what does it mean to pay attention to your wife?
I recently accidentally found an article by a believer on the topic of irritation. I read it and realized that the author thinks correctly, parents sometimes irritate children without even realizing it. This is what he writes about...
And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, so that they do not lose heart (Col. 3:21).
With great regret I remember the moment when my brothers and sisters and I somehow greatly upset our father. I still remember his desperate words: “Half my life was taken away!” As a teenager, I didn’t understand how it was possible to take away half of my father’s life through such a trifle. Only now am I beginning to fully understand what these words meant.
It's no secret that our physical health is directly related to our emotional, mental and spiritual state. Therefore, for example, doctors recommend that heart patients not be upset and live a calm, moderate life. But where is a person most upset if not in the family? In this article we will talk about irritation and what to do to prevent not-so-beautiful scenes in our homes.
Who annoys whom?
It is interesting that we, adults, read and understand well only verses of instruction to children, and pay only fleeting attention to what is said to parents. The question is: who tends to irritate whom, the children of the parents or the parents of the children? Usually mothers complain that their children irritate them. But the Bible says that fathers should not provoke their children.
To irritate means to touch a person’s heartstrings, to cause him anxiety, leading him to an excited feeling. Literally it means “to cause anger.”
Irritation is a feeling of annoyance and dissatisfaction.
God speaks to fathers and tells them not to provoke their children. Do you know what God revealed to me? When I come home upset and start reproaching my wife, my irritation is transferred to her. It's not like that for an upset person. They often say about the boss that he is not in a good mood today and it is not worth going to him. The boss’s mood is transmitted to the entire team. So it is in the family. My irritation is transmitted to my wife, through my wife to my children, and then everything comes back to me. Fathers are responsible for not annoying their children. Children learn irritation from their parents. But how often do parents place all the blame on their children for their shouting, anger, and tense atmosphere. As they say, the powerful are always to blame for the powerless.
How can fathers annoy their children?
1. Children get irritated when their parents do not pay enough attention to them. A child has many questions, maybe even childishly stupid, but important to them.
For example, why does the moon follow us? Why is sugar white? Why is the water wet?
We can't even answer these questions. What are we doing? We can simply yell at the child so that he stops asking stupid questions. But the child most of all wants communication and attention. The answer to the question is not so important to him. He will believe everything you say, but he wants communication with you.
Many people know the example of a tape recorder, but I will give it again because it very clearly conveys the child’s need. The daughter kept asking dad to tell her the same fairy tale. He had already told it to her many times and finally suggested to the girl: “Let me record this fairy tale on a tape recorder, you can turn it on and listen as much as you want.” To which the girl replied: “Dad, but I can’t sit on the tape recorder!”
People know fairy tales with numerous repetitions. Why so many repetitions? Of course, there are other purposes in fairy tales with repetitions, but one of the main ones is to give children the communication with their families that they so want. But when we don’t pay attention to them, we irritate them, and then we wonder why they start acting up, crying, screaming...
2. We can irritate a child by humiliating and insulting him.
Often mothers or fathers, without thinking, hurl rude and even obscene words at the child. It costs nothing for a mother to call her son a fool or a blockhead, and it is also, so to speak, considered very polite. But if someone calls out to mom like that, then hold on! Why is a child worse than an adult? On what basis can he be insulted, and if he says something like that to an adult, is it punishable for him?
Once I had to observe how one, I hope, a respected high school teacher, behaved in public. She drank, smoked, said obscene things. But at school she was involved in raising children and demanded that they not be rude, not be rude, not smoke, and not drink alcohol. Let me say that a child sees right through how an adult behaves, and it is incomprehensible to him why we use different standards in relation to ourselves and him. This approach irritates children.
3. Children also get annoyed when we ignore their needs. Parents do not pay attention to the small and large needs of the child. For example, one day my little daughter came to me in tears with a doll in her hands, whose leg had been torn off. I was busy and there was no time to “fix” the doll, but this time I stopped and after a minute or two I put the doll’s leg back in place. My daughter, now happy, ran to play again. But I didn’t always act this way. And how often do parents completely ignore their child’s needs? The boy's car broke down - for him it is a tragedy, but for us it is a trifle that should not be paid attention to. It is not right!
Someone will say that children also have needs that we cannot satisfy. Yes, but we can contribute to these needs.
There was a time when my son studied at a music school. He needed a trumpet, and my wife and I truly wanted to meet his need. But then they were not sold in Belarus. Once we were in Lviv and there, in a store, we saw new American pipes. Having inquired about the price, we came to despair. At that time, one pipe cost more than five hundred US dollars. But so what, my son still needs a pipe. It is difficult for us, parents, to admit our powerlessness in front of our children, but I admitted it, saying that I was not able to buy him a pipe. However, believers have a way out, and I suggested to him to simply pray to God that God Himself would satisfy our need. It didn't take long for the Lord to answer our prayers very simply. The pipes were sent to us via humanitarian aid. We didn’t pay a penny for the instrument, we just thanked the Lord as a family.
However, this is not always the case. Often children ask for what they will never get. However, in any case, parents should respond to the child's needs by offering him an honest fatherly response.
4. Children are also irritated by the preference we give to one child over another. Therefore, all children in the family must be treated equally with love. Otherwise, the offended party will constantly cause problems.
5. Parents can also irritate their children with unreasonable demands and petty nagging.
An example would be a case where a father forced his son to work all day without giving him time to prepare for lessons, and the next day the son brought a bad grade from school. It would be unfair to demand that the son only get straight A's in this case.
6. Children are very sensitive to the fact of a bad relationship between their parents. If mom and dad are in conflict with each other, this is a great irritant for the child.
We can say that this is similar to simply stabbing a child with a needle over and over again in the most painful place. When family ties are broken, the rupture goes right through the child’s heart. I think there’s no need to talk about this much - it’s already clear. And yet, how selfish parents can be. They mercilessly tear the child in half. It is unbearable! This is a wound for life.
The result of irritation in children is despondency.
The apostle warns parents not to irritate their children, lest they become discouraged. Dejection is hopeless sadness, oppressive melancholy. Dejection leads a child to disappointment and mistrust of parents.
If they are believers, then the child cannot possibly believe in God, in whom the parents believe.
He doesn’t understand how someone can be a believer and be so callous. Often children consciously reject God only because they themselves are rejected by their parents. For example, the Bible says that God is the Father, but if in the life of a child the father does not care for him, does not participate in his needs, then the child automatically believes that the heavenly Father is the same.
But the child does not need such a father and he turns away from faith in God. In fact, the child comes to a dead end and feverishly looks for a way out. He begins to make different and often the most incredible and stupid plans. But for him this is a way out. Such children may run away from home, join a group of street children, etc. Moreover, despondency often leads a child to thoughts of suicide. The child does not want to live. Parents should be attentive to their children, especially during adolescence. All children have a crisis.
Not long ago in Germany, three teenagers jumped from a 78-meter-high bridge and died. Statistics show that a large percentage of teenagers are thinking about ending their lives. If parents show composure and inattention at this time, then the fatal decision may come true. What to do? Personally, as a father, I had to repeatedly convince each of my children that I love them and everything will be fine. I prayed to the Lord with each child, and together we went through the crisis. Children cannot be left to survive. They need our parental support and help.
Bring them up in the admonition and teaching of the Lord.
Parenting includes direction and correction. It will include, in extreme cases, punishment.
But often parents understand that raising children consists only of physical punishment. How far is this from what the Word of God means. The word “educate” in this case means taking care of the physical and spiritual needs of children. The Russian word “educate” implies human nutrition (education). Parents must nourish their child physically and spiritually. Feed on the teachings of the Lord!
Children need spiritual nutrition. But materialistic parents ignore this need of their children, paying attention only to their daily bread. And, by the way, everyone knows that man cannot live by bread alone. But in order to feed children with the teaching of the Lord, you must feed yourself with this teaching. A mother who does not eat anything cannot feed her child with her breasts.
Spiritual nutrition should not be once a year, but constant.
Instructing children is connected with the practical part of life. It is necessary to show children in practice how this is done. It is not enough to just teach a child to say hello to people, but you need to show them how to say hello.
I know children of my friends who never say hello. And why? Didn’t their parents really tell them that they needed to say hello? Because their parents, when they pass by, also try to turn their gaze in the other direction and not say hello.
When we mentor a child, he may become frustrated because he can't do anything. But we should not be convinced that he will never succeed.
One man once told me that his father instilled in him the idea that he was good for nothing, his hands did not grow as well as others. For a long time this thought was a paralyzing agent in his work. God forbid!
We need to have patience and long-suffering to instruct and teach a child. And even if he is truly incapable, for example, of music, then there is no need to humiliate or insult him. You just need to find a use for it in another area.
So, dear fathers, do not irritate your children. It even takes a toll on your health, not to mention the terrible damage it does to a child's heart and soul.
Bring up your children in the admonition and teaching of the Lord. This is extremely important. With gratitude to God I remember my parents, who, despite our meager circumstances, found time to educate and instruct us in the teachings of the Lord. For me, this turned out to be the most important thing in life. And now I dream of only one thing, so that my children will one day remember with bitterness their disobedience and remember with joy and gratitude to God how their parents raised them in the teaching and instruction of the Lord.
What to do and what to do in this situation?
Firstly, do not get involved in marriage, cohabitation or any other form of long-term relationship, because any form of long-term interaction with a woman one day ends with the fading of hormones, the fall of illusions, the process of idealizing the partner and the usual fading of interest.
This is an inevitable process subject to the principle of a question of time. Sooner or later this happens. And it is much easier to end a fading relationship with a mistress, and not a legal wife, into whom many men turn their mistress when they get married and are inspired to do so by the first year of emotional intoxication.
Secondly, you need to dispel all fairy tales about eternal love in your head. If it really existed as a fact among people on our planet, then the percentage of divorces, betrayals and spiritual emptiness in marriages would be negligible, around one percent.
In reality, we have more than 50 divorces per 100 marriages, millions of cases of infidelity, a third of children born not from a legal husband, and a depressing feeling of inner emptiness that arises over the years of marriage and turns such a marriage into the cohabitation of two people who are strangers to each other. It's time to stop believing in beautiful fairy tales and boldly face the harsh reality.
Thirdly, based on the knowledge of such a science as biochemistry, we can quite clearly determine the optimal period of interaction with a woman, which is no more than three years.
These data are confirmed by divorce statistics, according to which the peak of divorces occurs within a period of 3-5 years. This means that for the sake of three years, there is absolutely no point in getting married, acquiring joint property, and, in general, moving in with a woman and becoming dependent on her in everyday life.
Finally, the fourth point, directly following from the third, is to learn to be an independent and independent man. After all, women come and go, marriages do not last long, and falling into financial dependence on a woman makes no sense.
It’s better to acquire your own living space as sole property, learn to cook yourself and try to master the “start” button on the washing machine, in which, in fact, all women’s “difficult” everyday life is concentrated.
Why do feelings cool down?
What to do if the guy moves further and further away, pays little attention, and in general it is not clear that young people meet or sometimes just communicate on the phone. To begin with, you need to try to pull yourself together and assess the situation sensibly. Only by getting rid of the oppressive feeling of resentment and anger can you really look at the current situation and come to the right conclusion. Here are the standard reasons for cooling feelings: 1. The girl overdid it. This means that she shows her feelings very intrusively, and without noticing it, she simply gets bored. 2. The guy switched his attention to another. Unfortunately, there are both monogamous people and those who chase every skirt. Perhaps the guy decided to woo more than just one girl.
The guy is busy with work, career, and other issues. Girls don’t always think that in addition to her, he also has daily responsibilities, work, and his own seed. Perhaps he has problems at work or his mother is sick. Yes, a lot can happen, because being his girlfriend does not mean at all that you can claim all his time. 4. The girl is exaggerating. If you calculate, there are only 24 hours in a day, of which a normal person sleeps for 7-8 hours, which leaves about 16 hours for work and personal life. Of these, a modern person spends 8-9 hours at work, gets to work and back for about 2-3 hours, leaving only 4 hours. If a guy lives on his own, then the rest of the time can be spent on household chores - cooking, washing, buying food. So what remains? Yes, practically nothing - everyone is consumed by ordinary problems.
Therefore, before making complaints about not enough time being spent, you should turn on your brain and put yourself in your boyfriend’s shoes. If, with the modern rhythm of life, you spend weekends together and also manage to meet during the week, then this is not so little. It is clear that if the relationship develops so much that a decision is made to live together, then more attention will be paid to each other, but such a responsible step is not taken in a hurry.
Men and women perceive the world differently, and their thinking is radically different. Often the stronger sex does not even realize that they are offended. Therefore, it is better not to hold a grudge, but to talk openly and discuss ways to solve the problem. If a guy spends little time, what should I do? It’s worth finding out if he thinks the same way or if it’s just your opinion. Maybe he doesn't even know about it. It’s better to constantly refresh the relationship so that your loved one not only devotes time, but voluntarily spends all his free time with his beloved.
