Listen to your heart
There are many tests and recommendations to determine whether a partner is a potential husband and whether he wants to start a family. But a woman’s strength is in intuition. Listening to the voice of reason, you should pay attention to your own feelings from being with a man.
It is very important to ask a man if he is having a good time with a girl. Troubling moments should be discussed - often from them the true intentions of the partner become clear.
Popular wisdom says: before getting married, a girl should see her chosen one in three life situations: how he communicates with children, what he is like under the influence of alcohol, and how he behaves when he is very angry. To understand whether a partner is ready for family life, you should carefully monitor his behavior in different circumstances and not be afraid to casually ask provocative questions.
You want to include your partner in your future plans
Can you imagine that after marriage, another person will be present in your every day? It's not that your future spouse needs to be around you all the time. But you must be ready to accept this person. The following points need to be taken into account:
- how often will you spend time alone and with friends;
- are you planning to spend your holidays together?
- how you will negotiate family holidays;
- how seriously you take each other's concerns.
After analyzing everything you have read, evaluate your readiness for marriage.
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How do you know if you're not ready to get married?!
Hello, Oksana! Those expectations that you hoped to receive from your boyfriend were broken and dissolved - “like foam on rocks”, since you saw not a real guy, but the one who was in your mind... And in order to see the real person in front of you, you need hear his words, his opinion, attitude. Your points of view may coincide, or they may be different, and this is natural, and there is no contradiction, but you can negotiate, and if your boyfriend already agreed to satisfy your need, then what else did you want from him??? He is not clairvoyant to read your thoughts - how should he behave and speak words to you in this case? He is really confused... because, besides the fact that after he decided to get married for your sake, and you refused, I think he was in shock and simply no longer understands - what do you want from him? He behaves the way he can, but he doesn’t know how to do it differently, and you don’t give him clear and precise messages, and if you do, then they refuse anyway... And how can we understand you??? In my opinion, this is a really serious and responsible step - to live in a union (note - not in a “marriage”), in a new role and, accordingly, with responsibility! Another reason why he himself was not the initiator is the fear of the unknown, or many other fears that he may or may not be aware of, but in any case, they live in him and prevent him from clearly and clearly seeing the situation as it is. it is a fact. Therefore, it is important for you to decide for yourself: 1. What do you want? (And you already know this). 2. Decide on deadlines. 3. Tell him first of all about your feelings and your decision, and then give him time so that he can express his point of view with his feelings and his decision. If your decisions coincide - that’s great - start putting it into practice, and if your opinions differ, respect each other’s personality, and find a compromise, agree so as to take into account each other’s opinions and at the same time remain true to yourself! Like this? As an example: You: “I love you and want to live with you not as lovers, but legally, i.e. I want registration and a wedding!” He: “So that you are happy, I am ready to marry you, but I don’t want a wedding, but I want us to go to the sea after registration and relax just the two of us!” And in my mind: “... since there’s not enough money for both, and it’s simply shameful and unacceptable for me to feel like I’m not wealthy...” You:(” Is the wedding something that’s mine or something that comes from society???.... Most likely it’s the way it should be, and for me the main thing is to legitimize my relationship with my beloved man and have a wonderful honeymoon with him!!!") And you happily say about this: “Yes, dear, a wedding is not important for me, and registration and a trip to the sea - yes! He: “I’m glad that you hear me and are just happy!” You: “Me too!” And go submit an application to the registry office! Etc. Something like this..... It may be different, in any case - do not betray yourself, your true needs! Know how to distinguish the main and essential - value-based, from the secondary and unimportant! If you hear an answer that does not suit you 100%, then take the time to thoroughly weigh all the pros and cons and, having made a final decision, put it into practice! Your feelings and your state - intuition - will become a reliable compass in your future journey of life! And if you have any additional questions, write, I will answer (however, now I’m going abroad, and after June 27, 2010 I’ll be back). Oksana, remember that creating strong and trusting relationships is work, like laying the foundation and building a house, therefore, only by getting used to each other, listening and hearing each other, accepting each other unconditionally, while the feelings may be different and the emotional reaction is also different, you You can finally see each other as real and build a strong, loving family! All the best to you! Sincerely, Lyudmila K.
Not ready to get married
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How to check if you are ready for marriage?
Author Oksana Anikina
24.01.2008 00:55
Society » Practice » How to defend your rights
Only in one case out of four do long-term relationships end in a fun wedding. The rest are destroyed over time, and people who previously melted with happiness in each other’s arms then do not even find the strength to congratulate their partner on his birthday. How not to “overexpose” a relationship and take a decisive step in time?
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How to check if you are ready for marriage?
1. You see your loved one almost every day . Sometimes several times a day. You feel that you can no longer live without each other...
2. When you are not together, constantly call each other and send countless SMS. This allows you to stay in touch all the time and control your partner’s movements in space.
3. Your jealousy has reached its maximum level . There are only suspicious individuals around who just want to take your loved one away!
4. Your sexual relationship has long become stable and even somewhat bland. Everything has been tried, you understand each other perfectly.
5. Your parents, relatives and friends know very well that you are one inextricable whole , and, most likely, one day you will start a family.
6. Your parents most often already know each other . However, this is not so important - they may well live in different cities.
7. When you spend the night together periodically, you no longer come up with excuses like: “I went to the dacha with the girls,” “My friends and I went to the cinema for a non-stop night, I’ll be back in the morning,” “I need to prepare for an exam, the notes are the same for everyone, so We’ll read all night...” For some time now, you simply inform your parents: “I’m spending the night at Andrey’s, if anything happens, call me,” “I’ll be at Natasha’s, don’t miss it...”.
8. You have not been sorry for a long time to spend your money on each other . From small gifts (keychains, perfumes, watches and jewelry) move on to large purchases. In essence, you have a common budget, not much different from a family budget.
9. You carry out each other’s instructions with pleasure and complete seriousness. Somehow: you visit grandmothers, go water the beds at his (her) dacha, look after your partner’s apartment. Go together to the passport office, utility services, telephone exchange, Sberbank, dry cleaning, etc.
10. You perceive the brothers and sisters of your loved one as your own and communicate with them more than with your own.
11. You call each other “my dear”, “my dear”. When someone asks you about each other, do not hesitate to say “my half,” “my dear,” and even “my fiancé (bride).”
12. You already have experience of vacationing together (somewhere at a resort, in a sanatorium, at a recreation center, or even in a country house). Most often, it’s repeated.
13. You periodically try to live together . This could be a week's stay while someone's parents are away, renting an apartment, living in a hostel. As a rule, you already have a “civil marriage”.
If about 5-7 signs relate to your couple, then the peak of the relationship is still ahead, writes A. Zberovsky in his book “13 ways to overcome the crisis of love relationships.” There's nothing to worry about.
If there are 8-13 premarital signs, keep in mind: either you are very close to the peak of the relationship, or you are already completely at it. It's time to be wary, draw conclusions and make the right decision, the essence of which is quite simple: it's time to get married. There is no more waiting.
Discuss
Topics Sberbank
Stable financial position
Not having a high-paying job is not a sign that you are not ready for marriage, but it does make a difference in whether you know how to handle money.
You should discuss money issues with your partner before starting married life. Each of you may have debts that will negatively affect future relationships. In addition, you should discuss who will pay the bills, buy food, and purchase various household goods. All these issues seem petty, but in the future, improper distribution of finances will negatively affect your relationship.
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Is it worth getting married early?i
Although this question is still very subjective, a group of young people decided to conduct a study to determine the ideal age to get married. Men were selected who got married before they turned 25 years old. They expressed their opinion about it. The survey was anonymous because it allowed young people to honestly express their opinions about what age to get married and whether they regretted getting married early.
60% said it was the best decision of their life. Together with his wife, they were able to go through difficult moments that they most likely would not have been able to cope with alone. But men are not advised to run to the registry office with the first person they meet.
40% answered that they had lived a fairly happy life, but some were either divorced or regretted not having had experience with a large number of girls in their youth. Others were advised to wait at least until they were 25 years old.
As you can see from the survey data, the majority of men are still in favor of getting married early. But, unfortunately, not all marriages last long enough; many couples get divorced for completely different reasons. But this is everyone's business.
