I'm insanely afraid of men, I can't cope with my fear.

Men's fears. The main phobias of a mature man

Men try not to give in to fears. But they do exist. Men's fears - what they are and how strong guys try to fight them.

In moments of fear, men go into deep introspection. They can’t say: “Honey, I’m scared!” It doesn’t hurt a woman to find out more when a man needs support.

Fear of upsetting mom. Not the worst, but not a small point. Even in adulthood, a man may worry that his mother will be upset if something is wrong with his son. Not the right girlfriend, not the right salary or apartment. After all, mom didn’t just give birth to the world. She kissed him goodnight, smeared her knees with brilliant green and darned her wounded soul. The peace and health of the mother is a feeling of support in any life situation.

Fear of becoming mediocre. Just like everyone else, an average soldier with a looming bald spot. Men have only two possible outcomes: incredible success or crushing defeat. There is no third implied. And for a woman, the best option is just the third. A lifelong friend may hate fast motorcycle riding and alpine skiing. Women are created to make up for the lack of common sense in men. This is what scares men. Although they are, of course, grateful in their hearts, the desire to remain a pirate or musketeer remains from childhood.

Men's fear of being a coward. If a man is afraid of something, it’s bad. But admitting fear and giving up is cowardice. A woman must understand that in any dispute, when it comes to blackmail: “either you quit this activity, or I will leave,” a man, of course, is afraid of losing you, but giving in to you means giving up. So be careful with your promises. Common sense and love are what should guide you.

Fear that friends won't understand. To be known as henpecked. My friend doesn’t let me go to the mountains, doesn’t allow me to ride motorcycles with my friends, and is against going to the bathhouse with my friends. And those are old friends! The guys hung out together until the morning many times, defended their diplomas and experienced all the joys and failures together. Family, of course, is good, but families can also be friends. “Me, him and them. How to communicate with your boyfriend’s (husband’s) friends.”

Fear that he will not be able to protect his loved ones. Endless questions: “Where are you going? Where are you? Be careful". This is not a desire to control, but a fear that he will not be able to provide decent protection if, suddenly, it is needed. The popularity of “Spider-Man” is due precisely to the fear of men that they will not be able to save their beloved, they will not dare to risk their lives for her, or to fulfill their duty.

Fear of a friend's company. “If she moves in with me, she starts remaking my established life, she forbids me to collect beer cans and eat pizza.” “I don’t want to clean my apartment. She has a sea of ​​clothes, but she doesn’t even wash the dishes - she’s saving her hands!” “Either she will begin to change me or I will change her. In any case, everything will end in blood.” Here are some statements from guys about not wanting to live together. But there is also the opposite male fear.

Fear of loneliness. A single man gets used to washing down dumplings cooked in the microwave with sweet cola. To escape from boredom, he watches programs about apartment design, renovation of country houses and cooking. Although he himself will never get around to doing anything in his apartment. What for? I'll do just that! And she will happily move into the apartment of a friend she barely knows, for fear of loneliness. Discussing the show together is more fun.

Fear of attachment. Many men are scared to death of this. It's not even about attachment to one woman. You can get attached as hell to anything. To a plant, to horse riding or shooting games on the Internet. Affection in a man's language means "terror." Because this is an addiction worse than a death sentence. A man wants to try as much as possible in life and it seems to him that a woman will slow him down. A man needs adrenaline! Vitally necessary! “My husband is hysterical. How to Stop a Big Boy Tantrum.” Read the article. Share your thoughts on the site.

Fear of other men. Yes Yes! Men's fears include this point. This fear benefits women. Because it makes a man doubly care about his chosen one. Somewhere nearby there is a tanned handsome man walking around, who is more handsome, wittier, taller than him. A woman can lose her head just by looking at him. And then what? Duel? So you have to be afraid of your rivals.

Fear of sex. A man is terribly afraid not of sex itself, but of the fact that he will not be up to par. A man takes vitamins and performs some rituals before a decisive date. It works like a tractor and doesn’t even get excited about the process. When a man refuses sex, this does not mean that he does not like the woman. He is afraid that he will not cope, and if he does well, you will become attached to him.

You see how many men’s fears can influence relationships with women. All the ladies can do is accept this as a fact and try to understand. A man is afraid of a small salary, afraid that everything will go wrong, afraid of raising a juvenile delinquent. And much more! We never dreamed of it! “No need to la-la. Top pleasant phrases for men." We need to take care of them.

I'm afraid of men

Olga, good afternoon.

You write that you are happy with everything until you have free time and then obsessive thoughts appear that begin to increase your anxiety. You most often suppress anxiety by repeating actions aimed at cleanliness (washing your hands, eyes, face).

In fact, these thoughts are constantly with you, but while you are busy with work, you don’t hear them and something happens to you when there is no work. Strong tension builds up in the form of anxiety, and you relieve this tension with cleanliness rituals.

All of the above is called obsessive-compulsive disorder, where obsessions are repetitive thoughts and compulsions are repetitive actions. If this chain of reactions is continuous and very intrusive, interferes with your life and significantly reduces your quality of life, then it makes sense to turn to specialists to solve the problem. The best results are obtained by complex treatment that combines drug therapy (under the supervision of a psychiatrist) and psychological therapy together with a clinical psychologist in one of the global scientific and practical approaches - Gestalt therapy, Psychoanalysis, CBT or Existential therapy.

You also describe multiple phobias and your state during attacks of fear - “When I experience fear in a column and there is white noise in my head. This happens when I see rats, frogs and men with whom, left alone, I want to cry.”

Very often, anxiety-phobic and obsessive-compulsive disorders go in parallel, but it is easier to work with phobias, since they do not require drug treatment. You may not need the help of a doctor if you can cope with phobias and learn to understand their nature. But it is much more difficult to solve this problem on your own than together with a psychologist competent in these issues.

It also makes sense to have your thyroid gland tested and, if necessary, consult an endocrinologist, since hormonal imbalances can cause anxiety, which increases as you get used to the chain of obsessive thoughts and actions, increasing phobias, and so on. All this is interconnected and requires careful and consistent consideration.

Next you write about difficulties with the opposite sex: “There are those who are attractive to me and with whom I could have a relationship, but alas, I did not know what and how to talk about, turning pale and timid from any manifestation of interest in my direction. There can be no talk of intimacy, I get scared at the mere thought that I will find myself alone with a man, all naked and accessible, weak or something.” In fact, it is not surprising that, having the problems described above, you are experiencing difficulties in the area of ​​relationships. This is definitely work with a psychologist, but after the main difficulties have been resolved and your phobias will not haunt you at every step. The sphere of relationships is highly dependent on the belief system, self-image and actual experience in relationships. All of this requires careful discussion and exploration of the feelings and emotions you are experiencing. I assume that it is not only fear that guides you and prevents you from starting a relationship.

For example, your belief system about yourself is partially expressed in the words “This is perhaps not the norm.” And here I would like to ask: If this is not the norm for you, then what is? Pathology, disease, something else... It is important to understand how you perceive yourself and how you feel about your characteristics, what your loved ones tell you about this and how much you trust them in their assessment.

For example: you describe a situation when you were afraid to go on a date, and your “mother forcibly pushed me out of the house, because it was ugly and mean to do that, but I just cried and didn’t want to go.” This attitude from your mother will definitely not benefit you and will not help you better understand yourself, reduce anxiety and get rid of phobias.

Even from reading this episode, I have the assumption that your phobias arise precisely because of your relationship with your mother. Read my article - Fears and phobias - causes and solutions to problems

Next you ask - What to do about it? Use the method of paradoxical intention and act against all odds?

The paradoxical intention method is effective if it is used in collaboration with a specialist, with whom you have the opportunity to very carefully examine and discuss all your feelings and emotions, understand their nature and thereby make the reception more manageable. If you go ahead, forcing yourself not to be afraid where you are scared and where you feel horror, then there is a very high risk of simply earning yourself new phobias, starting to experience Panic Attacks and thereby further aggravating your condition. In other words, the probability of success is 50/50 - either you will do better or worse. If you are comfortable with such a risk, then it is your psyche and you are free to do with it what you see fit. I wouldn't mock myself like that.

I hope I have described to you in sufficient detail everything that is required to resolve your issue. If you are ready, please contact us to work on Skype. Your life and health are in your hands.

I wish you clarity of thoughts and feelings, harmony with yourself and mutual understanding with loved ones.

I'm afraid of men
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If Darwin wanted men to be afraid, he would not have created woman. The entire society demands fearlessness from men, so the representatives of the stronger sex have no particular choice: they need to be indestructible. However, it is known that knights of the 21st century are afraid to be afraid. No one should have the opportunity to compare them to women. But this is a basic, false fear instilled in men from childhood. In order for a man’s spirit to be tempered, he needs more investment than “you’re like a girl.” Every brave hero has his own point, his own Achilles heel. These fears make a real man out of an ordinary boy! And these are not some phobias and far-fetched fears that a woman lives with, but the real ones, recorded in medical encyclopedias.

Men's fears

Aripophobia is the fear of cleanliness. If a man gets carried away with cleaning, what will a woman do?

Allodoxophobia is the fear of other people's opinions. The man is always right and there is an exclamation point!

Iatrophobia - fear of doctors. These are the real scoundrels. You come to them to treat a tooth, and they immediately pull it out. Well, no, I’m fine as is. It hurts, it means it heals.

Gravidophobia is an obsessive fear of meeting a pregnant woman. This fear is one of the most pressing issues among men. The only thing worse than accidentally meeting a pregnant woman is meeting a formerly pregnant woman. Who for some reason has been writing text messages for two months now demanding “we need to see each other and have a serious conversation.”

Lacanophobia - fear of vegetables. Men suffering from this phobia may experience nausea, dizziness and rapid breathing at the sight of just vegetables for dinner. Especially if someone nearby said “it’s time for us to go on a diet.”

Penteraphobia - fear of mother-in-law. This is the realest kind of disorder. Therefore, if a man is unable to communicate with your mother, he is not making things up or pretending, do not force him.

Astrologiophobia is the fear of astrology. The disease had been spreading since a charming girl from the club refused to go home and watch a movie there because Venus was in the constellation Capricorn.

Friendzonephobia is the fear of staying in the friendzone forever. At first everything goes like clockwork, and then you hear this: “you are such a good friend.”

Punctuaphobia is the fear of receiving a message with a period at the end. Yes, dear ladies who love to put a period at the end, you are literally shouting that a serious conversation awaits the man.

Men's fears that many women are aware of

A woman immediately sees to the root and a man simply has no chance of competing with her intuition. We have to admit that many men’s fears are to blame for the fair sex, society and hackneyed opinions. But it is what it is. Maybe by looking your fears in the face you will be able to spur them on.

Fiasco in bed. Sexual incompetence frightens many men, there are only two reasons for this: lack of self-confidence and social stereotypes. In such a subtle science as this, representatives of the stronger sex need words of encouragement and not only words.

Having an ex. A man is always a pioneer, but a realist. Therefore, dear ladies, don’t even start talking about your ex, it will upset him. There are several reasons: competition, comparison, the eternal struggle for the right to be the best next to the woman you love.

Feminine cunning. Men fear a cunning woman like fire. This one can go all out and get pregnant unplanned. Well, in general, cunning is the presence of intelligence, and only he should be smart in the family.

Fear of getting married. Every man is afraid not to get married, but to get acquainted with the dark essence of his wife. He seemed to marry a sexy brunette, but woke up next to a specific dyed blonde. Fewer woman surprises!

Earn less than your wife. A man is a breadwinner, a stone wall, a breadwinner. Nothing hits the self-esteem like a woman who is her own breadwinner and stone wall and breadwinner. Dear ladies, let your man look after you, grow and provide for you, or just keep silent about your salary.

To be abandoned. Self-doubt is the root cause of all men’s fears, and not only men’s. Men are people too and, like everyone else, they are afraid of loneliness.

Ruin your life. According to research, men are afraid of ruining their happy life; of course, this is not such a significant and desirable (for women) fear of betrayal. But rest assured, if a man really loves you, he will do everything possible to prove it.

The feeling of fear is quite natural for all living beings. In extreme situations, the fear hormone signals danger. It's even useful. However, unlike animals, humans are afraid not only of real, but also of imaginary threats. In other words, fear is just a mind game. It needs to be accepted and understood, then all your worries will go away on their own, without lingering for long within the confines of your consciousness. We wish you success, fearlessness

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02.12.2017 04:20