How to convince a teenager to start studying? Advice from a famous psychologist.
Many children find it difficult to motivate themselves to complete schoolwork and perform well in core subjects.
And their parents cannot find the right and convincing arguments to convince their teenagers of the need to study. All their words are met with hostility. Personal experience .
I remember once I convinced my daughter to start studying normally at school in order to get good knowledge for entering and studying at the institute. But she didn’t listen to me, saying that you can live well without higher education. I even frightened her with the prospect of becoming a simple worker in the future, but she was offended, believing that I wished this for her.
In general, my daughter was a good, easy-going girl at school, but she came under the influence of a friend who convinced her that education was unnecessary, because she did not have one and believed that her life was successful even without it.
In the end, I stopped fighting with her over her studies, we abandoned the math tutor, and schooling continued without much enthusiasm. She graduated from school with good grades, but did not have enough solid knowledge for further studies.
Now she is an adult and finally realized how important it was to gain knowledge at school. Today she really lacks education, and she is trying to get it on her own, but the lack of school knowledge in some subjects prevents her from quickly realizing what she wants.
I am writing this for those parents who are tired of fighting with their children to convince them of the importance of learning. Don't brush them off and don't let things take their course. Try to find the right words to convince your teenager to learn mathematics or those subjects that may be useful to him in the future. Be sure that your efforts will not be in vain and your child, over time, will appreciate them correctly.
Have a heart-to-heart talk with your child . Find out how he sees himself in later life. What interests him, what fascinates him more. Tell him that even in the profession of a tattoo parlor artist, you need knowledge of chemistry and biology, the ability to draw, etc.
And if your son dreams of becoming a businessman, then he will need knowledge of mathematics, which he cannot do without. After all, you need to be able to calculate sizes and profits, make reports, etc.
In a relaxed atmosphere, agree that you will not be demanding of grades and agree that he should focus on several subjects chosen to his taste.
Tell your teenager examples of times when your friends lacked knowledge and lost a lot due to an incorrect attitude towards school knowledge and a lack of education.
Try to convince your child that an erudite, knowledge-filled person is a pleasant conversationalist and a welcome guest in any company. He easily finds a common language with people and knows how to control the situation.
Together, tidy up your desk so your teen enjoys working at it. Ask him to go to bed on time to rest and gain strength for studying.
How to deal with a teenager
At this moment, you need to start treating him like an adult, forget that he is only 12. There is no need to put pressure, try to insist on your own, because now it will be useless to achieve something. Try to talk confidentially, without judgment, with your child and discuss problems at school and a decline in academic performance. Most often, these are problems in a relationship with someone that your child is very worried about (I said above that communication is the leading activity). Discuss the situation and make it clear that you are on his side and are ready to help. When these external problems improve, then problems with studies can be solved.
If the problem of low motivation is in the study itself (i.e., it is not interesting, does not understand the material of some academic subjects), watch educational, entertaining videos on the Internet on subjects that are especially difficult for the child and discuss them together. Maybe it’s your joint viewing that will help your child look at studying differently.
And don’t forget about teachers and class teachers who can also help you with this. Be sure to keep in touch with them and discuss problems.
It also happens that the reason for a decline in performance in a particular subject depends on difficulties in the relationship with the teacher (we are all human, and we are all different). In these cases, do not rush to run to school and accuse the teacher of incompetence or complain to the education department. Try to understand the situation. Talk to your class teacher and ask him to help you find out what caused the conflict. Meet with the teacher in front of the child, find out the essence of the complaints against him and listen to your son or daughter about this, try to find a solution to this situation together. I am sure that you will succeed, and your child’s attitude towards this academic subject will change for the better.
Why don't children at this age want to study?
It’s worth warning right away: it is impossible, or at least extremely difficult, to force a teenager to do anything against his will. However, there are means to return decent marks to his diary. The choice of these means will depend on the reasons why the teenager abandoned his studies.
- The main reason is the switching of cognitive interests to a new sphere, social. During adolescence, the main goal is to learn to communicate with peers, in particular with representatives of the opposite sex. Teenagers learn to evaluate people, gain sympathy from others, make friends and love. This is very important knowledge, the acquisition of which cannot be postponed until later. They can only be obtained in a children's group, through personal communication, correspondence on social networks. The fact that schoolwork fades into the background, and communication with friends becomes much more important and interesting is natural.
- Overload. For a junior schoolchild, the authority of parents is indisputable. Wanting to make their offspring a multifaceted personality who succeeds in everything, mothers and fathers load their children to the maximum: they enroll in a sports section, a music school, a chess club, a dance and theater studio. The kid diligently pulls this cart until he reaches adolescence. The grown-up genius is tired, he wants to relax and do something easier and more interesting, and much of what his “ancestors” loaded him with seems unnecessary to him. As a result, the child starts a rebellion, refusing everything that he considers heavy, superfluous, uninteresting and useless. At the same time, he can refuse not only additional classes, but also the main ones - school ones.
- Quality of teaching , disrespect for the teacher. For younger schoolchildren, the teacher is an authority simply because he is a teacher. For teenagers, this is not enough: only those who deserve respect will be in authority. A person who does not respect the personality of a teenager will never be respected. If a teacher insults children, considers them “lazy” and “fools”, does not prepare for the lesson, does not try to make classes interesting, knows only two methods of influence - “f” and calling their parents to school, then he will end up on the “black list”. The teenager will not go to lessons with such a teacher; interest in the subject taught by this person will disappear.
- Conflict situations at school. If a teenager has a conflict with a teacher or with classmates, if he is teased and humiliated, then he will not want to go to school at all, even if he wants to study.
- Negative influence of the environment. It is possible that in a teenager’s social circle, the prevailing opinion is that studying is “not cool”, and “cool” is not studying. Trying to gain popularity in the children's group, the teenager abandons his studies.
- Lack of self-confidence. If a teenager believes that he will not achieve success in his studies, then he does not want to waste energy on it.
- Bad feeling. During adolescence, serious physiological changes occur in the body, intensive growth of various organs is observed, and growth and development do not always occur proportionally. During this period, joint pain, anemia, headache and dizziness, and other ailments accompanied by apathy and fatigue may occur. A teenager may simply not have enough strength to study well.
We recommend reading: What distinguishes modern teenagers
Having established the cause of poor study, you can try to regain lost interest in it.
What to do with a teenager to make everyone feel good?
Banal walks together and going to the cinema may still seem boring to some teenagers, like we’ve seen it all, but playing games with the family is definitely that magical option that will allow you not to lose your connection with each other.
In this article you will find game options for every taste, and it doesn’t matter whether you are 15 years old or 45 - any generation will enjoy these games. And in general, you will not only enjoy spending time with each other, but also get to know yourself and your loved ones from a new perspective and get a lot of new topics for discussion. Guaranteed!
But in order for family games to contribute to rapprochement and mutual understanding and to be nothing but joy, you need to remember two things:
Familiarize yourself with the rules of the game in advance, read them out loud to all participants in the game. If you haven’t played for a long time, it’s a good idea to refresh your memory of the rules so that there are no disputes during the process. Otherwise, you risk turning your evening into an “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” competition.
Remember that the goal of the game is unity with the family, positive emotions, a pleasant pastime and that’s all. There is no need to choke on excitement, shout at each other, throw objects, insult each other’s feelings (while playing Elias, I quarreled with my best friend because I called her a stupid teacher and said that I can’t imagine how she even teaches at school Since then I haven’t played Elias, but I would like to). The desire to win should in no case become the cause of quarrels and resentments; remember, our goal is to have fun together.
Now, if you are ready to have an unforgettable fun weekend with your family members, I will tell you about 10 games. Try everything at once!
Activities
When playing “Activity”, the family is divided into teams of 2-3 people. One of the team members pulls out a card with different words and phrases written on it. The goal is to explain what was written to your team in one of three ways in 1 minute: words, pantomime, or drawing. The more words a player can successfully show, explain, and draw, the more points the team will receive. Thanks to this game, mutual understanding between team members reaches a new level, because explaining some things without words can be very difficult! Here you will rejoice, laugh, and cry (from laughter ONLY, we remember, no emotions or fights).
Poems
Creative and just a fun game. The rules are simple: each family member is given a piece of paper on which he writes a line. This will be the beginning of the verse. The sheet is passed around the circle, and the next player’s task is to come up with a rhyme for the previous line, wrap the sheet so that the rhyme is not visible, and write a new line to pass to the new player. Thus, the game continues until the sheet is completely covered. After which the folded poem is unfolded and read out in its entirety. Believe me, you will not forget this game: some lines will become “winged” in your family and will be quoted for a long time. Create your own story, when I do this with students, I call it a “class joke” - that is, our internal thing is something that only we understand.
Crocodile
A game that everyone probably knows. Its advantages are that it does not require any attributes: you can play it anywhere, you only need players, and, of course, say no to embarrassment, yes to fantasy. The rules are simple: one player makes a wish (so that no one hears!) for the other any word or phrase: a famous quote, a character, a movie, or even another family member, and he must portray it without words, in pantomime, and the rest must guess. Sometimes it can be just a set of words: you ask a teenager: “The green kangaroo drinks Coca-Cola,” and watch with pleasure how he jumps around the house and hisses, trying to imitate it. Mmmmm, introduced your child, right? Just great.
Monopoly
This game is rightfully one of the most popular board games, and for good reason. You will not only have a good time, but also improve your knowledge in the field of economics and finance, because you will have to buy as much real estate as possible, enter into transactions with banks, develop your business and not go bankrupt! The excitement, the huge number of game outcomes, the unpredictability - all this will not leave you indifferent. So get your stocks and real estate ready, ladies and gentlemen!
Scrabble
Scrabble is a word game for 2, 3 or 4 players. An excellent “smart” word game that develops imagination, vocabulary, and spelling skills. You need to compose words on the playing field according to the principle of a crossword puzzle, think over the most successful arrangement of words, and get points for this. It trains your brain well and brings real pleasure when you finally manage to assemble words from a set of letters! You can feel like a real genius, in the depths of whose consciousness such complex words are calmly stored...
Guess the melody
A very funny game like "Crocodile", but aimed at music lovers. One family member mimes the words of the song, and the rest must guess. The one who showed it wishes the next song to the one who guessed right. Sing, laugh together - what else is needed for happiness? Well, of course, it’s an opportunity for parents to be “in trend” and learn the songs of modern artists in order to be on the same wavelength as their child. Maybe you will even download a whole album of Coins for yourself after playing this game.
Alias
In the game "Alias" you need to explain in other words the words that are written on the cards. The game is played against time: the more words a team can guess, the more points they will receive. When explaining a word, you can use synonyms and antonyms, the main thing is not to use words with the same root. The game not only brings pleasure, but also helps teenagers (and you too) expand their vocabulary and improve oral speech, reaction speed, because every second counts - you need to think very quickly! And I remind you - no emotions, just calmness! Personally, this game just explodes from the inside, my philological maiden is raging and yearning for freedom...
Twister
For this active, fun and even “sports” game you will need special equipment: a field and a roulette. But if you buy a play set, everything is included.
One person spins the game roulette, naming the color and part of the body that the arrow points to, and everyone else must stand with their hand or foot on the free circle of this color. As a result, family members literally become one (literally and figuratively). The one who touches the field with his knee or elbow, or even falls, is eliminated from the game. The last one standing wins. Sometimes the poses are so funny that you just can’t resist! The main thing is that when you roll across the field with laughter, you don’t crush other family members. Safety comes first.
Chess or checkers
And this is already serious. An intellectual game that forces you to think several moves ahead develops the brain not only in children: this game is suitable for all ages! Checkers is an easier option to pass the time. Please note that now it is not at all necessary to have a board and pieces at home: these games can be downloaded to a smartphone and played with children over a virtual network. But the main thing here is that if you suddenly lose, do not lose self-esteem and do not indulge in excuses - the teenager will definitely not appreciate this.
Imaginarium
A magically beautiful, interesting and, one might say, crazy game! Colorful and strange pictures that are given to each player. Family members take turns becoming presenters. On his turn, the presenter chooses the card he likes best and describes it, but in such a way that not everyone understands: it’s complicated, veiled, so that opinions are divided. The remaining players try to find among their cards the one that best matches the description. The essence of the game is that the presenter will receive points only if his card is guessed, but not the whole family at once. If no one guesses correctly, he loses two points; if everyone guesses correctly, he loses three.
This game develops creative thinking, helps family members find a common language, teaches them to understand each other's hints, feel emotions and clues. A very soulful game that really brings you together. For me personally, this is my favorite game. Sometimes I give it to students in class, if there is time - for literature, imagination matters.
There are just long weekend holidays ahead, I think that I will definitely be able to find time to try all the options.
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Good luck, and may your connection within the family not be lost, but move to a new level.
