Unequal marriages
He is 48, and she is 23...Or she is 50, and he is 25. A good deal or sincere love? What difficulties does such a family face? How to maintain warm feelings in marriage?
What kind of union is this?
An unequal marriage is a legal relationship between people who have a significant difference in age or social status. But if in the second case this imbalance is not so obvious to others, then in the first case the age differences between husband and wife are immediately evident. Moreover, the more significant this difference is, the more interested glances from passers-by and absurd questions will fall on the lovers every day.
Why do people get into unequal marriages?
It’s one thing when show business stars enter into an unequal marriage, thereby creating a certain outrageousness, but it’s a completely different matter when 35-year-old Nikolai Petrovich and 64-year-old Valentina Egorovna, say, from Penza, become husband and wife. And there is even no financial interest on both sides, and there seem to be no other mutually beneficial conditions for the newlyweds. What is it then? Are there really only bright feelings?
Psychologists name several reasons for the creation of such marriage unions, which are not quite familiar to the majority. Firstly, if a wife is older than her husband, then most often she simply needs to realize her maternal instinct. Perhaps her children were already grown, or perhaps she never had them at all. But there is maternal instinct! And the husband, in turn, found in this marriage the missing maternal affection and care.
In the second case, when the wife is younger than her chosen one, the reason may be similar. The girl was either deprived of her father’s love in childhood, or received it in abundance and, having entered into an unequal marriage with a mature man, wants to see the same fatherly care in him. And the spouse most often finds in these relationships recognition and awareness that he is still that male and is truly dear to someone.
It is not uncommon for an unequal marriage to help spouses replenish the exchange of necessary energy, including sexual energy. Such a union benefits both. Giving beauty and youth to a more mature partner, in return one gains confidence in the future in the form of wealth, connections, experience and stability. In addition, the ability to beautifully look after and care is a powerful weapon in the arsenal of means of winning a partner. The intellectual level also plays an important role here; often it is this level that performs the function of a magnet.
We cannot ignore the so-called arranged marriages. The younger and less wealthy partner strives to obtain material benefits, while only playing the role of a lover. The other halves in such marriages are often called “blind” and try in every possible way to open their eyes. Although most often they figure everything out themselves, they continue to maintain relationships, fearing loneliness.
Stumbling blocks in unequal marriages.
When entering into an unequal marriage, partners must be prepared for the fact that they will have to, one way or another, fight public opinion. After all, not all people are friendly and decent. One, passing by, will sincerely smile, the other will chuckle or even throw an unflattering comment after the lovers. But we must not forget - everyone is the architect of their own happiness! The opinions of others are important, but your own happiness and peace of mind are above all! Moreover, it often happens that Aunt Galya, who is passing by, has no one at home except two dogs and four cats, so there is no doubt about who is luckier in life.
In addition to public opinion, “unequal” partners have to face other difficulties. For example, if a young spouse can still be somehow changed in terms of character, behavior in everyday life and habits, then most likely you will just have to come to terms with the current way of life of a more experienced partner.
Different interests also have a great influence on the successful development of marital relationships. If he is an academician and she is a pastry chef, their professional interests are unlikely to intersect. But if both of them are crazy about figure skating, then everything is in their hands! By the way, spending free time plays an important role in the family. A union in which the more mature partner prefers passive relaxation, and the younger one wants fun and partying, is most often doomed to divorce.
If we can influence and try to change some things, then we can’t control our health and we can’t argue with nature. Chronic diseases, weakness and poor health require increased attention. It’s no longer possible to simply love and enjoy life; you need to take care of your partner, monitor his lifestyle, his proper nutrition. The lack of former passion can also bring a chill to a relationship, and then betrayal is just around the corner.
Is it possible to preserve love in an unequal marriage?
Even experienced psychologists and sociologists cannot answer this question. As is the case with generally accepted equal marriages. Many people believe that love is generally short-lived. At first we experience a feeling of euphoria from candy-bouquet periods, passionate nights and endless tender hugs. But over time, passionate feelings turn into calmer and more stable relationships. And this doesn’t make them worse or better.
The secrets of a happy family life are individual for each couple. But you should still listen to some expert advice.
- If you are older than your partner, do not engage in constant moralizing, do not try to change him in everything and adjust him to yourself. Give him the opportunity to feel equal and equal in this relationship.
- If you are younger, do not make your partner jealous, do not show signs of attention on the side. Understand that doubts about your sincerity can only lead to separation.
- Try to spend as much time as possible together - read, watch interesting films, walk in the park, travel!
- Don’t forget to say the most important words to each other, because sincere declarations of love and compliments can revive even extinct feelings!
Prokhor Chaliapin and Larisa Kopenkina
Source: @larakopenkina
The romance of the singer and Larisa Kopenkina, who is 28 years older than him, was discussed by the whole country in 2013. They were not afraid to break off relations with their relatives, who were against this union, and quickly got married.
The large age difference became the reason for gossip: many, including Larisa’s son, believed that Prokhor specially charmed the woman in order to get her fortune. Later, rumors began to circulate that Kopenkina gave her husband an apartment in Moscow. The lovers did not hesitate to talk about their personal lives: Prokhor and Larisa became the heroes of talk shows and often posted joint photographs on microblogs, which were sometimes candid.
- Grandmother of easy virtue: stars who married young men
Their love and family life were short-lived - after a year and a half, Kopenkina admitted that her young husband left her for actress Anna Kalashnikova. The audience did not have time to understand this love story when Chaliapin announced that his new chosen one was expecting a child and he wanted to marry her. But this time too, the singer failed to start a family - on one of the episodes of the program “Let Them Talk” it became known that Kalashnikova’s son was not from Prokhor.
Deborra-Lee Furness and Hugh Jackman
Age difference:
13 years Actor Hugh Jackman is no longer young - he is 51 years old, but his wife, Australian actress and producer Deborra-Lee Furness, is already 64. They met on the set of the TV series “Correlli” in 1996 and are still not parted, which greatly surprises many Jackman fans. In the 2000s, the couple adopted two children: son Oscar and daughter Ava.
Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson
Age difference:
23 years When actor Aaron Johnson and director Sam Taylor-Wood started dating during the filming of Becoming John Lennon, he was 18 and she was 41. They now have a double surname and two daughters together: Wilda Ray and Romy Hiro. Despite rumors about the commercialism of their marriage, the couple seems very happy.
Alla Pugacheva and Maxim Galkin
Age difference:
27 years They met in July 2001 at the Slavic Bazaar festival, and got married in 2011. For Alla Pugacheva, as you know, this is not the first marriage with an age difference. This year, twins Lisa and Harry, whom a surrogate mother gave birth to for the couple, turn 7 years old.
Evgeni Plushenko and Yana Rudkovskaya
Age difference:
8 years The romance between Yana Rudkovskaya and Evgeni Plushenko broke out at the moment when Yana was preparing Dmitry Bilan for a performance at Eurovision, in which Plushenko participated. Since then they have not separated and are raising their common son Sasha, whose name is Gnome Gnomych. This year the boy turned seven years old.
Tilda Swinton and Sandro Kopp
Age difference:
17 years The sought-after actress with an unusual appearance has two children from a previous relationship, and since 2004 she has been living with New Zealand artist Sandro Kopp. They met on the set of the film “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,” and at that time Tilda was still in a relationship. Their office romance grew into a serious relationship that has lasted for 16 years.
Julianne Moore and Bart Freundlich
Age difference:
9 years The marriage of actress Julianne Moore and director Bart Freundlich has been going on for 17 years. They met in 1996 on the set of the film “The Myth of Fingerprints,” their daughter Liv is 17 years old, their son Caleb is 22 years old. Julianna says about her marriage: “We have a very strong family life, and I’m proud of it.”
Courteney Cox and Johnny McDaid
Age difference:
12 years The former star of the series “Friends” recently celebrated her 55th birthday, and her chosen one, musician Johnny McDaid, is 43 years old. The couple has no children, but Courtney is raising her daughter Coco Riley from her first marriage (the girl is already 16 years old). The actress has repeatedly expressed on her social networks that she is very comfortable with Johnny, he understands her and supports her in any situation.
