The first sex is a process that, in terms of the level of importance and indicators of the required responsibility, can be compared to launching a person into space. In essence, this is how it is. And, of course, many girls and young men often ask questions about first sex, as a result of which browser search engines are bursting with requests for “what does it feel like to have sex for the first time?”
Everyone wants to know as much as possible in advance in order to avoid mistakes and spoil their impression of themselves. And that's okay. Not everyone has experience, and not everyone strives to receive it, wanting to completely belong to one single person.
Male complexes2
Boys' prejudices are usually based on scenes they have seen in pornographic videos, where, naturally, everything is shown in exaggerated volumes in order to lure viewers. After reading such materials, boys begin to think that they are much worse than the man in the video because:
- Mister Big Penis. Any guy is firmly convinced that it is necessary to have a giant shaft in his pants in order to fully satisfy the girl he loves, completely forgetting that we still love a person, and not just one of his organs.
- “And the years fly by...” Most representatives of the stronger sex firmly believe that sex should last all night. Well, or at least 6-8 hours. Only then will the woman fully open up and enjoy it. This is wrong. The point of sex is for both partners to enjoy it. And its duration does not affect the quality in any way. The main thing is to develop bed experience with him with love and care for your partner, and then everything will work out.
- "Sylvester in the dining room." And yes, it is advisable to be pumped up like Sylvester Stallone, wise like Confucius, successful like Leonardo DiCaprio and brilliant like Raphael. And only then will physical intimacy be successful, and the sensations of first sex will be unforgettable! Sarcasm, as you understand.
How to behave in bed?
Dzvinka
2050 (366)
As you know, not always everything goes smoothly in the intimate life of a couple and they immediately manage to find a common wave. It is women who trace this point especially subtly. Men don't often wonder if I truly satisfy my woman completely. But the beautiful half of humanity does not come up with anything in order to become that very goddess of love for her chosen one. I have one friend (I must admit, a very active and satisfied young lady in terms of sex), and she almost has her own philosophy regarding the question of how to behave correctly in bed. In general, it’s amazing how women bother about this and come up with a lot of ways to become irresistible.
How to please a man in bed?
So, this same friend studied her partners for a long time and almost made a list of what they absolutely cannot stand, and what they really welcome.
1. A man is a hunter by nature and can wait for that fifth or sixth date when his “victim” is ready. But if you are, so to speak, ready to move to a new level of relationship, then you can’t pull the cat by the tail. I have a friend who broke all dynamo racing records: she practically interrupted foreplay in order to urgently wash off her makeup and wash her hair at the same time. Not only did her man (sorry) everything hurt and ache after such a braking distance, but he also had to tune him to the desired wavelength again. Well, we don’t have to talk about the fact that he didn’t try very hard later. Just remember: if you really decide today is the day, grab the bull by the horns.
2. Let's assume that you have already reached the very stage of your relationship when you can walk around the house without makeup. After a while, the period of “come on tomorrow” begins. The classic situation when I have a headache (and it really hurts) happened in our family. My man laughed and simply brought me several different records of headache pills, tied with a bow. But this is almost an endangered species of the stronger sex; the rest will almost certainly react differently. And several days of such “headaches” can then result in a situation where the man is generally indifferent to your efforts to please, he would just like to “let off steam.”
3. By the way, about efforts. At a small impromptu bachelorette party, two of my friends got into a foaming argument over who should take the initiative during sex. As a result, two camps emerged: one gave the entire palm of the championship, with the initiative to boot, to the man, while the other, on the contrary, preferred to occupy a leading position. As for me, both extremes will lead to either a big medal “for activity” or the title “log of the year”. Generally speaking, men love active women, but only when they want it. Here it is important to try to find out what your partner is feeling at the moment, because sometimes everyone just wants to lie on their back, and sometimes actively sweat.
4. After the birth of her child, my friend began to feel uneasy about the appearance of all sorts of wrinkles and her favorite citrus peel on her thighs. It is clear that maternity leave leaves its mark and for many women, self-esteem drops a little. But problems in bed with her husband began not because of her friend’s external changes, but because of her attitude towards them. The fear that her husband would not like her body led to stiffness and some reticence. And similar situations arise in couples not only after the birth of a child. After the words of an employee with rather appetizing forms, I reconsidered this moment a little. She impressively straightened her hair and declared with confidence: girls, if he decided to take off my bra, then the size of my butt suits him. That's what it's worth!
5. In the question of how to behave in bed, we must not forget about the direction of the entire process. Girls, men really don’t understand hints. Once I hinted, quite opaquely, that I didn’t really like this or that pose. As a result, the man decided that I had a bad back and simply offered to treat it. Later they both laughed, but the fact remains a fact. The situation is exactly the same with the direction of your partner. It is a rare man who can fully feel his partner. Here, all means are good: some people like accompaniment like “yes, exactly like that” or “it’s easier here,” and some people respond well to frequent moans. What's so great about this: many men get even more excited when sexual intercourse is accompanied by sound effects.
6. The famous “let’s talk” can also play a cruel joke on you. I remember my godfather and I once shed tears of laughter when we remembered the words of her husband. After about five years of a happy marriage, he gave out a simply enchanting phrase: what I simply adore you for is your cute snoring after sex. No “did you like it?” or “what are you thinking about right now?”
How to behave in bed as a virgin?
Here, of course, things are more complicated. I've never met a woman who wasn't thrilled about her first time. Everyone has their own scenario, but in fact, after many years, each of us understands that if she had behaved more wisely, everything could have gone more pleasantly. Let's omit all the points regarding choosing the first partner, since this is a completely different story. Suppose this is great and pure love and the relationship develops harmoniously.
Firstly, there is no point in especially planning or picturing twilight by candlelight. It’s rare when first sex happens exactly as imagined. If you have already decided, then put on a formal bra, wax your body and go ahead. Again, if a man has decided to move to a new level of relationship, then your body is desirable to him with all the “crusts” and folds.
There is no need to rush or, on the contrary, to freeze in place. Usually a man sets the pace in a relationship in the first couple, just trust him and follow this rhythm. Honestly, if your partner knows about your first time, he will (most likely) act much more cautious and sensual. So here the main answer to the question of how a girl should behave in bed is formulated in one phrase: choose a worthy partner and trust your feelings.
Women's complexes3
The prejudices of girls are purely individual and usually directly depend on the general “corrals” of the fair sex. What a girl is concerned about in real life, she will worry about in bed.
- “And the neighbor has bigger tits.” The basis of the basics. Breast size is important not only for men, but also for women. Yes, many men like to look at a woman’s voluminous bust, but only the breasts of their beloved and only lady are truly important to them.
- I smell. For representatives of the fair sex, smell is often decisive in choosing a partner. So it is during intercourse. It is incredibly important for a girl that there are no unpleasant odors. I think everyone understands that before sex you need to wash yourself thoroughly, tidy up your bed, and ventilate the room.
- I'm not pretty enough. It's no secret that many girls secretly (and not secretly either) look at themselves during sex. To make sure that they are beautiful enough to fully excite your partner. At these moments, ladies do not think at all about the human factor, they do not understand the simple truth that they love a person, namely a person, and not his appearance.
- Oh, did I shave my legs? This complex directly follows from the second. During intimacy, a girl often asks herself many questions about her appearance. This is normal, but this can be avoided if the girl trusts the guy more and knows for sure that he loves her anyway. Then the sensations from the first sex will be unforgettable.
- I'm a log. Activity during sex is an important topic for women's thoughts. Some ladies try to be cheerful in bed, others entrust the process of their satisfaction to their partner, and this is normal. This is not a flaw, but simply a character trait!
And now - sex. How not to ruin your first time with a new partner
How to avoid “fuck-ups” on your first intimate date with a new partner, experts say
Author: Maria Tkachenko
Do not kiss on the first date and under no circumstances go to bed until at least the fifth - these “immutable” rules have long since become a thing of the past. But when does the moment come that it’s time for you two to have sex? And how to avoid awkward moments and not spoil a relationship that has just begun to emerge?
Sexologist Caitlin Kantor advises, first of all, to answer the question for yourself: when you have sex with this person, how would you like to feel after that?
“If you want to feel confident and loved, wait to have sex until you feel confident and loved in the way you understand confidence and love. If you want to feel free from obligations, then make sure that there really are none. If you don't want to worry about pregnancy or infections, make sure to bring and use protection,” she notes.
According to Kantor, both should certainly feel psychologically ready to have sex for the first time in a couple—so to speak, “be on the same page.”
And if someone alone decides to take a step forward, starting solely from their own assumptions and expectations, it can turn out to be uncomfortable.
Talk to each other
There is only one way out - talk to each other and don’t be afraid to voice if something is bothering you, experts say.
If you love something special about sex, this is also worth discussing “on the shore.” (Well, maybe don't pull out the leather flogger on the first date, but at least give a hint.)
According to relationship expert and columnist Kevin Darnay, hiding your preferences from your new partner will only lead to frustrating misunderstandings in the end.
“People often make this mistake and abstain from what brings them sexual satisfaction. They don’t want to risk ruining everything or scaring off a person they barely know yet. But if your erotic urge is something you hope to be part of all your sexual relationships, then do it early on,” he advises.
You should also immediately warn your new partner if there is something that you absolutely do not accept in bed. But there is no need to remember and list your exes on occasion.
For a first erotic date, sexologist Angela Scartu advises choosing underwear that will make you feel sexy, but also comfortable. After all, your self-confidence will depend on psychological and physical comfort.
Don't forget about contraception
Carry contraception with you and don't rely on your default partner. Just in case - let it be. Just like a bottle of lubricant.
Don't forget about hygiene. It's good to have mouthwash, toothbrush, wet wipes, etc. (and spare undies are never a bad idea).
The sexologist urges, as far as possible, to turn off opinions regarding the “imperfections” of your body. After all, if a person wants to have sex with you, it means he likes you.
Take your time, because your bodies are just getting to know each other, they need to get used to each other. Foreplay is extremely important, and if you want, then for the first time you can limit yourself to it altogether and do without penetration.
Laugh. Not over each other, of course, but over possible awkward moments that may arise in the process. Laughter helps you relieve tension and let go of your expectations that everything should go perfectly.
According to sex expert Caroline Kent, the most common reason why first sex with a new partner is not very successful is alcohol.
“Many people find it physically and psychologically difficult to orgasm when they're tipsy, so keep in mind that you're probably desensitizing yourself, and while drinking may make you feel more comfortable naked, you probably won't get the real fireworks.” , she warns.
Sex is not a pursuit of orgasm
At the same time, it should be remembered that sex is not a pursuit of orgasm. And if it didn’t work out very well the first time, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never have great sex with this partner. You probably just need more time to get along with each other.
“What’s not right is to pretend that you liked it, because admitting that you didn’t like it is too inconvenient,” the expert notes.
However, she advises paying attention to how your partner reacts to failure. If you didn't have fun and he or she isn't too interested, or when in response to your complaint you hear something like "I don't know anything, I didn't have such problems with my exes" - this is an alarm bell.
Tags Psychology Sex Relationships
