Body reaction
A crisis is a time when a person moves to a new stage of life. Changes occur in his psychology; he begins to look at his life through the prism of achievements. The realization that only a little of what was planned was achieved gives rise to the desire to turn back time. From a physiological point of view, the midlife crisis is menopause, that is, hormonal changes. Due to a decrease in testosterone levels, sexual activity fades and the functioning of all organs deteriorates. The condition described in the saying “Grey hair in the beard is a devil in the rib” is caused precisely by hormonal changes.
Article on the topic Our hearts demand change. Why is it necessary to leave your comfort zone?
What is a midlife crisis?
► Psychological withdrawal, which can begin at 30 or even 50 years old, entails serious consequences, sometimes irreversible. Behind the back of someone who has decided to dramatically change their life are sometimes the ruins of their family and career. What does a midlife crisis mean for a simple hard-working person? It will most likely pass almost unnoticed, and the man will limit himself to a couple of scandals with his wife, drowning the feeling of hopelessness with strong drinks.
► The more intellectually developed the victim of this crisis, the greater the torment he experiences. When a person has a lot of time to think, he finds new reasons to be irritated with himself. It is believed that at the turn of life, people begin to be depressed by unfulfilled dreams, hopes and missed chances. Added to this is the awareness of lost youth and approaching old age.
► A midlife crisis is the realization that a person is mortal. In youth, leaving life feels completely different than in adulthood. The condition is aggravated by health problems and decreased performance. “Grandfather Freud” also said that the crisis is associated with the fear of death.
► The midlife crisis in men and women is accompanied by bitterness of lost youth, increased anxiety, and depressive states. This causes a strong desire for change in the environment and personal life. There is a need to assert oneself, to prove one’s own worth. The male crisis occurs more often, due to the fact that women are more immersed in their children, everyday life and are more emotional.
► Although now, when representatives of the “weaker sex” are sometimes stronger than their opponents, the crisis has also changed gender orientation. If a woman has dedicated her life to her career, is strong in character, and behaves like the leader of the pack, she, too, will not escape the turning point of midlife. The softer and more feminine the lady is, the more she takes care of her man and home, the less likely it is that a crisis will overtake her.
► For people in creative professions, this state may coincide with another personal crisis – an existential one. The understanding that the writer has “written himself out” and the artist has “drawn himself out” can provoke mental shock associated with the awareness of his age and missed opportunities. Having fallen into this trap, a creative person begins to rush around in search of a new style and way of self-expression. This is how different periods appeared among famous artists, for example, Picasso’s “Pink” and “Blue” periods were also associated with the state of the psyche depending on age.
An ordinary person cannot express his emotions through canvas, music or words and begins to re-create his own life. Close people fall under the knife, but he has already gone wild and is unable to stop. The desire to prove to oneself that one is still young is embodied in casual relationships.
Most often there is an affair on the side. Money is spent on his mistress (who is usually much younger than his wife), and the man becomes secretive, irritable and withdrawn.
✔️ The term “crisis” comes from the Greek language and means a crossroads, crossroads, fork in the road. In Chinese, the word “crisis” is represented by two characters – “danger” and “opportunity”.
✔️ In Russian psychology, this concept was first used by L.S. Vygotsky. He called it a time of change, often positive and an ascent to a new stage of development.
✔️ There is scientific evidence that men define the meaning of their existence differently than women. Most often these are their personal achievements.
✔️ Sexual activity in men depends on temperament, but usually it fades away gradually, decreasing by 30-40 years. During a crisis, there may be a decline or, conversely, a surge. Women at this age are at the very peak of their libido.
❗️I recommend: Mikhail Labkovsky about the midlife crisis
Consequences
During this period, men try to answer the question of how to find themselves. They try on new social roles and try to prove to themselves and others that they are still “on top.” That’s why their “I want”s come first, while the “Shoulds” are carefully hidden in the far corner.
A man can quit a well-paid job and choose an unusual hobby, change his image, start attending youth parties, and have a mistress. The conversations of men experiencing a midlife crisis are most often about new gadgets, sex and social status. About what the younger generation is so interested in. This is an attempt to replay life, to seize missed opportunities.
When does a midlife crisis begin?
There are no exact dates when a midlife crisis occurs, but there is a certain time period with an increased likelihood of its occurrence. Psychologists attribute it to the period of 30-50 years. The term itself appeared back in 1965. He was voiced by a psychoanalyst from Canada, Elliot Jacks. By the way, not all psychologists are convinced of the existence of this phenomenon. The midlife crisis in men after 40 is much more often described in literature than in science.
Researchers believe that not everyone experiences such a crisis. And it doesn’t have to happen at 40. It can happen at 20, 30 and 60 years old. Therefore, scientific scientists believe that the phenomenon is associated with depression, the most common mental illness of our time. Many people live in anticipation of a turning point, but it may never come.
Only 25% of mature people after their 40th birthday note signs of emotional discomfort, and the crisis of 40 years in women is even less common. Professor D. Almeida notes that people began to speculate on this phenomenon, using it as an excuse for failures in life. Sometimes, instead of a sharp change in mood, a sluggish process occurs, the so-called “existence syndrome” (loss of the meaning of life), which alternates with an existential crisis in the acute stage.
Anti-crisis measures for women
Living with a man who suddenly turned from a “strong shoulder” into a capricious teenager is a test. A crisis can be the beginning of the end, or it can strengthen relationships.
Here are some recommendations that will help you survive and not lose your family and self-respect.
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Good things around you.
What happiness consists of and how to look for it 1) Understanding the situation .
This is also a challenge for your man. Do not throw reproaches and do not try to overprotect your loved one. 2) Words of approval . Remind your partner of what he has achieved. Thank him even for small help and small achievements, show that he is needed and important to you.
3) Healthy lifestyle . Unobtrusively offer everything that can positively affect your health: healthy nutrition, vitamins, exercise.
4) New hobby . Try to diversify your leisure time together or, for example, give your partner a certificate for the photography training course that he so dreamed of. Show that you respect his dreams.
Let the crisis become not an obstacle for you, but an opportunity to better understand your loved one.
How does a midlife crisis manifest itself?
If you are looking for signs of a midlife crisis, then pay attention to:
- Dissatisfaction with work activity;
- Dissatisfaction with personal achievements;
- Irritation with your family, children, partner (wife, husband, if you have one);
- Dissatisfaction with a bachelor's existence;
- Anxiety about growing children;
- Anxiety about aging parents;
- Dissatisfaction with your physical capabilities.
A midlife crisis, the symptoms of which are listed above, causes low self-esteem. Envy of others, regret and the desire to change something are born. Depression, a feeling of self-pity, internal devastation and an understanding of the injustice of life often appear. Your mood can change dramatically, and life can feel like a trap.
Midlife crisis in men
External symptoms of a midlife crisis in men can look like a sharp change in attitudes and behavior. A man's midlife crisis causes:
- Loss of interest in things that were previously important and valuable;
- The desire to dramatically change the type of activity, abandonment of one’s previous achievements;
- Love affairs, divorce, desire to start a new family with a younger woman;
- Change of environment, loss of old friendships;
- Decreased or increased sexual desire;
- Unjustified waste of money, eccentricity.
It is believed that the stereotypical middle-aged man, who has entered a period of crisis, feels the desire to buy a bike, sports car or something else. A more extreme means of transportation. The list of strange actions also includes dyeing hair, having an affair on the side, and the desire to prove one’s worth as a “male” by any means.
Midlife crisis in women
It is believed that the borderline or midlife crisis in women, the symptoms of which we list below, occurs after 35 years. Irritability appears, rushing in search of new sensations and all-consuming dissatisfaction with one’s existence.
The midlife crisis in women also has its symptoms:
- Uncertainty, anxiety, restlessness;
- Lost;
- Feeling of lost youth;
- The conviction that everything is better in the past;
- Fading emotional attachment to husband;
- Distancing from children;
- Disappointment from affairs and affairs;
- The desire to be alone, to distance oneself from friends;
- Regrets about the past;
- Dissatisfaction with past life;
- Job dissatisfaction;
- Dissatisfaction with appearance.
To overcome the female midlife crisis, psychologists suggest not getting hung up on longing for a bygone youth, and looking for new opportunities. Now you can find a hobby you like: you can do creativity, yoga, study foreign languages, or master the skill of driving a car.
❗️Any activity that can give meaning to life and add new colors to it is suitable as a “switch.”
It is better for housewives to return to their profession or learn a new line of work. With a turning point, you can reach new heights and achieve success. It is during this period that a person’s potential is revealed. The main thing is to direct energy into a creative channel and block its flow into the channel of self-destruction.
Anti-crisis measures
If you notice radical changes in your husband, you know that a crisis has arrived. This is a very difficult period in a man’s life and they experience it very hard. To help your husband and save the family, you should follow some rules:
- Don't blame yourself for his depression. The man, of course, will blame you for all his problems, but don’t pay attention.
- Help me get my second wind. If your husband regrets the life he has passed, remind him that it is not over yet and he has a chance to start all over again. Give him self-confidence, help him get back on his feet. But don’t pester me with questions, sometimes a man just needs to be alone.
Change your activity. If your husband decides to radically change his profession, do not dissuade him. On the contrary, support. If this work gives him pleasure, then the end of the crisis is not far off.- Don’t expect affection from your husband, much less demand it. Now your husband doesn't want that. But at the same time, try to caress him. Kiss him before work, write an SMS saying you miss him, and cook a delicious dinner in the evening. Remember how your family life began. Isn't that how it all happened?
- Celebrate your birthday in a new way. It is possible that during this period the husband will not want to celebrate his holiday at all. And it's not necessary. There is no need to invite family and friends. Come up with something unusual. For example, give your husband a parachute jump. Firstly, it will emphasize his courage. Secondly, it simply diversifies life. The jump can be filmed and saved for the family archive.
- Look after yourself. A man should see that his wife is beautiful, other men are looking at her. This will be like a push to action. A sense of ownership will awaken in him. But don't overdo it. If your husband became very jealous during a crisis, take this into account.
- Don't show your tears. If scandals become more frequent in the family, never cry in front of your husband. He shouldn't see your tears. They will only irritate him.
- Don't throw tantrums. Of course, it is very difficult to withstand such an environment. But remember, it depends on you whether your family will survive. Don't yell at your husband or make scenes of jealousy. Remember, this period will pass and he will regret the words he said and the actions he did.
- Don't kick your husband out of the house. What if he leaves?
Why can an older man cheat?
There are many reasons why older men cheat. First of all, this is due to the fact that a man is a man, and he will remain one at any age. After 20-30 years of marriage, this happens often, since in one’s own family there is nothing left except habit and common everyday life. As a rule, the wife turns into a close person, friend, ally, but then the passion fades and sex, if it does not stop completely, then happens very rarely.
But the most important reason for male infidelity is the midlife crisis. This is a turning point in the life of both men and women, and in the family. Therefore, there are often cases when an elderly man not only cheats, but even leaves his family for his mistress and starts a new life.
