Do not forget that loneliness is a feeling, an experience that is born in our soul. In reality, we are always surrounded by people - at least work colleagues, neighbors, and ordinary passers-by meet on our way every day.
Loneliness is a special form of experiencing and realizing oneself as abandoned, cut off, forgotten, deprived, lost, unnecessary, homeless. What are the reasons that you feel lonely in such a dense society?
REASONS YOU FEEL LONELY
1
High expectations
Often our standards do not match the standards of those around us. They seem much stupider, scarier, and uninteresting to us. The search for the ideal superman can drag on, the threat of being left alone is steadily growing.
Solution:
You shouldn't look for the perfect man or the perfect friend. There are no ideals. Often, the unconscious ideal image is not formed on the basis of real life experience, but is based on books, movies, music or photographs. In this case, the broken connection with reality does not make it clear that in real life these people may not be as good friends, lovers, or interlocutors as their heroes in the movies. Over time, you will be able to find a huge number of “cons” in any person and concentrate on them, this will invariably lead to the destruction of the connection. A much better solution would be con.
2
Fear of rejection and, as a consequence, fear of communication
Like any fear, fear of rejection is based on low self-esteem. Such people are afraid to communicate with people precisely because of the fear of being rejected, because of the fear of being uninteresting. And therefore they build the great Chinese wall between themselves and the people around them. If you think that you are unworthy of love, then there won’t be any! Lonely people cannot truly have fun in companies and experience difficulties when they need to call someone, agree on something, or resolve any personal or business issue.
Solution:
Communicate. No matter how difficult it may be and at first glance uninteresting. How can someone love you if you don’t say a word to them? What's the point of staying at home? After all, the main man in your life is unlikely to appear “out of nowhere” and sit comfortably under the bed. You shouldn’t pretend to be the heroine of a famous story, who, until she was forty, looked under the bed, trying in vain to find a man there, and after forty, she put another one in order to increase her chances of meeting her.
Walking with friends, a swimming pool, a gym, karaoke bars and nightclubs have not been cancelled. Nowadays, many people meet on the Internet. Of course, this is not always the key to success, because often men there are looking for one-night stands, but many people who are embarrassed to approach you on the street or in other public places are not afraid to express their feelings, flirt and make advances online. Choose carefully, don’t hang yourself around the neck of a cute (pictured) blond, just because he said that your high school graduation photo is really nothing.
If you believe that you are unworthy of love, then there will be none.
3
Subconscious reluctance to communicate
Usually, on the one hand, such people seem to want communication, but, on the other hand, it quickly tires them and their interest disappears. Feelings of loneliness, and, as a consequence, depressive states, in this case, may arise due to dissonance between one’s desires and the response. Such loneliness is no longer based on character traits, but on personal characteristics, on temperament, that is, on subconscious attitudes that are difficult to correct.
Solution:
Love yourself! Finally, try to live for yourself, in harmony with yourself, with your inner world. It is not simple. First, you will have to stop perceiving the world as it is seen by your grandmother neighbors on the bench, who are very interested in “Why are you at 30 and not married, and even without children?”, or employees whispering behind their backs. Take auto-trainings or affirmations and forget about their existence. Give yourself all your free time. Do what you love and fill your day with positive emotions. If you don’t want to wash the dishes, don’t wash them, no one will see it (the main plus of loneliness); instead, you can watch your favorite movie, take a walk before bed, take a warm bath, read your favorite book, listen to music. People are subconsciously drawn to a personality that radiates harmony. A friendly and sincere smile, optimism and a good sense of humor will not leave others indifferent. If you are constantly loaded with thoughts about loneliness and how sorry you are for yourself, then this vicious circle is unlikely to ever break. Then ask yourself a question? “How good will life be according to the principle “better with someone than alone”?
In all three cases, it's not about others, it's about you. You will have to change to escape loneliness, not others to lend a helping hand. Most often, the feeling of loneliness is tightly tied to male-female relationships. And when we say that we are lonely, this means only one thing - the absence of a “prince on a white horse.” Try to change your approach to loneliness and instead of the traditional “Where can I get it?”, ask yourself “What should I change in myself so as not to be lonely?”
“I don’t have to deal with loneliness!”
I graduated from a faculty where the teaching staff was 80% female, and the overwhelming majority of women were single.
And if, looking at some, I understood why not only men, but also friends ran away from them, then the loneliness of others caused bewilderment.
Smart, beautiful, earn good money, funny, not bitches - what else do these men need?
Indeed, in the modern world there is such a paradox: worthless men and successful women most often suffer from loneliness.
I think there is no need to consider the first case, but I would like to dwell on the second in more detail.
At first, these ladies studied, then they sought to secure a job, defend their dissertation, and there was not much time for dating.
And, having reached a certain level, they can no longer look at a man with a 9th grade education and dirty nails.
What remains? Loneliness? No!
overcome loneliness if you really want to.
Are you depressed? 7 tips to cope with depression
If someone claims that they feel completely normal without having a loved one and friends nearby, then they are either lying or have serious psychological problems... and I'm not kidding!
My second cousin works under the supervision of a retired boss.
The woman divorced after three years of married life, then raised her son on her own, never got married again, and what’s more, she didn’t even have a promising relationship.
Thus, affairs for the sake of profit, the details of which are still savored by the sister’s older colleagues.
The son grew up, moved to another city, she could not find a common language with her daughter-in-law, so she even sees her grandchildren on major holidays, she lives alone in the company of cats.
But the strangest thing is not even this, but the attitude of an adult woman who sincerely hates all married people and regularly repeats the phrase: “Oh, I couldn’t get along with anyone!!!”
And tell me that this lady does not have serious psychological problems?
But she also has some benefits: the girls in the department were so afraid of repeating her fate that they all quickly got married and valued their families very much!
Requests for help Write your story Dear friends, help... At least listen, sympathize, I ask you... I want to touch human souls, feel friendly participation... It’s hard to endure loneliness, constantly waiting for the end of the black streak, but it doesn’t end. Then I lost my temper and discussed my colleague, and then I’m shaking - at least she wouldn’t find out, because I’m very ashamed, then I got angry, etc. Isolation, routine, constant duty... I know that I need to go to church, to confession, Communion, just with to talk to a priest, but I rarely appear there now, I justify myself that I work a lot, but in reality it’s a shame to confess some things, and I don’t have enough faith, I think, “Or maybe the Lord won’t help...” There’s no one to have a heart-to-heart talk with, so , about nothing... It’s all about the case. It’s my own fault, I’ve lost my friends, but I can’t make peace, I don’t want to. And my ex-boyfriend has already died... Three years ago, from drugs. I miss you, but I can’t bring him back... I lost my loved one. My husband, no children. Unloved job, no friends. I just want to feel a friendly shoulder and human warmth and I will understand what (or whom) I should strive for... Thank you, dear ones. Sorry. Support the site:
Elena, age: 38 / 09/13/2016
Responses:
Elena, calm down, stop for a while, think about what exactly you want from life, buy a beautiful notebook and write down your goals and desires there. Every day, do something that will help you achieve your goal, and write about it. Do you want to make friends? Give a compliment to a work colleague, for example, discuss something over lunch and so on. And be sure to write down what you are doing. Now it’s hard, something doesn’t work out, and you’re already giving up and don’t want anything? Just start doing something that will help you overcome, in your opinion, these difficulties. The main thing is to try, and to know that you tried your best. Even if it doesn’t work out, you will have experience and you will already know exactly in which direction to move. Start pampering yourself, taking care of yourself, developing, smile more and be friendly, and then both people and luck will be drawn to you. The past should remain in the past, you will definitely find yourself a loved one and start a family, you just have to step out of your comfort zone a little and make some effort.
Ekaterina, age: 30 / 09/13/2016
Well, what are you doing? We ourselves change our lives, and as long as you think so yourself, the routine will continue. Don't stop! Take action! Meet people, communicate, set a goal and achieve it. It may be dumb advice and “easy to say”, but you should always think positively. Good luck!
Anonymous, age: 12/09/13/2016
Sunny, my dear Elena, how good it is that you wrote here! The fact that you repent is the biggest thing! We are all sinful people, sometimes we will discuss and condemn... But how endless is the mercy and love of God! He will always forgive, shelter, calm. Understand, dear, your shame is false, it is from the devil. It’s just that “that one” wants to lure you into his network, but you don’t listen to him! Write down on a piece of paper what is bothering you and say it! Blush, be ashamed, but tell me! Father is not an investigator. You tell your sins to God. The priest is only a witness. The Lord will help, you just ask for help and believe. There is one good book called “The Unknown World of Faith.” Read, think. And you may have friends, and a loving husband, and children, God willing. Start changing yourself before it's too late. My great-grandmother got married and had a child at your age. And such a wonderful and healthy baby was born! I love my grandfather. God willing, the Lord will give you joy too, the main thing is to quickly find time and run into the temple, talk to the priest. Open your heart to God, trust. Maybe there will be a brotherhood at the church, and you will find a husband there, and there are also Orthodox dating groups on social networks. Who knows, maybe you will meet fate there and like-minded people. You have such a beautiful name, God bless you! Hugs
Zzzzz, age: 20 / 09/13/2016
Dear Elena, you need to overcome yourself and go to the temple, your soul is calling you there. It is there that you can feel unity with people and the grace of forgiveness. Just pray for all the people who surround you, for everyone you love, for those you have harmed, for those who have gone to another world. Strength of spirit, honesty, honor, dignity, courage - these are not empty words, and your soul really craves them, it just doesn’t know how to approach them. It’s good if you find a good example of virtues before your eyes, read spiritual literature, literature on self-development. But I warn you - don’t expect quick changes. Everything has its time. Gradually open up to people, look for contacts with people you like, learn to forgive yourself and others, don’t forget your friends, come out of your shell and you will be rewarded. We are all human and make mistakes, the main thing is to get back on the right path in time. God sent us a great miracle - love and this is the most beautiful thing we can do - love people. Everything will be fine! Remember what you always wanted, what you strived for, and you will see what needs to be done. Happiness, kindness, love, understanding! Hug tightly!
Maria, age: 28 / 09/13/2016
Dear Elena, I understand you so well, probably many people have such a situation when all communication is exclusively about work and there is a lack of simple human closeness. On the one hand, there is a need for communication, and on the other, there is a reluctance to waste time, invest mental strength in communication, and look for new people, showing initiative. Moreover, the older we are, the fewer people may be interesting to us. What to do? Go to some hobby groups (foreign language, calligraphy, something creative, something that would be interesting to you) and of course work on yourself, take steps towards it. Yes, it takes effort. Think about how you can interest other people, look for those who still appeal to you and get closer. Sorry if the advice is banal, I myself emphasize this for myself. Don’t be sad, you can get a pet first to feel that you are alive, that your heart loves someone and they reciprocate your feelings. You see, I could not remain indifferent, I wish that your life begins to change for the better. Hugs.
Anna, age: 35 / 09/14/2016
Elena, good afternoon. We all get lonely. You are great - you are working. Don’t reproach yourself for moments of weakness and doubt in faith; everyone also has such moments. If you have a desire to go to church, do it. Perhaps you will feel better and some new opportunities/options will appear in your life that you have not seen before. I hope you find your joy in life again.
Sergey, age: 27 / 09/14/2016
Yes, it’s a shame you don’t go to church, especially if you know what you need to do. I will advise you to go there quickly
Anna, age: 50 / 09/14/2016
Thank you, dear sisters, for your participation, attention, wise advice! I will definitely follow them (I’ve already started a notebook), now I’ll go to the library, take books on psychology (I read your responses, sat, thought about what interests me in life, and came to the conclusion that I would like to get acquainted with psychology, and maybe, in the future, get a second higher education), at least I have always felt sympathy and interest in this field of science. I will definitely go to church for confession. And, of course, bring myself to order - gym, etc. Sisters, I am very grateful to you for supporting me in difficult times, I kiss and hug you tightly!!!
Elena, age: 38 / 09/14/2016
Hello. Elena, waiting and being patient is not an option; it’s better to strive, to try, to somehow move forward. If you don’t like the job, look for another place, maybe you’ll find what you need. Take a look at any serious dating sites, for example Orthodox ones, communicate, meet, there you can not only find your soul mate, but also friends and girlfriends. Hang in there. Do not give up!
Irina, age: 28 / 09/14/2016
Elena, my dear, stop moping - this is the first thing. Everyone goes through this, feels the same as you do now and this is absolutely normal! I promise you that this will definitely pass. You see, Elena, there is no black/white stripe in life, and I was convinced of this from my own experience. Change your attitude towards the situation and it will change too. Take what is happening to you now as some kind of experience that will be useful to you later in life. All the best!
Gloria, age: xx / 09/17/2016
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Do some self-analysis
If loneliness creates anxiety, discomfort or boredom, it is convenient to stop and think: do I feel comfortable ? Is there something that's bothering me? Can I name the emotions I feel? Can I put into words what is going on in my mind and heart?
Something may be wrong if we constantly spend time with other people. Avoiding loneliness at all costs reflects intrapersonal conflict. If we don't take responsibility, we will end up looking for some way to relieve this discomfort without understanding or facing what is actually happening to us.
Loneliness heals
When faced with certain life events, solitude is necessary to organize ideas and feelings. Loss and change create emotional imbalances that we must correct in order to be at peace.
Spending time alone is essential to feeling and accepting your own experiences. We should also share our experiences and problems, but listening to our voice is very important. Spending time with others should not replace personal reflection.
Having moments of silence with ourselves encourages us to focus on our inner world. We are the only ones who will listen to our thoughts and face our emotions. No one else will take the stage, and the responsibility for knowing how to manage what affects us lies in our hands. This is when we can enjoy peace and learn to cope with discomfort.
Loneliness allows us to make efforts to understand ourselves. This gives us the opportunity to choose what to do, when and how, and enjoy the process.
How to survive loneliness?
How to survive your loneliness? If you cannot change the situation, you need to change your attitude towards it. This can be done using the following simple techniques.
DO: hope for the best
Buy yourself some flowers . Remember the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears,” when Vera Alentova’s heroine brought home a bouquet of carnations that she bought on the way from work. Loneliness is not a reason to deprive yourself of small joys.
Do what you have long dreamed of. For example, take a bubble bath, go to the cinema or theater, or order a piece of the most high-calorie cake in a cafe. As psychologists say, when a person does something that gives him real pleasure, he begins to experience emotions similar to falling in love.
Hope for the best. Think that a man will definitely appear next to you. If we talk about subtle matters, then in this way you program the Universe for a certain course of events.
Cooperate with your friends. Maybe you have lonely friends, colleagues or relatives? Why don't you guys get together and have a ladies get-together? If you want, you can even go to a disco or a male striptease.
Give yourself a gift. Spend money on a new handbag, cosmetics set, or jewelry. Don't forget that shopping is relaxing and calming.
Visit your parents, especially if they live nearby. Weekends are a great excuse to see them, look at photos, listen to funny stories from your childhood. In the end, parents are the only people on Earth who love not for something, but just because.
Use the Internet. It’s great if you are registered on social networks and communicate closely with your virtual friends. During the holidays, you will definitely receive congratulations and warm words from the stronger sex. Remember that there are many people around you who sincerely wish you happiness and goodness.
DON'T: engage in soul-searching
Don't feel sorry for yourself. This is the surest path to melancholy and tears, from which it’s a stone’s throw to prolonged depression. Don't let negative emotions get the better of you. If you really want to cry, then put on some sentimental melodrama and let your tears flow.
Don't introspect. Single women often delve into themselves, trying to find answers to global questions: “Why am I lonely? What am I doing wrong?" There's nothing wrong with you, it's just the way your life is going at this stage. But this does not mean that it will always be like this.
Don't have any illusions. This is another extreme that some women resort to when they like one of the men they know. Instead of confessing their feelings to him, they begin to endow him with the most excellent qualities in their imagination, worrying about why this ideal man did not call and congratulate him on March 8th. But how can he do this if he is unaware of your feelings? Maybe it's time for him to find out?
