How to conduct a conversation according to etiquette
Communication plays a very significant role in our lives. It is when talking with a person that we determine whether we like him or not, what he is like, and whether we want to have any kind of relationship with him. Do you know how to communicate correctly?
your speech during communication
should carry the color of politeness and respect for the interlocutor. The tone should be calm, interested, trusting. Obscene expressions, slang, and common words are “trash” language. Try not to use them.
2. Greetings
interlocutor, it is customary to inquire about his state of health and affairs. When answering a similar question, you should not dump all the baggage of your own problems on a person. You can describe in general terms the news that you would like to share. If a person is interested in hearing more, he will ask you specific questions.
3. It is very important when starting any topic of conversation
, be sure that the interlocutor is as interested in this as you are, and he is ready to discuss it with you.
— Etiquette prohibits strangers from asking questions of an intimate nature. And to an insensitive question asked of you, you can politely answer that you would like to remain silent regarding this topic.
— Try not to touch upon topics on which you may have a difference of opinion with your interlocutor, so as not to inadvertently become the instigator of a conflict. After all, as you know, there is no arguing about tastes.
— Gossip and negative statements about anyone or anything are unacceptable in a cultural society. Be positive! This will endear your interlocutor to you.
— It looks rather ugly to try to participate in a conversation on a topic that is completely far from you. It is better to remain modestly silent while a discussion is going on that is unclear to you. Or honestly admit that you are not strong in this matter.
- Also, you should not start a topic of conversation that the interlocutor, unlike you, has absolutely no understanding of, so as not to put the person in an awkward position.
- It’s ugly to praise yourself, and even more so to turn communication into continuous praises of your beloved.
— Don’t make jokes if you’re not sure that your interlocutor will appreciate your sense of humor. You may inadvertently offend a person.
— If new participants in the conversation have joined you, briefly introduce them to the essence of your conversation. Don't you want this? In this case, move the conversation to a new topic (note that it should be of interest to all participants in the conversation).
— There are situations when not every topic is appropriate in a conversation. Do not talk about sad things at celebrations, about joyful things at a funeral ceremony, or about unpleasant things during a feast.
— As for the redundancy of information, in any case there is no need to abuse the interlocutor’s patience too much and tire him too much by talking on the same topic for a long time.
4. It is considered good form to be able to keep up a conversation. This means taking part in the conversation, asking questions, and responding to the information received. Try not to let your interlocutor have to lecture you and, during pauses, frantically think about how else to try to interest you. You should also not turn your own speech into a tedious monologue, preventing your interlocutors from getting a word in.
- Do not yawn or look around during a conversation, even if you feel bored. Look at the speaker.
— The ability to listen carefully makes a person very beautiful in the eyes of his interlocutor.
— Interrupting someone’s speech is unacceptable, even if you are well informed on this issue.
- It is indecent to ignore questions.
— According to etiquette, during a conversation it is not accepted to give preference to someone from the company. Communicate with all participants in the conversation.
— It is unacceptable to whisper in a group or use ambiguous expressions that are not understandable to everyone present. Do you have something to say privately to one of the guests? You can discuss the topic that interests you later, when you are alone. A person who speaks a language other than the one spoken in a given circle of people is supposed to interpret the conversation.
— It is not customary to communicate over a long distance, trying to shout to the interlocutor.
- Speak without grimaces or gestures. And even more so, you should not slap people on the back, point your finger at them, or grab them by the elbow or button of their clothing. Etiquette does not accept this.
By following the familiar rules of communication etiquette from childhood, you will attract the sympathy of the people around you and will always be a welcome guest in any company. For this reason, it is worth learning how to conduct a conversation correctly.
!
Natalya Vladimirova specially for © site Ty-koroleva.ru
Etiquette standards and rules of behavior in various situations
Performance
Social etiquette is based on respect and politeness, so age and gender are taken into account in both formal and informal introductions.
The man is usually introduced to the woman. An exception may be if the man is much older. In this case, age takes precedence over gender.
A younger person is introduced to an older person.
A person who occupies a less prominent position in society is introduced to a more famous and influential person.
The surname of the person being introduced is named after the surname of the person to whom he is being introduced.
Casual/Informal: You can introduce the person by their first and last name, as this is completely acceptable for modern lifestyles. It all depends on the age of those you are introducing and the degree of formality accepted in your environment.
Greetings in public places
If you happen to meet someone you know on the street, it’s enough to just smile and nod. In a public place in a theater, restaurant, store, you can stop and talk, of course, provided that you do not disturb others and do not block their passage. When your friend is quite far from you, do not shout when greeting him, just smile and wave to him.
If you can't remember whether you know someone, it's always better to nod (or bow) than risk being accused of discourtesy.
Handshakes
A handshake is an important form of nonverbal communication, creating a first impression and being the first message.
Previously, a man would wait for a woman to extend her hand to him, and only then would he extend his own. Today in the US and most European countries, it doesn't matter who reaches out first.
Traditionally, the eldest shakes his hand first, the teacher or mentor to the student, and the boss to the subordinate.
When shaking hands, you should look into the eyes and smile a little as a sign of friendship.
Hold the drink in your left hand, leaving your right hand free for handshakes. This way you won’t have to fuss, and your hand won’t be wet and cold when shaking hands.
Please note that the person extended his left hand, not his right, to you for a handshake. Shake it with your left hand, as his right hand may be injured.
Conversation
The key to the art of conversation is listening. When someone else is talking, you must show interest, be open and attentive. Show that you are actively listening by nodding occasionally, maintaining eye contact, smiling in the right places, saying “I understand,” and so on.
The more diligently you listen, the better communicator you will become and the more knowledge you will acquire.
Restaurant and cafe
Usually the waiter offers a menu to everyone sitting at the table. In a situation where there is only one card on the table, it is first offered to the woman.
At the beginning of a business lunch, men are invited to order first. In other cases, the owner of the table can make an order by listing the dishes that the guests ordered; Only then does he talk about what he ordered himself.
If a man and a woman come, the man makes the order, but with the consent of his companion.
The waiter, being polite, always asks the woman for her order first. If one of the invitees has already been to this restaurant, then he has the right to recommend a dish to others or take on the role of a consultant, especially if there is a lot of exotic stuff on the menu.
In restaurants, there are linen napkins on the tables near the cutlery. They need to be unfolded and placed on your lap. During dinner, a napkin should always be on your lap.
The cup is held by the ear without putting the index finger through it. The little finger is not left behind. Just stir with a coffee or teaspoon, then place it on a saucer.
A slice of lemon is left in a glass or squeezed out with a spoon and placed on a plate. This lemon is not eaten.
You cannot blow on hot food; you need to wait until it cools down;
When eating with your hands, it is better to bite off a little at a time;
Blot your mouth with a tissue and do not lick your fingers;
Never wipe your mouth with your hand or speak with your mouth full;
Even if everyone around you eats with your hands, it is perfectly acceptable to eat yourself with a fork and knife;
According to the rules of etiquette, a plate of soup should be tilted away from you while eating.
Men should always stand up when a lady leaves the table
4 rules of conduct in public recreation areas
- do not disturb others;
- watch your children;
- do not leave trash behind;
- do not make noise.
On the stairs
- If a man and a woman are on the stairs, then when going up, the man must leave the woman behind him, and when going down, it is necessary, on the contrary, so that the woman is in front. But if the stairs are too narrow, steep or dark, then the man should go ahead of the woman.
— A woman, walking up the stairs, must choose the side with the railings.
— A man, while on the stairs, must give up his place at the railing to women, elderly people and children.
— If a man climbs the stairs, holding a woman by the arm, then he should move his body just enough to provide sufficient support for the woman, but at the same time not move impulsively and not pull her forward; a man should behave in the same way when going down the stairs with a woman .
Who goes first
Usually, both indoors and outdoors, the woman is the first to go through the door, into a narrow corridor, etc. However, if it is difficult to pass because of a bad road, the man moves first to extend his hand to the woman or support her, especially in the case of when she walks in high heels.
The man walks forward and opens the car door for his companion.
Of course, when a woman needs help, he will provide it: on a steep staircase or on a slippery slope he will go in front, but on an escalator moving down or up, he will stand behind, unless the woman asks to help her get off or step on the escalator.
A man, as a rule, is the first to enter the boat and the first to leave, for example, from a bus, so that he is ready to help his companion get off.
Service sector
Only a real boor can afford a disrespectful tone towards sellers, waiters and other service personnel.
It is completely unacceptable to snap your fingers at a waiter, make unreasonable demands on a flight attendant on an airplane, or be rude to a waiter at a fast-food restaurant or a gas station attendant if, in your opinion, they were not efficient enough.
Of course, if employees are rude or disrespectful towards you, you should report this to the manager, just as excellent service should be recognized in order to be rewarded.
How to leave guests
When it’s time for you to leave, wait for the first pause in the conversation and, standing up, tell your interlocutors: “All the best, I hope we will see you again soon,” or simply: “I was very glad to see you.”
If there are strangers nearby, no matter whether they were introduced to you or not, say goodbye to those who are looking at you at that moment with a slight bow and a smile. Don't try to attract the attention of those who are busy talking and don't know you're leaving.
When you need to leave guests early, you should find the owner and/or hostess of the house and say goodbye to them, trying not to be too noticeable.
Present
Bad form:
Give money to a good friend. This means that you do not consider it necessary to worry about him.
Asking a friend why he doesn’t use the item or clothing you gave him.
Forgetting dates of birthdays and anniversaries.
Due to forgetfulness, giving the same thing to the same person twice in a row.
Give unwrapped gifts, cards without envelopes.
Give gifts received from other people.
Useful tips
Try to keep your arms loose at the sides of your body. The right hand should be free for handshakes.
Don't put your hands in your pockets.
Don't make a fuss.
Respect other people's personal space. Maintain a comfortable distance between you and the interlocutor (usually at least half a meter).
Don't give in to your hands during business meetings. Any touching other than handshakes is unacceptable.
Don't take a step forward if the other person has taken a step back. You are violating his personal space.
Do not shift from foot to foot, do not rock back and forth, or touch your face or hair with your hands. This will only increase your stress and distract people around you.
You should not place your phone on the table.
Chewing gum in public and during conversation is considered vulgar.
You should not be distracted by your watch or mobile phone during a conversation, it looks very rude.
Even if you are tired and bored, don't show it
Add something to the introduction that will allow you to continue the conversation, a little information about the person you are introducing.
About politeness and business communication
Probably many will not like this post, but some will recognize themselves in it. However, my thoughts will still be useful to someone.
When I was studying at the institute, we had the subject “Psychology of Business Communication”, in which we were taught how to communicate with a client, customer, supplier to achieve the best result. And the main thing that I personally learned from the PDO course is that politeness opens many doors.
All of us, users of the Masters Fair, sometimes act as clients, customers, sellers, and buyers. We are constantly in the field of business communication. We need to sell our goods or buy (barter) something we need. Each of us has a lot of competitors. Therefore, selling your product can sometimes be difficult. Even if you do something super original, and there are no analogues to your product, you still need to sell your product. That is, you need clients. And the more, the better! Of course, you can advertise, organize competitions, and lower prices. However, when a client comes to you, you will have to communicate with him. And this is where the fun begins...
No one but you can persuade a specific client to buy something from you. And clients are capricious these days... Give them not only high-quality, inexpensive goods, but also polite communication! /irony/ Horrible, isn't it? After all, you already do Very Cool Things at Very Low Prices, and give these “bad people” also Very Polite Communication and a Very Individual Approach! /irony/
I'll tell you a few stories from my practice. These stories are connected not only with the Fair, but also with my purchases in other places. They all ended “sadly” for the sellers, who lost a regular customer in me. Some stories, on the contrary, ended positively for both me as a buyer and a seller.
Story one. In search of wooden blanks.
When I just started doing decoupage, not for myself, but to order, I had an acute problem with obtaining blanks. I needed the opportunity to buy a variety of blanks at not very high prices. The first thing that came to mind was an online store of a famous factory with a woman’s name in the title. These are prepared in a craft supply store, but you understand that stores of this kind, firstly, charge a premium, and secondly, their choice is not that great.
So, when I came to the page of the above-mentioned factory, I was delighted: large selection, low prices! "Exactly what is needed!!" — I decided, and ordered a trial batch of 7-8 boxes. This is where my ordeal began. Despite the stated delivery of the order to the pick-up point the next day, I did not receive a call, letter or SMS about the readiness of the order. When I called the company, I heard a dissatisfied male voice on the phone.
- Hello!
— Good afternoon, I’m regarding order number such and such, could you tell me when I can receive it? - I chirped in response.
— The order has not yet been collected, it will be ready tomorrow! - My interlocutor muttered.
- Mmmm, okay, thanks! Should I call you tomorrow, or will I be notified somehow that my order is ready? — I asked.
“They will inform you,” was the answer.
- Thank you very much! Goodbye!
If you think that the next day I safely took my boxes, then you are mistaken. By the end of the next working day I had no information. At around six in the evening I called again and received a dissatisfied answer that their courier had not yet reached the warehouse. It was the end of the second day after the order. I asked when the courier would arrive at the warehouse, and they answered:
- Well, maybe tomorrow...
- Okay, thank you, goodbye!
Having gone to the company’s website, I left a review there on the topic that they “fed me breakfast” and did not want to fulfill my order. The next day I called this company again and again asked about my order.
- Oh, we read your review. “We will not fulfill your order,” they answered me rudely.
- Okay, fine, thank you! — I shrugged. - Goodbye!
What was that? Resentment?? Reluctance to work?
As a result, I found an excellent craftsman at the Fair who, without difficulty or problems, delivers the workpieces to me at a time and place convenient for me, responds quickly, is polite and pleasant in communication. And even though this master’s workpieces are a little more expensive than I would like, efficiency and politeness in communication more than cover everything.
The second story. Need accessories!
A sudden and urgent order for a coral necklace forced me to look for fittings and beads. It's no secret how many people there are on this wonderful site selling beads and accessories! Having found a master from Moscow, I added her to the circle so that I could then take a closer look at her store. Imagine my surprise when literally half an hour later I received a personal message from this master thanking me for my attention to her store! This wonderful woman simply said “thank you for adding to the circle,” but I hadn’t bought anything from her yet, and I wasn’t sure that I would. But her politeness, friendliness and sociability simply captivated me. Of course, now I buy beads only in this store. In addition, the master likes to include a small gift with the purchase - several beads from which you can assemble a bracelet.
During the same period, I was looking for the actual fittings. Since I don't make jewelry often, I don't need a lot of accessories. Let's say for the first decoration I needed a meter of jewelry cable, pins with a silver cap and a ribbon. Having placed an order for the things I needed from one of the craftsmen from the Fair, to my surprise I received a rather rude refusal. My purchase was “wrapped up” with the dry comment “Minimum order amount is 300 rubles.” No, I understand everything, it’s my own fault that I didn’t look at the store’s rules... But the refusal could not have been so rude! You could write the phrase “Please complete your purchase again, reaching the required amount.” I would get it. And I would have gone overboard, for sure. But after such a rude refusal, I simply will not contact this store anymore, since it has plenty of competitors.
Realizing that I might not find everything I needed at the Fair, I went online shopping. One of them, whose name hints at trees, pleased with its large selection, the availability of pickup, low prices and the absence of a minimum order amount. Everything was fine two times, but the third time... The third time I came to pick up my order, but there was no change at the cash register. Change in the amount of 700 rubles. At the end of the working day! And instead of advising me on something, running to change money myself, or somehow resolving this issue on my own, the saleswoman looked at me with eyes without a shadow of a thought and waited.
Listen up people! I'm paying you money! I don’t have to run around and change banknotes around the territory of the former factory where you have an office! Lack of change at the cash register is the store's problem, not the client's! I canceled the order and left. Someone will say that I am too harsh, and that I should have exchanged money and come back, or come another day. But remember - the customer is always right! The client can go to others! The client was me and went to others. To those who have lower prices, more choice, a more convenient website, and next day delivery.
Story three. About barter and other things.
I had the opportunity to work on barter several times. I will not tell sad stories about people who want candy in exchange for nonsense, as well as about people who do not know how to adequately assess the cost of a job/product. I’ll tell you better about those who want something original, beautiful, unusual or simply urgently needed, but “only barter” . And then their orders hang for weeks with just one offer, or even no offer at all...
But one story simply touched me. The master needed creative materials that I had. The master wanted to barter, but his products are very expensive. And my materials are very cheap. Out of naivety and with the best intentions, I suggested adding more soap to the materials I had, and thus “raising” the price for what I offered to the minimum price of the simplest craftsman’s product. In response, I received a refusal of the offer and a rebuke that the master did not need soap, and the product I had chosen for exchange had been sold. The master did not want to come to an agreement, discuss other options other than what I proposed, offer to buy materials from me (I would have asked 100-150 rubles for them)... And what in the end? The master’s order has been hanging for days with only my proposal. As a result, the master suffered because he did not receive the material he needed, and also did not sell his goods.
I had another case that caused bewilderment. In response to my order for a figurine with a cube, someone left a “suggestion” with the only phrase - “This is a dodecahedron, not a twenty-sided one!” Sir, what did you even mean by this? What difference does it make how many faces a cube has in the photo if the order is not about it, but about a figurine?!
When I myself needed material for creativity, and I initially set up “barter”, I made concessions, and in the end I bought some of this material. Because I needed the material.
The moral of this story is this: be flexible, adequate and polite in communication, and then both parties to the barter transaction will be satisfied.
If I take on an order, I always keep in touch with the customer and try to fulfill requests. I will ask several times what the customer would like, recommend something, offer different options and show a photo of the order making process.
What do we end up with? Practice shows that politeness, attentiveness and adequacy in communication attract clients. Let's be extremely polite to each other!
I wish you good luck in your creativity, adequate and polite clients and craftsmen attentive to your requests!
Basic rules of male etiquette
Historically, men are by nature more restrained in expressing their emotions than women. Therefore, sometimes their behavior can be misinterpreted and women find it difficult to communicate with them. Hence the constant quarrels between opposite sexes. But you just need to know some of the subtleties of female psychology and, of course, the rules and norms of communication with them, and in general with the people around us. This article was written to eliminate the illiteracy of men in communicating with women.
I would like to remind you of some basic rules of male etiquette in the presence of females:
1. A man should always go to the left of the lady, of course, if there are no obstacles or circumstances preventing this. On the right are usually only military personnel who will have to salute at any time.
2. If a woman suddenly stumbles or slips, you need to immediately give her your hand and help her up. But be warned! In other situations, the lady herself decides whether to take a man’s arm or not!
3. It is prohibited to smoke in the presence of women and children! If the need arises, it is better to apologize and step aside.
4. When entering and exiting a room, a man must open the door for a woman and enter behind her. This is what men's etiquette says!
5. If you are going up or down the stairs, a man should definitely back up his companion by following one or two steps behind. If there is no lighting at the entrance, the man should go first, scouting the way.
6. When entering the elevator, a man always enters first, and when exiting it, a woman is allowed to go ahead.
7. When the car stops, the man gets out first and helps the woman get out by opening the door and giving her his hand. If you and your lady are traveling in a taxi, then you are supposed to ride in the back seat, the lady gets in first, and the man sits next to you.
8. When entering a room, a man must help his lady take off her outerwear, and when leaving, the man dresses himself and only then helps the woman get dressed.
9. Social norms say: a man does not sit down if ladies are standing. In public transport, a man must give way to a woman and older people.
10. A man should not be late for a meeting with a lady! On the contrary, you should arrive a little earlier, because the delay may puzzle the lady and lead to the wrong thoughts. In unforeseen situations, it is necessary to warn and apologize for being late, and also do not forget to give a small gift for the girl.
11. Women should always be helped to carry heavy and large objects. Excluding handbags, outerwear, etc.
12. It is disrespectful to keep your hands in your pockets during a conversation, fidget with buttons on clothes, or generally play with something.
If you follow these rules, you will always be able to impress a woman as a well-mannered and confident man. Believe me, male etiquette is the main advantage in winning a woman’s heart.
Introduction
You've probably noticed more than once that some people instantly put you at ease from the first meeting. You want to communicate and see them again and again. When you are around such people, your self-esteem increases. But there are also people in whose company you feel uncomfortable. You can’t even say why, when you enter into a conversation with such a person, you want to be on the other side of the world. Most often, this is simply your reaction to another person’s ability to behave in society.
The ability to behave with dignity in various situations is a key trait of a gentleman. A true gentleman in any society feels in his place and is able to create a pleasant atmosphere for his interlocutors. Although it may seem that his ability to accurately assess situations and choose ways to communicate with individuals is an innate talent, this is actually not the case. I'll tell you a big secret: people are not born with charm, you can learn it. It's not very difficult. Although etiquette may seem like a very complex subject in the school of life, it is actually very simple because it is based on common sense and respect for others. You just need to read and practice, and soon you will also know what to say and how to act in certain circumstances. You too can become a real gentleman.
Becoming a gentleman is a goal that is not only relatively easy to achieve, but also important. General perceptions of our abilities in a range of areas are based on how we behave in society. Whether you're interviewing for a new job, starting your own business, or establishing new social relationships, manners are of the utmost importance.
This book contains a number of etiquette guidelines that will help you navigate some of the most common situations. Please note that I use the word “recommendations” deliberately. Contrary to popular belief, etiquette is not a set of rules at all. I never talk about etiquette as rules, because every etiquette rule has an exception (sometimes even two or three). Recommendations allow for variations. Recommendations assume that behavior depends on a specific situation. For example, when dining at an expensive restaurant, you will, of course, use a knife and fork, but at home, with your family, you will, without hesitation, take a piece of pizza with your hand. It is important not only to understand etiquette recommendations, but also to be able to apply them.
I hope you will use this book in two ways. The first way is to sit comfortably in your chair with a glass of your favorite drink and read it from cover to cover. The second way is to keep it ready so that when questions about etiquette arise, they can be resolved immediately. If you have an urgent etiquette question that goes beyond the topics covered in this book, ask me at www.mannersmith.com.
I hope you find the book informative and entertaining.
