A relative of her husband with 3 children “got it”. Explain, am I greedy or is she impudent?

How to take the first step

In relations with their husband's relatives, very often, young daughters-in-law make a fatal mistake: they try to become relatives without finding out their attitude towards this desire.

After all, those times when a son’s wife was a full member of the family and called her mother-in-law “mother” are long gone. Modern mothers-in-law are strong-willed, independent and a little selfish women.

They cannot or do not want to give their love to a strange woman, especially if it is their son’s second or third. Therefore, you need to take the first step towards rapprochement very carefully.

Psychologists recommend maintaining neutrality in relations with your husband’s relatives. Under no circumstances should you complain to your mother-in-law that her son does not help around the house or plays computer games.

You also shouldn’t let her in on your family problems. She must think that you have a harmonious relationship.

Otherwise, you will never find support, you will only hear accusations that you are unable to be a good wife and perhaps you are such a bad influence on her son, because in his last marriage (past relationship) he was happy.

The ideal way to establish friendship with your spouse's relatives is to spend weekends together at the dacha, invite them to family celebrations with your husband, always consult with your mother-in-law before making a major purchase, and be kind to children from previous marriages.

Who are close relatives according to the civil code

The legislator regulates the list of individuals between whom family legal relations operate, guided exclusively by family legal relations.

Today's law includes many legal norms, including such designations as “relatives”, “close relatives”, etc. However, there is no specific list of entities included in these categories.

For example, the Constitution of the Russian Federation (Article 51) states the following: “No one is obliged to testify against himself, his spouse and close relatives, whose circle is determined by federal law.”

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Full and half-siblings.

When applying this rule, the Russian court is based on an article from the Criminal Procedure Code of the Russian Federation (namely Article 5).

It divides kinship into two categories:

Close relatives: husband or wife, father and mother, adoptive parents and adopted children, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters (exclusively relatives), grandparents, and grandchildren.
Other relatives: everyone who has any family ties with the specified individual, but does not fall into the category of close relatives.

Relatives are also mentioned in the Civil Code of the Russian Federation: “a guardian, trustee, their spouses and close relatives have no right...” (quote taken from Article 37 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation). As you can see, there is no specific list of persons designated as close relatives.

This is due to the fact that the right to guardianship of a child can be granted to any relative (including close ones). An important nuance is that citizens who are close relatives of an individual have priority rights in resolving this issue.

In addition to these documents, degrees of relationship are also found in the Family Code of the Russian Federation. In paragraph 1 of Article 67 of the RF IC, the legislator defines the same persons with completely different concepts. So in the first case it is stated that “Grandfather, grandmother, brothers and sisters and other relatives have the right to communicate with the child,” and later in the same article it is written that “If the parents (one of them) refuse to provide close relatives with the opportunity communicate…".

Based on these amendments, it follows that each of the relatives has the right to communicate with the child, but at the same time, only his close relatives are allowed to file an appeal to the court or the guardianship and trusteeship authority. By the way, clause 1 of Art. 55 of the RF IC, which regulates the child’s right to communication, contains the wording “other relatives”.

It is impossible to unambiguously interpret this discrepancy as a gross violation of the rules of legal technique or as a deliberate trick of the legislator.

Most judges classify as relatives all persons who are related by blood in any degree.

When determining the circle of close relatives, judges use data from Art. 14 RF IC. It establishes the circle of persons who can enter into marriage relations. In particular, this article prohibits marriage between people who are closely related.

In Art. 14 of the RF IC regulates the following list of close relatives:

Relatives in a straight line in any direction;
Brothers and sisters (those who have both parents or at least one of them in common).

Based on all of the above, we can conclude that in modern realities the situation looks like this: judges recognize that absolutely all relatives have the right to communicate with the child. But at the same time, they believe that only people who are close relatives of the child have the right to file a claim to eliminate obstacles in communication with a child or to limit parental rights.

Accordingly, individuals who are related by blood have different family legal status. It directly depends on the scope of powers vested in an individual in a given situation. Close relationship is determined in accordance with the degree of relationship, which is quite logical.

Also, the rights and obligations of relatives acting as subjects of family legal relations are indirectly regulated in Art. 137 of the RF IC, or more precisely in that part that is devoted to establishing the legal consequences of adoption. In an adoption situation, the close relationship is not specified. Therefore, it is quite possible to assume that this refers to absolutely all relatives of the adoptive parent and the adopted child, regardless of the degree of relationship.

It is a well-known fact that marriage cannot be concluded between close relatives. If this happens, the marriage is automatically declared invalid by the court due to violation of the requirements enshrined in Art. 14 RF IC.

As for adoptive parents and adopted children, in most cases they are also not close relatives. The adoption relationship must be based solely on a legally binding court decision, and not on blood relationship.

Based on the analysis of this information, we can confidently say that:

Kinship as a family legal connection clarifies not only the recognition of individuals as subjects of family legal relations, but also the gradation of these persons;
Current Russian legislation is not at all ideal and has a large number of errors in the area of classifying individuals into all related categories;
A family legal connection, representing kinship of any degree, significantly affects the family legal personality of individuals.

In inheritance matters

If we talk about inheritance, then everything is not very clear when it concerns spouses. In other cases, the norms of family law are used (Chapter 63 of the RF IC), which determine the degree of relationship of each of the heirs.

In law

When receiving movable or immovable property without a will, a certain order of heirs is used. For example, the direct heir is the spouse of the deceased, then his children, parents, brothers, sisters and so on. There are seven such queues in total, and the last applicants are stepfather, stepmother, stepdaughter, stepson.

By will

In the case where a will is used, kinship plays virtually no role. The owner of property can bequeath it both to members of his family and to an outside person or even an organization. But if the testator indicated only close relatives as heirs, then by law his spouse is not included in their number. Therefore, the child, parents, brothers, sisters will receive the property.

Life under one roof

Young women make a mistake in relations with their husband's relatives when they agree to live with them under the same roof.

There is no need to have any illusions: living with your mother-in-law, it is impossible to become a full-fledged owner of your life. She will always control every action of her daughter-in-law and teach her.

This is natural, because subconsciously she is jealous of her son, not wanting to completely give him to a strange woman. It is especially difficult for couples who are financially dependent on their parents. Because the price for financial assistance is absolute control and constant interference in the affairs of a young family.

To get along in someone else's house, the daughter-in-law needs to build the right relationship with her mother-in-law, winning her over. First of all, she must adequately treat possible criticism on her part.

After all, many mothers think that their sons’ wives do not take enough care of them, do not know how to properly manage a household, and spend the family budget unwisely.

Therefore, it is best to never talk about purchases that may cause their disapproval, do not complain about minor failures in everyday life, and always smile politely when listening to your mother-in-law’s dissatisfaction with some action.

A relative of her husband with 3 children “got it”. Explain, am I greedy or is she impudent?

I've never been greedy before. As long as I can remember, I share with everyone: money, connections, experience. I’m used to helping people, but now I understand that some people shouldn’t be helped at all...

My husband has a relative with 3 children (in fact, I am nobody to her), but, due to some traditions in my husband’s family, we gave gifts to her and the children every holiday (in some cases - money). She personally gave it to me only once, 2 years ago. When we first met her, I tried to maintain a relationship with her: I invited her to visit, gave her gifts. But, since she ignored me, communication came to naught...

Her children come to visit their grandmother in the village (the home of my public gardens) on vacation and for the summer, and no matter how funny it may be, they cause me some inconvenience. Here is one of them: I have been celebrating my birthday there for 4 years now. That year I couldn’t foresee that her children would come, I just didn’t count on them. The children were getting ready to go home, they saw that we had arrived with some goodies, they asked us to put it aside, the mother-in-law put aside a LARGE portion for them, and also some of the cake. I sat with these “olives” and “leftovers”. In short, my feelings were, to put it mildly, not very good.

Or, for example, a year ago we didn’t have the opportunity to buy gifts for everyone on March 8, my husband and I decided to bring pizza and rolls. Before ordering, we found out whether relatives’ children were visiting; it would have been inconvenient if someone didn’t have enough. In the end, we had 3 pizzas and how many rolls I didn’t count. There were 7 adults and 5 children in total. We kind of figured that 2 slices of pizza per person was normal, my mother-in-law prepared salads, no one would be hungry. The children attacked the pizza, 1 piece, 2, 3. The mother-in-law barely managed to save it for herself and her father-in-law with the words: “It’s okay if we don’t have enough.”

Or, here: my husband buys cheese in buckets, 1 bucket for us, the second for my mother. The bucket contains a little more than 2 kg, the cheese is delicious, there are 4 people in the mother-in-law’s family, they last for 2-3 weeks. But if there are children there, there will be no cheese after a couple of days. That’s why lately we’ve been delivering 2 buckets there, and of course we don’t take any money. Still not enough.

Or: we very rarely go to visit our mother-in-law empty-handed. Cookies, sweets, etc., we take 2 times more than usual. Because children. Because if we bring less, the children will eat. Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m fine with children, it’s just that mostly I buy for my mother-in-law and I would like for her to get all these tasty things too. She never regretted anything for me, and I want to repay her at least in some minimal way.

Now, the problem itself: the relative herself comes very rarely, if she brings something, then only for her mother-in-law (gifts), for tea she will eat and drink herself. She never said “thank you” to us, even when we gave her something. She doesn’t convey anything through her children, although she claims that neither she nor her children ever arrived empty-handed (I tried to convey the idea that at least once in a while you can buy something for the “common table”, this was very wrong on my part, since I tried to do this through my older child, which, to put it mildly, was sent to me. I am very, very ashamed of this act, it was not worth it. But I have no other choice. For me, this is a “one-sided game” , that is, there were actions on my part, but not on hers. She takes, takes, takes... but doesn’t give anything back. She came, collected gifts and left.

In my understanding, either I'm greedy or she's impudent. Just look at her one phrase: “I wasn’t invited to N’s birthday, I sent the children, but didn’t give them a penny.” This phrase characterizes her. I don’t feel sorry for the children, but I don’t see the “return”, and I don’t know what to do either, I can’t say: “shut your mouth and don’t eat.” But I can’t buy or bring something with an eye on others every time - I’m tired.

Relationships with in-laws

It's much easier to get along with your father-in-law. Usually fathers-in-law do not interfere in the affairs of their son's family. They make contact well and can support you in difficult times, but this does not mean that they will be pleased to hear complaints about their mother-in-law or their child.

If your husband's sisters or brothers live in the house, it is very important to maintain friendly relations with them. However, they will not listen to the daughter-in-law’s complaints.

You also need to prepare for the fact that they will still perceive the newly made relative as a person who is indirectly related to their family and cannot take part in the discussion of important issues.

Inheritance of close relatives

If an inheritance remains after the death of a citizen, then interested parties (heirs) must submit an application to the notary office located at the place where the inheritance was opened.

Such a place, according to the Civil Code of the Russian Federation, is:

Location of property.
A location where a more valuable piece of real property is located. It is allowed if the property is located in different places.
The location of movable property or its part of greatest value. Applies if the estate will not include real estate.

You can submit an application in person, through mail or by a representative by proxy.

If the papers are sent by mail, the signature on the application is certified by a notary. If, after submitting the application and all the necessary papers, taking into account the deadlines for their submission, the notary issues a certificate of inheritance to the interested person or group of such persons.

Information!
To obtain the appropriate certificate, heirs by law or will must pay a state fee.

Cost of registration of inheritance

In the Russian Federation, there are two types of transfer of rights and obligations from a deceased person to potential heirs:

In accordance with the law.
According to the terms of the will.

It is necessary to determine what the state duty paid upon entering into an inheritance is.

As is known, in order to enter into an inheritance with the subsequent execution of all necessary papers, the heirs must apply for notary services.

Payment for technical work of a notary

When registering an inheritance, you should be prepared for the fact that in addition to the prescribed fee, you will have to pay for separate notary services, which are most often referred to as technical work or legal assistance.

In most cases, the list of such services includes the production of various documents.

The amount required to pay for services does not have clear regulations and can be set by notaries themselves.

This right is enshrined in the fundamental legislation on notaries. All funds received from private practice, after paying taxes and other payments, become the full disposal of the notary.

Attention!

However, such additional services are not mandatory for citizens applying to notary offices.

In other words, a citizen has the right to refuse technical services or legal assistance and carry out a number of necessary actions independently. For example, prepare a package of documents. In this case, the heirs will need to pay the established notary fee.

For example, some notaries use a trick and, if there are several heirs, try to issue them several certificates of inheritance. You have to pay for each copy separately.

Such actions are not very legal, since civil law states that certificates can be issued to each of the heirs, or one document can be issued to all.

Thus, if you refuse the technical and legal services of a notary and order only one certificate (if there are several heirs), you can significantly save money.

Valuation of inherited property to determine the amount of duty

As mentioned earlier, property valuation is carried out taking into account its value on the day the inheritance is opened.

When entering the inheritance estate of foreign currency or securities, the rate of the Central Bank of the Russian Federation will be applied.

Property assessment is carried out:

Appraisers with appropriate licenses, certificates, diplomas, etc.
Organizations entering into agreements to conduct assessments.
In relation to lands, cadastre authorities.
In relation to other types of real estate, except land, by institutions that record objects at their location.

The first two options may also apply to real estate. For any other type of inherited property, the services of appraisers or other organizations that have agreements to conduct appraisals may be used.

Currently, property valuation is no longer such a mandatory procedure, since the cadastral or inventory value is usually taken to determine the duty.

Payment of the required amount

The required fee must be paid before the start of the inheritance procedure.

Persons claiming an inheritance, after the death of the testator, must contact the notary with the necessary package of documents; after paying the fee, the notary will begin to formalize the inheritance.

To pay the state fee, you should take the details from the notary; as a rule, the heirs are given an already completed receipt, according to which all that remains is to make the payment.

You can pay the required amount in the following way:

Through the bank with the help of a cashier-operator. There is a bank charge for payment.
Using a payment terminal. They are located in many bank branches, shopping centers, tax authorities, etc.
Via the Internet using the State Services portal. To confirm payment, you must print a receipt.

After paying the state fee, the paper confirming the operation is attached to the general package of documents submitted to the notary.

Are your relationships with your in-laws enemies or friends?

When building relationships with their husband's relatives, many women believe that they should not please them. This is especially often the case with those who have the opportunity to live separately and not depend on them for anything.

However, this position is wrong. A daughter-in-law, by definition, must have respect for those people who gave life to her husband. After all, it is not necessary to implement the recommendations of your mother-in-law or father-in-law. It is enough to listen to them and pretend that they are right, even if their words are far from the truth.

The older generation will always look for faults in their children's partners. This is a manifestation of subconscious jealousy of youth and it is quite natural.

Therefore, daughters-in-law need to be patient, because very often parents have a great influence on their sons. You should not destroy a marriage because of your own selfishness and unwillingness to once again give in, restrain yourself, and not talk about your real attitude to any event or action of your spouse.

Correct relations with your husband's relatives mean acquiring friends in their person, whom you can always turn to in emergency situations. This means that an intelligent woman will be able to find the right approach to them and make it clear that their son has decided to spend his life with a reliable and loving person.