How to attract the attention of an adult man
Every woman deserves a reliable, loving man. But how often does she herself believe that the attractiveness given to her by nature is the only criterion by which a man chooses a worthy life partner. It is not difficult to win the attention of the man you like, the main thing is to set a goal and confidently go towards it.
The man is not a telepath, he does not know about your interest. You can live your whole life waiting for his initiative. Take action: show sympathy first.
A man with self-respect is more willing to trust a woman who shares his tastes. Similar interests will contribute to rapprochement.
- A little romance.
When saying hello, don’t pat the guy on the shoulder, it’s better to touch him gently. Not every man knows how to plan romance, but he reacts enthusiastically to a woman organizing a romantic date.
- Be unpredictable.
Act unpredictably, unexpectedly, so he will discover new virtues in you every time. Sometimes it is better to become unattainable in order to make a man yearn.
- Highlight its features.
Find a special quality in your chosen one that is not appreciated by others, let him understand that this is of great importance to you.
- Think before you speak.
Sociability is good in moderation. The stronger sex reacts painfully to comments about his male wealth, appearance, property, and social status. Your tactlessness may manifest itself in the inability to remain silent or in excessive talkativeness. Remember, a man understands most issues better than you, do not interfere with unnecessary advice where a man is firmly confident in the decision. Give him compliments, he will certainly appreciate it.
- Remain a mystery.
By laying out all the events of your life on the first date, you risk irritating your potential partner. Mystery, hints, intriguing gestures - all this creates the impression of an unusually interesting woman. Keep everything in moderation, otherwise you will create the impression of being too strange.
- Be unique.
Emphasized individuality always sets you apart from those around you, so let your chosen one see in you not the sometimes stupid adherence to fashion or the desire to look like everyone else, but a sense of style, a competent ability to show your advantages.
- Be inquisitive, but not prying.
Excessive curiosity is repulsive. An unceremonious invasion of the personal space of a beloved man will only cause negative emotions. Take an interest in his affairs, do not do stupid things to get information.
- No aggressiveness.
Rudeness and rudeness towards others, especially in the presence of a man, are definitely not signs of femininity. It is unlikely that a normal man would want to get involved with such an unrestrained person.
- Mild indifference.
If all other methods and techniques fail, use indifference. Usually a woman is wooed by men to whom she herself is indifferent. They give gifts, shower her with compliments, in a word, try to attract her attention.
- Correct appearance.
And the point here is not in impeccable appearance, but in the ability to carry one’s image. Blindly following fashion trends can ruin your appearance just because it doesn’t suit your type.
If your figure is not ideal, pay attention to proper nutrition in combination with exercise. Your easy gait and straight back will definitely attract attention, especially if you have heels.
Natural beauty, of course, is great, but men like to see a woman who knows how and loves to take care of herself. War paint looks vulgar and will repel rather than attract attention.
Tastefully chosen clothes will highlight your strengths and hide your flaws. Emphasize your chest, waistline, legs - these are the first things a man usually looks at. A small slit on the dress will add charm. Everything is good in moderation, and if you want to look at least vulgar, wear dresses with a huge neckline and lengths well above the knees.
The appearance is complemented by the smell - the smell of a real woman. An unobtrusive scent of perfume that suits your image will drive any man crazy. Too much perfume is not acceptable.
Men have different tastes: some like skinny ones, while others like curvy beauties. What will definitely turn a man off is dirty, disheveled hair, unkempt nails, and a lack of sense of proportion and taste.
An interested look is always noticed. The main thing is to give it the right expression. You should look at him smiling a little from the corners of your eyes, expressing benevolence, and after a second look away a little embarrassedly. Don't embarrass a man by staring at him. No ridicule, arrogance or indifference, just a look full of charm.
Such a non-verbal signal will tell a man that you are ready for a relationship, and if the feelings are mutual, he will give a return sign.
Love, as they say, is evil, and a woman is never immune from love for an already married man. There are two options for the development of events: step aside, forget him, or pursue this man. Both paths are commendable and at the same time arouse sympathy, because it is impossible to accurately judge the purpose from above, but to realistically assess the consequences of actions. You need to do something only with full confidence that the man is your destiny.
- Attracting attention: step one.
Even if a man is burdened with marriage, he remains a man. The time that has passed since the wedding is directly proportional to the level of his interest in other women. Newly-made husbands usually react weakly to other girls; here all you have to do is wait. After 3 years of marriage, you can take him: light coquetry, seductive appearance, happy look when meeting.
- Consolidating the result: step two.
The man noticed you and appreciated you. If you have not yet been introduced to each other, get to know each other through friends or colleagues, use all possible points of contact to establish relationships. After meeting, your task is to deepen and expand his affection.
- Developing a positive reaction: step three.
Your chosen one already likes you. Now it is important to develop a conditioned reflex in him: when you appear, he should experience vivid emotions. He needs what is missing at home. Novelty, praise, compliments, the opportunity to diversify his intimate life - you must support this whole storm of emotions in him.
- Keep your distance: step four.
When he has matured, do not give him the opportunity to immediately realize his fantasies regarding you. Retreat tactfully, let him realize the burden of existence without you. If initially everything was correct, this period will certainly come.
- Final victory: step five.
Only the legal spouse can now prevent a happy union. Don't talk bad about her, hint that she has more rights, and that by law a husband must live with his wife. When a man understands your desire not to break up your family, he will even want to get a divorce.
Think carefully: are your feelings for this man strong? Is your next victory worth his wife's tears? Building your own happiness on the grief of others is far from the most heroic feat of a real woman.
How to behave with a man who is slightly older than you? There are no particular differences from his peers, only due to his greater age his experience and selectivity towards women increases.
- Show your weakness and helplessness.
- Praise him sincerely.
- Highlight his talent.
- Show your femininity.
- Flirt without forgetting modesty.
An adult man is unlikely to look with respect at a woman who openly offers herself.
Different things happen in relationships: people break up, sometimes they make up again. If your feelings for a man are still alive, try to revive them.
- Objectively analyze the breakup of your relationship. He is unlikely to want to resume communication with an eccentric, capricious, frivolous woman. Draw conclusions.
- Share with mutual friends a story about the dramatic changes in your attitude to life after your breakup. Admit what you were wrong about.
- Change your appearance the way your ex-man liked it.
- Sometimes call him for no reason, just ask about his affairs. Let him know that you are always ready to support him.
- Radiate positivity. Attracting you with your cheerfulness and ease of communication, you can count on the attention of other men, thereby making your ex jealous.
Resuming a relationship with an ex-man is risky: the factor that prevented your love earlier will most likely lead to a breakup again.
In an attempt to attract a man's attention, some women resort to magic. However, it is not always successful.
- Take into account the unique features of conspiracies, and do not neglect to study the consequences.
- Choose a ritual that resonates in your soul: resort to church power or the power of the elements.
- Study the necessary actions, learn the spell. When words are spoken from the heart and they fully resonate with desires, any conspiracy gains additional power of influence.
Your efforts may work against you, because you understand that attracting otherworldly forces is a serious and responsible decision. Be ready to accept any outcome.
Women's tricks are not all the weapons in the arsenal of a girl in love. Knowing the strengths and exploiting the weaknesses of a man’s zodiac sign will help in implementing a plan to attract his attention.
Self-confident, brutal on the outside, defenseless and vulnerable on the inside. The approval of others is important to him, especially his woman. Become a real problem for him: get into an argument, make a bet, show intelligence, only unobtrusively. He will be frightened by your restraint, conservative upbringing, strict manners, as well as excessive openness.
Straightforward, independent. He loves sports and his body. Compliments on his beauty will ensure his favor. Appreciates external beauty and strives to win the most spectacular women. If he likes you, be prepared to receive unexpected gifts and frequent scenes of jealousy. Behave freely, do not encroach on his freedom. A man himself must want commitment.
Active, fidgety, charming, knows how to tell interesting stories. He considers himself a monogamist and a romantic, but in reality, relationships rarely last long. He is attracted by ease and unlimited freedom in personal relationships. Become an interesting conversationalist for him on a wide variety of topics, expand your knowledge and find common ground with him.
Quiet, shy, has a refined sense of humor and an ironic manner of communication. Be gentle, soft, do not skimp on praise. A strong woman or one who weaves intrigues will not attract his attention. Doesn’t promise the impossible, so immediately find out what the man expects from your union.
Hypersexual, most often with well-developed muscles. His powerful energy is mesmerizing. Loves compliments. The chosen one should please his family and friends, because he loves his woman to delight others and arouse envy. For a man, emotional unanimity between partners is very important.
Gallant, well-mannered, neat, attentive and reasonable. Loves sincerity and naturalness. He delves into a woman’s problems and quickly solves them. He is attracted to someone he can be proud of in the future. Try to please his friends and parents. He is scared off by too loud feminist statements, much less actions.
Generous with all kinds of compliments, expresses himself exquisitely, does not like the most harmless criticism. Prefers light novels. Be mysterious: the more understatement and contradictions, the easier it is to conquer him. He will not look in the direction of a simpleton, inexperienced and dull woman.
He loves solving riddles and chooses women with multifaceted characters. Values dedication and sincerity. He knows how to speak beautifully and create mystery. Try to surprise him in everything. Excessive emancipation, slyness and hypocrisy scare away such a person.
Freedom-loving, loves to talk heart to heart. Be prepared to listen to his long monologue or go on a trip without warning. He likes to hunt women, so let the man involve you in his hunt, where the main trophy, of course, is you.
Reliable, strong. A calm, polite, friendly, intelligent and practical woman can achieve his favor. Does not accept frivolity and accessibility. Be able to show that you know your worth, such a man will pay attention.
He says a lot, but not everything turns out to be true. The ability to listen to him is the main way to attract his attention. He likes romantic evenings. Do not rush to introduce him to your parents, otherwise the man may be afraid of such a blatant hint.
He has a complex character, despite his apparent simplicity and openness. He will never let strangers into his soul, he is sensitive, and practically does not share his experiences. Romantic and passionate nature. Take the initiative: let him feel like a hero. If he is interested in relationships, then he will plunge into them completely.
Attracting attention correctly
In order for your chosen one to pay attention, get to know you and show a desire to create a relationship with you, listen to the advice of a psychologist.
Strive to please a man in your natural expression. All insincerity will definitely come to light in future relationships and will destroy them.
- Do the work you love.
May this bring you joy. Chasing a man endlessly can make him feel unworthy. Express yourself in what you love. Life turns out the way you do.
- Behave with dignity.
You can attract a worthy man by being worthy yourself. Don't try to change someone, start with yourself.
Let him be involved in the game, let him pursue you. Don't give up early, otherwise the man will lose all interest. However, don’t be too closed off, he must guess about your feelings, and at the same time he is forced to spend time and make efforts to conquer.
- Engage in self-development.
Men like smart women who can carry on a conversation, are capable of solving problems, and give sensible advice.
- Smile and be happy.
A happy look is much more attractive than a proud and disappointed one. Appreciate life, then reliable friends and interesting men will definitely appear in it.
The situation during the walk could be as follows:
- Ask the man you like to take you across the road, citing the lack of a pedestrian crossing nearby. You have half a minute to get to know each other.
- Pretend that you just confused him with someone you know, come up and start a casual conversation. Later, when the misunderstanding becomes clear, be a little embarrassed, smile, and offer to go to a cafe.
- Stumble in front of him, if the man is a gentleman, he will not let you fall. Thank you for “saving a life” and act according to the situation.
At the party:
- Invite him to dance - win-win.
- Look at him with a smile, not hiding genuine interest. A man will not be able to help but notice your attention.
- Accidentally touch it as you pass by, just don't push it.
At the cinema:
- Ask him to hold his popcorn while frantically searching for something in his purse. Then act according to the situation.
- Before the session, ask him if he would be willing to discuss the film with you after watching it, as he gives the impression of an intelligent person.
Men are also greedy for original compliments.
Very often, dating takes place on social networks. Get rid of the prejudice that there are only maniacs on all dating sites. For a man who is too busy with work, online dating is often the only way out of loneliness. If you like someone, start a correspondence with him.
- Don't start with a physical description. Your goal is not to present yourself as a beautiful package, but as an interlocutor with a sense of humor and moderate self-criticism.
- Let the first message be no more than 300 characters. There is no need to reveal the whole truth about the events of life, you will appear before a man as an open book, but you need to arouse his interest in leafing through this book. Remain a mystery.
- You need to show yourself as an educated, cultured, positive person, with good taste, and a love of life.
- Do not be intrusive and too frank, less flattery, but also do not answer coldly, without emotion, the warmth of mutual sympathy must be maintained.
- When you realize that a correspondence relationship is close to meeting in reality, do not delay the date. If you finally agree to meet, do not refuse for fear of not being liked. By this period of time, the man has gotten to know you enough to understand.
Trying to find an excuse to call a man who has long forgotten you, stop.
- Resist your urge to make a call. Get distracted by something, chat with a friend. Anything you say to a man, he will regard as harassment.
- Don't call him when you're depressed. Your voice should radiate joy and cheerfulness. If a call cannot be avoided, try not to show excitement or sadness.
- Don't call again, wait for a response.
- Invite him out, but be prepared to refuse. End the conversation with the clear message that the list of applicants is considerable, and you will find someone to go with. Hide your disappointment.
- It makes no sense to invite a man again after his first refusal.
- Know that your invitation does not oblige him to reciprocate. Your calls only let a man know about your sympathy and readiness for a relationship, but do not guarantee its actual implementation.
The meaning of the ancient teachings of Feng Shui is in the correct channel of positive Qi energy and getting rid of negative Sha energy.
Listen to your heart, be confident in your possibilities. Act with optimism, common sense, never despair, strive to achieve your goal. Your self-sufficiency and positive energy will attract a man’s attention.
Source: All the ways to attract the attention of any man! Every woman deserves a reliable, loving man. But how often does she herself believe that attractiveness, given to her by nature, is the only criterion by which a man https://onmoy.com/vse-sposoby-privlech-vnimanie-lyubogo-muzhchiny.html
How to silently attract a man's attention?
Many people have the old upbringing firmly stuck in their heads: “You’re a girl, and being the first to meet a guy doesn’t suit you. Ashamed…. " And if, at this very moment, you pass by your soul mate, maybe (and it will happen) - this is your real hero, whom you will no longer meet in the future (never), maybe only with this person you will create an excellent family and be truly happy. As my granny would say: “Well, apparently, it’s not fate...”.
Or maybe it’s worth changing something and trying to attract attention to yourself, neatly and without signs of vulgarity? How to encourage a man to notice you and get to know you first? And how to let a man know that you are interested in him?
We recommend that you familiarize yourself with small tricks to solve this issue:
— try to focus on hair manipulation.
It has long been known that long female hair has a magical effect on the opposite sex. A girl who unobtrusively twirls a curl of hair around her finger, smoothes a strand that doesn’t obey and gets out of her hair, periodically shakes her head, simply fascinates men.
- an eloquent look with which you can express a storm of emotions, show the depth of feelings. A sea of emotions can be expressed with just one look. He can be: flirtatious, teasing, questioning, perky, passionate.
Try to casually, as if inadvertently, hold your gaze on the man you like a little longer than usual. If there is a response from him, then you need to look away. The look should be a little mysterious, open and interested.
- seductive lips and a slight smile. Brightly painted lips that are slightly parted can drive any man crazy. Just don’t overdo it, don’t overdo it. Sensual, slightly parted bright lips can drive any man crazy. It’s easy enough to smile, but not widely, just at the corners of your lips.
– show off your wrist – show off your soft and smooth skin on your wrist. This can be done very easily, for example, by accidentally adjusting a sleeve, bracelet or watch.
It’s paradoxical, but even venerable psychologists have not yet found a justification for such weakness of the stronger sex in this part of the female body.
- choose the desired and correct pose. Sitting, straight back, and leg resting on your leg. The higher the leg rests on the top of the other thigh, the more effective it will be. Of course, if you are wearing a skirt of a permissible length, and the process looks more flirtatious and inviting, rather than vulgar and frank. Otherwise, do not be offended by the abundance of indecent proposals from men.
And if you take off the shoe a little and swing it on your foot, the result will meet all expectations.
- play with objects: finger the beads on your neck, stroke the stem of a glass... By playing with various objects in this way, a woman can greatly interest a man and even attract him.
How to win a man over without making any effort?
This often happens - you like a man, but he does not show a response towards you. It's a shame? Certainly! But don’t be sad, because we have prepared a selection of effective tips that will help you win over any man - your secret crush, an arrogant colleague or an eternally dissatisfied boss.
It often happens that one girlfriend is secretly jealous of the other. One of them is spectacular, bright, regularly goes to the cosmetologist, watches her figure, understands the latest fashion - but no one pays attention to her. The other one does not dress in the most fashionable outfits and is not attractive in appearance, but she is a real magnet for men. Some offer a serious relationship, others want simple human communication. Why does this happen, what needs to be done to win the favor of men of any age?
Communication is the main trump card!
There are millions of such stories about girlfriends. We all love to gossip, because humans are social creatures, but not everyone knows how to do it according to all the rules. But by constructing a dialogue correctly, you can win over your partner and even make the desired man fall in love with you.
What should be done? Let him play the role of an eloquent storyteller, and take on the role of a grateful and attentive listener. The more he tells you, trusting secrets and hidden things from his past, the faster you will fall in love.
What to give up? From free time, because they need to dress up to sacrifice. Do not show any negative emotions, do not act as a judge. Do not speak condemningly, do not criticize, do not scold, do not make value judgments. Don’t try to interrupt an inspired story with the phrase “Come on! It was more interesting for me!” and start posting details from your life. If you are ready for this, you can safely begin!
How to win over any man with easy conversation?
The beloved of the poet Vladimir Mayakovsky, Liliya Brik, argued that any man needs to be taught that he is talented, but others do not notice the obvious.
The easiest way to win over your interlocutor is to unobtrusively ask him about everything. It's like you're interviewing and asking questions about someone's life.
Try to explore other people's feelings and worries. Encourage a man to trust you and tell you all his secrets, fears, anxieties, problems. Ask them to even talk about the first thing that comes to mind. Show genuine interest. When asking questions, show keen attention to the answers, showing that this person is extremely interesting to you as a person. Create a trusting atmosphere, empathize, support and simply listen to someone else's flow of revelations.
In order not to rack your brains over how to win over a man, we have prepared a small tip for you. Below is a list of questions you can ask to build trust and maintain relationships, you can add your own questions to this list. Ask questions in a positive way so that your man associates you with happy moments. This will create an emotional connection.
A list of questions:
The most vivid childhood memories. What positive moments are associated with childhood?
Who were his friends? What and how did you play as children?
What from childhood would you like to repeat?
Did you like studying at school?
When did he decide that his childhood years were over?
What is his relationship with his family, brother, sister, parents? What is family to him?
What is the most unusual gift he received in his life?
What is friendship to him? Which friend does he think is the best?
What does he value in people? Which qualities does he consider to be the best and which are the worst?
What is your cherished dream?
What does he value most in girls? What is unacceptable to him?
What kind of girls did you like as a teenager? What was the first love and emotions that he experienced at that moment and now?
Ask in such a way that the man can answer in detail. Not just - why and how? Let your interlocutor speak easily, do not interrupt the flow of his thoughts. Let the stories be a little discordant, confusing, illogical, emotional - don’t criticize. Support your interlocutor and then you will achieve the man's favor in a very short period of time.
Elena,
How to attract the attention of an adult man
The relationship between an adult man and a young girl always causes gossip and discussion from society. People talk, but life shows that such couples can be found more and more. Girls and men enter into such a union, which, not uncommonly, eventually turns into a happy family. And if you have feelings, then you don’t need to suppress them and listen to the opinion of the public; it’s better to arm yourself with a couple of ways to please and interest an adult man?
IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW! Women's perfume with pheromones that will drive any man crazy. Read more >>>
A situation happened when the heart skipped a beat for an adult man, and now should we cry into the pillow or try to fight these feelings? There is no need to mock yourself or your feelings, it is better to take the advice and conquer your king. Important Tips:
- Of course, a man always remains a male, no matter how old he is, and good looks are the first step for them. The only exception is that older men pay attention to the ability of the fair sex to present their natural characteristics in the best possible way. For example, the skirt is short, the makeup is the brightest, the neckline of the dress is larger and all the young man of about eighteen is already at his feet. For a more mature man, this whole appearance will only repel him. You need to learn to emphasize your strengths with the help of beautiful clothes and a small amount of cosmetics and minimize your shortcomings for everyone to see.
- So, attention has been attracted, now it is necessary to maintain the relationship, for this you will need to interest this adult man. There is no need for much complexity here, behave competently, keep up the conversation, less whims and complaints. Listen and listen, plan together, supporting his line of conversation, if it does not go against all your interests.
- If a representative of the stronger sex is older than his lady, there is not even a significant need to communicate on You, unless, of course, certain situations require it. If communication goes towards You, then equality will be felt. And he will understand that you do not consider him an old man and are giving the so-called green light for further closer communication.
- Now you can’t get it out of your head how to make him fall in love with you? Or do you think that you don’t need to push yourself too hard, because grown men already like young ladies? Yes, this is true, but there is no need to try to look older in front of him, since youthful spontaneity and slight naivety can give their results much earlier.
These are some of the options through which you can attract the attention of an older man. Everyone has different views on life and on girls, you need to show a little attentiveness and patience and understand what attracts him more and how you can hook him.
how to make a man make a choice
Today, when the choice of contraceptives is huge, and society no longer requires seven people to shop, nevertheless, there are more and more people who want a large family. But are they always guided by love for children?
No one could be surprised by the large number of children in Russia until the 19th and first half of the 20th centuries. Rather, small families were an exception to the general rule. But times make their own adjustments. And now the fashion has begun for one child or at most two. Directions have emerged when a conscious refusal of children is chosen - childfree. Of course, there are national characteristics, because Russia absorbs many ethnic groups and their cultures.
For example, Muslim tradition assumes having many children. There are families in which there are many children in several generations, and they do not see any other format other than having many children. There are many friendly large families of priests and laymen with 11 or more children, where there is love, parents and children are prosperous, joyful and successful. But there are also so-called dysfunctional families, in which the parents are in long-term confrontation, can hardly withstand the load, the children are problematic, they hate each other and their father and mother. We will talk about them - about the motives for the decision to give birth to many children.
What you read will surprise some, become a discovery for others, and perhaps make others think about their own plans and capabilities. Why do women choose the role of mothers of many children, being adherents of European culture, where they have long adhered to the concept of one child or two children in the family? And is this always a conscious and mature decision? Psychologist Ilya Suslov sees several hidden reasons that are not usually discussed.
Religious motive and magical thinking
“I communicate quite a lot with Modern Orthodox Christians. And therefore I can reliably say: a large percentage of believers, when creating large families, do it unconsciously, guided by far from mature motives,” the psychologist admits. — In the religious environment (meaning, first of all, Orthodoxy), many proceed from the attitude of duty, that Orthodox Christians must necessarily give birth - as many as God wills.
Firstly, this is the general position of the church, which is broadcast by the majority of priests, and secondly, believers, in my opinion, distortedly perceive the phrase from Holy Scripture: “a wife ... will be saved through childbearing,” taking it out of context. Some even read the last word as having many children, that is, many children, considering this a means, a way of saving the soul. Although in fact there is a different meaning here.
At the same time, while abortion is strongly condemned, any contraception is not encouraged, contraception is allowed only by using a condom or by interrupting the act, although it is also impossible to pour sperm “by”, other methods are considered a sin. Sex as a pleasure was never promoted in the Christian religion, and masturbation, called masturbation, is also a sin.”
The fact is that many believers perceive church rules and recommendations as prohibitions, although they should, in fact, be voluntary in nature - in the name of their spiritual development. The prohibition of pleasure is called “abstinence.” During multi-day fasts, as well as on Wednesdays, Fridays, evenings before Sunday and holidays, it is not blessed to eat animal products, have fun, or have sex.
And the closeness of the spouses is perceived solely as a tribute to the cause of procreation. In addition, great importance is attached to patriotism: a woman must give birth to many children in order to take care of the country and raise it. The topic of money and financial support for the family is often resolved in a peculiar way: “God gave a mouth, and he will give a tooth.”
“In such families, magical thinking dominates in the absence of critical thinking. People don’t weigh their strengths following this proverb,” explains Ilya Suslov. Their logic is simple, the psychologist believes: they are doing a good deed, and the Lord will decide the rest. And they give birth to the third, fourth, seventh. People expect that the Lord will make sure that everything works out somehow: the state will help, good people will donate.
Instead of going to a psychologist, learning to be parents, they are sure that they just need to pray more
“But there is a more important problem than money - the human resource necessary to raise several children, preferably prosperous and worthy members of society. And a reasonable question arises: where does a person who grew up in a family alone or with one brother or sister get the idea that he knows how to raise ten, and most importantly, can do it?
I see in such a scenario a manifestation of infantilism: their motto is - if God gave children, then everything will be fine! Among such people there are many who have experienced certain psychological traumas, and many are not able to be conscious, responsible parents and effectively cope with the difficult task of raising and educating their children.
It is easier for them to remain in the illusion that they will cope by creating their own ideal world in which they can protect children from the pernicious influence of the modern world and devilish forces: gadgets, bad people, dangerous knowledge and information. Sometimes, for the sake of this, they are even ready to isolate themselves from the world, even going to the point of leaving for a remote village,” the psychologist is convinced.
And they succeed in this until the child goes to school, and then it gets worse during puberty. But even then, all negative manifestations are attributed to the machinations of the devil, a negative attitude towards believers and other external unfavorable circumstances. Instead of going to a psychologist and understanding the behavior of children, learning to be parents, they are sure that they just need to pray more.
Moreover, prayer is also often infantile: “so that the children behave well,” instead of God teaching us, parents, what we need to do so that we can cope with upbringing more effectively. “I see this as shifting parental responsibility to anyone - to God, to higher powers, to good people who will always be found.
At one time, when I realized that prayer was not helping me with problems in raising children, I sounded the alarm and began to look for other ways, as a result of which I went to study with Julia Gippenreiter, with which I was incredibly lucky. And for me, this was a real breakthrough in consciousness, in accepting responsibility as an adult, as a parent of six children, and most importantly, in changing my behavior and approaches to education thanks to the new knowledge and skills gained,” admits Ilya Suslov.
Great Mother Syndrome
A woman is in symbiosis with a child until he is about 2 years old, often she breastfeeds him during this entire time. During this period, she is one with him, has unlimited power over him, this unforgettable, incomparable feeling of euphoria, when you smell the baby, understand it from half a sound and half a glance. And these hugs, a smile and a look full of love.
You are the only one and irreplaceable for this creature, which completely depends on you. “I call it the Great Mother syndrome. On the one hand, there is a feeling of omnipotence. On the other hand, how well she copes with all the worries about the child,” explains Ilya Suslov. - But now the child approaches 3 years and the first key age crisis, when speech and his selfhood mature. “I myself,” “Move away!”, “You’re a fool!”
Where did that sweet baby who never took his eyes off his mother and that feeling of omnipotence went? And the woman wants to feel it again with the help of a new child. And this can happen several times. Often, the psychologist shares, older children lose their mother’s interest with the appearance of a younger brother or sister.
Hormonal high
There are lucky women who do not know what toxicosis is. During pregnancy, a woman's body produces hormones, such as oxytocin, that make her happy. She seems capable of moving mountains. Many women look better during pregnancy. And I want to return to this state again and again, suggests Ilya Suslov.
Prove that I'm a woman
If the identity as a woman is violated (this happens with psychological trauma or in girls who grew up in dysfunctional families), then sometimes the only way to prove to myself and society that everything is fine with me is to give birth to a child. And not just one. Sometimes it is thanks to pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood that tenderness awakens in a woman for the first time.
“It’s difficult for her to show this feeling to her husband, and once it was difficult for her to show her parents, and now someone appears who becomes her teacher and guide to the female world, where there is a place for warmth, unconditional love - what she herself lacked once upon a time." For some, showing tenderness and warmth is allowed by family scenarios only in motherhood. Many even the coldest iron ladies become soft and feminine. Having many children helps you maintain yourself in this state.
Escaping from the adult world
“When should I study, work, if I’m busy with my child?” And now, it seems, the child can be sent to kindergarten and finally take care of herself and her development, but she is pregnant again. The children's fathers take on the entire burden of financial support. She doesn’t know how to make money - she has a mission to spend it. "I am a girl. I want a dress,” “My mission is to be a mother.”
The further she goes, the more difficult it is for her to realize herself in something other than motherhood. And it’s scary - the world has changed, and she has already forgotten even the school curriculum. However, she will remember it when she sits down to do homework, first with the eldest, and then with each subsequent child. Then, when the children grow up, she will also take care of the grandchildren.
“Often in such families, the relationship between husband and wife as man and woman ends quite quickly. A woman is afraid to admit that by constantly giving birth, she thus avoids intimacy with her husband. There may be an unspoken agreement between them: you provide for me and can live your life, and I am ready to turn a blind eye even to the fact that you have affairs on your side. But you are a wonderful father and head of the family. Sometimes such unions exist for years,” says Ilya Suslov.
Self-realization
In the tale of Tsar Saltan, this motive is quite clearly formulated. I don’t want to be a weaver, not a cook, but giving birth to a hero is the highest feat of a woman. I was not fulfilled in the profession, I did not achieve social success, but in motherhood I will definitely occupy my niche in society. What about the status of a mother of many children? What about the feeling of exclusivity?
Let someone defend their Ph.D. or break their veins in top positions in large corporations. Many people can do this, but alas, not everyone can be a real mother. Such women are sometimes taken not by the quality of their upbringing, but by the number of children.
Defeat mom and sister
The topic of competition with parents and siblings also sometimes arises among grown children. “If the relationship with the mother was not good or was unhealthy, then often girls who grow up try to surpass their mother. “You had two of us, and I will give birth to three or four. And I can take care of them better than you can take care of my sister and me. I'll be better than you. And I will love my husband, and not disappear at work, like you. And I can handle the job too!”
Or jealousy that stretches from childhood forces you to defeat your sister or brother: she has two - I will have three, he will have four, and I will give birth to five.
All of the ulterior motives listed above are unlikely to make us happy. And perhaps the time has come for conscious, adult motherhood?