Feel sad when your ex smiles. To feel the warm, foul-smelling joy spreading in his chest that he had broken up with his new girlfriend. Constantly convincing yourself not to look at his social networks, and still doing it with enviable regularity... Not a very pleasant picture, right? Shameful, stupid, ineffective. All that remains is to figure out how to cope with the phantom pains of lost love and make sure that the ghost of a former relationship does not stand before your eyes every day...
Before you continue reading the article, look at the gallery with stars who divorced but greatly regretted it.
Make a plan B
Often, an obsession with an ex happens to romantic young ladies who too vividly and in detail imagined a happy future next to this man. They painted pictures of a common house with two floors, well-fed children, an efficient housekeeper and three fluffy cats. With obedient daughters of strict parents who could not even imagine divorce as one of the likely life scenarios.
They only “lived happily ever after”, only “died on the same day.” After all, it’s not just their relationship with a specific person that is collapsing. Their entire picture of the world is under attack. Their warm and hospitable future suddenly turns out to be foggy and scary, cold, devoid of joy.
Naturally, we urgently want to bring back a person who left not alone, but with our dreams under his arm. And even tape it to yourself - for reliability.
Unfortunately or fortunately, we do not have such an opportunity. Therefore, the only way to take a little break from mourning a failed dream is to create a “Plan B” for yourself. Draw a different happiness in your head, new, independent, and not strung, like a kebab on a skewer, on a stranger.
Sometimes you have to study this for more than one month or even one year. But the result is worth it.
Child remembers past life as a WWII pilot: ship and crash site identified
Dr. Jim Tucker of the University of Virginia studied the case of James Leininger from Louisiana, who was 2 years old when he began having nightmares about a plane crash. He said that the Japanese had shot him down, that his plane had taken off from the USS Natoma, and that he had a friend named Jack Larson. He also suggested that his name was James in a previous life.
There was indeed a World War II pilot named James Huston Jr. whose life and death matched all of these details. Leininger was also able to determine from the photograph where Houston's plane crashed.
Redirect energy
However, sometimes the cause of worries is not castles in the air buried by the ex, but very specific material, emotional and everyday needs that he previously successfully met, but now - alas! - is not obliged to.
After the connection is broken, these needs become the personal problems of a woman who has long lost the habit or has not begun to take care of herself at all. This is a very unpleasant situation. But at the same time, it contains a huge resource for internal growth.
You've probably heard about women entrepreneurs who started their own business after a divorce. Or about singers who, having divorced, suddenly received an incredible boost in their careers.
These are the women who managed to direct the enormous energy released after the breakup to the outside world. And not like a ghost wandering around your lonely kitchen in stretched tights.
legion-media.ru
Was the fire chief a Civil War general?
Civil War General John B. Gordon (left) and Jeff Keene (right). (Courtesy of www.IISIS.net)
Retired Assistant Fire Chief Jeffrey Keene experienced inexplicable feelings and strange physical sensations when he visited the Civil War battle site of Antietam as a tourist.
When discussing these feelings later, the words “not yet” appeared in his mind. He became interested in the Civil War, and while looking through a magazine on the subject, the words “not yet” in quotation marks jumped out at him. General John B. Gordon emphatically repeated “not yet” as he held back his troops at the Battle of Antietam.
The physical resemblance between him and Gordon struck Keane. Additionally, many of the Keene Fire Department bear strong resemblance to the men who fought for Gordon. Keene discovered other similarities between him and Gordon, including birthmarks on his body where Gordon was injured. This case was studied by Dr. Walter Semkiu, a psychiatrist who works as a reincarnation expert at the Institute for the Integration of Science, Intuition and the Soul (IISIS).
Think about pride
It also happens that experiencing almost physical pain at the sight of the fact that everything is fine with your ex has nothing to do with love, affection, or needs at all. And the only word that can very clearly characterize this feeling that is corroding us like rust is the word “pride.”
This happens more often with men - they are by nature more inclined to compete, measure success, and conquer. But a strong, ambitious woman who is not afraid of competition can just as easily fall into the trap of her own wounded pride.
It is easy to track manifestations of this. Just yesterday the man was infuriating with literally any action. It was incredibly annoying how he slurps, drinks kefir, cuts bread, leaving crumbs on the table. But today he walks arm in arm with his rival. And you understand: you need it! You need it so much that you will sell your soul to the devil for it! It is so necessary that it is impossible to eat when it is not around.
You enter into battle with a homewrecker, put yourself in full combat readiness, lose 300 kilograms, return... And again the man turns into a pumpkin. And again, he slurps just as disgustingly as before, drinks kefir just as ill-mannered, just as stupidly leaves bread crumbs on the table...
If the situation is as I described, then it is not the man at all. And not in his ex, and not in his present, and not in his cat, and not in his mother, but in you.
It's you who feels like a queen, unjustly removed from the throne. This is you trying to regain control of the situation, without regard for the feelings and needs of the other person. It is your wounded pride that gnaws at you from the inside. It may seem to some that this realization is difficult and painful. However, many women felt incredible relief when they suddenly realized that they themselves held the keys to their own anger.
How to get rid of memories of violence?
When I was 14 years old, I was sexually abused by my mentally ill biological mother. I emphasize that she is a biological mother, because in the full sense of the word she was never a mother. She spent several years in a psychiatric hospital with a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia.
I ran away from her at the age of 10 to my aunt because she beat me. When I turned 14, she tried to “make things right” with me (even though she had never even called me before) by barging into my room with my stepfather. The stepfather engaged in assault. At the same time, she wrote to all authorities about me, demanding that I be placed in a psychiatric hospital or in a juvenile colony, because I skipped school, drank beer and smoked weed. When I tried to fight back, this same violence happened. (I plan to submit an application to the investigative committee and demand the initiation of a criminal case, since the deadline under Article 132 of the Criminal Code has not yet expired)
I had serious problems after this violence - for two years I could not come to my senses, I had panic attacks, I was afraid to be alone, I had nightmares, I dreamed of this crazy woman raping me.
After a couple of years, I somehow recovered and lived more or less normally. No, I actually lived a shitty life, but at least I wasn’t tormented by obsessive memories of violence.
I clearly remembered this situation in connection with the sale of real estate: I am now trying to sell my room, I have been looking for buyers for almost a year, and this crazy woman is bothering me in every possible way, writing a statement to the registration chamber, asking not to register my transaction, etc. (according to 250 Article of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation I am obliged to offer the co-owner of the apartment the room I am selling, but this is a crazy monster of refusal
does not give). She ruined my entire childhood, but apparently that’s not enough for her, and now she’s trying to ruin my adult life.
At the moment I am haunted by intrusive memories of this violence. This has been happening almost every day for the past 6 months. In the morning I wake up with memories of this violence, I also fall asleep with thoughts of this violence, throughout the day I remember this violence. I try to distract myself, but nothing helps me; I can only get distracted for a short time. These memories are like a shadow that is always there and impossible to escape. No matter what I do, the memories are with me. Almost all the time I feel some kind of general depression, pain, a feeling of humiliation, helplessness, an acute sense of injustice, irritation, anger, impotent rage and anger,
Sometimes I have outbursts of anger. Usually what happens is this: I start having a mental dialogue with the judge, proving to him that there was violence, then I mentally say that our damned state did not protect me, then I have a terrible outbreak of rage, and I want to scream at the top of my lungs from this rage . What torments me most is the thought that this crazy monster has not been punished. Or rather, I couldn’t protect myself. I couldn't punish her. I could not. Well, I didn’t kill her, I didn’t have enough courage.
I have read dozens of articles on crisis psychology, I know very well that the victim is never to blame for violence, that the criminal is responsible. I know that violence is not a stigma. But these are all just words. Yes, they sound reasonable, but they cannot reduce my pain.
I went to see two psychiatrists: one said I had an anxiety disorder and prescribed the antidepressants Livodex, which I did not take. I was afraid of the side effects. The second one said that I had a “psychogenic disorder after experiencing trauma” and stated that I did not need any antidepressants. He prescribed me Phenibut. This phenibut did not help me, moreover, I had a paradoxical reaction: the outbursts of anger intensified.
I went to see a free female psychotherapist at a crisis center. For three months I went twice a week. There's no point. She asked me to retell this situation “in every detail” - I did this ten or twenty times, each time mentally and emotionally returning there. She called it “erasure.”
It didn't help me. Now I perceive this method of therapy as “torture”. Perhaps the psychotherapist's classification was insufficient, or the therapist simply did not suit me, so I am saving up money for a paid therapist. I have not yet saved up the required amount for a course of psychotherapy (and most likely I need just a course)
Perhaps a sanatorium would help me, but there is no financial opportunity to go there.
Sometimes I try to express my aggression by hitting some object, but this also doesn’t really help, for a short time at most, and my hand starts to hurt.
I would go to a neurosis clinic if I lived in some European country, but in our country I really don’t want to get involved with free medical care. I have already seen enough “psychologists” and “therapists” in clinics.
How to get rid of memories of the past?
A boy remembers the life of a monk in Sri Lanka
Duminda Bandara Ratnayake from Thundeniya, Sri Lanka, began talking about his past life as a monk when he was about 3 years old. He insisted on observing the ritual behavior and restrictions of the monks.
He said that he was the head monk in the temple of Asgiriya, and that he had chest pain when he died. He said he owned a red car, spoke fondly of an elephant, and said he had a radio.
Venerable Mahanayaka Gunnepana, a late monk from the Asiriya Temple, fits the description of the boy. There were minor discrepancies; for example, instead of a radio, he owned a gramophone, but the boy may not have known what a gramophone was to accurately describe it. Some of these traits were unusual among monks in the region. This case was studied by Dr Elendur Haraldsson, Professor Emeritus at the University of Iceland in Reykjavik.
How to stop living in your boyfriend's past?
Hello, Ksenia!
Well, what can I say. Don't even know. Everyone had a past. Did you have this? Why is it possible for you, but not for the young man?
As for this:
“I’m hysterical and I can’t do anything about it.”
The easiest way is to relieve myself of responsibility, and let someone else sort out my problems. As for the working hypothesis that explains your behavior, I have it: if you sabotage the relationship in this way from the very beginning, then you are sure in advance that nothing will come of it. And there may be two questions here:
- Your lack of self-confidence, that is, you are convinced in advance: you are so bad that you will never, under any circumstances, be able to compete with the past lovers of your current ones.
- The second hypothesis is more comforting: you are sure in advance that all men are males, and fidelity is a concept that remains only in women's novels. This thought depresses you very much, you cannot survive the injustice of the world of relationships, but at the same time it so seriously controls you that nothing can be done about it. Therefore, every time you look for confirmation that all men are males. Then you find evidence, but don’t calm down, but continue to beat yourself up, and do you know why? Because evidence that men are not chaste does not cancel the pain of the thought that the world of relationships is a terribly unfair thing.
Well, that's sad. But as for the loyalty of the current young man, by the way, his reputation is tarnished, and his loyalty leaves much to be desired. And one more coin for your neurosis.
I was thinking that maybe this thought would calm you down a little. Fidelity does not depend on weather conditions, atmospheric pressure and other environmental parameters. It does not even depend on the capabilities and availability of free and lustful women, whom a man can easily reach, although it must be admitted that lustful women are a serious test for male fidelity. Loyalty is a choice. If a man chooses to be faithful to this woman, then it is difficult to confuse him. Of course, such a choice must be based on some grounds: love, trust, harmony in relationships. It is also clear that they value good relationships, but do not value bad, toxic ones and, above all, do not make vows to themselves.
If your men cheated on you (after all, in fact, even the current one cheated on you), then perhaps the problem is with you. And it’s hard to be surprised that this happens, you’re just making up problems. After all, you can’t do anything with the past; then, when your current man slept with your ex-girlfriend, he knew nothing about your existence (which cannot be said about his parallel connections that were at the beginning of your relationship), so he owes you absolutely nothing. Just like he cannot make claims against you for past relationships (unless they interfere with present ones), since you knew nothing about his existence then.
In any case, the causes of the condition must be dealt with during sessions. You can contact with me any time. I'll be happy to help too.
Otherwise, I hope the answer is useful to me.
How to stop living in the past?
Good answer0 Bad answer1
