Attention! Articles on the site for information and discussion. You need to be treated by visiting a specialist in person! Family conflicts are a common phenomenon, since relatives do not always manage to establish communication and live peacefully. People quarrel when they defend their interests, encounter contradictions and do not want to take into account the opinion of their interlocutor.
Disagreements between parents and children, brothers and sisters alienate them from each other, but abandoning loved ones is not the best way out of the situation. How to avoid conflicts in the family ? If mutual understanding has disappeared in your family, try to correct the situation and understand what the main cause of conflicts is. Sometimes getting along with your mother-in-law is enough, but not always.
family conflicts
Who is right and who is wrong?
Often, a showdown comes down to one question: each participant in the dispute accuses the other person of something and expresses his claims to him.
This approach aggravates the situation, and communication between relatives becomes too tense and sometimes even hostile.
If you want to understand what is happening, you should not criticize loved ones and raise your voice at them, otherwise harmony in the family will never come.
Household members can argue for a long time until they understand a simple truth: you cannot live in constant reproaches, accusations and insults. Any cause of quarrels can be resolved calmly, by respecting the opinions of others and trying to politely explain to them your position.
As a rule, no one wants to admit they are wrong, so scandals begin with attempts to determine who is to blame in a particular situation. By repeating this mistake regularly, people stop hearing and understanding each other. It is better to be prudent and stop in time than to continue to sow hostility.
How to avoid conflicts in the family and at work
Being in society, even the most educated and intelligent person periodically finds himself drawn into conflicts. Disputes at work or minor domestic quarrels cannot be completely avoided. To do this, you will have to isolate yourself from everyone and stay at home, or go to a deserted island. Our task is to reduce unpleasant situations to a minimum, learn to get around sharp corners and “extinguish” the conflict at the initial stage.
Why is it so important to avoid conflicts?
The first reason is moral health. Eternal quarrels between spouses and clashes with colleagues not only spoil the mood, but also take away mental energy. A person in a state of chronic stress is no longer able to develop and work productively. His self-esteem falls, he loses everything.
The second reason why you should think about how to avoid conflicts is the need to live in peace with the people around you. Perhaps not all of them can become friends, but you shouldn’t make enemies either. If specific people do not pose a serious threat to your interests, it is better to maintain a thin peace with them than to incite a blatant war.
Ways to avoid conflicts
Before suppressing a quarrel in the pre-conflict stage, it is worth assessing the situation itself. What is causing the dispute? What goals does your opponent pursue, and how can you suffer from his attacks? Sometimes it is better to endure a quarrel, but protect your rights, than to remain silent and allow your interests to be harmed.
There is a category of people who like to argue just like that. They don't care about the result, but only about the process itself. It is not recommended to participate in their “entertainment” so as not to waste energy and effort. In addition, many quarrels are provoked by energy vampires who need to be nourished by other people’s negative emotions. To prevent conflicts in your family and at work, try to do the following:
• Respect other people's opinions. Every person has the right to their point of view and to express it. If you disagree with a colleague's opinion, try to be tolerant of it. If he has different methods of work, but this does not harm the common cause, take his line for granted.
• Don't be the first to start a fight. Sometimes one careless word can provoke a real scandal. Avoid skeptical statements and cutting jokes if the interlocutor has a bad sense of humor. Don't nitpick and don't get hung up on words.
• Don't take everything to yourself. Often, a person's impolite behavior is explained by a lack of good manners or simply a bad mood. There is no need to immediately get angry and find out why your colleague is not smiling at you. Perhaps he is concerned about his own affairs, and did not even think about offending you.
• Do not accumulate evil in your soul. Sometimes it’s really better to remain silent and endure the insult than to start a quarrel, after which there will be shaking for another half a day. However, constantly suppressing emotions is very harmful. Express your position to the person, but with restraint and politeness. Ask them to respect your opinion and continue to filter their phrases. But if you still can’t have a normal conversation, you can write your feelings on paper and then burn it.
• Criticize kindly. If the situation requires your comments, give them firmly and unambiguously, but calmly. Don't shout, don't give orders. A coercive tone makes a person even more willing to resist.
• Show outward agreement, but do it your way. Often critics prohibit and threaten only in words, but in reality they can do nothing to stop you. To avoid empty disputes, agree with your opponent’s opinion, but do as you know.
What to do if the conflict has already begun?
As mentioned above, it is not always possible to suppress a scandal with silence. But you shouldn't switch to high tones. Set your own tone of conversation. Force yourself to listen, even if you speak quietly. If your opponent does start shouting and swearing, bear with it. Very soon he will be mentally exhausted and will be forced to stop attacks.
Do not get personal, do not generalize the wording. You can’t tell your opponent, “You’re always like this! You always do this!” By this you show that you are constantly dissatisfied with this person, that he annoys you. Focus on the problem itself, not on the argument.
Don't dwell on a person's past mistakes. Don't manipulate events that happened ten years ago. This has nothing to do with the subject of the dispute, and will only aggravate the conflict.
If the dispute is not very serious, you can change the conversation to another topic, joke or distract your opponent by asking him to perform some action (for example, close the window or give you water). If you don’t see the point in proving something, you can simply leave the office or go outside.
Bottom line
To reduce conflicts in the family and at work to a minimum, you should not pay attention to criticism and stop finding fault with yourself. Think about what you can improve in yourself and work on it. Learn to notice the good in people, and not see only flaws. Then relationships with others will become healthier, and your inner world will be filled with harmony and tranquility.
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How to find a compromise?
If each participant in the conflict agrees to make concessions, the problem will be solved. Sometimes children or parents become stubborn, complicating the situation and not wanting to give up their own principles.
To establish communication, someone must show wisdom and condescension, and persuade relatives to moderate their ardor. Ideally, the initiative can come from parents, but children are also capable of taking the first step towards a truce.
Close people need the ability to understand each other, so a controversial issue can be resolved with the help of a new option that will suit everyone. The main thing is not to start the conversation in a dissatisfied tone, not to reproach anyone and not to demand too much.
You may not be able to find a compromise on the first try, but after some time you can return to the problem again and discuss possible solutions. If disagreements arise between children, parents need to try to reconcile them and take into account the interests of each child.
How to avoid conflicts in the family: 10 practical tips
1. Be interested in each other.
In order to achieve a happy relationship with your marriage partner, you need to strive to get to know him as best as possible: be interested in his hobbies, his opinion, himself. It is necessary to know not only his strengths, but also try to understand his weaknesses. Those who are exclusively occupied with themselves and their problems cannot fully communicate with other people, and especially with their spouse.
2. Listen to each other.
The ability to hear another is a more valuable ability than the ability to speak. For example, if a tired husband comes home from work, and his wife immediately bombards him with a stream of information: gossip about neighbors, complaints about children’s disobedience, a shortage of clothes in her wardrobe, then this will not contribute to mutual understanding between them. In this case, the man will have to be left alone with his thoughts.
It was more correct for the wife to let her husband speak first, listen to him carefully, and only then talk about her current affairs.
3. Talk to your spouse about what interests him.
In addition to being a good listener, it is also important to make it clear that you follow and understand your partner's thinking. It is important to let the other person know that you are interested in the content of the conversation.
4. Don't criticize each other.
Often it is the tendency to criticize that fuels discord between spouses, because if we criticize another, there is no doubt that we will be criticized in return. If you think that your partner is imperfect, then before you start criticizing him, take a closer look at yourself. You will probably find many shortcomings in yourself.
Criticism should not affect the spouse’s merits; it should convey a positive message. If you make a comment, be sure to also find something to praise your partner for.
5. Don't give orders to each other.
Nobody likes to be given orders because it reminds them of responsibilities, and marriage is a place where both feel equal. Therefore, orders cause natural resistance. To avoid this, reformulate the order into a question or request.
6. Know how to admit your mistakes.
If you admit and correct your mistakes in time, you can avoid many quarrels and conflicts. The ability to understand and admit your weaknesses is a sign of growing up and helps you successfully manage a conflict situation.
7. Praise each other.
Most people always express dissatisfaction when they don't like something. However, few people remember to praise our partner for what we like. It is recommended to slightly idealize your partner and talk about him as if he is already what you want.
8. Get into each other's position.
Very often we do not notice what is happening in the soul of our partner. For example, a wife can stand at the stove all evening, preparing a delicious dinner and thinking about how happy her husband will be. And the husband will come, gloomy, nervous, eat half of it and push the plate away. The wife will consider her husband inattentive to her and will be offended by him. But she didn’t think about the fact that he had trouble at work. And he didn’t realize that she spent two hours trying for him.
Each partner must put himself in the other’s shoes, trying to understand his thoughts and experiences. In this case, you will be able to be more tolerant of others and avoid conflicts.
9. Don't quarrel.
Quarrels do not solve problems, but only increase feelings of injustice and tension. This does not mean that you need to remain silent. You need to communicate, but not contradict your partner. When we tell another “you are wrong”, “you yourself are to blame”, we seem to let him know that he is bad or stupid. This will be unpleasant for everyone. By doing so, we are not helping our opinion to be heard, even if it is correct.
10. Smile at each other.
It is difficult to conflict with someone who is smiling and friendly towards you. Our mood is quickly transmitted to others. You can be sure that if you smile at your spouse, he will reciprocate your feelings. Kindness always relieves tension and defuses the situation.
How to avoid conflicts in the future?
To avoid scandals in the family, relatives need to think about their behavior and try not to offend others. In this case, you should not rely on luck.
In addition, close people can find common hobbies, activities, and add variety to their usual leisure time. Sometimes it is useful to imagine yourself in the place of another person and understand how he feels and what causes his negative reaction. Happy people think positively, so any manifestation of negative emotions is a signal that the person is stressed, depressed or depressed.
Instead of anger and irritation, it is worth showing compassion for the person and understanding that his dissatisfaction can be caused by reasons not only related to the home environment.
Relatives need to be interested in each other’s well-being and make sure that each family member feels the support and care of loved ones. A good mood helps to overcome any difficulties and find harmony in life.
And for those who cannot cope with this problem, another article awaits: how to live after a divorce.
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How to stop constant conflicts in the family? 7 tips
According to psychologists, every couple experiences conflicts in the family sooner or later; the main thing is to be prepared for this and understand that preserving love is in our power, and we can do a lot for this. The main thing is to love each other and work on yourself and your relationships.
What will help stop constant conflicts in the family?
Forgive each other
Admitting your guilt and asking for forgiveness is not a solution to the problem. It is important to learn to accept apologies and forgive. If in some situation you are not ready to forgive, and the person realized that he was wrong, you should not “sulk” for several days, thereby making you feel guilty. If you are not ready for reconciliation, tell him about it honestly: “I need a little time to think it over, cool down, calm down.”
Communicate with each other
Conflicts in the family largely lie in the lack of communication between spouses. According to statistics, most couples seek psychological help because of difficulties in communicating with each other. If people love, value and respect each other, then the solution to the problem lies only in understanding and the ability to express their thoughts. And solving the problem is already a matter of time.
Here is a situation that is familiar to many families: the husband comes home in a good mood, suspecting nothing. The wife greets her husband with dead silence; she does not voice the reason for the offense, thereby misleading her husband, who, of course, has no idea what happened.
And unexpressed resentment eats a person from the inside, it turns out that the person who is offended punishes himself for the mistakes of others. Therefore, psychologists advise it is better to express your grievances, even quarrel - this will bring a greater effect than just silence.
Don't insult each other
Any quarrel or even an argument can lead to a banal scandal, a crisis in family relationships, so psychologists advise taking into account some simple rules when communicating with your partner. Avoid insults and generalizations. There is no need to say: “You always...”, rather say: “I’m very offended that you don’t take my opinion into account,” or: “I’m sad to spend my free time alone.”
Remember the golden rule: Tell people what you would like them to say to you. Put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor, what would you do in his place.
Maybe you control his communication with the child too much, what games to play, what books to read, so he is not in a hurry to play with the baby after work. If you have different views on any topic, then try to avoid them in conversation.
And another good way to solve a problem is to write letters to each other. While writing, you can describe your feelings and the reason for their occurrence much more deeply and colorfully, you think about every written word, throw out everything that has accumulated on paper, as they say, “let off steam.”
Look with different eyes
Go back a few years, remember what made your heart beat faster during your meetings. Perhaps you should go to where he spent his childhood, remember the past, look at old childhood photographs. Take a fresh look at him, on the other hand, maybe he has some kind of hobby, hobby, doing which he becomes different, successful, passionate, share the joy with him. Perhaps thanks to this, the light of love will shine in your eyes again.
Don't be afraid of change
You probably have different views and interests and hobbies, let your partner participate a little in your area of interest, don’t be afraid to let him into your “world”.
Or, on the contrary, take a break from each other in the company of friends, the main thing is to destroy the stereotypical pattern of relationships and behavior that has developed over many years. You need a change of scenery, new, fresh experiences, for example, going to a cafe or a movie with friends, or even going to the seaside. And you shouldn’t be afraid of such a sharp turn of events; the main thing here is not to miss one important point - such a trip should be available to each of the spouses.
Crisis is a step forward
There is no need to be afraid of the difficulties that have arisen, because they indicate that your relationship has reached a new level of development. Conflicts in the family are a step forward that further strengthens the family and gives a reason to reflect on how much you love each other.
Help from a psychologist
If things have gone too far and you yourself are not able to resolve the conflict, then you should contact a family psychologist. Of course, many people believe that an intimate conversation with a loved one is a worthy replacement for an expensive specialist, but this will only calm you down on an emotional level and will not solve the problem.
In any case, realizing that the crisis has really arrived is the first step towards solving the problem. Even reading articles on the Internet about problems in the family slightly smoothes out the severity of negative feelings. Read more books about the psychology of family relationships, compare the problems of other families, analyze how others cope with difficulties, maybe a new idea will come to your mind to get closer to each other and be happy again.
Elena,
Consultation for parents on the topic: “How to avoid conflicts in the family”
Family relationships are considered to be one of the most popular topics today.
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it often happens that a husband and wife who love each other cannot find the main thing - understanding. This is where most conflicts flare up in the family. The expression “we understand each other without words” can be found extremely rarely today. Such words can rightfully be spoken by our grandparents, who walked their whole lives hand in hand and saw difficult times, especially those who managed to go through the war period. And we, the modern generation of young people, who are in constant motion and solving a bunch of issues, can only get used to each other, going through a series of family conflicts.
Maybe first you should think and evaluate why conflicts occur in the family? Scientists have found that conflict situations
between spouses can arise due to inconsistency with a person’s “biological clock”. There are people who are “morning people”, there are people who are “night owls”, or maybe you and your spouse belong to different categories, while one wakes up in the morning, cheerful and is already analyzing and planning the coming day, while the other, on the contrary, is sleeping and even doesn't think about what he will do today. But this is just an assumption, which should not be used to reduce all the problems that arise in family life. Perhaps the matter is different - you simply have incompatible life positions, for example, in raising children, disagreements in financial matters.
How do conflicts arise in a family literally out of nowhere?
Imagine a completely standard situation. You come home from work, the road home was not pleasant, someone pushed you, cursed you, and it was a hard day. And here is the husband, who sits on the sofa and calmly watches TV, and the child, who asks for help with his homework. And it’s as if you are about to be torn apart from the anger that has accumulated in you. And when the family conflict reaches its climax, you realize that there is no point in continuing further conversation. As a result, you disperse into corners, each doing their own thing.
A day passes, then a second, the evenings pass in silence, no one talks to anyone, and as luck would have it, the phone is silent. Are you already thinking:
- “Or maybe we should come over and talk?”
- “No, why, firstly, I’m right, and secondly, why should I come up first?”
The emergence of a new trend - consultations with psychologists, which are very popular abroad, sometimes determine the fate of many people. Yes, this is probably one of the surest ways to resolve conflict situations that have arisen in the family.
Why is this method of resolving a difficult situation so good? The answer lies on the surface, in search of the most correct way out of the difficult situation that has arisen, you turn to a completely independent person, one might even say an expert, a specialist who is competent in the field of psychology and is not your closest relative or friend. A psychologist will undoubtedly help you make the right decision. But this is not very common here yet. However, it should be obvious to many that if a conflict situation arises between family members, it would be better to talk with a competent person rather than (as is customary with us) running to your closest friend in search of the truth. Besides, have you ever thought that when you ask your loved one for advice, you can sometimes stumble upon an unfair verdict for those with whom you have a conflict. Maybe, on a subconscious level, your girlfriend, for example, whose family life
, and every now and then she tries to say once again, “what a bad husband your Vasya is for doing this.”
From conflict in the family to harmony in relationships
Conflict in the family and other aspects of life does not always have a negative side, since it always makes some changes. And even in some cases it can serve as a kind of anti-depressant in a boring monotonous life. In a conflict that has flared up, spouses often begin to, so to speak, move away from the topic that was the cause. As the argument progresses, they remember everything that they had accumulated, that they wanted to say earlier, but was somehow forgotten or put off until later, in the hope: “maybe it will improve?” Under no circumstances should you do this! Make it clear in your head right away that you are finding out and analyzing one problem that has arisen in this situation at the moment. And it’s not at all something that you have accumulated for a long time and you decided to unload it all as a dead weight on your poor husband (wife). You should also not introduce threats, for example: “if you don’t do the cleaning today, I will leave for the whole day, leaving you with a small child and will not answer calls” or “I’m tired of everything, I demand a divorce.” Agree, no matter how many times you say this, firstly, it will no longer work in the future, and secondly, one day you will still have to fulfill what you promised.
Anticipating the next conflict in the family in advance, think about what and how you will say. Then the conversation will not bring a negative connotation, but on the contrary, you will sort things out, quietly, in lower tones. Can this really be called a conflict? Of course not. This is simply explaining to your partner what he would like to change in this situation, and what solutions can be found through joint efforts. Conduct, so to speak, introspection within yourself. Yes, it’s difficult, you say, especially when everything is boiling inside and is about to spill out. Who ever said that life is easy? What to think before you say - is it easy? Especially when this happens during a conflict situation: it requires effort, restraining emotions, but you will see - it will bear fruit. And in the future, you will understand that it is much easier to avoid conflict in the family in a calm environment, simply by explaining your discontent and looking together for ways to resolve them. This way, you send each other "I-messages" while hearing each other and understanding each other's grievances.
So, by using all the rules given above, you will no doubt be able to resolve conflicts in the family without resorting to humiliation and insults. What and what will allow you to further strengthen your relationships and quickly solve accumulated problems, bypassing “family battles”. Good luck to you and harmony in your family life!!!
