If you want to find out what your husband is really like, divorce him.

“Leaving him was like running away.”

Six years ago, Lisa met a young man at work: he was her boss.
At first, the guy seemed good, promising and with goals for the future - the girl and her parents really liked him. There were no prerequisites for domestic violence. They dated for three years, and the violence began six months into the relationship, when they began to live together: “That’s when he slapped me for the first time. Afterwards, naturally, he apologized for a long time: he begged for forgiveness with flowers, promises and oaths, and I believed and forgave.” Then the psychological violence began. Lisa could not get pregnant, and the guy called her “an empty woman who cannot give him a child.” He didn’t blame himself for this, because he is “full-fledged”.

“He forced me to sit at home and didn’t let me work. And then the physical violence became more frequent and harsher - it reached broken lips and blows to the head. At the same time, I felt not physical pain, but psychological pain - I did not understand why he was doing this to me. Many of his friends said that I myself was to blame for his actions (everyone knew him from the other side at work). No one believed me and thought that I was slandering my boyfriend,” the girl recalls.

Lisa contacted the police six times: when he threw out her things, did not allow her to leave or call, and took away her phone. At first I went to the department, but then I picked up the application. Because the guy said that “it will be better this way, this is how it should be.” According to Lisa, it was as if she was under hypnosis and believed and forgave him. Law enforcement agencies conducted interviews: “The police brought the guy and me to the station, and then said: “What are we going to do to him? Let’s make peace, it’s the same with everyone.” I showed the bruises on my arms and face, but all I heard in response was: “He didn’t kill me.”

Together with her boyfriend, she went outside the fence of the police department (district department of internal affairs - Ed.), and he laughed and casually dragged the girl home. Lisa says that her leaving him “was like an escape.” In their last fight, he broke her nose and stole her laptop while they were riding in the elevator. The girl went to her parents, packed her things and left for Moscow. I didn’t know what to do there, but I couldn’t stay in my hometown any longer. Now, two years after the breakup, Lisa doesn’t remember him, but at first she was afraid to come home to visit her parents. She was worried that he would find out about her arrival and would keep an eye on her.

“He tried to find me and called from the numbers of girlfriends and friends. But the longer I was without him, the more I realized that everything needed to be changed. It was difficult in the following relationships: for some reason I expected the same attitude towards myself from my future spouse, but the wounds healed, only a scar remained on my lip.”

How to understand what your husband really wants?

Hello, Oksana! I want to start with questions, only answering them, Oksana, in fact, these answers are intended for you in order to begin to understand your life situation yourself, my task is to organize this process! So: 1. Are you satisfied with your work now, does it give you pleasure? Find at least three points in it that suit you and start appreciating what you have now! 2. “She didn’t allow me to give expensive gifts...”, why so, especially since he himself wanted it? Are you not his “mommy” to worry about what his budget is?! I mean, if he wants to give you something expensive, then he begins to appreciate you so much, no matter how strange it sounds, but you refused this in advance, as if saying that you are not worthy of it!?! I don’t know, maybe you, out of your modesty and shyness, refused him, but in fact you didn’t mind, but the first word is more valuable than the second - and he reacted precisely to your words! But what did you feel then, we can only guess? I suggest you realize your feelings that you have experienced and are experiencing for him, of course - are we talking about negative feelings? Realize, accept, recognize as yours and work or live, in order to then release... - part..., and then your life energy will be reborn with new strength for the benefit, first of all, of your loved one! It would be better to do this in contact with a psychologist! 3. Do you discuss business together, planning some purchases, trips, etc. - together? Through dialogue, so that regardless of points of view (coincidence or not), everyone can speak out individually and hear each other? If not, is this the most optimal and constructive dialogue, where both points of view are taken into account - arriving at a general consensus or a compromise? My assumption is that for you - your husband - should guess and divine your desires, but this is not so - he not only needs to speak, but also asks again - how did he hear you?! And did he understand it the way you told him? At first it will be difficult, but over time it will be easy, you need to have patience and a clear awareness of what is happening in the present - right now, and not what happened yesterday or a week ago! 4. Imagine that your husband is your inner mirror, and that the way he behaves is not very pleasant or whatever you would call it at your own discretion?! And then translate it to yourself, that is, this is how he wants to show you that from the outside you don’t see yourself - even despite the fact that you are good-looking and could adorn many looks of men with your figure..? WHAT DO YOU NOT SEE IN YOURSELF? DON'T YOU NOTICE? IGNORE? What don’t you like about yourself, the way you treat yourself? In other words, change, first of all, your attitude towards yourself, of course - for the better! Start to value, respect and love yourself! Buy for yourself - not what is cheap, but what you like (of course, I mean within the limits of your capabilities, for example, you may not immediately buy what you like, but after putting it off a couple of times, buy something worthy and desirable!) 5 Who gave you permission to access his email? WHY DO YOU NEED THIS? Stop wasting your energy - you don’t know what or who?!? You egg him on in this way and he unconsciously reads it... As soon as you really are not interested in it, over time - believe me - it will become boring for him too! But to dress beautifully and attractively, and maybe even go dancing and practice, he will definitely react to this like a man! Just believe in yourself and in your capabilities, that you are unique, and that there is simply no other like you, and from this very moment - you are true to yourself and accept all the gifts of this world - through your environment! All the best. Sincerely, Lyudmila K.

How to understand what I really need?
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How should the state protect victims?

According to lawyer Olga Gnezdilova, most countries have protective orders - a protective order that prohibits the attacker from approaching the victim, sending messages and contacting her. A short-term warrant [for up to 10 days] is issued by the police and, if the grounds remain, extended by the court. Olga clarifies that for violation of the order it is also necessary to establish serious liability, and not a minimal fine.

“In Russia, women are often not ready to seek help because they have nowhere to go - they live in the same apartment with the aggressor. But in many countries, a protection order requires that it is the attacker who must leave the shared home, says Olga. “We are now dealing with the cases of several women who rent housing with children, although by law they own half of the apartment [together with the aggressor]. Amendments to legislation are also needed in this direction.”

Now we are faced with the fact that a woman with bruises and a concussion must move, place her children in kindergarten and school, which cannot be done without registration. According to Olga, this stops them from going to the police and the girls live in the hope that everything will resolve itself. Unfortunately, the nature of domestic violence “shows that it only increases and sooner or later creates a threat to life.”

“Therefore, the state must adopt comprehensive amendments to the legislation to not only establish criminal penalties for domestic violence, but also provide the victim with free legal and psychological assistance, the right to stay in her home or affordable relocation, including assistance in adapting children to a new place. Without this, it is inhumane to place the responsibility of “why don’t you leave” on the victim.”

Having endured until the age of 70, the young husband called his wife an old woman

Author Masha Petrukhina

20.03.2007 20:22

Society » Family » Life stories

Valentina believed that age is not an obstacle to a happy marriage. However, at 70 years old, the young husband still called her an old woman and left for another. As psychologist Yuri Levchenko explained to Pravda.Ru, marriages in which the woman is older are much more likely to break up and this is easy to explain.

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Having endured until the age of 70, the young husband called his wife an old woman

Valentina Kostenko was already married once, but this marriage greatly disappointed the woman. They could not have children, so the couple helped raise their nephews. When Valya’s sister was paralyzed, the Kostenko couple took their youngest daughter to live with them. When the girl’s father wanted to see her, Valentina’s husband began to object. She believed that Boris had the right to see his child, and went against her husband.

Upon returning, Valya found her husband in bed with another woman. The deceived wife, without hesitation, packed her things and left. The husband asked for forgiveness more than once, but the woman was adamant.

At the new place, Valya got a job as a milkmaid. She didn't even think about men because she didn't want to be disappointed anymore. But fate decreed otherwise and brought the woman together with Seryozha. The young man was from a large and not entirely prosperous family, and Valya felt sorry for him like a mother, because she was already 46 years old at that time, and he was only 18. Only then did maternal love develop into feminine love.

Sergei looked after me very touchingly. Everyone around noticed the young man’s sympathy and began to talk about it to Valya. Only the woman still couldn’t make up her mind, because the difference of 28 years is quite impressive. One day Seryozha simply came to her house and said that now they would live together.

This is not to say that everything was good for them. As in any family, one cannot do without discord and quarrels, but the spouses always made peace and quickly forgot about the bad things. When Seryozha was drafted into the army, Valya waited for him. Then he and his two brothers were imprisoned for theft, and his wife again waited for her beloved, but she was already 61 years old at that time.

They lived together for 23 years, and then during a quarrel Sergei said: “You are already old for me. I’m still young and I’ll find myself a young one.” The woman was very offended to hear such words from him; she couldn’t even believe it. Later it turned out that my husband actually has another woman. She is also older than Seryozha, after thirty years of marriage she packed up and left with a young lover. Only they were not happy, and Sergei began to ask to return. Valya did not accept him, writes “Amber Caravan”.

It turns out that such marriages quite often break up, Yuri Levchenko told Pravda.Ru. The fact is that a man should dominate in a relationship, and when there is such a big age difference, he cannot do this. Society can accept marriage when a man is several years older precisely because he is then the dominant one. When a woman is dominant, society perceives a man as a henpecked man and a mama's boy. This situation is unlikely to suit any of the stronger sex. This is why marriages break up.

“Sergei left for an older woman precisely because he was used to being a mama’s boy, and he liked that kind of relationship, as he thought,” says Levchenko. “Here, apparently, the woman put a lot of pressure on him mentally.”

Valentina does not regret that she did not take Sergei back. She is now working on her garden. The adopted daughter with her grandchildren, who never forgets her mother, never gets bored. They come with the whole family, bring gifts, and Valentine often visits them. She is now seventy years old, so she wants calm and peace.

Discuss

Topics Sergey Levchenko

"If you leave, I'll set your parents' house on fire."

Nastya met her future boyfriend at the age of seventeen - their relationship lasted almost three years. We met on the Internet and immediately went to the cinema. The guy was very polite and courteous, he was eighteen and worked in the medical field. According to Nastya, the first year everything was perfect - there was not even a reason for minor quarrels. Then he got involved with bad company: he began to show up high, lose his temper and scream for no reason.

“Made me feel inferior, convinced me that I was doing everything wrong and that I was not good enough for him. Then the first slaps appeared. I didn't tell anyone about this. She shyly hid the bruises under her sleeves and thought that he was just going through a difficult period,” says Nastya.

Three years ago, on the night of May 9-10, the guy decided to “celebrate the victory” with friends. And at 2:14 a.m. he called the girl, asking her to pick him up urgently. “And I rushed by car to pick him up from the suburbs,” the girl recalls. “He was silent all the way and only near the house he said: “I think I killed a man.” I turned around to see how drunk he was, and saw a bloody knife in his hands.” All that Nastya remembers about that night is tears, wild fear, a few snippets of what was happening and her thoughts: who is this person next to her, where has her beloved and caring man gone? She started crying and getting nervous after she took the guy to a safe place. As a result, the person he attacked survived, but did not write a statement - it cost him the amount that Nastya’s ex had saved for a car.

After that incident, the bruises no longer went away. She was forbidden to leave the house and communicate with friends. Nastya says that he could have calmly pressed her against the wall and started strangling her because the girl went to help her parents.

“Mockery about work, hobbies and dreams seemed small compared to physical and psychological violence. He said: “You are mine, okay? If I see someone nearby, I’ll kill him.” And I had no doubt that he would kill. “Don’t meddle with other people’s children, give birth to your own.” “If you leave, I will set your parents’ house on fire.” And then he laughed maliciously.”

According to Nastya, she did not want to open her eyes in the morning. No one knew the full picture: “And the worst thing is that he began to call me his wife. He insisted that I sign with him and forget all my relatives.” Nastya thought about leaving him, but more often she just felt that she didn’t want to live, she looked at the ceiling with the thoughts: “Why is this happening to me? Why do I need this? She had his loan on her - she had to force him to pay the entire amount, and then break off the relationship: “When I firmly decided to leave him, he began to threaten that he would steal and poison my dog, that he would set my parents’ house on fire. It was a terrible period. He swore his love and that everything would change. And when I refused to get together, he changed before our eyes.”

The girl said that when he paid off the loan, she went to his parents that same evening without him and told the whole truth about their relationship. His father helped Nastya break off the relationship so that her ex-boyfriend would not take revenge or track her down.

“It’s really scary: abusers are perfect at the very beginning. For a year everything was fine: he cared, loved, was the one I wanted to see next to me. And then he became cruel at home. But he played the ideal guy in front of friends and family. Neither my nor his parents knew anything. And I thought: everyone has difficult periods, so he’s great!”

My husband calls me a piece of lard

Hello, Vika! This is my situation. My husband and I have been living in a civil marriage for 12 years, of which for the last two years he has been working in another country. We have a seven-year-old daughter. Like most women, I gained 27 kg during pregnancy and until recently I lived with it.

Of course, I made attempts to lose weight, but after a while I gave up, and to be honest, I was just lazy. I naively believed that everything would somehow reset itself. My husband didn’t say anything all these years, but, as it now turns out, he really wanted me to lose weight. During his visit, I accidentally found out that my husband had someone else there. She is 15 years older than him. I told my husband that I wanted to immediately go to my mother. He didn’t let me go, he offered to talk. He said that he loves my daughter and me and will never leave us. But he blames me for what happened. They say she stopped taking care of herself and neglected the house. He said that he wanted to sleep with a woman, and not with a piece of bacon. He wrote to that woman that he loved her and wanted only her. But after our conversation he said that he would break up with her. We even drew up a bilateral agreement, where we wrote mutual proposals that we must fulfill. Of course, I have taken charge of myself since the summer, but I still have something to work on. I know I'm not the only woman who finds herself in this situation. We want to save the family, and for my part I will do everything for this, because I love my husband and don’t want to lose him. I really hope for your help and advice.

Sincerely, Natalia

(sent by email)

Dear Natasha! It is not your excess weight that is to blame for what happened, but too long separations. And if you don’t urgently solve this problem and reunite with your husband, then you may lose him completely.

Of course, every woman needs to keep herself in shape. But be careful not to overdo it with fasting. Go to a specialist who will help you create the right diet, and lose weight gradually. Otherwise, you can give up your health, but your loved one will still leave. The fact is that a woman’s appearance is important for a man only during the first period of acquaintance. Over the years, he begins to appreciate completely different qualities in her - kindness to him, love and affection, thriftiness, care for children, sexuality, which does not depend on the amount of “living weight”. Of course, if a wife completely stops taking care of herself, walks around looking shaggy in a greasy robe, while demanding to love her as she is, the collapse of the relationship is almost inevitable. Even if the husband does not leave the family, you can forget about the intimate side of life. Therefore, listen to his critical comments and put both yourself and your home in order. But most importantly, do your best to keep him by your side.

Why the law on the prevention of domestic violence has not yet been adopted

According to Olga Gnezdilova, a large conservative lobby is acting against the law; it openly declares its non-acceptance of gender equality and the dominant, “educational” role of men in the family.

The main stumbling block, according to Olga, lies in the question of whether physical punishment can be used against children. The bill on the prevention of domestic violence is designed to protect any family member, regardless of age and gender.

“Although the draft does not contain provisions on the removal of children, conservatives continue to speculate on this and insist that parents have the right to physical punishment. Nobody knows where the limits of this punishment are, but a huge number of children die in their families from beatings of their parents. They often start small and grow into dangerous cruelty only because neither society nor the state is ready to condemn these practices. Now the authorities have really withdrawn from solving the problem and have postponed the discussion of the bill published by the Federation Council in December.”

“My husband looks me in the eye and says he didn’t do anything.”

Natasha met her future husband in 2005, when they studied at the same university. Three years later they got married. According to Natasha, he was a kind, gentle and sympathetic guy. After the birth of her first child, Natasha’s husband went to the gym and started taking hormones, then he began to cheat, but he couldn’t leave him: “My mother hinted that you couldn’t leave your husband and that all problems should be solved in the family. She didn't kick me out of her house, but I felt like I had nowhere to go. In the end, I believed in his sincerity: that his family was dear to him and he would not cheat again.”

After that incident, Natasha almost stopped talking to her husband. He came home and tore off the curtains, threw the phone, but had not yet shown aggression towards her and the child. Then a second son appeared, but there was no normal relationship: “We communicated like neighbors: he began to cheat again, I didn’t pay attention, there was no sex either - we lived like that for two years. I didn’t leave him because he threatened to take the children away. I didn’t have my own apartment, I was afraid that my parents wouldn’t support me again. All this time there was no physical violence, only squabbles, small scandals and indifference.”

When her youngest son was one year old, Natasha launched her first online course, began to earn a little money and strive for financial independence in order to buy a separate apartment. In 2020, she filed for divorce: her husband said that he would take the children, but did not take any action, everything was only in words.

“On December 3, 2020, we got divorced, he calmly came and signed the consent [to the divorce]. But when he found out that I bought an apartment and would move away from him, he began to threaten that he would kill me, calling me a whore. This continued every day for two weeks. He told the children: “Say goodbye to your mother, you won’t see her again,” Natasha recalls.

Natasha says that the only thing she wanted was to convince him to separate peacefully and agree on who the children will live with. On July 5, her ex-husband suggested going to the dacha and talking there, she agreed. “We arrived in the evening, the children were in the living room, me and my ex-husband were in the kitchen. At the table he started to get excited again, yelling and calling me a whore,” the girl says. “I decided that the children shouldn’t hear this and that I needed to leave: I took my bag and left the house, but didn’t have time to get to the gate. He caught up with me, grabbed me by the neck and began to choke me, saying: “Bitch, I’ll kill you. And no one will find you.” At first I screamed, but then the sounds became like wheezing. It was scary: I had time to imagine where he would take the corpse and how he would go home with the children.”

When her ex-husband let Natasha go, she tried to sit up and get the phone, but he snatched it and threw it into the bushes. According to the girl, she felt completely powerless - first the man shouted at her, and then said: “Go put the children to bed.” At 22:30 she came to her sons and sat down next to her: “Then I remember everything in a fog. My ex-husband returned the phone to me, I touched my neck, saw small traces of blood and took a photo of them. Then she went, put the children to bed and lay down between them - it was the safest place.”

The next morning, Natasha asked her ex-husband to take her and the children to her mother: “When we got into the car, he asked me in a whisper: “Maybe to the forest?” I remembered how at the beginning of June he scared me that he would tie me to a tree, mutilate me, and bury my body. I called my mother and all the way to my parents’ house I told her what settlements we were passing through.”

On July 6, Natasha filed a statement with the police, where two cases were opened: administrative (due to beatings) and criminal (due to the threat of murder). The second was initiated automatically: the words “I will kill you” constitute a crime.

“Courts are a separate torment. My husband looks me in the eye and says he didn’t do anything. He and the lawyer put forward the version that I left the house, and someone raped me behind the fence, that I fell into the bushes, that there had already been beatings. You have to prove everything. We had a confrontation - we sat opposite each other for five hours, and my ex-husband’s lawyer asked me various questions, for example: “How often do you get into the car with those who threaten to kill you?” It was very difficult."

The man was found guilty of beatings and had to pay a fine of 5,000 rubles. The murder threat case is still ongoing.

“My husband wants to kill me and my colleague!”

Inna SHIFANOVA

My common-law husband, we’ve been together for 7 years and with him I have a 3-year-old child, FUCKED ME WITH DELUSIONS OF JEALOUSY. He is twice my age, we work together (we met there), without education.

About myself: 32 years old, higher education. For 7 years we had a lot of things, BUT I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM. Before him, I only had one man. By nature, I was once a much more cheerful person than I am now. But the stories of my alleged betrayals that he comes up with are like a knife in my heart. My indignation and offense mean nothing to him.

Having a baby made things even worse. Several times I thought about suicide. I don't want to live. I tried to leave, but then came back (he looked so unhappy that he, so good, was abandoned). Now I constantly carry documents and valuables with me.

His latest fantasy: he was jealous of my colleague and even threatened him with violence. About a colleague: 46 years old, widower, survived a mini-stroke, a Chernobyl survivor, works as a chief technologist, and has a girlfriend. I've known him for 8 years. He was, to put it mildly, shocked by his husband’s attack. I’m afraid that my colleague might suffer because of my husband’s stupidity... But my husband receives a much higher salary than me. I could at most rent a room myself. Material dependence holds you by the throat.

And recently my husband made complaints about the quality of sex, saying that for the last two years I have not shown the necessary zeal. So, I'm changing! And he also has a thing - bruises. As soon as he sees a bruise on his leg, that’s all proof of betrayal. Moreover, he himself does not show tenderness to me; the main thing for him is that I “give.” And I already feel disgusted by sex with him. I often dream of living alone with a child, WITHOUT MEN at all.

Inna, Kyiv.

EXPERT'S COMMENT

Delusions of jealousy are a disease; your honesty has nothing to do with it. It is necessary to protect yourself not from slander, but from codependency. Making excuses, you became so involved in his game that you began to cheer together. Jealousy is just a reason, in fact it is violence with the goal of complete control. And it has nothing to do with love.

The illness forces your husband to look for a person to play the role of a victim, and you have become so involved in this role that you want to die. It’s clear why he “seems unhappy” every time. The fact is that the second role that he assigned to you is that of a rescuer, and you also accepted it. The third role is the pursuer. This is you too, but only in his imagination.

He won’t leave on his own, he’s been building the game for too long, it’s difficult to start again. Don't expect to help him. To do this, he must understand that he is sick. And this will destroy the familiar world and its protection. You can't do this. Only your independence can solve the problem. In the end, the child can also join the game in any of the three roles, and not necessarily on your side. In any case, the hell of such a family is not a hearth. The main symptom of your illness is that you have changed during this semi-marriage. Remember your best features. And then you need to cope with your complexes, which probably led to this situation. We need to look for friends, maybe remember the old ones. You can contact free women's help centers.

The hosts of “Keyhole” Tatyana Ogneva and Daria Zavgorodnyaya discuss your stories in the video section “Sex in a Big Office.” Do not miss! We are waiting for your letters by e-mail or on the website.

Will the court and police help?

“As a rule, cases of threats to kill are initiated when the attack has already been committed. In our practice, there were situations when a husband strangled his wife, she managed to escape, but marks remained on her neck,” says Olga Gnezdilova. - Of course, it was an attempted murder, but the investigation decided that it was only threats. In another case, a man almost threw his own child from the balcony of a high-rise building. And again only a “threat”. As for verbal threats or correspondence, the authorities have a very short answer: “the threat is not real.”

Olga believes that you still need to contact the police, human rights organizations, appeal the refusals, and then go to the European Court, which takes a principled position on the topic of domestic violence, because every drop wears away the stone.

A long time ago, in one village there lived old peasants - a husband and wife. No matter how poorly they lived, they had something extra. So, they could do without their horse, because there was no work for it, and it grazed in a roadside ditch all day. The owner drove it to the city, sometimes neighbors took it for several days, paying for it with small services, but it would still be better to sell it or exchange it for something more necessary. But what to exchange for?

“Well, father, you know more about buying and selling than I do,” the wife once said to her husband, “and now there’s a fair in the city.” Take our horse there and sell it or exchange it for something worthwhile! You always do everything the way it needs to be done with me. Well, go!

And then she tied a scarf around her husband’s neck - she did this better than he - and not just any way, but tied it in a double knot; It turned out very beautifully. Then she brushed the dust off her husband’s hat with her palm and kissed the old man right on his warm lips. And he got on the very horse that needed to be sold or exchanged, and left.

The sun was hot and there was not a cloud in the sky. The heat was unbearable, and there was no shade anywhere. So the old man saw that a man was driving along the road and driving a cow in front of him, and such a beautiful one that it couldn’t be more beautiful.

“She must have excellent milk,” thought the old man. “There is a plan to exchange.”

- Hey you, with the cow! - he shouted. - Let's talk. Even though a horse is more expensive than a cow, I need the cow more. Let's change, shall we? “Well, come on,” answered the cow’s owner; and they exchanged.

So, the peasant did his job and could now safely return home, but he still intended to visit the city and therefore, together with the cow, he went further to at least look at the fair from afar.

The peasant walked quickly, the cow did not lag behind him, and soon they caught up with the man who was leading the sheep. The sheep was very well-fed and had thick wool. “I wish I had one like that! - thought the peasant. “In the summer she will have enough food in our ditch, and in the winter she can be taken into the house.” If you think about it, what do we need a cow for? It's better to keep a sheep."

- Hey, do you want to exchange a sheep for a cow? - he shouted.

The owner of the sheep agreed immediately, and the peasant moved on with the sheep. Suddenly he saw a man at an intersection with a large goose under his arm.

“What a noble goose you have,” the peasant told him. - And plenty of fat, and a lot of feathers! I wish we could tie him near our puddle and let him swim in it. And my old woman would have someone to collect cleansings for. She was just saying the other day: “Oh, if only we had a goose!” Do you want to change? I’ll give you a sheep for the goose, and I’ll say thank you to boot!

The goose's owner immediately agreed and they exchanged money.

The city was already very close, the road was teeming with people and cattle, you couldn’t crowd it. The travelers walked, some along the road, some along the bottom of roadside ditches, some straight through the potato field of the toll collector. Right there, his chicken was wandering on a leash in the potatoes, and they tied it so that it would not get lost in the crowd. It was a very nice looking tailless chicken.

The peasant, seeing her, immediately decided: “I have never seen such a beauty in my life!” Yes, she is more beautiful than our pastor's hen. I wish I had one like this! The chicken will always find something to peck and can feed itself. It would be nice to exchange it for a goose, I think.”

“Let’s switch,” the peasant suggested to the toll collector.

- Change? “Well, I’m not against it,” he replied.

And they exchanged: the picker got a goose, and the peasant got a chicken.

He had done a lot of things along the way, besides, he was very tired, it was hot, and now he wanted nothing more than to have a drink and snack on whatever he could find.

There just happened to be a zucchini nearby. The old man turned there, but at the door he ran into a worker who was carrying a tightly stuffed bag on his back.

-What are you talking about? - asked the peasant.

“Rotten apples,” he replied. - Here, I collected a bag for the pigs.

- Oh you! What a lot! If only my old woman could admire it! Last year we picked only one apple from our apple tree near the barn; they wanted to save it, they put it on a chest - and it rotted. But my old woman still said about him: “Whatever wealth there is!” If only she could see now what kind of prosperity there is. I would love to show her!

- What will you give me for the bag? – asked the worker.

- What will I give? Yes, here's chicken!

The peasant gave the chicken to the worker, took the apples and, entering the tavern, went straight to the counter. He leaned the bag of apples against the stove, not noticing that it was burning. There were a lot of people in the tavern - horse dealers, cattle traders; There were also two Englishmen sitting here, so rich that all their pockets were filled with gold. They started betting, and you'll hear about it now.

But why did that suddenly crackle near the stove? Yes, these are baked apples! What apples? And then everyone learned the story about the horse, which the old man first exchanged for a cow and for which in the end he received only rotten apples.

- Well, you’ll get the house from your wife! - said the Englishman. - Yes, she will take your head off.

“He won’t take it off, but he’ll hug it,” the peasant objected. “My old woman always says: “Whatever my husband does is good!”

“Let’s argue,” suggested the Englishman. - I'll bet a barrel of gold.

“Measurement is enough,” said the peasant. “For my part, I can only supply a measure of apples and myself and the old woman in addition, that’s more than enough.”

- We agree! - the British cried.

The innkeeper's cart was brought; Everyone was accommodated on it: the English, the old man, the rotten apples. The cart set off and finally arrived at the peasant’s house.

- Good health, mother!

- And the same to you, father!

- Well, I changed the horse.

“I have a problem with you about this,” said the old woman and rushed to hug her husband, not noticing either the bag of apples or strangers.

- I exchanged the horse for a cow.

“Thank God,” said the wife. “Now we’ll have milk, butter, and cheese on the table.” What a profitable exchange!

- That’s right, I exchanged the cow for a sheep.

“And you did it well,” the old woman approved, “you always know how to do it better.” We have enough feed for the sheep. And we will drink sheep's milk and feast on sheep's cheese; We’ll knit stockings and even sweatshirts from her wool! You can’t collect wool from a cow: when she sheds, she will shake out the last one. How clever you are!

- That’s right, I gave the sheep for a goose.

- Oh, father, will we really have a goose for St. Martin's Day? You always try to please me! That's a good idea! The goose, whether you graze it or not, will still get fat for the holiday.

“That’s right, I swapped the goose for a chicken,” said the old man.

- For chicken? What luck! - exclaimed the old woman. - The chicken will lay eggs for us, hatch chickens - look, we have a full chicken coop. I've been wanting to have a chicken for a long time.

- That’s right, yes, I gave the chicken for a bag of rotten apples.

- Let me kiss you! - exclaimed the wife. - Thank you so much! And now I’ll tell you what: when you left, I decided to cook you a tastier lunch - scrambled eggs with onions. I just have eggs, but no onions. Then I went to the teacher, I know they have onions, but his wife is stingy, stingy, even though she pretends to be kind. So I asked her to borrow an onion. “Onion? – she asks again. - Yes, nothing grows in our garden. I can’t even give you a rotten apple.” But now I can give her a whole dozen rotten apples. What a dozen! At least I'll lend you the whole bag. Well, we’ll laugh at the teacher! - And the wife kissed her husband right on the lips.

- This is great! - the British cried. “No matter how hard things are for her, she is always happy with everything.” For something like this, you don’t mind the money.

Here they paid the peasant: after all, his wife did not take his head off, but, on the contrary, hugged him tightly. They gave him a whole bunch of gold!

Yes, if, in the opinion of a wife, her husband is smarter than everyone else, and whatever he does is good, this is always to her benefit.

Tale by G.K. Andersen Illustrations by A. Kokorin

What are the ways to get away from an aggressor?

In order to leave, you need to contact a crisis center or a human rights organization that helps victims of domestic violence. If there are no such people in your region, you should contact the Moscow one, where, with proper coordination, you can find a way out: “Whether the attacker is pursuing you or not, in any case, it is worth blocking contacts and at first not telling your address even to those closest to you. When you understand that you are safe, contacts can be resumed. A safety plan is developed individually with each victim, depending on the situation.”