Consultation on the topic: “Adaptation of students when moving to a new school: difficulties and ways to solve them”

Transferring to another school is a difficult experience for a student. The “newbie” will have to go through the stage of adaptation to the team, teachers and conditions in the classroom. It is especially difficult for a child or adolescent whose transition to another school coincides with a move, parental divorce, or other family changes.

Adaptation to a new school can take place in a few days, or it can take 2-3 months. What troubles can a “newbie” encounter, how to behave in a new class, and what can parents do to easily survive the change of school? KidsVisitor talks about the stress of moving to another school and psychological support for the “new kid.”

Stress when changing schools

It is important to understand the psychological state of the child:

Moving to another school is a whole complex of changes: a change of teachers, classmates, subjects, rules, environment. Even changing the school building with its new corridors and turns is a whole test for the “new kid”.

Such changes naturally cause anxiety and fear. Not every student will be optimistic about the change in their usual school life.

Children of different ages, experts agree, may perceive these changes differently.

Students in grades 1–4 are primarily focused more on their studies. For them, changing schools is generally an intellectual change, and if they are shown the advantages of the new school (fascinating clubs and sections, interesting subjects), then “leaving their comfort zone” will be easy.
If a teenager aged 11-13 years is transferred, then in addition to issues with studies, manifestations of a “transition period” may arise. Be prepared for protest, sharp negativity, aggression on his part. The main thing is not to put pressure on him, reduce the level of claims while he gets used to it. Excessive requirements will only complicate adaptation. Find good motivation (a strong teacher in the subject, proximity to home, new acquaintances, the opportunity to create a new image for yourself).
High school students in grades 9-11 have a harder time with such changes. They are now asking themselves questions: “Who am I?”, “What am I?”, “What am I capable of?”, “How can I present myself to this world?”, “What is happening to me?” Along with a change in familiar surroundings and parting with old friends from school, a teenager may become despondent. Hence the psychological attitude towards failure - “the new class will not accept me.” In this case, you need to show him that he is not helpless, give him the opportunity to believe in his strength.

Change school due to lack of contact

There is also a situation where the child did not particularly conflict with anyone, but did not find himself in the old class. Then the psychologist’s task is to understand why the contact did not happen. Was there a rather aggressive environment in which the child could not fit in, or is the reason in the child himself that he does not know how to establish contact? If it’s a matter of environment, then we work closely with the child, observing how he will react to the team, how his classmates will accept him. We help if necessary.

And it also happens that parents themselves are quite introverted, that is, they do not need society. Introverts are not reserved; they are in no way inferior to extroverts. They just don’t have the need to communicate with a large number of people; they are quite saturated with their inner world. And children, following the model of their parents, grow up without needing a lot of contacts.

Then we adhere to the following tactics: we explain to the child that we come to school first of all to learn, to gain knowledge. Of course, establishing good contacts will be a big plus. But if there is no need, if relationships with classmates do not bring joy, then you can build relationships according to a formal type: we are mutually polite, we say hello, we don’t do nasty things, but at the same time we don’t get into each other’s souls. Let's just say we communicate calmly, neutrally, not particularly close.

For parents of other children, this pattern of behavior causes panic. They live under the illusion that when a child enters a new class, he must immediately make friends with everyone, the parents must also make friends, and the friendship must last for the rest of his life. This is mistake! If you take any average person and ask how many classmates he communicates with, the answer will be 2–3, maximum 5. We find ourselves in a situation where we sit in the same office under the same roof and study the same subjects. But it is not necessary that we should be super friendly, soul to soul. I ask parents to imagine that they will now be placed in a group of 25 strangers. Is it possible to be intimate with each of them?

This is a normal social process when groups appear in the class: according to interests, boys and girls separately (grades 1–5). Boys and girls will become close again in grades 5–6, when an interest in communicating with the opposite sex appears, and in grades 9–11, when the period of first romantic love begins.

Difficulties of transition

When weighing the pros and cons of transferring to another school, do not forget about the possible problems. The mechanism of adaptation to new conditions may lead to a decrease in academic performance or deterioration in behavior.

“Newbies” may also have problems with relationships in the team:

In relation to any stranger, we turn on various defense mechanisms that make communication very difficult. A sad or withdrawn “newbie” may be mistaken for a “weakling” and they will invent ridicule for him. And they will want to “teach a lesson” to someone who ingratiates himself with his new classmates.
The “newcomer” enters a team where the space has already been mastered, the roles are distributed, and he often turns out to be “superfluous” in the class.

When moving to a new school, no one can avoid close scrutiny from their classmates. So you shouldn’t expect that the “new guy” will be immediately accepted into the company, because the class also needs time to adapt to the stranger.

How is adaptation going in middle and high school?

In the lower grades, the arrival of new students in the class usually goes smoothly. Children at this age are dependent on the teacher’s opinion, their psyche is more flexible than that of older children, and the hierarchy in the group is still unstable. A newcomer will no longer be considered such in a couple of weeks. The role of the teacher in primary school is enormous: how he treats a new student when he is first introduced to the class is how the class will perceive him. Therefore, it is especially important to get to know the teacher in advance.

Schoolchildren in grades 5–8 have certain relationships in the team that are not always obvious to adults. The “backbone” of the class has already been formed - there are leaders, and there are also outsiders. A lot depends on how the child is perceived by the leaders - their assessment affects the attitude of other students, who are more led. The following facts speak in favor of the child:

Independent for his age, he knows how to interact with peers and can stand up for himself.
The family has a prosperous, trusting relationship.
There is some hobby in which the child has achieved success.
There are friends outside of school, for example, in clubs, sections (if only the school changes, and the family remains living in the old place) and in courses.

In high school, the issue of accepting a new student is not so pressing, because students are already quite heavily loaded with studying and preparing for exams. But appearance becomes more important. Excess weight, problem skin, stuttering - all this can cause self-doubt.

What to do before moving to a new school

The best option is when the transition coincides with the start of the school year in September. During the holidays, connections and roles in the established children's team weaken, and it becomes easier to take “your” place. It’s not bad if before this the child had a rest in a camp or went to a club, courses and gained a positive experience of communicating with peers.

A few weeks before the start of the school year, bring him to school. Walk the corridors together, learn the location of the offices, find out where the toilet and dining room are, where to get drinking water. Having studied the situation, the child will not be afraid on the first day of school.

Chat with your class teacher. Ask about the rules in the classroom, the teachers, the children's group, etc. Tell the teacher about your child: the main character traits, temperament, hobbies, skills, and weaknesses. And also share your expectations for the new class.

If your child attended any sections at a sports school or educational clubs, then do not abandon them. Or find an alternative near a new school.

What to do if the relationship doesn't work out?

First of all, remember that any team is a living organism and the situation in it can change. You need to talk with the child to understand what the situation is like in the classroom.

If no one wants to be friends with the child

Perhaps your child is too shy or withdrawn. To begin with, you can try to find at least one friend.

Find out with whom the child sits at the same desk. Offer to invite this classmate to visit.
Ask what your classmates are interested in: do they go to sports clubs, or maybe there is a theater club at school? Participation in extracurricular activities will help you integrate into the team.
If a child is successful in his studies, this will give him sufficient self-confidence, which will allow him to express himself in extracurricular life. Additional developmental classes, for example, mental arithmetic courses, will help you easily cope with the workload in class in just a month.

If a child is bullied

Bullying (a term from American psychology), or simply bullying, is a phenomenon that can occur in both a simple school and an elite gymnasium. Most often it occurs in the age group from 9 to 13 years. It's no longer just a lack of friends. If in class:

systematically insult the child, bring him to tears, come up with offensive nicknames;
they spoil, hide or throw away his things;
pushing, pinching, hitting - this is violence, and here urgent parental intervention is necessary.
You need to start by communicating with the class teacher. Often teachers shy away from addressing such complex issues by pretending not to know about bullying. The class teacher, principal and school psychologist should be aware of violence in the classroom. And not just know, but take action to overcome the situation in a group of children (specifically in a group, since individual children are not able to support bullying, this is a collective problem).
At home, you should pay maximum attention to the child, under no circumstances blame him, but also not pretend that the problem does not exist.

What can't you do?

Leaving the child alone with problems, advising them to “fight back” and “learn to stand up for themselves” or, as an option, “not pay attention.” When it comes to real violence (including psychological violence), this is unacceptable.

You cannot look for the reason for bullying in the fact that the child is not like everyone else (he is overweight, wears glasses, is worse dressed than everyone else, is physically weak, and so on). The search for reasons in the personality of the child himself tacitly leads to the conclusion that the victim is to blame, not the persecutor, and that violence can be justified.

The transition to a new team is not always easy. But if your child is harmoniously developed and academically successful, most likely the adaptation period will be short-lived.

How to simplify the adaptation of a “newbie”: tips for parents

Do not forbid communicating with former classmates and friends from old school.
Set yourself and the student in a positive mood, find several positive aspects of translation.
Spend a lot of time communicating: instead of the usual “How are you at school?” ask more specific questions: “What new did you learn today?”, “Who did you meet today?”, “Did you encounter difficulties today?”, “What did you do during the break?” - this way you can get more information.
Every day during the adaptation period, help with preparing lessons. But don't do your child's homework. Help should consist of a joint search for information, discussions, etc.
During adaptation, free your child from household chores.
Do not discuss or condemn the old school, teachers, or classmates in front of him, even if it has become more difficult for the student to study.
Have fun together: this will help your child get distracted and recharge with good emotions.
Support your child's new acquaintances, help organize a party, or simply gather new friends at your home.
With the consent of the child, enroll him in a section, club or course that his peers attend. This will help him find common ground with new classmates.

How to behave in a new class: advice for schoolchildren

Be friendly, neat and watch your posture;
choose the position of a not too active, but observant class participant. Observations will help you quickly respond to unexpected situations;
Don't expect to become friends with everyone right away. After all, the class also needs time to get used to you;
do not fawn and do not buy attention with gifts;
don’t talk about how good it was at your previous school;
do not brag or lie about yourself;
don't snitch;
respond to nagging calmly, with a smile, without raising your voice. This will help avoid conflicts;
do not cheat on yourself, do not agree to what you consider wrong;
ask questions and seek advice from those you trust;
do not attract undue attention to yourself;
if it becomes difficult and lonely, imagine your parents and friends behind you.

Help your students transition to a new school while being themselves!

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How to make the first weeks of school easier. Tips for parents

Having crossed the threshold of school, a child finds himself in a completely new world for him. Some people easily get used to a new life, while others have a hard time adapting. Parents also sometimes add fuel to the fire by unknowingly making mistakes. What not to do when children are adapting to school, says psychologist Galina Shvets.

When school starts, children's daily routine changes, demands placed on them increase, and for many this is a great stress. Therefore, during the adaptation period, the child may become capricious, inattentive, restless and anxious. Sleep and appetite may be disrupted, and chronic diseases may worsen. The first weeks of September are also not easy for parents: they are waiting for the holiday, but what they get is a not very obedient child.

For some reason, many people mistakenly believe that adapting a child to school is the task of teachers. But this is wrong, the psychologist is convinced. It is parents who can help the child quickly get used to new conditions or, conversely, slow down the adaptation process. Here are the typical mistakes the specialist identified:

We don’t teach you a routine in advance

Even before school, it is worth gradually switching to “school mode”. You need to go to bed at a certain time, get up early in the morning, have a hearty breakfast, and plan his day with your child. This will help the future first-grader quickly adapt to the active rhythm of school.

We don't say anything about school

It should not be a surprise for a child how classes are held at school, how one should behave there. Therefore, you definitely need to tell him about the lessons, about the teachers, about the requirements in the classroom. You can also show themed films and cartoons, read fairy tales and stories about school. Then adaptation will be easier.

You can also tell your child about school life through games. - Take your favorite toys, bring them to school, seat them at their desks. Let the teacher come, the children will listen to her carefully, then they will relax and have fun during breaks, and then go home with their mother. Thus, through play, the child will form a clear picture before his eyes of what needs to be done at school and how to behave. Thanks to this, he will feel more confident and calm.

We project our fears onto the child or, conversely, ignore his fears

Sometimes parents begin to project their own fears about school onto their child. They constantly ask if everything is okay, if the child was bullied at school. As a result, even if he has not had any problems, he may begin to be afraid of school, become anxious and restless. But your student is a separate person, he will not necessarily have the same problems that you had.

It happens, on the contrary: parents do not pay attention to the child’s feelings and experiences and say that “everyone goes to school, there is nothing to be afraid of, you are already big.” This invalidates the child's feelings. The problem will not go away, and the child may simply close himself off from his parents.

“We need to get to the bottom of why it’s difficult for him to adapt.” This could be a conflict with peers or a teacher, or worries that he won’t succeed. A calm conversation without accusations or complaints will help. If it was not possible to change the situation in this way, you can use therapeutic fairy tales about school. They reveal many important points: why you need to study, how to communicate correctly with teachers and peers. With the help of such books, you can work out any problem that arose during adaptation, for example, the fear of approaching the teacher or going to the blackboard.

The child may not openly talk about his problems, but will unconsciously stage such situations during games. For example, if a child has a conflict with a peer, you can take his favorite toys and try to play out this situation. You will find out what happened and can unobtrusively show how to behave during a conflict.

We prohibit taking your favorite toys to school

Many parents prohibit their children from taking toys to school. It is believed that at school children need to study, not play games. “You’re already big,” the parents say. At the same time, they forget that a favorite toy reminds of home, familiar surroundings and has a therapeutic effect - it relieves stress and helps cope with adaptation difficulties.

We buy things for school without the participation of the child

Sometimes parents themselves buy all the school supplies for their child so as not to go shopping with him. But in vain. The child should be surrounded at school by those things that he likes, and not by what his parents bought for him at their own discretion. It is better for the child and his parents to buy what he needs for school. Let him choose a briefcase that he likes, or even just a pen that he really likes. Then he will be happy to write to her. Such things will fill the child with positive emotions, which will help him quickly adapt to new conditions.

Creating fear of the teacher

When trying to tell their child about school, parents sometimes create a frightening image of a teacher who must be obeyed in everything. And the child already begins to fear teachers and school in general.

— Both before school and already during the adaptation process, you need to talk about teachers only from the positive side. It is worth explaining to the child that he can always turn to the teacher for help. And if something is not clear, he can politely ask his question during a lesson or break. This will help the child quickly establish a connection with the teacher. We scold for poor performance The main task of parents is to form a positive attitude towards learning in their child, the psychologist emphasizes. In the first grade there are no grades yet, but parents sometimes take any remark from the teacher too seriously. - Under no circumstances should you scold a child for not being able to do something. It's bad when school comes between you and your child. Sorrows over school can have a bad impact on his self-esteem, and the student will simply stop wanting to go to school.

We do not notice the child’s successes, considering them frivolous

Sometimes parents compare their child's successes with the achievements of other children. And if the comparison is not in favor of the child, they ignore what is already going well. — Celebrating your child’s successes is very important, even if they don’t seem so significant to you. Did the first grader carefully write the words, calculate the problem correctly, or memorize the poem? Be happy for him and don't compare him with other children.

We don’t teach how to communicate with peers

It is imperative to talk about how to get out of conflict situations with peers: what to do if you hit someone or the child himself offended someone, is it possible to take other people’s things. After all, a child simply may not know how to behave correctly in a given situation. And remembering the conversation at home, he will make the right decision.

Turning getting ready for school into a sprint

Getting ready for school in the morning often feels like a speed race: parents push their child on and yell at him for getting ready too slowly. As a result, the student comes to class already in a bad mood. That is why it is very important to organize everything so that there is enough time in the morning and so that the child gets ready for school in a calm atmosphere. — We need to teach the student to pack his bag in advance and prepare clothes for tomorrow, do exercises and have breakfast, without being distracted by cartoons and toys. Leave the house early so you don't have to sprint and turn the road to school into a pleasant walk. Along the way, you can discuss a lot and share plans for the day.

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