Is love possible after 40 years?
The reason for loneliness at this age lies in our fears and self-doubt. People have the wrong idea about love and mistake it for something that is not love at all. After mistakes and disappointments, it is very difficult to learn to trust someone. To fall in love again, you need to overcome some misconceptions about this wonderful feeling at such a mature age.
Lack of decent candidates
The most common misconception among ladies is that they think that all good men are already taken. But if there are lonely beautiful women, then such men also still exist. They may be lonely for many reasons and are also looking for their other half.
Women over 40: “It’s too late to think about love”
According to official statistics, after 40-44 years the percentage of single women begins to grow and rises to 22%. And the number of available men is decreasing. After 50 years, the number of free women is 23%. By age 60, this figure increases by another 2%. As a result, it turns out that by adulthood, 7 out of 10 women have a permanent partner. 2 in 10 have no partner at all, and 1 in 10 are either actively searching, dating someone, or in love.
Olga Trofimova, family psychologist.
– It often happens that women after 40 begin to form false ideas about love. These misconceptions simply prevent you from establishing contact with a potential partner; it turns out that women simply refuse to look for someone and thus remain alone.
Love is for the young
A misconception firmly instilled by society. When we are twenty years old, this is the time of love, crazy actions, etc. But when the age exceeds 40-50 years, it is somehow no longer customary to talk about love, and for many it is even shameful. An extremely toxic thought that leads to self-destruction. One day a woman came to me who fell in love with a young man 15 years younger than her. So she abandoned the feelings, although they were mutual. I refused because I was afraid of the reaction of my loved ones and society. But now she lives alone, there is no condemnation, but she is also unhappy.
I'm fine alone
Most often, women who have experienced toxic relationships come to this conclusion. A relationship where they were expected to always give while receiving little to nothing in return. But this does not mean that other relationships will be built on the same principle. It is important to understand why you agreed to such a relationship, what model of your partner’s behavior would be most acceptable to you. When you sincerely answer these questions, you will look for a partner differently.
Normal men have been taken apart
No, that's not true. This is a mutual accusation: men believe that if a woman has not married before 30, there is something wrong with her. If a man has not started a family, it is impossible to live with him. This is only an external reason; it’s so easy to think, to shift responsibility for your inaction or your fear.
What will people say?
I often hear this when it comes to non-standard relationships. For example, the age gap is too large. But I never tire of saying that at the last moment you should be worried about what people will say. Above I described an example from the life of my client. Only you yourself know exactly how it will be better for you. Listen to yourself, not everyone around you.
Fear of "baggage"
There may also be a material issue involved here. For example, people met and decided to live together. A woman moved in with a man, and then his ex-wife showed up and demanded her share of the house or apartment.
Either the man or the woman has children who are against a new relationship. I had a client who found her happiness after 50 years. So her chosen one had four children. It is clear that he gave them the lion's share of his income. This didn't suit her. There were conflicts over money. Money is a thing that, unfortunately, can surpass even love.
Where is my ideal prince?
Everyone knows that there are no ideal people. But few people think about this phrase. I often hear from women a huge list of demands for men. And with age, this list only grows. Even the most desperate woman will not choose just anyone. Why is this happening? Single life is not easy, but a woman already knows everything that can await her. She has already learned how to fix everything in the house, earns money herself, and conducts her own leisure time. What will await her in the relationship? The unknown. And it seems that you want love, and it seems that it’s normal. There is also the fear of taking the first step. Hence this list of demands grows in order to simply postpone the search for a man.
Sometimes women think too highly of themselves as they age. They don’t want to somehow work on themselves, but there are a lot of demands on men. For example, a client came to me who really wanted to find a rich, successful and handsome man. But she herself was overweight, had practically no hobbies, and spent all her free time on TV series. What I mean is that successful people have a wide range of interests. If you want to interest such a man, you need to comply.
I will live with my grandchildren
You can also write here - garden and vegetable garden. “When I retire, I won’t need anything, you’ll give me grandchildren,” who has ever heard that? It is very good that you care about your family, love children, and want grandchildren. But you shouldn’t forget about yourself either. You will become an equally loving grandmother if you also have a happy personal life.
These are only part of the reasons why women over 40-50 decide to remain single. These are false attitudes. Behind each such reason lies another – true one. And most often it's just fear. But only you decide whether to be happy or follow the lead of your fear and imposed opinions.
Ufa women told their stories about why they refuse relationships.
Tatyana, 57 years old.
- I'm a widow. She buried her husband five years ago. It’s already a decent amount of time to calm down and find a man, but I’m not succeeding. I look good for my age, men are interested in me, but nothing goes further. The fact is that I had an ideal husband: at first he looked after me for a long time, after the wedding his attention did not stop, quite the contrary. We went on vacation a lot, visited different countries, I was always the best in the world for him, all other men cannot even come close to comparing with my late husband.
For example, I met a man, everything was fine. He looked after me, behaved decently, did not count on my living space (I heard that older men are just looking for someone to stay with), and then it turned out that he also had a woman in another city. He travels to different cities for work, and in each, it seems, there is a woman. Well, would a decent person behave like that? And most importantly, it is completely impossible to understand and unravel a lie, and I am still very gullible. And this is just one example. My friends come across gigolos through one of them. It seems to me that they are right: if a man is still single after 40, there is something wrong with him.
Lyudmila, 55 years old.
– My husband and I divorced 10 years ago, it seems like it’s time to find someone for myself, but I don’t want to. There's simply no desire. Family life began early; I had not yet had time to enjoy my youth. Then immediately children, a huge responsibility, I had to quickly become a caring wife and loving mother. And if translated into normal language, this means standing in the kitchen all day, not having free time, not having your own desires and needs. Either you need to look after your husband or your children. Now my children are older, everyone has moved away, I live alone and just relax.
For so many years of marriage, there was only a week when I was able to forget about cooking and cleaning. Then the whole family went on vacation. If I was tired and lay down to rest, my husband immediately began to grumble. And if you’re already sick, then that’s it. I understand that it’s my own fault, this is how I built relationships in the family.
But it seems to me that all men are like that. They are looking for a mommy who would clean, cook, and look sexy. But there are none. I recently met a man, we talked on social networks, then he invited me to dinner at his home. He cooked it himself, but immediately made a reservation that it was unacceptable for him to stand at the stove when there was a woman in the house. Before this there was another man, we dated for about a month. No matter how you come to his house, there is nothing but a mess all around. And he immediately said that he doesn’t like cleaning, I’ll do it if we succeed. So I look at all this and think, do I need it? At home I am my own mistress, but with a man I will have to look into his mouth again.
Valentina, 47 years old.
– I am sure that all normal men get married when they are young. It happens, of course, that things didn’t work out with the wife, the man is alone, but if everything is fine with him, then they immediately sort him out. I always come across some inadequate ones.
I met a man, he sent me his photos, he was a former military man, as he said. A very handsome man, it was interesting to communicate with him. The only negative that he immediately warned about was that he lives in a village near Ufa. I just lived in Ufa all my life, I can’t imagine how I’ll be in the village. But I thought that if the man is standing, then this is not a problem. After all, you can sell his house and buy it here. There are options.
A month later they decided to meet, invited me to visit him, and there... Firstly, as it turned out, the man is almost 50 years old, and he still lives with his mother. Moreover, his ex-wife also lives with them. Once she exchanged real estate or invested money in their house, I didn’t understand, now she has nowhere to go. Is this normal? His mother began to tell me that he hears some voices all the time, and when he passes by the cemetery, it is as if he is being beckoned there. His father was schizophrenic, it could simply be passed on genetically. I quickly ran away from them, then he came to me for a long time, asking to live, because he was tired of his mother and ex-wife. And I understand everything, but should I feel sorry for a grown man? I think no.
What do you think about this?
Lack of faith in love after 40
Many women who loved their man and lost him for some reason think that they are no longer capable of feelings. This is wrong. If you can love, then you have the opportunity to make your next chosen one happy. Age does not matter here, since the light and warmth that fills your heart has no statute of limitations.
Loss of desire to meet
If dating was a joy when you were young, in adulthood it can cause fatigue and exhaustion. A woman, unsuccessfully meeting different men, loses faith that she can fall in love. But don't give up. Not a single person crosses our path by chance, and every man brings you closer to meeting your chosen one.
Finding the perfect man
Don't get hung up on the fact that a man must be perfect. Each of us has our own shortcomings, so don't dwell on it. The most important thing is to get out of your comfort zone and believe that love happens after 40. Go on dates, meet and communicate with men, accepting them for who they are. Among them you will definitely meet your soulmate.
Wrong stereotypes
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Many women, disappointed in men, think that all representatives of the stronger half of humanity are bad. But that's not true! It all depends on how you look at a man. If you look only for the bad in him, this is exactly what you will find. Believe that there are wonderful men out there and they will start showing up in your life. Try to get to know them better, treat them with respect, and they will respond in kind, trying to become better.
Read the article “Can a woman fall in love at 40?”
The benefits of love in adulthood
If love has happened more than once in life, then at some point a person gains the ability to control feelings. Don’t mindlessly follow passion, but fully enjoy it, like flying a hang glider. At the same time, well understanding how important it is to stay on the right course and prepare for landing, that is, for the moment of the final decision - whether it is worth continuing the relationship or, apart from romance, there is nothing connecting you with your partner.
In other words, after 40 years, many people know how to savor love like great coffee - in small sips instead of drinking it in one gulp without really tasting it.
Another significant talent of maturity is the skill of adapting to the lifestyle of the other half - when no attempts are made to reshape her personality to your liking, detailed conversations are held on all issues of interest, compromises are diplomatically sought.
A person distinguishes what can be a serious obstacle in love, and what is a trifle that needs to be gotten used to, and not ruin a good relationship because of it.
