What can a long separation from your loved one teach you?

What are the chances of maintaining love at a distance?

Let's say you need to make a difficult decision: on one side of the scale is an offer of a profitable job that involves long business trips; on the other - relationships with a loved one. What to choose? Can love conquer kilometers? Is the risk justified or is it better to refuse the offer?

To assess the chances of love winning, ask yourself and discuss the following questions with your partner:

Have you gotten to know each other well enough during your relationship? Are you really “soulmates” or can’t judge this yet because you still look at your partner through rose-colored glasses of love? Are you sure that you have common views on life, common interests, common life priorities? If you sincerely answered “Yes” to all these questions, then the likelihood of maintaining the relationship while apart is quite high.
Have you planned anything together in the future? For example, start living together if you don’t already, or buy a house, or move to another city; Perhaps you were thinking about adding to your family. Did you have common plans or have you not yet reached an agreement regarding your future together? Having common plans and a common opinion regarding a joint future increases the chances of love winning over kilometers.
How long will the separation be? Uncertainty is always frightening and repulsive, so the duration of separation must be known in advance. If this is several years, then it cannot be said that several months, fearing to immediately frighten and hoping to “pull the rubber” later - forgiving a lie is harder for many than to survive a temporary, albeit long-term, separation. And, naturally, the shorter the period of planned separation, the greater the likelihood of maintaining the relationship.
How do you and your other half cope with the temporary absence of your partner? According to this criterion, people can be divided into two types: confident and anxious. Confident people do not need constant “proof” of love; they feel comfortable alone and know how to maintain a balance between love and independence (their own and their partner’s). People of the anxious type need regular manifestations of love; when they break up, they begin to get jealous, look for (and find!) non-existent flaws in the relationship and in the partner. If both partners are of the anxious type, then there is practically no chance of maintaining the relationship after a long separation. If at least one partner is a confident type, the likelihood of surviving separation increases significantly.

By analyzing the answers to these questions, you can objectively assess your chances of maintaining the relationship after a long-term separation.

Important

A long separation is less likely to affect a mature relationship, and romantic love will be under great threat.

“Mature relationships” do not mean the mature age of the partners, and not so much the duration of the relationship, but rather its depth: if mutual love has a stable foundation in the form of understanding, trust, common interests and unity of views on life, then separation will only strengthen such relationships.

If a couple, regardless of age, is in the candy-bouquet period, then in a long separation the ship of romance will most likely crash on the reefs of reality: too many temptations surround us here and now, and the beloved has left far and wide. Partners quickly lose value in each other’s eyes, if only because they have not yet had time to get to know each other well enough.

Tender poems for a loved one in separation

Beloved, there is longing and boredom in our hearts, Mrs. Separation came to us, grinned with an evil mockery, imperceptibly touched our feelings. Apparently, destined by fate, I won’t be near you. Don't be sad, don't be sad, Believe that happiness is ahead.

Darling, I feel so lonely, I count the days and hours without you. I retreated into myself as if in a cocoon, I can’t live without you, forgive me. I would rather see you, hug you and never again. Don't be separated, foresee everything, Be together once and for all.

Beloved, separation has come to us, Let it be joy, not torment. We could not find a common path and gain understanding together. I wish you eyes burning with joy, loyal and real people nearby, good luck in business and happy love, a fulfilling and beautiful life!

Sadness and boredom overcame, There was complete darkness outside the window. After all, the insidious separation separated us from you. We're not together right now, honey. It's hard to go through. I can't bear to be apart. How can I live without you? Lonely and meaningless I wander around the city. Only you are alone in my thoughts. I'm just looking forward to our meeting!

There is melancholy and boredom in our hearts... Separation has come into our lives. We both didn’t want her, But we couldn’t keep our feelings. Darling, let everything be great in business and in your personal life. Let us remain only friends, Let faith in happiness be with us.

I can’t eat or sleep without you, The whole world seems to have stood still without you, My soul always strives for yours, My love belongs to you. And I really ask you, my dear, come home as soon as possible, It’s unbearable to be apart from you, I miss you very much, you know.

Kilometers separate us, But our love does not fade. She is strong, like a diamond, She will survive any distance every time, Parting is not a hindrance to her. There is not a drop of despair in me, Memories warm my soul. You are the most dear to me, I am waiting for you, my beloved.

It's summer for everyone, but it's winter for me. The sun is shining for everyone, but in my soul there is only melancholy, Because you left me, My heart aches painfully, as if a guitar string had broken. I'm sitting, not knowing what day it is, I've been sitting here, it seems to me, for a week already. I don’t want to eat or drink, just to believe a little, that you will come through my door and restore my faith in life.

I hope I’ll see you again soon, Your beautiful, beloved eyes, And I hate your departure, Because it takes you away. My beloved, I can’t live without you, You call me, I’ll be waiting for a long time, I’ll be sick with longing for a long time, Until we’re together again.

I'm parting with you, my love, I'm moving away from you. Let the empty days fly by without worrying your hearts too much. How I would like to snuggle up to your soothing hands, to your comfortably warm cheek, to listen to your words... I will believe, wait and believe, That day that will unite us. Until then, hours will measure the dull, silent days.

How to prepare yourself for a long breakup?

It’s stupid to think that after your partner leaves, life will remain the same as it was, only your other half will not be in it. “It’s just that now I’ll be bored and spend more time alone or with friends” - it won’t be “easy”, it will be much more difficult. What should you prepare yourself for right away?

Anger and jealousy

Yes exactly. Despite boundless trust and mutual agreement for a long forced separation, in the vast majority of cases, during a long separation, partners begin to get angry and jealous of each other. And it’s no coincidence that these two emotions go side by side when parting: I’m angry because I don’t know how you spend your time without me, so I’m jealous; or vice versa: I’m jealous because I don’t know how you spend your time without me, so I’m angry. Both anger and jealousy lead to quarrels, and quarrels lead to breakdowns in relationships.

Painful loneliness

Even if you are relatively comfortable with loneliness and are able to entertain yourself by meeting with friends or engaging in a favorite hobby, you are still unlikely to be able to escape the painful feeling of spiritual emptiness, as if you have been abandoned. The most “dangerous” days: Birthdays and New Years are holidays that everyone spends with loved ones. You are also used to this, but when the other half is far away, what awaits you is not a cheerful feast, but melancholy and apathy. Among the gathered friends, the feeling of acute loneliness will only worsen, because they are all in pairs, and you...

Important

If you are not mentally ready to relax in a company where everyone is in pairs, agree with your partner to celebrate holidays with each other via video conference - physically you will be alone, but emotionally you will be together.

Feelings of loneliness can come over you not only on holidays, but also on any other day. To make it easier to cope with your feelings, prepare in advance a list of things you will do and/or a list of films you will watch in moments of sadness. It is very important to write such a list in advance, because in apathy you will no longer want to plan things and entertainment.

"Cool" meeting

Psychologists assure that in real life, after a long-term separation, you should not expect strong emotions in the first minutes of a meeting, since people need some time to recognize their partner as “their own.” This is due to our individual pheromones, the elusive smell of which a person forgets within just a month.

Important

According to psychologists, violent outbursts of passion during the first meeting after a long separation are an invention of the screenwriters for a beautiful picture in a film.

Remember how a dog greets you after a long break: at first the dog sniffs you warily and only then, “remembering” its native smell, jumps with its paws on its chest and wags its tail uncontrollably. It’s the same with people, only people’s “smell” is much worse, so it takes a little more time to “recognize” it.

How to behave after sending a letter

It is often difficult to say directly about feelings, but it is much easier to write:

Darling, I’m writing to you because I don’t dare tell you in words. You became not just a person in my life, you became life itself. I feel inspired when I'm with you and empty when I'm alone. Love you.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, I probably don’t have the courage to say it directly. But I understand that I can’t hide it any longer. Before, I couldn’t imagine that you would become more than a friend to me, but that’s exactly what happened.
I’m afraid to utter loud words, I know that all this is unexpected, but there is no point in remaining silent any longer. Regardless of your decision, I tell you about my love. I dream of a response, but I’m in no hurry, because everything “like a snowball on my head.” True love does not require reciprocity and, if you do not consider it necessary to respond to it, I will be grateful for your honesty in this case. I love and hope.

Your loved one is away now... Okay, honey, let’s be on a first-name basis so you don’t feel constrained. Your beloved went on a so-called business trip or somewhere else... He left, you miss him, you think about him...

Since then, the meaning of my life is you. I hope you feel just as good with me. I look forward to your every call and message and I hope my happiness will last forever...”

My dear, know that you are the best gift in life for me. Your hugs give me strength, warm my soul.

If you have received a marriage proposal, you can answer it in a letter. The same applies to pregnancy - in a letter to your loved one you can inform that you will soon become parents. The best recipe for a touching letter is sincerity, without feigned pity. I don't know how I used to live without you. Most likely, I confused life with existence. My life began only when you graced it with your presence. I am happy with you. And I don't need another man. I don’t even know how to think about others! My thoughts are programmed only for you and what is connected with you.

Correct everything with words so that later you can turn them into reality.

“I don’t show up on time for a date because I want to be the most beautiful for you. Sorry I'm not so punctual. No matter how much I study this quality, it doesn’t help. Yes, you probably can’t learn something like that. Forgive me, dear, I will try very hard not to keep you waiting, because I myself don’t like all these expectations. They tire you just as much as any idleness. Love you. For the sake of feelings, my kitten, I am ready to overcome myself. And I’m already doing it little by little. You'll notice it very soon, I promise. I promise that I won’t upset you, I won’t argue with you persistently…. How many promises is your forgiveness worth? I will do everything you ask me to do. And I say again: “I promise.” Do you believe it? Believe me please. This is very important to me.”…

A love letter to the man I love... When you talk about this, so much romance enters your soul. There is so much I want to say. Well, then why give up such simple pleasures? Speak, write... Let him know how much you love, how you wait. He will be so pleased that he will ask you to marry you soon. If he calls, will you go? Well, think about it while you still have time. No one is rushing you, and no one will rush you.

You can start a letter to your loved one like this

“Hello, my dear and beloved angel! It is summer now. And there is winter in my soul. It's just that I haven't seen you for four whole hours. It seems like years. I would like to see you every minute, second. Even more often. I will never have enough time to fully enjoy you. I want some kind of eternal eternity. Maybe she won't be enough for me either. I want to always be with you alone. And you see it. You notice all my desires, dreams, frankness and secrecy.... Guess me to the end. Until you realize that you have learned everything you wanted about me. I won't mind. We haven't seen each other for several hours. I don’t want to remember or think about those moments in which you were not there. I can cross them out, of course. Like chalk, marker, or pencil. But this doesn’t change anything: the moments in which you are absent will still remain between us. Life works like this. Darling, just a little more and we will be together again. I hope that the moments in which we are without each other will be halved or tripled. I want to believe it! Come, come, fly. I'm waiting for you, kitten!

Did you have an argument? Well, what can I say... Happens! Lives are not only made up of positive things and moments. But it’s possible to brighten up really bad moments with words.

A letter to your beloved man, boyfriend, when you are apart

And you write a letter! Something that would help him get back to you faster. Even in love affairs you need incentive. Create it yourself. With your creativity, with your own hands, with your imagination. In short - everything, and herself. Will you try? Look, what a sample there is! Looking at him, you will definitely be able to come up with something. It is, of course, not difficult, but it’s hard to think when your thoughts are occupied with your beloved man.

Sample letter

“Only a few days have passed since you left, but they seemed like an eternity to me. I hate eternity. And probably myself, because I let you go. There was no need to do this. I didn’t even bother using a calculator to calculate the number of kilometers separating us. And I wanted it that way. I even dreamed of coming to you as a surprise, but you didn’t tell me the exact address. I love you, honey, I love you more than life itself. And you feel it even when you are very far from me. I wrote a sea of poems about separation, which I dedicated to you. I'll give them to you when you come to me. I will give you all my warmth, all my affection, all my soul... I'll give you everything you want. I write and know that my heart is with you. Forever! It still won't fight without you. It is emptiness if you are not with me. Please come as soon as possible. I know how to wait, but time drags on so much that I want to stop it altogether. But it won’t stop just because it’s beneficial or really necessary for me. Please come so I don’t hate the wait.”

This is an excerpt from a letter. Complete it as you see fit. There are many words and phrases. And any “set” will be pleasant for you and for the person to whom it is addressed. If your boyfriend is nearby, but you just want to surprise him with letters? - Surprise!