What is gossip
In I. Ozhegov’s explanatory dictionary there is a definition of gossip: a rumor based on certain information that may be slightly inaccurate or deliberately incorrect. But if a rumor is always unreliable information, then gossip can be false or true, verified or unverified information that can cause a wide resonance.
False information may concern affairs or certain aspects of the life of closed social groups or individuals belonging to the elite. Not everyone knows how to react to gossip, especially if the topic is painful.
How is gossip different from rumor?
It is about the elite that the greatest amount of gossip arises. After all, the life of the bottling shop of a metallurgical plant is of little interest to anyone. But fables about public people - politicians, show business stars - are the most popular among the people. It is the fact of the popularity of the object of such stories that becomes the trigger for their appearance in general and dissemination among the masses.
However, there are still significant differences between gossip and rumors. Rumors cover a wide mass of people, and gossip, on the contrary, concerns very specific individuals, who, however, are interesting to many. Gossip has a very clear goal: to cause envy, anger, and irritation towards the person involved. Moreover, they spread very quickly in time and space, so it will take a lot of effort to stop them.
Interesting nuance
Gossip consists partly of outright lies, and partly of truthful information; it can combine fact and fable. At first it is weak and small, but in a short time it turns into powerful and huge, acquiring new “details” and information. How to respond to gossip so that it does not spread further?
How to neutralize gossip
Do you know how to deal with gossip? It takes courage in some cases to publicly refute them. Moreover, public refutation is the key to the death of gossip. It is also necessary to prove that all this information is simply untenable.
Often this requires revealing the truth, which many public people try to carefully hide. But the effect of gossip can be much more destructive than publicly admitting something.
Even in the last century, gossip became the object of study by Western researchers. In the 20-30s of the last century, scientists from Europe identified and assessed the role that gossip plays in controlling the consciousness of the masses. Moreover, they found that with the help of gossip it is possible to control mass processes. Therefore, close attention was paid to studying the patterns of the emergence and spread of gossip.
How to react and fight gossip and slander?
Gossiping girls can easily ruin friendships and ruin relationships. They always treat their victims ruthlessly . And although fighting them is like shadowboxing, you can still win it, and we will tell you how to prepare to face gossip and the invisible enemy of your good name.
Gossip can appear suddenly, but it can also gradually emerge from the shadows. However, their consequences are ALWAYS destructive! And although most of us say we don't listen to gossip, we devote 70% of our time to it in private conversations ...
Just a few, most often false, words can cause a lot of pain. The thing is that they are aimed at something that we ourselves rarely pay attention to, but value very highly - this is self-esteem!
When someone deliberately wants to harm us, giving up and ignoring negative rumors is not a good solution. This behavior, while dignified, exposes us to too much risk. You have to fight rumors, but you have to do it wisely. It is better to immediately attack them before they strengthen themselves and go around the world.
First, determine what you are protecting yourself from. This is not easy because often negative opinions reach us only in residual form. One person hints at something, another raises an eyebrow, or smiles... This lack of feedback is very typical of gossip.
If you know who is saying unpleasant things about you, then you should talk frankly with this person! Ask this person directly why he is doing this? Where does he get his information from? Enter into a discussion with him, present your own point of view. When you insist that he stop insulting you, don't hide your displeasure. Let him realize that he is behaving unfairly. You should not give in and disagree peacefully, because here you are right!
Rumors should not be underestimated. Although sometimes it is nice to listen to them because they are a source of knowledge about yourself. They show, for example, how our environment perceives us. The truth is that most people gossip about people they are interested in or influence the fate of others. For this reason, we don't always have to worry about being the target of them. If we do not deny rumors about ourselves, we will create an “aura of mystery” around us.
And if we identify the person who is spreading gossip, we can make it up ourselves. Why? For example, to check the reaction to our planned movements. But be careful: we only deny rumors that do not threaten our reputation!
What did these thoughtful manipulations lead to?
This led to the fact that many politicians began to use gossip in their activities in order to sway the electorate in their favor. European researchers and experts assert with all responsibility that gossip plays no less a role in the mechanisms of influencing people’s consciousness than the media.
Another difference between gossip and rumor is how people perceive it. If rumors are usually believed, then gossip is treated with a greater degree of skepticism, irony and distrust. This is easily explained by the fact that many gossips are often humorous in nature.
How to deal with gossip and ill-wishers
... no matter how busy people are, they always have time for gossip and observing other people.
Unfortunately (or for some, fortunately), gossip and rumors accompany us throughout our lives. First, everyone argues about who our father is, then who we sleep with, then who we give birth to.
Women are evil creatures, and many of them are also unhappy. Therefore, saying nasty things about other representatives of the fairer sex is a well-known tradition that probably came from dinosaurs :).
Today we'll talk about how to deal with gossip and people who don't like you. After all, pure ignorance is not always an effective method!
Usually those who somehow stand out from the rest deserve gossip and slander. Perhaps you are prettier than others, taller, slimmer, smarter.
Of course, in the mouths of rivals this may sound like “tower”, “nerd”, “mop”. But you have eyes, and you can really REALLY evaluate your appearance, which means that the words of others are just words. From here we derive the First Rule of Combating Ill-Wishers (FRN):
Not a single carelessly thrown word should affect your self-esteem, self-love, your mood and well-being.
All this is nonsense and empty, not worth your attention and your nerves. Treat everything with a sense of humor, prepare a few caustic phrases that can be used in the fight against enemies :).
- Violetta, do you have anything important to do other than discuss me? I'm sorry, your life is terribly boring!
- Hmm, girls, it's sad. Spend an hour discussing my person. It would be better if you looked through the magazine, maybe you will become wiser!
Understand that a person who is looking for a reason to annoy others is most often complex and deeply unhappy. That is why, every time he says unpleasant things about you, we remember the second PBN:
You are more successful, more beautiful and better than this person, so just smile and ignore everything they say about you.
Another way to stop gossip is to have an open conversation. Just go up to the gossip girl and say something like “Did I hear you saying stuff behind my back? Maybe you can tell me this to my face?” Few people can avoid being confused by such pressure. Usually the gossiper mumbles for a long time, then tries to say something, but it turns out badly :).
Ignoring, caustic phrases in response, active attack - all these are methods of dealing with those who say nasty things about you. In the finale it is worth remembering one more PBN:
Never stoop to the level of gossips and enemies by inventing tall tales about their behavior. Don't spread rumors in response. It is better to say to your face about the stupidity of your interlocutor than to whisper it after him.
I'll tell you a couple of stories from my own life. At school I had outright ill-wishers. I honestly don’t know why I caused their displeasure. Although I am still sure that I am an order of magnitude more beautiful, smarter, slimmer and wittier than each of this strange three :).
I never touched anyone, my personality itself attracted too much attention. Too tall, too active, everywhere I come first :). Who would love something like this! And these Three Little Pigs: Dirty, Fatty and Stupid constantly bothered me.
I used all three methods. I ignored, I made attacks, BUT relief came only at the moment when each of them acquired a boyfriend :). Do you feel connected? Self-doubt breeds anger!
Many years later. We all live nearby, and I see each of the three often. Dirty learned to wash her hair, but honestly, it didn’t save her. So something remained in her appearance as unpleasant as a stale T-shirt :).
The fat woman has become even more shapeless, works in a factory, and is not sure that she eats anything better than fried potatoes and beer.
The silly girl became a model. As expected :). Still stupid, but at least beautiful :).
I received a higher education, instilled in myself excellent taste, I am slim, with long legs. I read books, don't watch TV, don't drink beer. I prefer to go to the theater, communicate with smart people, learn new things, laugh, and not pay attention to idiots :).
I think you understand who spent their lives discussing other people’s shortcomings, and who spent their lives making their own even more invisible.
Regarding the second situation, I'm honestly still in shock :). One girl doesn't like me. We don’t know her personally, we never studied together and never communicated. She just doesn't love me :). What can I say? Some people clearly have phase deviations :).
Trying to analyze or fight her “dislike”, I think, is useless. I don't even try. I have so much MY OWN life that living in a small town, unlike most residents, I don’t have time to notice who is with whom and how many times :). They notice everything. Including details of who I left with, what time I arrived and what bouquet I went home with.
Before I had a permanent boyfriend, I was seen in some relationships :). I had boyfriends and friends in cars, they picked me up from home and brought me back. You can learn a lot about yourself when you leave home with a classmate in one car, and arrive with your brother in another :).
I’m telling you all this to say that live your life, don’t waste your time and nerves on all sorts of nonsense, and it will all be rewarded with success and happiness
Should you respond to gossip and how to do it?
A thoughtless reaction to gossip will not only not help, but rather harm. You need to try to calmly think about the purpose of the gossip directed against you. And she has only one goal - to make you as painful and offensive as possible. This means that it is necessary to prevent the offender from achieving this.
What to do? You can laugh it off, because the information is not about you anyway. You can encourage the gossipers to continue in the same spirit - this will show how “violet” you are. Or you can simply not react at all, remaining indifferent. Soon the interest in spreading gossip will fade away and the gossipers will switch to another object.
Don't make excuses under any circumstances! If you come up with excuses for yourself, worry, waste your emotions, this “turns on” even more those who invent and spread gossip. How to respond to gossip correctly?
If the gossiper still bothers you, do not take him aside, but talk to him in front of witnesses. If you are spiritually stronger, you will be able to find such words to cast in an unfavorable light the person who likes to spread untrue information.
How to respond to gossip
Many attribute the craving for discussing others to the female half of humanity.
However, men also enjoy “washing the bones” of colleagues and acquaintances. Participating in gossip is a thankless task; it will not add a bonus to your reputation.
But it’s much more unpleasant to be the subject of discussion - the very person about whom the entire department gossips behind your back. How to respond to gossip and stand up to the blow?
In fact, there is a long-established rule in work groups: today they talk about you, tomorrow you talk about them. The cycle of gossip in nature is a completely natural process .
Therefore, before spreading deliberately false information about an unpleasant colleague, remember that tomorrow you yourself may become the subject of ridicule.
Why are they gossiping about you?
The reason why they decided to discuss you could be many things.
1. You're new on the team and someone knows something about you . Then, at your expense, for a short time he will become the soul of the team and the center of attention - he is a source of valuable information for bored office workers.
Surely he will come up with new stories to add to the existing data, and as a result, gossip will spread throughout the “neighborhoods and villages.”
What to do? Tell us about yourself. Sometimes you can simply approach a whispering group and ask with a sweet smile: “Aren’t you discussing me?”
2. They simply envy you . When someone is too successful, and his life unfolds like a fairy tale, few people around him will remain indifferent. Simply put, if everything looks so nice to you, then there are definitely skeletons hidden in your closet.
For example, if you were promoted, given a bonus and a big salary, praised at a meeting and sent on an important mission to France, it means that you are either sleeping with your boss, or you are a complete failure in your personal life. There must be at least some shortcomings?
What to do? It's hard to fight envy - you wouldn't give up good looks, a beefy boyfriend and a big salary just to please others, would you?
But with some people you manage to chat “purely as a woman”: complain to them about life - and you have problems and bad days.
3. You yourself have separated yourself from the team , opposing yourself to it. Those who do not participate in the life of the company, do not attend business lunches in the company of colleagues, do not spend the entire lunch in the smoking room and do not go to corporate events, doom themselves to gossip.
If you don’t tell anything about yourself and refuse to get closer to your employees, they will, willy-nilly, come up with your “sad biography” themselves. The reason is a secret resentment, bewilderment or a desire to explain your oddities.
What to do? At least sometimes attend group events, share non-secret personal information and take an interest in the lives of others.
4.
You give yourself a reason to discuss yourself .
Sometimes gossip is based on real events. If you do not comply with the office dress code and social rules, constantly shock the public, change men like gloves, have relationships with your boss or colleagues, then you should be prepared to wash your bones.
What to do? If you are not going to give up your lifestyle, then learn to be indifferent to other people's opinions. Are they discussing? Well, let.
5. They often gossip about others just “to chat about something . Today you are the subject of discussion, tomorrow it will be someone else.
What to do? Most often, the subject of the conversation does not even know about such conversations, and this is for the better. You shouldn’t take them seriously, because such frivolous gossip is quickly forgotten.
General rules: how to respond to gossip
Gossip is a rumor started by someone intentionally or not and based on unverified information. It may be partially true or deliberately false. Should you deny it or should you be glad that they are gossiping about you?
As Oscar Wilde said, it is much worse and more unpleasant if they don’t talk about you at all.
Evelina Khromchenko developed this idea, saying that when doing something significant and large-scale, you should realize that your cause will have both supporters and enemies.
The more visible you are, the more people will talk about you – and not just nice things. And here everyone must decide for himself - he wants to do something important and necessary in life, and be noticeable, or he is afraid of bad rumors and will try to become a quiet lamb.
If you choose the courageous path of a popular person, you should discard suspiciousness, develop self-confidence, learn to soberly evaluate yourself, love and appreciate yourself, and pay less attention to gossip.
Someone else's opinion is just an opinion, even if it is offensive and false.
You should react to gossip with pride, without losing face and without immediately trying to justify yourself. Facial expressions are much more effective in combating rumors than words - bewilderment on your face or a polite smile will stop any attempts to slander you.
But if a person, sputtering with saliva, begins to defend his dignity and openly condemn gossipers, he will only add fuel to the fire.
Conclusion:
Having learned that gossip is being spread about you, do not immediately try to start a war and shame the culprit.
You still won't be able to control everything that is said about you (unless, of course, you already have your own censorship and ideological propaganda department).
Don't make excuses, don't shield yourself, and don't be afraid of being rejected because of ridiculous rumors.
Just ignore it, demonstrating that you are not easily offended or provoked. From now on, you are a strong, unapproachable person with a strong psyche and adequate self-esteem.
