When your relationship with a girl becomes serious and you decide to get married, you have to deal with many issues. You will need to decide exactly when you want to get married, where you will then live, and yes, we almost forgot, you will also have to meet your fiancée’s parents.
Surely you would like to have a good relationship with her loved ones. Alas, we cannot promise that they will love you as much as your chosen one, but if you follow a few simple rules, your chances of making a good impression on them will increase.
A couple of useful tips at the end
Well, that seems to be all. Final moments: ironed suit, hairstyle, dress, flowers for mom, box of chocolates and wine. The latter is not always acceptable; consider your family’s attitude towards alcohol. It's time to ring the bell and smile.
Remember, think before you say anything. Choose topics for conversation that will be appropriate in the seed circle. If you find yourself discussing intimate relationships between a man and a woman or your boyfriend's modest income, then the situation has gotten out of control. Take immediate action. Your future relationship with your boyfriend depends on how you meet your parents.
When can you introduce a guy to your family?
Many girls are familiar with the issue of their parents meeting their boyfriend. The problem is not only how they will treat each other, time is also important, whether you have such a trusting and reliable relationship that it is worth introducing the guy to your family. This matter must be approached responsibly.
Introducing a guy to his family indicates that the girl wants to see him as a family member and that she trusts him. Men understand this too, so you need to ask the young man if he is ready to meet his parents. You need to ask your boyfriend how he feels about such an acquaintance. If parents are eager to meet their daughter’s future husband, but he is not ready yet, they should not cause scandals for the young man, wait for him, understand and support him.
Young people are not able to elevate feelings and relationships so much; they are more earthly and practical in relationships. They don't look at relationships through rose-colored glasses the way girls do. At the initial stage of the relationship, the young man does not even think about the future of your relationship, does not make plans, and does not perceive you as a future wife or bride. He communicates with you, gets to know you, tries to understand how well you fit together and whether it is possible to see support and understanding in you. Therefore, you should not rush and make hasty conclusions. Wait until your relationship has actually become serious until you realize how close you have become to each other.
If you have been together for quite a long time and the relationship is built on trust, but you still do not know your parents or the young man categorically refuses to come visit you, try to understand the reason for his fear, support him and help him cope with it. It is advisable not to offer to meet your parents yourself; let the guy talk about it himself. When a guy is the first to express a desire to meet the girl’s parents, he will thereby show that he wants to join your family and trusts his future chosen one with his present and future.
Parents see in the guy not only their daughter’s boyfriend, but also her protection and support. Therefore, before meeting your parents, try to find out and figure out whether this is a man with whom you find it easy and interesting, who will not give you offense and will support you if necessary. Do not be ashamed of your parents under any circumstances, tell the truth. If he truly treats you with kindness and love, he will accept his parents no matter what they are. To avoid conflicts, warn the guy about the interests of your parents, about the characteristics of their character, advise him on topics for conversation, because he worries the same way as you. Explain to your boyfriend what your parents don't approve of and what you shouldn't do or say in front of them.
If your relationship is real and your feelings are strong, meeting your parents will no longer be a problem.
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5 more tips for men
The first impression can only be made once. Therefore, a worthy man responsibly prepares to meet the parents of the woman he loves.
For you she is “sweetie”, “dear” or “kitty”, but for mom and dad she is a delicate flower.
Be prepared to have all your flaws scrutinized under a microscope. After all, they must be sure that they are giving their “blood” to safe hands.
Take care of these important points. Meeting a girl’s parents is also a difficult situation for a man and it doesn’t happen every weekend.
1. Appearance
Forget about torn pants and wrinkled T-shirts. Of course, you shouldn't wear a three-piece suit: just the clothes should be neutral, clean, neat and appropriate for the occasion.
Your woman’s parents probably already have an impression of you from her stories. And don’t flatter yourself: it’s most likely not in your favor yet.
So don’t give them a reason to perceive you as just another rogue in red moccasins with bare feet. It may be trendy, but what good is it if her parents don't appreciate it?
2. Punctuality
If your meeting has already been agreed upon in advance, do not be late under any circumstances. Accuracy - the politeness of kings.
It’s also not a good idea to arrive too early: you can ruin all the preparations if the acquaintance takes place at their home. Believe me, they are also nervous about meeting their future son-in-law.
3. Good manners
Flowers for the future mother-in-law, good cognac for the father-in-law. If alcohol is prohibited, buy a box of chocolates or cake, fruit for everyone. Best of all: pre-discuss options for symbolic gifts to parents with your chosen one.
Coming completely empty-handed is not only bad form, but also a sign of poverty. Well, of course, watch your manners. Be polite, don't interrupt, don't swear, and show that you value their daughter.
4. Confidence
Don't mumble and don't try to please everyone. Have your own point of view and defend it with reason. But don't get too personal. When meeting for the first time, you should avoid “sensitive” topics: religion, politics, etc.
You can talk about yourself, about your plans for the future. Better yet, ask your parents about what their daughter was like as a child. They definitely have many fascinating stories. And your conversation will flow in the right direction.
5. Honesty
Even an innocent little lie can ruin the impression of you for a long time. Don't embellish your merits. And don’t try to hide the ugly truth about yourself by any means.
Just be yourself. She has already chosen you, there is no need to be someone you really are not.
Meeting a guy's parents - tips for girls
Today we are separated from any other inhabitant of the planet by a chain of only six people. There may be more and more people in the world every day, but the world itself is clearly becoming closer - your friends, friends of friends, acquaintances of friends of friends... Thanks to all these connections, you can find that your circle of friends has exceeded nine hundred people - just think, a big deal!
How to avoid temptations in friendship with your boyfriend’s parents and friends?
But some women use (and abuse) social networking sites, "getting to know" a man's friends or family members before he formally introduces them to each other. It seems to them that friendly relations with his loved ones will help them become closer to their loved one or strengthen their union. We understand the temptation to get close to his friends, colleagues, mother, sister or cousin, but being the first to enter his world without an invitation is a big mistake. The guy's friends and family may consider this aggressive, even strange and suspicious behavior, an intrusion into their cyberspace, and if they complain to him, your action may cause unwanted feedback.
What's wrong with asking a girl's parents and friends on Facebook how she makes her signature chicken soup? What harm would it do to write on his college buddy's "wall" saying you enjoyed the college party last weekend? This is almost the same as writing on his “wall”: you are seeking the attention of his loved ones, which is completely against the Rules.
This behavior may be interpreted as bordering on stalking and may intimidate the man. This will make a guy, even one who has been wooing you, feel like he is being taken by the throat.
It turns out that you are keenly interested in his affairs, while you should barely notice that he has friends at all!
It's like showing up at his close friend's house "by chance while passing by" instead of waiting for your boyfriend to introduce you. It’s better to just hang a sign on your chest: “annoying and impatient”!
In this case, it is much more likely that when he introduces you to his parents and friends, he will say: “This is the same girl I told you so much about,” and not “This is the same girl who “friended” you and begged me for you.” introduce."
When should you meet your boyfriend's parents and friends?
The main thing is that you follow the Rules when communicating not only with him, but also with his friends and family members; he himself and any other person from his world must take the first step, both online and offline. You must preserve your own life, friends and interests, and not dissolve in him completely. Don’t write to his 17-year-old sister on Facebook: “Answer me if you want to go pick out an evening dress with someone.” If she considers this a strange act, she will tell her brother! Better go shopping with your girlfriends. Give time and attention to people who are important to your own world!
However, this type of aggressive behavior does not always affect friends and family. Sometimes women "accidentally" have two extra hockey tickets, and they think it's okay to invite the guy they're dating to the game. Has he ever invited you to events like this? If he only takes you to a bar or restaurant, don't do it. Inviting a guy to a concert, sports game, or family function takes your relationship to the next level (not to mention asking him out on a date). Such actions do not fit into the Rules. Take a friend or colleague with you - anyone, but not him!
You're going to a wedding, and you might want to invite your boyfriend as your date. Has he ever invited you to any celebration? If not, go with anyone, just not him! The same applies to holiday dinners with family, charity lunches, corporate parties and official events. Even if your social calendar is busier than his (your friends are getting married more often, throwing parties, or your job requires you to attend a lot of formal functions), you cannot be the first to invite him to any of these events without taking on the role huntresses. And besides everything else, this is the same as an invitation to a date! A guy will get the feeling that you're making plans for your future together if you drag him into your world before he brings you into his (even if at first he seems flattered and excited about the opportunity to accompany you).
Introducing a guy to a girl's parents and friends
Kyle, 29, had been dating Adam, 32, for three months and invited him to accompany her to a formal business dinner. The girl did not want to go alone, and also dreamed of showing off her boyfriend to her colleagues, to whom she praised him in anticipation of their meeting. Adam seemed delighted at first and agreed; but then, two weeks before the appointed date, he began to say that he was terribly stuck at work and was not sure that he would be able to come. Kyle was irritated and anxious and called us in a panic, wanting to know how proactive she should be because the calligrapher needed to know her date's name to write it on the seating card. Calligrapher?! This is a word from the wedding vocabulary! Does she want to scare him away? It is enough for a new acquaintance to see his name next to hers on the holiday table - and he will decide that events are developing too quickly and too seriously.
We advised Kyle to invite just a friend - of any gender - as her companion, and let the calligrapher write the word “guest” instead of the name. Even if in the future it occurs to her to invite Adam to such an event, he should be on the list of invitees precisely as a “guest”. The girl asked if she should tell her boyfriend that he didn't have to go to this dinner. We advised her not to worry: Adam might well have forgotten, and if not, he would be relieved that she would no longer bring up the subject. Indeed, he did not mention another word about it.
Carly invited the man she had been dating for more than a month to her 25th birthday: her friends and family threw a banquet at her favorite restaurant. It was an informal party, but in a matter of hours, the guy (by the way, he was the first to talk to her at the bar, and they met three times in a row on Saturdays) became acquainted with her parents, brothers, sisters, and her closest friends from college and work. Carly called us a few weeks later: he told her that he was not looking for a serious relationship at the moment. He hadn't asked her out for two whole weeks - not since that party! We asked a few follow-up questions, and Carly added that one of her friends at her birthday party asked who this guy was related to her, and he replied, “We're just friends.”
The girl wanted to ask him what he meant, considering that she slept with him after their last date, but we advised against it! Did he invite her to his birthday, did he introduce her to his parents and friends? No, there were still six months left until his birthday. Inviting him to the banquet was a clear mistake: meeting all her loved ones, and at the same time, stunned him.
If your birthday comes earlier than the birthday of your new friend, the situation is not so simple. You've only been dating for a month or two, but then your birthday approaches and your friends are planning a huge party. Well, tell them you want to spend the day quietly this year.
The last thing you need is to be torn apart, wondering whether to invite him or not. If you invite him, you will take a risk, because he will meet all your loved ones, including your mother, and may decide that this is all too serious. If you don’t invite him, he may be offended. Do yourself a favor and just celebrate your birthday over dinner with a few close girlfriends.
Is it worth inviting a new guy to a celebration where parents and friends will be?
Zoe, 25, had been invited to the wedding and was hoping to take Andy, her boyfriend of two months, with her. But the bride asked her not to bring anyone, there were already too many guests. Zoe asked us whether it was worth asking her friend to make an exception for her, but we advised her against it. This would not only be impolite, but also against the Rules, since her boyfriend had never invited her to such events. When Andy asked her out on a Saturday night, the girl replied that they could not see each other, she had other plans. He asked what the plans were and Zoe explained, “My friend is getting married.” Puzzled that she didn't invite him along, but too well-mannered to object, Andy simply asked her to meet her the next day for brunch and then a movie. At 11 o'clock on Sunday morning, Andy picked her up and immediately pestered her with questions about who her companion was and with whom she was dancing. Zoey told him the truth (because good girls don't lie), explaining that she only had one invitation and was dancing with her friends. Andy heard this with relief, but it was clear that he had been restless all last evening, wondering who she had chosen as her companion.
Curiosity further fueled Andy's interest and affection for Zoe! The rules worked - now they are married.
If you're trying to figure out where to start to bring your worlds closer together, stop. Let him take the initiative in this process, as in everything else. Let him invite you to meet his friends and ask you to introduce him to your friends - and when you hear such an offer, do not jump to the ceiling with joy! The problem of our time is that women introduce their men to everyone and invite them anywhere. This is a big mistake! Thoughts many moves ahead: what do you need more - an escort at someone else's wedding or a permanent life partner?
August 10, 2020 at 02:52 pm
Sherry Schneider
