Consequences of the habit of shouting
Realize that shouting cannot achieve a constructive solution to the issue.
Some people do not perceive information at all when their voice is raised at them. Other individuals may panic if they hear screaming. Still others are capable of retaliatory aggression. The option when a person understands you and does not pay attention to the tone happens very rarely. This is understandable. Few people can tolerate such treatment. Understand that by screaming, you are demonstrating your disrespect - both towards yourself and towards those around you. A person with self-esteem, adequate self-esteem, and self-confidence will not allow himself to be humiliated by such inappropriate behavior. This is how you demonstrate your weakness and inability to communicate normally with other members of society.
People around them do not want to communicate with such unrestrained individuals. If you want your loved ones and friends to be near you, stop bullying them with your shouting. Otherwise, you risk being left alone. Problems can arise not only in your personal life, but also at work. Such intemperance will definitely harm your career.
By not resisting the aggression that fills you, you are harming your body. All important systems in your body suffer from high nervous tension. Remember that people who are overly short-tempered may suffer from cardiovascular disease and high blood pressure.
How to learn not to yell at loved ones?
It is no secret that a fast-paced life stresses a person out so much that he often takes out the anger accumulated during the day on his family and friends, because they will not fire him from work or demote him.
In such cases, I always remember the parable of the disciple and the nails. The teacher gave the hot-tempered young man a bag of nails so that every time he could not restrain himself, he would drive a nail into the fence. When the fence was full of nails, the teacher told the young man to take out one nail every time he managed to control his anger. The young man learned to control himself and soon there was not a single nail left in the fence. The teacher drew the student’s attention to the fact that there were holes in the fence, and these wounds will not go away - just like the wounds on the heart of the one whom we offend in the heat of emotion will not go away.
Another parable is even shorter. The teacher told the student to break the glass. When there was a pile of broken pieces on the floor, he said, “Now apologize to him and see if the glass becomes whole again.”
This is how, with the help of clear and understandable images, you can show a hot-tempered person that his anger does not pass without consequences.
The main thing is to want to learn, and you can learn anything. Psychologists recommend following some rules
- First, admit to yourself that you are irritated and angry, this is the first step to regulating your emotions.
- you need to learn to immediately react to a factor that irritates a person, but to express emotions adequately, that is, in a neutral, non-accusatory statement about the actions of a loved one that does not suit you. You also need to describe what exactly you would like from the person.
- If a person is overly irritable and gets angry over every little thing, it’s worth thinking about what’s going wrong in life
- stop watching, reading news about phenomena such as disasters, incidents and other negative information. You need to try to think about the good in your life
- If something or someone irritates you, you should use the gratitude technique. It may seem naive to some extent, but it gives instant results.
For example, to a saleswoman who is rude, you can mentally say: “Thank you for making it clear that you should not purchase goods in this store. Forgive me for my thoughts towards you! I forgive myself, I forgive you!
The technique is built on the positive intention of every action. If you look for just such a positive in any event, you can soon get rid of irritability and learn to enjoy life.
Control yourself
Pay attention to your psychological state. If you constantly break into screaming, it means that something in your life is clearly not going the way you would like. Since unresolved problems have such power over your mood and ability to control yourself, you urgently need to address them.
Take time to take care of your own health. Malaise and fatigue can cause irritability. Get more rest, exercise, eat right. The better you feel, the higher your mood will be.
Imagine how you look from the outside when you raise your voice at loved ones, colleagues or complete strangers. Surely others perceive you as an inadequate, unpleasant or funny individual. If you don't want to seem like that, pull yourself together.
Try to take some things easier. Don't get so annoyed about things that you won't even remember in the future. Always think about how significant an event really is for your life. This method will help you not to waste your nerves over trifles.
How to stop yelling at a young man?
Hello, Ekaterina!
You and your boyfriend have been dating for a year, but the relationship has already reached a dead end. There is a misunderstanding, a showdown, etc. Let's figure out gradually what is actually happening. The microclimate in a couple depends to a large extent on the woman, so it is very good that you understand that “I am mostly to blame, I am very jealous, I myself am very nervous and I get angry and get offended a lot, I even take it out on my parents.” By an effort of will, as you try and promise not to shout, it is impossible to correct the situation, because the reason is hidden deeper, so these emotions “break through” to the surface. It is impossible to control yourself all the time, to “keep yourself in control”; such a state will not bring you any comfort; on the contrary, emotions accumulate and look for a way to break out.
Of course, in order to fully understand the situation, we need more information, and better yet, communication with you, but from what we have: - this manner of reacting by shouting, what is this? Or is it a behavioral reaction, i.e. You are used to screaming, and this can happen. This is when you try to get and demand what you need by shouting. But, most likely, there is something hidden behind this. And here we need to understand in more detail. Firstly, when, at the beginning of the relationship, when the relationship with the guy was just emerging, when there was love, most likely he was seeking a relationship, did you also scream? Most likely no. There was a strong message of love, it was enough to feel happy, satisfied, etc. But gradually you get used to it, and those feelings when you want to be together for 24 hours, when it’s good just the two of you, gradually pass. In principle, in the best case, falling in love lasts 3 years, but not for everyone. Yes, and with your behavior you began to extinguish that “spark” that could turn into fire. In a word, your cry (unless it is a manner of behavior) is a signal that you are dissatisfied with something, you lack something. Usually, this something is a lack of warmth, affection, acceptance, etc. Secondly, many of us were not given unconditional love in childhood, this does not mean that we were treated poorly, did not love, etc. It was simply not possible to be with the child all the time, to feel his needs, etc. Our parents were raised this way, and because of their experience, they do the same with their children. There can be no blame here. When a child grows up and a relationship begins, it seems to him that “this is the one who will give me what I have been missing.” And in the beginning, when feelings are strongest, this is what usually happens. But this cannot last long or indefinitely. But it seemed that such happiness would always be there. By the way, this is why the “noisy” behavioral reaction extends not only to the young man, but also to the parents. Thirdly, in these thoughts lies the main mistake; we then think that our partner will fill the missing amount of love, and this will always be the case, but he cannot be such a “donor” all the time, and he should not. And, we demand, we get angry, we get jealous, we throw hysterics - in a word, we demand that we be given as much love as we had at the beginning of the relationship, when we felt satisfied and happy. And there is only one way out - this is to give yourself as much love as you need, and in excess. Another should not, and cannot, give you what, perhaps, he himself does not have enough of. Fourthly, any relationship has stages of its development, i.e. they must develop, and if, at first, you want to be together all the time, then there comes a period when this is stressful, becomes uncomfortable, etc. As for your boyfriend, being a “donor”, constantly proving your love, is very energy-consuming, so you want to “relax”, step away, etc. In general, the microclimate, as I already said, depends directly on the woman; you need to do it so that he feels comfortable with you, etc. When the phase of falling in love passes, the relationship should reach another level. What do you talk about with your boyfriend, what do you do together, what unites you? It is a mistake for many couples that when they create themselves in the midst of “falling in love”, they think that it will always be like this. Relationships must develop, and each partner must contribute something of their own to this relationship. A lot can be said on this topic, but within the framework of our answers, it is impossible to do this. Therefore, to summarize, what conclusion can be drawn from all of the above? There is only one answer - take care of yourself, your education, your spiritual growth. You can find literature on the topic of developing relationships, take trainings, they are available, and online. The mistake is that now your first priority is a young man, he does not act the way you want, and your psychological state is deteriorating. Please tell me, why should your behavior, your emotions, depend on the fact that someone did the wrong thing, said the wrong thing, etc.? You are very “fixated” on the young man. You yourself, with your needs, feelings and desires, should come first, and only then the young man. Now, if you take away the young man, then consider your life, are you interested in living? If yes, if you are interested in living without a young man, then you will be interesting to others. Already a young man will look for and insist on meeting with you. Think for yourself, if you were doing your favorite thing, exactly what you love, and not just for the sake of it, then you would be busy, you simply would not have time to think about how the young man is doing, who he is with, whether he will come and etc. Jealousy would disappear by itself, you would receive recognition from other sources, and would not expect warmth and neediness from a young man. When girls follow this path, then, quite often, they become so confident in themselves, in their value, that the question arises, is this the young man next to me, as if they “outgrow” their partner.
Katya, the letter turned out to be somewhat philosophical, but how did it turn out? Here it is important to understand that your scream and hysterics are a kind of cry “love me.” But, except you, no one can give you as much love as you need. Only you yourself can, and should, love yourself. Self-love has nothing to do with selfishness, it is sensitivity to your needs, increasing self-confidence, finding your place in life, doing what you want. This is what gives us a feeling of happiness; it should not depend on our partner, on his behavior or mood. I cannot give more specific recommendations, because I don’t know you, I don’t know your needs, interests, and there is little information. If something is unclear, write again, or you can order an online consultation.
Sincerely,
How to stop yelling at a child?
Furculica Elena Kuzminichna, psychologist Chisinau
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The child wants to be good, but doesn’t know how
Sometimes it seems that he does everything out of spite - he draws on the walls with a felt-tip pen, takes away toys from the youngest, driving him to hysterics, does his homework poorly... Every mother, especially a hyper-responsible one, has enough reasons for anger and irritation. But when you feel that irritation is on the way, say to yourself mentally “stop”, why is he doing this? And the reason, as a rule, is not at all difficult to find - either he knows that he is not acting in accordance with your rules, but this is the only way to attract his mother’s attention, or the child does not understand what they want from him. If you prohibit something, explain why and offer an alternative, for example, you don’t want your child to draw on the wallpaper, put a sheet of cardboard against the wall, print out a coloring book and stick it on it.
If you repeat the same thing to a person over and over again, but no changes occur, the problem is probably in how you explain it.
A competent modern mother knows what age-related psychological norms and childhood crises are, when a child’s behavior can change dramatically. Particular patience is required precisely during these periods (3-4 years, 6-7 years, 12-14), especially since these stages are of particular importance for building your future relationships.
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