What will help you cope with problems
To start:
- Stop!
- Take a breather!
- Think about it!
Why are problems not solved and worries not reduced? The answer is simple: you need to learn to calculate every action. Remember when we were forced to write essay plans at school? Not everyone loved or wanted to do it. It turns out that plans are a very useful thing. Some may argue: living according to a plan is boring. No one forces you to plan every minute of your life, but having an idea of how tomorrow will go or how you will prepare for some event will make your life much more organized and easier. Get planning! It must enter your life and take a strong, permanent place in it. If you learn to think through tomorrow in the evening, plan the necessary things, make a mental list of actions and purchases, the day will not turn into a hectic tangle of unexpected events, sometimes unpleasant, even if some unforeseen situations arise. Don’t carry the whole load of loads on your own. Ask your husband, parents, children, girlfriend for help.
Think carefully about your purchases. Don't go to stores "idlely, just for a walk." Don’t fall for marketing ploys like: “Shopping calms your nerves, etc.” Spontaneous shopping, in addition to unnecessary emptying of your wallet, will also clutter your home. What kind of calming of nerves can we talk about if the money is spent in vain, and the salary is still like the Canary Islands!
There is a wonderful rule - do not go grocery shopping hungry. It has been proven more than once: a hungry buyer, even with limited funds, will still manage to buy something extra, actually unnecessary. What can we say, if “money is tight on your wallet” - to the delight of product manufacturers and retail outlet owners, you bring home a couple of bags of unnecessary food.
How to survive troubles, crises and problems
Don’t be so quick to call your situation a crisis: “crisis” is just the “C” word. What you have - serious trouble, depression, personal or some other crisis - still needs to be figured out. Yes, these are all less than pleasant things, but these are different things, and if you want to get through this with less pain, faster and easier, figure out what is happening to you.
See: Personality crises. Middle age crisis. Depression
Perhaps you still have a crisis - personal or age-related. There’s nothing wrong with that, you need to change, and that’s normal: your car also needs to change its oil once a year. If you are stuck, have lost your bearings, but your head is in place and your soul is generally in order - so far everything is in order. If you realized that you were developing in the wrong direction, you can be glad that it has finally become clear. Now you can adjust your life path and move on cheerfully.
Why cheerful? - Why else?
If a personal crisis has developed into a mental, psychological crisis, then do not rush to worry, do not rush to emotional conclusions.
A crisis is not a disaster
Even if you are in serious trouble, it is not a disaster. There is nothing absolutely good or bad in the world. Only we ourselves label events: “Bad”, “Good”.
Summer rain becomes “terrible” if it fell when a girl went to the theater without an umbrella, but it can turn into “romantic” if the same downpour forces her to hide with her loved one under a canopy in the park. But in fact, rain is just water, and only we ourselves color it black and pink.
If you think that everything is wrong with you and everything is completely terrible for you, talk to smart people. They will look at you with sadness and, if you ask them, they will tell you much worse situations. Disasters happen, but you probably haven’t encountered them yet. Let us note that even the most terrible disasters are temporary phenomena. Everything happened, everything happens, and life goes on after that.
In any case, it is not the situation itself that upsets you, but the way you perceive it. A calm, reasonable and active person would have treated her differently. How? - Good question. Ask yourself this.
You need to get out of trouble
If you are in serious trouble, you need to get out of it. The only person who will get you out of this situation is you. Yes? Start thinking about what to do now. Why this happened and what conclusions need to be drawn - you also need to think about this, but later. Now we just need to get out of the current difficult situation. Your most important task is to think about how you will now get out. What to do. You need a plan. At least the simplest things that you can do yourself here and now.
Bring yourself to your senses
We don’t know what’s in your soul - confusion or anger, resentment or just a gray veil - in any case, you need to bring yourself to your senses. If you were not prepared for a situation and it hit you, this happens. If you fall into emotions and difficult feelings, this is normal, anyone can fall - now it is important to get up faster.
- If you continue to worry, ask yourself the question - why?
This is a very important question. Almost without exception, people worry only when they allow themselves to do so and when a person needs it for some reason. If suddenly a real catastrophe happens now, a huge black wall begins to rise above your city, from which everyone needs to be saved immediately, then if there is at least something dear to you, you will rush to save it. And you will have no time for your worries. You want to worry, and you do. Fine. Not for long - it's possible. But figure out within yourself when you will stop doing this.
- Fix your brains
People get upset for a long time when they continue to poison their souls and convince themselves that everything is terrible. You can continue to do this and continue to be in crisis, or you can gradually improve your brains. Start reminding yourself that there is a way out of every situation. That the one who walks will master the road. Taking one step each time, you can walk a thousand miles... - Think about what you need to remind yourself, write it on pieces of paper, hang it in a visible place (or better in several places) and start repeating it like a prayer.
- Get help and support for yourself
In many situations, you can turn to those who can help you. Who can help you? There are smart people, there are strong people, there are just your friends. Yes, you can handle everything yourself, but good help and support will not hurt anyone. Think about where and how you organize help and support for yourself?
- Create a healthy environment for yourself
If you are depressed and stare at one point, it can drive a healthy person crazy. If you don't walk and just lie down, you start to get sour simply because you lie down and don't walk. Think about what you can do to make the situation around you bring you to your senses, and begin to organize it for yourself. Walk! walk! walk!
When you come to your senses...
When you come to your senses, take care of prevention. The wisest Taoist may not be able to get out of a deep pit with steep walls, but wise Taoists simply do not fall into such pits. In the lives of reasonable people, troubles do not often occur, and crises never happen. Neither age-related nor personality crises happen to a prepared person. See>
Simple useful advice - how to learn to plan many things
If you are going on a trip or sending a child on vacation, do not rely on your memory. A good memory is definitely great. But sometimes it’s difficult to keep a couple of dozen list items in your head. Therefore, on a piece of paper, write down, point by point, everything you need to buy for the trip. Place the sheet in a visible place. When making another purchase from the list, cross off the appropriate item. Place your purchases “in a heap” in a place within your field of vision, so that at minute “X” you can immediately put everything into a bag or suitcase.
This useful method works well with clothes and other travel items. Write down on a piece of paper a list of necessary things, from underwear to gloves or a Panama hat (according to the season).
Using such lists, you and your loved ones will always be 100% prepared for your trips. Troubles in the form of swimsuits or a warm sweater forgotten at home will not be your story.
If there is some grandiose event coming up such as anniversaries, weddings, or other celebrations, the useful habit of planning will come in very handy. True, a sheet of paper is not enough in such cases. Get a notebook or notepad. Title the sheets with the necessary items: food, gifts, clothes (mine), clothes (husband), etc. Leave a couple of sheets for the “products” section. First, write down the names of all the dishes you want to see on the holiday table. On the next sheet, based on the menu, list the products needed for the dishes. Next to each product, put the quantity, and then the approximate price and amount. This will help you plan your expenses. Try to include everything in your notes, down to the last detail. Set aside the required amounts separately for food, clothing, gifts and try not to go beyond the budget.
Gradually making the necessary purchases, cross them off the list. This method will save you from unnecessary fuss, cold night sweats when you remember that tomorrow is a holiday, and you didn’t buy this and that.
Learn to cope with problems through planning
Situations arise when you have to be in several places at once during the next day. Be sure to plan this day in the evening. Calmly consider how best to proceed. Which task needs to be done first, and which will wait until the evening. Maybe you can send your relatives or friends to a couple of places instead of yourself? Clearly drawn up plans for rather difficult days make life easier, allowing you to turn even the most unpleasant days into measured ones, not overshadowed by scandals and discontent of others. In a word, a useful habit of planning tomorrow's day in the evening will make your life and the life of your loved ones easier.
Simple advice - what to do if problems cannot be solved
But still there are moments when “the mosaic does not want to come together.” No matter how much you try to think about it, plan some action or event, nothing happens. One thing or another interferes. Stop banging your head against the wall. This means that something is going wrong. If such a situation arises, let go of the problem or abandon the idea. Perhaps you should not participate in this plan. Sometimes the next morning or during the day some news arrives, or an event occurs that cancels an event that was not planned.
Gradually, the habit of planning will help you become a confident person, and the reputation of a “reliable person” will not hurt in your career and personal life. A calm, self-confident wife and mother who does not lose composure even in difficult situations is better than an uncollected person who always forgets something, is in a hurry to get somewhere, and as a result is always tired and dissatisfied.
Of course, there are different problems. Not everything can be dealt with with planning alone, but a lot can be avoided if you use some helpful simple tips and keep chaos out of your life!
How can I deal with a bunch of problems?
Dear psychologist!
I am 30 years old. I have two sons. The eldest is 9 years old, and the youngest is 4 years old. My husband works (often on business trips), I stay at home with my youngest son. My youngest son is on disability due to a blood disease. The eldest is healthy. But I'll tell you everything in order. At least from the moment it seems to me that’s where the problems started. When my eldest son was 2 years old, I had an abortion, although I knew it was a sin, but still with a heavy heart and tears I went there. I thought that my husband and I would not be able to have another child. 2 years passed and I became pregnant again. I am a smoker, and I smoked during pregnancy, which I now bitterly regret. She gave birth to her youngest son. From the age of 2 months he began to have a severe allergy, it was impossible to look at him without tears, his skin was literally covered with scabs, under which there was meat, and it all stuck to his clothes. She took him to Anapa for treatment, took the older one with her, and did all this with the approval of her husband. The husband stayed at home. The treatment didn't help. Another problem started at home: the youngest was diagnosed with a blood disease, and after 1.5 years symptoms of epilepsy appeared. All this fell on me gradually. My husband carries everything within himself, he didn’t have any emotions, he probably didn’t want to burden me with his experiences, and to any attempt I made to cry, he simply told me to stop, saying there’s no point in being a ninny. And I lived and felt as if I was burning alive, I wouldn’t wish such torment on anyone. With each new problem in the health of my youngest son, my heart sank again, I wanted to scream, but I can’t scream, because... my eldest son won’t understand, I can’t cry, there are no tears, but I just want to cry. The eldest son was 4 years old when his brother appeared. And I began to devote very little time to him, because... literally from the first months of the birth of our second child, our endless trips to hospitals and long hospitalizations completely unsettled me. So he went to school. At school there are problems with behavior and studies, although he is a very capable boy. They even transferred him to another school with a lighter load. Then he went to a gymnasium, where they study full time, and now he goes to a simple school, where they study half a day. I thought maybe the child was tired, which is why he was so inattentive, absent-minded, and irresponsible. He doesn’t do anything unless you tell him to, he often forgets to write down his homework, his handwriting in the second grade has become worse than in the first, he is very easily distracted, he does his homework for a very long time because he is distracted by his own affairs. I tried to educate him with carrots and sticks and he just doesn’t want to react. I went from being a good student to getting grades of three and two. The teachers call me to school for a conversation. Here again I received a complaint, I don’t even know how I can do it in time: My husband is leaving on this very day on a business trip, it is on this day that my youngest son and I have to undergo a VKK commission and a tomography, and the teacher also calls us to school. And this repeats regularly, I mean such circumstances when everything falls on you alone. Physically, I have difficulty keeping up with everything. And psychologically... I don’t even know what it’s called, depression? simple fatigue? breakdown? or maybe all together? Don't know. Sometimes thoughts appear about death, for example, if I died, I could have avoided problems (but I understand, how are the children without me?) My husband clearly doesn’t understand me, I don’t even tell him about my experiences, he doesn’t even want to listen, that I’m worried, he says everything is fine, that you made a mountain out of a molehill. I tell him I need a psychologist, and he answers me: you don’t need anyone, everything will be fine, just believe. In principle, my husband and I have a good relationship, because... We see each other rarely, there is nothing to argue about))), he is a very calm person. But now I’m just on the edge, from his indifference, from the baby’s health problems, from problems at school. Help me if you can. I react normally to criticism, what am I doing wrong? How can I fix the situation? Maybe it's my fault? I will be very grateful to you if at least someone responds to my problem.
Is my husband cheating on me and how can I deal with jealousy?
