Goals
An arranged marriage is a so-called deal where each partner gets what he wants. Below is a list of the most common intentions to marry for convenience.
- Finance. Girls often get married only for this reason - to improve their financial situation. However, men also sometimes pursue this goal - to make their lives more prosperous.
- Traditions. Many nations have the right to choose a partner for their child. Here, the financial situation and status of the other family is taken into account more.
- Immigration. Marrying a citizen of another country can significantly facilitate obtaining citizenship in that country.
Endure and fall in love: 8 arguments against arranged marriage
In our cynical age, marriage of convenience is a fairly common occurrence. Every woman wants to dress in expensive stores, go to elite beauty salons, and go to prestigious resorts. It is clear that in our difficult times it is difficult to earn all this on your own. It would seem that it would be easier to find a rich “daddy” who will give this beautiful life. However, such a marriage has more pitfalls than advantages, because not everything in our lives is measured by money...
1. The most important drawback, in my opinion, is the banal lack of love
For some, of course, this is not the main thing, and their love arises over time along with affection and gratitude to the person who makes life beautiful, but there are women who cannot bring themselves to love. And is it necessary? Love - it either exists or it doesn’t, and money can’t buy it.
2. Addiction
You are dependent on your husband. Of course, he gives you expensive gifts, takes you to resorts, etc., but all this belongs to him, and you become a financially dependent kept woman who, although she does not need anything, has nothing of her own.
3. The danger of becoming a toy for your spouse
He provides for you, works for you, gives you a luxurious life. Of course, he may consider you his property, a beautiful doll, a toy that can be disposed of as he pleases. You can become another expensive thing in his collection and, no matter how bright your individuality is, your husband may simply not notice it.
4. Condemnation of society
Think about how society's attitude towards you will change if you marry for money. We all like to say that the opinion of society is not important to us. But is this really so? Let’s leave out the classic grandmothers on the benches at the entrances, but how will your friends, colleagues, if any, parents, in the end, look at you. Can you live in peace knowing that your family and friends do not approve of what you are ready to do because of material resources?
5. Lack of spiritual intimacy
As mentioned earlier, there is no guarantee that your husband is interested in you as a person, and not as a beautiful doll and sexual object. And do you like him as a person, and not as a potential ATM? Do you have anything to talk about, do you have common interests, spiritual closeness? Do you value each other's inner peace? Few of those married for convenience can boast of positive answers to these questions.
6. The husband can find another beautiful toy at any time.
There is such a feature among rich men - the older they are, and the more money they have, the younger their women are. Often, when the “daddy” sees that his wife is no longer as young and energetic as before, he simply throws her away like an old toy and finds himself a new one - younger, slimmer, sexier.
7. Life on everything ready
This, of course, is the main argument for arranged marriages, but there is another side to the coin. Will a woman, having a rich husband who provides for her fully, be realized as an individual, make a career, develop, and earn money for herself? Unlikely. Typically, such ladies spend most of their lives in spas, shops and expensive restaurants, and there can hardly be any talk of self-development with such a lifestyle.
8. The last and decisive argument is conscience
But won’t you feel like a prostitute, living with an unloved and rich husband? Again, will you respect yourself as an individual, won't the cats scratch your soul, and will you really be in your place as a kept woman?
Of course, everyone chooses their own path, and many are happy in such marriages of convenience. But I would advise all women to think about what is more important: spiritual or material, personality or wallet, love or money?
Author: Daria Kulikovskaya
Pros of arranged marriage
Of course, everyone has their advantages, and in a marriage of convenience there are an incredible amount of them. Firstly, an arranged marriage is a transaction where everyone gets what they want. As a result, in such families there are the fewest quarrels. Secondly, partners will never have problems with everyday difficulties. Thirdly, each party receives some specific benefit, be it material benefits or social status. And finally, in arranged marriages, each partner soberly evaluates the other.
Love-match
A common problem, and one might even say, the cause of death for many young people, is communication before marriage. Deceived by the instigations of the cunning shaitan, they are consoled by the thought that they are sacrificing something for the sake of love and future well-being in the family. However, relationships most often lead to nothing but disappointment, problems and bitter regrets. The following excerpt from the book Hamasatun fi Uzuni Shab explains why this happens:
“If you have reached a stage when it is time for you to think about choosing a life partner and you are ready for matchmaking and wedding, then do not rush to take action.
First of all, turn to wisdom and try to think things through. Consult your mind before you listen to your heart, consult your brain before your eyes and other senses. Let your calm and balanced thinking get ahead of your fiery emotions and the whining of an upset heart!
Think and make a comparison between the beauty of the soul and the beauty of appearance, between good character and religiosity, and between elegance and beauty!
How many young people rushed to choose a bride only because of the charm of her beauty, who later had to endure a lot of troubles and difficulties due to a lot of troubles and problems. That is why the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, insisted that the wife should be religious.
A woman who is far from religious knowledge can fall into the snare of Satan even for the simplest reasons. And if, along with this (that she is far from knowledge), she also has beauty and wealth, then this adds danger to the consequences.
On this occasion, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “A woman is taken as a wife because of four (things): because of her wealth, because of her origin, because of her beauty and because of her religion, seek the one who is committed to religion, otherwise you will lose!” [1] .
Building a marriage on love!
Islam does not approve of the desire to build a marriage on love alone, since reason does not accept this.
What is the best way?
The best path is the path of Islam. Indeed, Islam has granted the groom, after he and the bride's side agree, the right to see the face and hands of the bride while sitting next to her (in the presence of her guardian). And this is the path of our religion.
But ignorant parents either show excessive severity and deny the righteous groom his right to see the girl, or they show negligence towards her and send her out into the street in a half-naked, shameful form so that, in addition to her face and hands, other hidden parts of the body can be seen by any vicious person. the wicked and every passerby.
You first get married, and then love your wife, open your heart to her and give her your feelings.
They asked Sheikh Ali at-Tantawi[2], may Allah have mercy on him: “Is love before marriage haram?”
He replied: “A Muslim is required to dull his gaze. And when he walks down the street and sees a woman, he is not responsible for the first glance that fell on her, and if he continues to look, then this is considered a second glance, for which he will be questioned.
If a man's gaze unintentionally falls on a woman and, as a result, he falls in love with her, then he will not be reproached or punished for this.
On this occasion, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “O Ali! Do not accompany your gaze with another, you have the right to the first, but not to the second” [3].
Love at first sight is a very rare phenomenon. Even if we admit that it takes place, and if the lover confines himself only to the feeling of his heart, does not say or do anything to her [4], then Allah will not punish him for this. If he tries to contact this girl, be it by phone, by mail, through a window, etc., especially if he meets her, then this is impermissible and Allah will punish him for this.
Let the young man look at the girl’s family: are they suitable or not? Then on the girl herself: on her religion, her character, age, on her general character traits, is she suitable for him or not? Since building your marriage only on love is a huge mistake, and love alone is not suitable as a basis for marriage. After the wedding, the flash of this love quickly fades away, just as the water in the pan cools down, under which the fire has died out.
Let the young guy imagine that the impulse of his love has faded, and the fire in him has already died out, and if after this he finds that there is a match between him and this girl, that she is still suitable for him, then let him marry her, if there is one opportunity. If he does not find a match, then let him try to forget about her and marry another, because there are a lot of women.
Islam does not prohibit love, since it is a matter of the heart, but it does prohibit looking at a stranger and being alone with her, even on a street corner. Islam also prohibits a guy who is stranger to her from corresponding with her and confessing his love and passion to her, contacting her by phone or other means and considers all this impiety (fisk).
If your love is noble, pure and sincere, then take your father and go with him to her father, where you will tell him: “I came to you as a matchmaker, hoping that you will give me your daughter,” or send his mother to her mother in order to woo her daughter.
But communicating with her under the pretext that you love her, having sexual intercourse with her and then leaving her pregnant, in disgrace, and then going to look for another “fool” to fool her, is not love. On the contrary, for such a crime you deserve to be punished with lashes (100 strokes) on the back, and if you were married before (or at this time), then you will deserve to be stoned (rajm)."
[1] al-Bukhari 5090, Muslim 1466.[2] Rector of the Egyptian University Al-Azhar. [3] At-Tirmidhi.[4] This refers to forbidden actions, such as speaking or coming into contact with her in person, since she is forbidden to him. This does not apply to permitted actions, such as going to her parents and asking for her hand in marriage.
Disadvantages of arranged marriage
The biggest and main drawback in such relationships is the lack of love, feelings and trust in each other. Not all people can tolerate such a “cold” relationship with a complete lack of trust in their partner; in this case, it only darkens life and makes it unbearable. The second disadvantage is that the calculation may be incorrect. What this means is that the partner may turn out to be a real tyrant who does not give the right to freedom. The third disadvantage is that in such relationships there is many times more betrayals.
Each person chooses a partner in accordance with his goals that he wants to achieve. This could be like a successful and happy marriage with your partner, or a marriage of convenience, where each party agrees on a specific goal.
Would you be able to marry someone other than love to achieve your goals?
Why you should marry for love and not for convenience
A husband is a person with whom you will live your whole life. Imagine that you have no feelings for him. No amount of money can make a woman happy if she is not with her beloved.
After a while, the unloved one will begin to be very annoying. You will notice the smallest flaws in his character and even his advantages will begin to seem like disadvantages to you.
If you marry out of great and mutual love, every day of your life with your husband will be filled with joy and harmony. Over time, your love will grow into a new, even deeper feeling, and you will become not only spouses, but also best friends who support each other in joy and sorrow.
Marry only your loved one and only when you are confident in his devotion and sincerity, then all your dreams will come true.
However, according to Aharon Ben-Zeev, one should distinguish between passionate and deep love.
If a flash of sexual desire can last for a very short time, then in family relationships the mutual love of a man and a woman constantly resonates, reinforced by common impressions, memories and vivid experiences. The basis of many marriages is a brightly flared passionate love, while, for example, low intelligence is often ignored or the hot-tempered, uncooperative character of one of the partners.
In the short term, such a marriage can become a very bright romantic adventure. However, after a while, when passions subside, disappointment will set in. It is often accompanied by stormy showdowns, mutual reproaches and claims.
We conclude that marriage will be most successful and lasting if feelings and reason do not replace, but complement each other. A successful marriage is when you fall in love with the same person many times in a row. Do you agree that passionate love is not a reason to get married?
Marriage of convenience (SI)
Rina Lesnikova’s love fantasy, “Marriage of Convenience,” will introduce readers to an adept named Eulaisia Ralenetta from the imperial magical academy. The girl was completing her graduation year at the Missata educational institution, the capital of the Nakean Empire. Soon, all graduates of the capital's techno-magic academy will have to implement their painstaking work - familiars. For a long time they carried out calculations and worked on their development. Eva was no exception. If the work was done correctly, then after casting the cherished spell in the circle of power, a new familiar should be born. Its appearance will mark the title of magician for its owner. Eve had a project related to the creation of a manticore - an incredibly dangerous magical beast. Such a creature poses a threat to everyone around except its owner. The magic of this familiar is considered one of the most powerful among all magical creatures. It was the manticore that had to balance the weak strength of its owner. Fortunately, Eve at least had an analytical mind and a love for complex calculations, which made it possible to bring such a complex magical creation to life. The heroine was famous for her ability to construct complex spells and magical structures. These abilities were given to her by the will of the gods, who gave her such weak magical power. But the familiar had to resolve this issue too. Only after a long summoning ritual with all its spells and magical flows, instead of a formidable manticore, some pathetic, squeaky pink miracle appeared in the sphere of materialization. This is a real shame! In the world of adepts, all plans and plans for the future instantly collapsed. How did the most talented student of the famous academy publicly give birth to this pink misunderstanding? Moreover, this miracle refuses to perform the ritual of binding to the owner. What if magic is not your calling? Maybe we should start from scratch?
So, Evlaisiya Ralenetta goes to a provincial town to take the place of a magician-analyst commissioned by the local mayor's office. The old Eva remained in the capital with plans for her life and wedding, and a completely different girl will arrive at her place of duty - the new Eva. The heroine decided to put everything aside, being alone and opening her own marriage agency. Now Evlaisiya can help anyone who wants to organize their marriage of convenience.
