will find another... Perhaps fate is deliberately taking this person out of your life in order to open the doors to someone who will truly appreciate and love you. Often, it is women who are afraid to somehow change their lives and constantly cling to the past who suffer in family life.
Statistics show: men leave the family because they do not receive what they previously received in abundance, that is, warmth, affection, care, attention and, of course, love. And, despite the fact that in most cases women blame men for the fading of feelings, the reason must be sought precisely in the fairer sex. Psychologists have proven that after five years of marriage, women begin to treat their husbands completely differently, and these changes are not for the better. Women stop appreciating their husbands, stop caring for them, and treat them as a means of earning money and as a personal driver during trips to the country, but men feel all this.
In addition, we often forget that maintaining a family is as much work as creating one. And we, having created our social unit, completely forget that feelings need to be nourished so that they do not fade away. The difference between women and men is that we come to terms with the fact that love has passed, that there is no more passion and crazy sex every night, but men don’t want to come to terms with this, so it’s simply easier for them to leave than to change something.
From a logical point of view, male grooming is very easy to explain: a man married a cheerful, beautiful girl who always wore erotic underwear, was cheerful and perky, did not grumble about every little thing, and loved to have a romantic dinner by candlelight. Years passed, this girl changed: her erotic lingerie was replaced by a robe, her beautiful hairstyle was replaced by curlers, her perky and cheerful laughter disappeared somewhere, giving way to grumbling and dissatisfaction about the lack of money. It’s hard for a man to see such metamorphoses, and he simply leaves, since he is not able to change the situation, and perhaps lacks the desire. But a woman can change everything! Therefore, having found out why your beloved wants to leave you, you still decided to return him, everything is in your hands.
The first thing you need to do is to completely transform yourself, let your husband remember what you were like before: hairstyle, new wardrobe, manicure, makeup. Let him understand who he is losing.
Next, the most difficult thing awaits you - conversation. It’s best to have these kinds of conversations on neutral territory: book a table in a cafe, or go up to the roof of a house. During a conversation, you should not contradict and blame your husband for all sins - this will not help, but it’s easy to ruin everything. Let him speak out, let him say what you don’t like him about, what you’re doing wrong, because if he leaves, it means you’re doing something wrong. After he finishes his monologue, and this should be just a monologue, say that you understand everything and are ready to change. But don’t beg him to stay, shed tears and swear your love - you will completely push him away from you.
Give him time to think, but hint that you don’t intend to wait forever, and then completely change the topic of conversation: weather, sports, latest news. And it’s better if you remember the moments when you had a good time together, pleasant and funny stories, nostalgia will do its job.
If you find out that the problem is with another woman, do not tear out your hair, on the contrary, dye it a new color and completely change your hairstyle, show that you are better than the other one. Don't stop caring for yourself for a minute: cleaning and washing can wait when it comes to your own beauty. By the way, most women believe that if they suddenly stop cleaning, cooking and ironing their husband’s shirts, he will immediately leave. It's a delusion. Your chosen one first of all married a beautiful woman, and not a housekeeper - he remembers this, but you, apparently, have forgotten.
Clearly understand the reasons for his departure; if you are to blame, try to correct the situation and change the situation in a direction beneficial to you. If he is to blame, let him go and don’t hold him.
Scientists believe that women are afraid to let their men go because they feel lonely. This is true, but loneliness is very easy to fix if you have the desire. So don't be afraid to be alone!
And again, if your husband wants to leave, maintain your self-esteem, even though it is really difficult. Perhaps it's time for you to go your own way, and for him to go his. It’s not a fact that you will be better off together than apart.
Author of the article: Lyudmila Maltseva
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Kirill Golub, 41 years old, resident of Minsk:
“I was born in Mogilev, but I have been living in Minsk for many years, not far from the stele in Victory Park in the city center. It so happened that I was not even detained at a protest rally, but forty steps from my own home the day after the elections.
The security forces acted preventively: after a massacre with protesters on the night of August 9-10, they decided to prevent the action the next day. So, on Monday evening I left the house, and four riot policemen in full gear appeared from behind the bushes and loaded me into a minibus. We were taken to a paddy wagon, which was packed with two or three dozen detainees. Without explanation, everyone was sent to the Leninsky district police department. According to my estimates, more than a hundred people were brought here overnight.
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The rulers were let down by their belief in myths
According to reports from friends, detainees were treated harshly, for example, in the detention center on Akrestsin Street, where punishment and torture were literally put on an assembly line. The Lenin branch turned out to be one of the softest. Yes, I had to kneel with my face to the ground while they conducted a personal search, took away my things and tied my hands with a plastic tie. But then we just sat there; upon request, the officers gave the detainees water and took them to the toilet. Some were allowed to smoke and make a phone call - I also managed to warn my wife where I was.
We were lucky - after all, most of the detainees could not tell their relatives what happened to them for three days. A week later, 76 people are still missing. Either they died, or they are in such bad condition that they are afraid to present them to doctors or relatives...
I had the feeling that I was in the first wave of detainees, and the security forces still treated us... not as violators. In my cell there were at least two-thirds of random people who were not going to any protests. For example, two Latvians were detained who came to Minsk on a business trip and went out to have dinner...
Soon we were taken to prison in Zhodino, where within three days we were to be charged and brought to court. In reality, there were 6-7 thousand detainees throughout the country, and it was technically impossible to try everyone. As a result, three days later they began to let us out, and I was one of the first to leave. And after that I really began to participate in protests.
I think if there had not been such a wave of violence from the security forces, the protests would have died down. But the Belarusian is a very law-abiding person, even if the traffic light is red at night, he will not even cross an empty road. As long as the Belarusian regime remained within the framework of its own rules and prohibitions, people were happy with it. But as soon as the government violated its own laws, it actually changed places with the people and became illegitimate in the eyes of the people.”
