Undoubtedly, parents have already noticed that some young children suddenly begin to behave completely unceremoniously, while feeling themselves to be the immediate center of the Universe. But if, from a very early age, parents begin to instill respect in their child, it will be much easier for him in the future to communicate with other people.
This, first of all, depends on how clearly the baby has learned the rule, which says: “Treat other people the way you want them to treat you.” Yes, it will not be at all easy to teach a child this, especially when he is too young, in order to draw the line between good and evil. Therefore, parents will have to often remind the baby of this.
At 2-3 years old, children spend time simply playing with toys much more than with each other. This will continue until the baby learns to play together with other children. Subsequently, he will take without asking the thing that he likes, since he is used to behaving this way. But soon this will create problems, because all things cannot belong to him alone.
If such a situation arises, adults should set a good example for him, each time asking permission to take a toy, but under no circumstances do this silently. And so, the baby gave you a toy. Don't forget to thank your child.
The child spends most of his waking hours playing or eating, and this is exactly the time when you can learn good manners. For example, at lunch you can show your child how to properly handle a spoon and plate, remembering to encourage your child with a smile and gentle words.
Many parents, when they come to visit, have undoubtedly heard more than once flattering compliments about their child’s good manners. This once again shows that a child may well remember the rules of behavior if they see that not only you, but also other people follow these rules. Even though children do not always demonstrate good upbringing at home, when visiting, as a rule, their behavior changes.
Why is this happening? This is because the child no longer feels so confident outside the home, and here the lessons of good manners taught to him earlier come to the rescue. The way you behave can largely determine the manner of his behavior. Of course, this does not apply to all children, but to most.
Many parents do not understand what to do when their children start talking in an ultimatum manner. Most often this happens in adolescence. However, preschoolers sometimes begin to treat their parents this way. But we can fix everything. The main thing here is to continue to cultivate kindness, honesty, justice and gratitude in the child. Here the most effective method of education will be your own example.
There are several other strategies to help you raise children who will respect others.
Good manners
Of course, being polite is not a mere formality. For example, when you thank someone for helping you with something, you confirm that there is some kind of compromise, interaction. Whenever a child forgets to say “sorry” or “thank you,” it is necessary to finish it for them.
If you plan to go to some place where you need to behave in a certain way (restaurant, museum, church, etc.), you should initially make sure that the child understands exactly what is required of him. Explain in detail to your child what can and cannot be done. And tell them that if the child behaves badly, you will go home immediately. If the child behaves well, be sure, as already written earlier, to praise him and tell him why you are so pleased with the child’s behavior.
What does it take to instill respect in a child?
Children most often learn through imitation. Your children learn to demonstrate and imitate your behavior from an early age. If you treat the people around you with respect, your children will understand this. If, however, you talk to other people or ignore their opinions and insight, your children will choose to emulate these behaviors.
While no parent is perfect, make sure you give yourself plenty of time. See what your behavior says about you. Do you like to argue? Maybe you're being rude? Or are you annoying or angry? Will you pass by or help others? Do you clean up after yourself and avoid littering? There are many ways to show respect in everyday life. So don't be afraid to ask yourself difficult questions about how you behave.
Talk about respect with your children
Explain to your children what respect is. Even from an early age, your children can explore this idea. This could be something as simple as talking about the importance of sharing toys or not taking something away from another child. It may be more difficult, for example, to explain why your child should be polite or kind to other people. As you begin to discuss respect, your children will feel more comfortable exploring the topic with you. Most importantly, they will be able to ask you questions about what it really means to show respect for others.
Set a real example of respect
Make sure you show your child plenty of examples of what respect looks like. Many people grow up thinking they understand respect. But in fact, they know little about the concept of respect. Do your children know what true respect looks like? If they don't understand this, try discussing real examples with them. You don't have to do anything. Simply point out examples of respect and disrespect in your everyday environment. They'll know exactly what you're talking about before you know it.
Teach to hear and listen
If you devote your attention and time to some person, this is considered one of the most important indicators of respect. In order for your child to be confident that you are listening to him, you need to take your mind off your worries and look into the child’s eyes.
Understand that no one but you can teach your baby all these tricks. If the child really likes to interrupt, role-play the following situation: the child is telling you something, and then suddenly dad runs up and starts interrupting the baby.
Now you are your baby's best friend. The baby always tells you about his simple childhood sorrows and joys. If you want this to continue, don’t refuse to listen to stories like this! Don't ask too many questions or interrupt your baby.
HOW TO TEACH A CHILD TO RESPECT ELDERS consultation on the topic
HOW TO TEACH A CHILD TO RESPECT ELDERS
It has always been customary for many peoples of the world to honor their elders. Elderly people were surrounded with care and attention, they were listened to, and it was not without reason that the proverb arose: “The advice of the old does not give you a headache.” However, now we often observe an acute gap “across a generation”: our own children do not value our own parents - that is, their own grandparents.
The most peaceful religion, Buddhism, says something like this: “A society that does not respect elders, that does not care about women and children, is doomed to suffer.” By the way, in India, which is poor compared to Russia, there is practically no system of state pensions. But here’s the paradox: putting an old man in a nursing home, or simply abandoning him to his fate is considered a grave disgrace. Adult children themselves support elderly parents, and they are not denied anything - to the extent possible, of course. They teach the same respect to the grandparents of their own children. What went wrong with us?
• Same coin
Having noticed a similar problem in your own family and deciding to brush it aside, you forget about one simple but fail-safe rule - the “boomerang rule”. It’s even simpler - “what comes around, so will it respond.” If now you allow your children to neglect your elderly relatives, then no one can guarantee that you yourself will be of no use to anyone in your old age.
Before it's too late, start instructing your children to respect old age. And it doesn’t matter whether they are “our own” old people or “strangers”: children must understand that older people should be treated in a special way. Where to begin? Yes, from the simplest things that we ourselves were once taught in childhood: to give up a seat to an old man in public transport, or to help an old woman carry a bag of groceries home.
Observe how your child communicates with “random” adults, like the old lady at the entrance or the salesperson in the store. This will tell you a lot: if it is still permissible for a three-year-old child not to greet adults first and “pok” them, then a younger schoolchild must clearly follow the rules of decency. However, keep in mind that all your correct and wise words about respect for old age will remain just words if you yourself allow yourself unacceptable things in your relationships with older people.
• Learn wisdom from the one who wore your shirt before
It's no secret that a child always copies his parents' habits and behavior. And therefore, think about how often you yourself (especially in the presence of children) sort things out with older relatives in a raised voice: you react with irritation to their comments and teachings, to the fact that parents increasingly begin to forget something or complain about feeling unwell and tired? Do you sometimes blame them for not giving you something or not liking you?
If all this happens regularly, especially in front of a child, then you should not be surprised that he will begin to treat his grandparents the same way. Moreover, you yourself, by your own behavior, are programming an unhappy old age for yourself, without warmth and care from your own children.
Of course, advanced age is not yet a magic key that must open all hearts. It is quite possible that, for very good reasons, you did not have a good relationship with your own parents or with your spouse’s parents. But these are exactly the people thanks to whom you, your soul mate, and your children too, were born. Therefore, it is necessary to go through a simple scheme with your child, the goal of which is decent relationships in the family.
• If the grandchildren are cheerful, the grandmother is even more so
1. Remember what a long and, probably, difficult life your grandparents lived. Tell your child (and remind yourself at the same time) how much they have been through. And then imagine how difficult it is to enter old age, with the accompanying illnesses, illnesses, and small pension. Put yourself in their shoes. Did you feel even a little sorry for them? Then we proceed to the next stage.
2. Get out family photos and tell your child the story of your parents. Surely there is something to be proud of in their biography. Just look at it impartially, from the outside, as if we are talking about strangers. And remember your childhood: your mother probably didn’t get enough sleep at night to ensure that your school uniform was always perfectly ironed, and your dad took on endless part-time jobs to support the family. Did you feel respected? Then we move on to the most important thing - love.
3. Don't be shy about showing your feelings towards your parents. By sincerely saying: “Mom, I adore you” or “Dad, what would we do without you,” you will not only please the elderly person, but also set an example for your own child in an open display of affection. Be correct towards older relatives, never slander behind their back. Even if they are wrong in some way, try to be more tolerant, and then there will be a greater chance that your own children, after many years, will make allowances for your age.
And remember one more important rule: it’s never too early to start teaching your child to take care of other family members. Even a kindergartener can bring his grandmother a warm jacket, or serve a cup of tea, or simply ask her how she is feeling today. The sooner a child realizes that he, too, can take care of someone and bring real benefit, the less likely he is to grow up to be a tough and heartless person. • • •
What is respect
There is a stereotype in society that adults should be respected. But for some reason this is not the case with children. Any adult considers it his duty to reprimand not only his own, but someone else’s child if he believes that he is behaving badly. The child has no right to express his opinion.
But a child also needs respect. Respect is recognizing the merits of another person, his importance and significance. Moreover, this is one of the requirements of morality that we instill in our children. So why do so many of us think it's okay to disrespect little people?
The French psychologist and pediatrician Françoise Dolto first spoke about this. Her statements about the child as an individual, which almost half a century ago seemed something bordering on rebellion and the destruction of stereotypes, today meet with approval from many parents. But theory is not always correctly applied in practice.
Sometimes mom and dad listen so much to all the baby’s requests that he becomes the center of their little universe for them. They try to fulfill all his wishes. Meanwhile, only one thing is required of them - to respect him as a person.
Why do you need to respect children?
We do not respect our children even when we indulge their whims. Respect does not mean dancing to someone else’s tune and completely accepting someone else’s position. But one cannot completely neglect the desires and aspirations of the child or humiliate him. Let's consider several situations.
Situation one. Mom tells her third-grader son to wash the dishes. “Mom, I’ll just finish the boat now.” “Wash the dishes immediately. I'm not going to repeat and wait. Get used to obeying the first time.” Mom doesn’t realize that the boat for her son is now the most important thing that needs to be completed. Nothing would happen to the dishes if they sat in the sink for 10-15 minutes. But the son received his first lesson in disrespect.
Situation two
. Mom comes to pick up her daughter from kindergarten, and the teacher tells her that the girl behaved badly at the table: she laughed, interfered with others’ dinner. “She laughed even after you reprimanded her?” - the mother was surprised. “Here’s another thing,” the teacher began to be indignant. And I didn't intend to. I simply kicked everyone who was playing around from the table. They are already big, they should understand what’s what. And you must punish your daughter well so that next time this will not happen again.”
Unfortunately, such situations occur quite often. As soon as children begin to irritate and anger us, we forget about all respect for them and switch to the language of punishments and prohibitions.
And children just want to be treated fairly, not to be punished when they believe that they are not guilty. Sometimes it is enough just to listen to the child and explain something to him.
If a child is constantly shouted at and not listened to what he wants and what he dreams of, he becomes withdrawn. Disrespect for a child leads to his detachment from his mother and father, to low self-esteem, even aggression.
The child was misunderstood and humiliated. This happened more than once or twice. In the end, he develops a model of behavior that is convenient for him: he lies, he pretends. Perhaps he hopes to “get big and get revenge.” Or he simply grows up and begins to humiliate his own and other people’s children.
Mom and dad as a friend for a child
We spend a lot of time with the child, not in the role of a teacher or educator, but in the role of a friend. A friend is someone with whom you can joke and laugh, who will listen to all your problems, and just play.
If we want to be an authority for a child, with our behavior and our reaction we must make him feel that:
- "I understand you".
- "I hear you".
- “I feel for you.”
- "I support you".
To be an authority for a child, he must trust you. This means that he can come to you with everything that is in his soul. So you have to be open to it, you can tell him “You can tell me anything. I promise I will listen to you. I won’t scold you.” Many children are afraid to tell the truth, they begin to deceive and dissemble.
When a child tells you something indecent (“pussy”, “poop” are favorite topics among kids), do not rush to scold him or shame him for it. Tell him that you can discuss these topics with him, but it is better not to say such words on the street - they may think that this is not very mannered, not very polite. “Don’t say these words in kindergarten, but with me you can.”
If a child tells you a secret, do not betray him, do not tell anyone about it. If the situation requires it, tell your loved ones, but so that the child does not find out about it. Otherwise, next time he will not come to you with his secret. The child should know that he can tell you everything (even if it is something unpleasant) and it will remain only between you. This is a guarantee that in the future the child will come to you with everything that worries and torments him.
Read more: How to communicate with a difficult teenager: advice from a psychologist
Show your child that you understand him. If the child expresses some feelings (anger, frustration), tell him “I understand, you are angry now,” “I understand you.” Those. do not rush to immediately stop his emotion (“Stop crying”, “Stop being angry”, “No need to get irritated”). The problem is that we very often try to impose a ban on the child’s expression of feelings, that this is wrong or inappropriate in a given situation.
Hug your child more often, tell him “I’m so glad that I have you.” As soon as the child feels that you support him, he immediately begins to treat you more carefully - “mirroring” occurs.
