Guest marriage: what does it mean? Pros and cons of guest marriage

Pros and cons of guest marriage: the opinion of psychologists

The advantages include:

Maintaining a romantic mood

Constantly living in one area dulls the freshness of feelings. It becomes more difficult to see your partner as a separate attractive person - you get used to him, you begin to treat him like a relative, and such an attitude nullifies the romantic mood, attraction and passion.

Living in a guest marriage means trying to make every meeting together interesting and unusual, trying to show your partner all your best qualities.

Privacy

Each subsequent generation pays special attention to such concepts as privacy, own territory, and the ability to manage free time at its own discretion. In a traditional marriage, almost everything is common; you have to constantly take into account the opinion of your partner

Not everyone is happy with this situation. Those people who have an introverted personality are not at all comfortable being with people 24 hours a day.

Relaxed life

The advantage of a guest marriage is that everyone leads their life the way they like. For example, often for women, cooking, washing, cleaning are activities that seem meaningless and time-consuming to her. Many representatives of the fair sex use the services of cleaning service employees, and prefer to have lunch and dinner in a cafe or order food at home. The same can be said about men.

In a traditional marriage, there is almost always a need to maintain a common household. A guest marriage allows a couple not to break themselves to please their partner, but to lead a familiar and pleasant life. This allows you to maintain affection and good attitude towards your spouse for many years. For this reason, it is believed that this format of marriage relations is most typical for a matriarchal society.

Problems with property are unlikely

Spouses living in a guest marriage have their own property. If they decide to separate, then they will not have to share a shared apartment, financial savings, a car, etc. Each of the couple has their own property and will not lay claim to someone else’s.

If, after marriage, a marriage contract is drawn up at the registry office, then even more so no property problems will occur after the divorce.

Unfortunately, guest marriage also has its disadvantages.

High likelihood that the relationship will end

Psychologists note that when you become attached to a person, there is a desire to share everything with him - common territory, time, everyday life. For this reason, experts rightly note: a mutual desire to live in a guest marriage may indicate insufficiently strong feelings on both sides.

Scheduling meetings

If in a traditional marriage you can watch a movie together at any time, cook something, etc., then in a guest marriage you always need to plan meetings and agree on them. The situation becomes more complicated if the spouses live at a sufficient distance from each other. In this case, inevitably, over time, you will become “lazy” to spend a lot of time just to be together for a few hours, especially if both work late.

Rejection of such a marriage by the public

So far, it is the official marriage union that is most characteristic of society. Civil and guest marriages are not popular. For this reason, if the negative opinion of others hurts you, then it is better to inform about your relationship only to the closest circle of people who are loyal to such forms of marriage.

Lack of sense of responsibility

It is believed that if there is no constant control of spouses on each other, then it becomes more difficult to resist various temptations in the form of dating, flirting, meeting other people, etc.

However, psychologists at the same time claim the following: the presence of an officially registered marriage with joint children does not guarantee that the spouse will not leave the family if he falls in love with another person.

Guest marriage - what kind of relationship is this?

It all starts with great pain - the pain of betrayal. My husband cheated. It seems the family is destroyed. Nothing more can be restored.

But the family system is structured cunningly - it does not want to collapse. If the husband did not leave for another immediately, then he will appear in the house regularly. If he left, he will come for things. A conversation will take place. Anyone feels sorry for losing what they have acquired over the years of marriage. I want to save it. What if nothing happens “there”?

The man begins to hesitate. He is also a man. In addition to selfishness and the desire to live better, he also has a conscience, and a feeling of guilt, and resentment for himself, because he also cheated not because of a good life.

A very difficult period when both need to decide - together or apart?

To be honest, my fingers are enough to list all the cases in my memory when a man behaved like a gentleman in this situation. Yes, I hear your indignant cries: “Gentlemen first get divorced, and then play tricks on the side.” However, even after cheating, you can behave like a man. Make a decision and not poison the souls of at least two women.

Most often, men try to sit on two chairs at once and come home to their wife, as if nothing had happened, and to their mistress.

This is where the real torment begins. If a woman, having learned about the betrayal, thought that it would not hurt anymore, she was very mistaken. When the guest marriage begins, betrayal will need to be lived through every day. This means suffering too.

If a man has not found the strength to make a decision about which of his women he wants to break up with, then he will begin to “go through the pain” and go home. This is called a guest marriage. The man now actually has two (and sometimes three) families.

In all his families he is loved and expected. Both there and there he performs marital duties. At the same time, both ladies want to be that same Gyulchatai, and they try as best they can. Then they see that it’s not working out well (after all, the man still leaves for his rival when he gets bored) and they start scandals. The special chic is that the man has time to “get away” before a scandal breaks out.

That’s how they live – both ladies wait impatiently, ready to give their best so that he can finally choose. A man manages to “take the best” everywhere, while the “worst” comes after he closes the door behind him and goes to his “other” soulmate.

Arguments of supporters and opponents

From the legal, psychological, and financial side, relationships in the format of a guest marriage best characterize its pros and cons. Having assessed the advantages and disadvantages, the spouses make a choice in favor of a convenient and profitable union.

Proponents of extraterritorial marriage argue their position with the following theses:

independent living, disposal of space at one’s own discretion;
eliminating domestic quarrels, eliminating the problem of “constant cooking, washing, maintenance, repairs” and other common requests or claims of spouses against each other;
the opportunity to preserve individuality, personal habits, and also avoid the need to “adapt” to the lifestyle of the other half;
maintaining the sharpness of sensations, the “candy-bouquet” period, pleasant associations;
a meeting schedule convenient for both, depending on desire, free time, mood;
maintaining financial independence, no obligation to draw up a joint budget, submit a report on financial expenses, purchase plans, income received;
the right to count on any type of assistance, if necessary.

Important! Opponents of the alternative family option give many arguments: jealousy, betrayal, lack of common interests, mistrust, cooling of feelings, misunderstanding. There is no guarantee that the same problems will not worry a husband and wife in an ordinary marriage.

These are psychological factors that depend on the personal views and preferences of the spouses. Therefore, their negative characterization rather refers to a controversial generalization.

The appearance of children can make adjustments and serve as a reason to choose in favor of a traditional family or, conversely, become an incentive to switch to a guest marriage. Parents can distribute authority over children at their own discretion. For example, the mother is entrusted with the functions of upbringing, providing life and leisure, and the father is entrusted with the financial side.

Proponents of this position insist on maintaining a close emotional connection between spouses. The wife does not need anything, and the husband has the opportunity to earn money, get enough sleep, relax, without being distracted by everyday life. The other side of the coin is the wife’s claims about independent participation in upbringing, the absence of the father in the child’s life, and moral fatigue. The determining factor is the psychological maturity and position of the spouses.

Description and main reasons for guest marriage

Relationships of this kind no longer surprise modern society. A guest marriage is a legally registered union of two loving hearts who do not want to live together. The couple lives separately, preferring to meet on neutral territory at a time convenient for them. The format of such relations may imply both an agreement on mutual fidelity and the absence of a ban on going to the left. Most often, people who live far from each other come to the decision to live in a guest marriage. Having met on vacation or on the Internet, they enter into marriage, despite all its illusory nature. The desire to live together and at the same time apart arises for the following reasons:

Life circumstances. In this case, we are talking about problems that relate to the financial side of an established family. Some people, in search of a solution to their difficulties, go to work thousands of kilometers from home. As a result, they become hostages of a situation called guest marriage.
Reluctance to have everyday problems. You can live in the same city, be legally married and communicate only at a time convenient for your partners. Such people explain their non-standard approach to family by the desire to preserve feelings for each other. The catchphrase of such spouses is the reflection that everyday life kills love.
Example of parents. If children saw that their father and mother built their relationship on this principle, then they can implement the experience gained in life. Guest marriage will become the norm for them, because their parents will not give bad advice.
Craving for experiments. For the thrill of sensations, some couples add zest to their relationship in this way. A man and a woman can be devoted to each other and not have connections on the side. However, to complete their emotions, they are able to live separately and meet exclusively according to a certain schedule. Their connection is a celebration with minimal commitment.

In this case, we are clearly talking about a unique format of relations. Only providence decides how such an experiment will end. Psychologists insist on the fact that you can work on relationships even from afar only if there are serious reasons for this.

USEFUL INFORMATION: Mortgages for pensioners

Guest marriage for men

The man is considered the main breadwinner in the family. Therefore, with a separate marriage format, he mainly benefits, since there is no need to be torn between responsibilities at work and in the family. And it is very economically profitable to run a household alone.

Often, men with an introverted personality type are prone to the form of guest marriage. It is important for them to have a personal space where they can go whenever they want

In a traditional marriage, such silent “goings” to another room by the spouse would most likely cause bewilderment or dissatisfaction. Therefore, the guest marriage format is perfect for such people.

But on the other hand, it is psychologically difficult for a man to be without the support of his wife. Sooner or later, a spouse living in another territory will feel a lack in emotional terms and feel the inferiority of life. This happens when there is no constant access to the love and care of your other half.

Guest marriage for a man and a woman

Guest marriage is a term that is not yet known to everyone, but at the same time it is gaining popularity. Relationships of this format are increasingly supported by young people who find it more convenient to live separately and not get used to each other’s personalities and not solve common everyday problems. Sometimes a guest marriage gradually turns into a traditional one. And sometimes it leads to a breakup, since feelings tend to fade away at a distance.

To find out 9 arguments that can prompt a guest marriage, watch the video:

Guest marriage: what is it?

Guest marriage

called an extraterritorial union, in which the relationship is traditionally registered in the registry office, but this is not a reason for the couple to live together.

Spouses can live in different apartments, cities and even countries. Meetings take place on days convenient for both spouses. They often spend weekends, holidays, and vacations together. Couples do not live together and do not maintain complicity in a number of other life situations. Of course, such unions cannot be called a family in the traditional sense.

However, the modern family does not have a standard. The boundaries of the norm are gradually blurring, and the traditional model is no longer as widespread as before. Not every person is suitable for a marriage in the classical sense of these words. At the same time, they do not want to remain bachelors and are ready for partnerships.

Initially, the appearance of such a phenomenon as guest marriage was more common among busy and financially secure people, whose work required constant travel and presence in remote places. They organized (and organize) family life so that it does not interfere with a career that is of great importance to them.

This is especially common in celebrity unions, who may spend several months filming in another country, or constantly travel around the world on tour. It is normal for them to concentrate more on creativity rather than on family matters. This does not mean that such families do not care about each other. It exists, but most of the time each partner is responsible for himself.

It is quite rare for a couple to carry through a guest marriage throughout their lives. Often, at a certain stage, the union breaks up, or the spouses stop flirting with freedom, moving to the traditional family model. Like any marriage, a guest marriage can be both strong and rash.

Such a union still has problems, despite its imaginary lightness and airiness. More often than not, difficulties arise when spouses begin to look at guest marriage differently. Example: one side believes that this relationship is like a kind of engagement, a long prelude to traditional family life. One of the spouses seems to be “tuning in” to this. At the same time, the second partner does not share these thoughts, and really plans to live exclusively separately, without taking on any common problems. One side feels the need for greater rapprochement, and the other avoids any talk about a change in status, not seeing any advantages in it. Possible developments can be predicted in advance, so they should be discussed before marriage. Discuss what you will do if a child appears, how finances will initially be distributed, what holidays you plan to celebrate together, and whether you admit the possibility of “transforming” a guest marriage into a traditional one. Despite all the pros and cons, sociologists are inclined to conclude that guest marriage will gradually become the norm in society.

Homosexual marriage

Marriages between persons of the same sex. Ardent opponents of same-sex marriage argue that, in accordance with religious and moral norms, only a man and a woman can enter into marriage. Based on this, the demands of gays and lesbians to recognize the same right to marry are absurd. Despite the fact that same-sex marriages are not officially recognized in Russia, they are triumphantly sweeping the planet. The list of countries in which same-sex marriage is legalized at the national level is expanding every year. Same-sex marriage is already allowed in Argentina, Belgium, Iceland, Spain, Canada, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Sweden, and South Africa. In modern Iran, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Somalia, Sudan, Nigeria and Mauritania, same-sex marriage is a crime and is punishable by death.

Benefits of guest marriage

“I don’t want it to be like everyone else. Pots, diapers, weekend scandals - we must live differently” - this is the motivation of those who decide on a bold experiment. Sometimes it works, as rare meetings really inspire you, relieving you of the burden of everyday household chores.

No household problems

Living separately smooths out the rough edges of life’s prose:

“Who will take out the trash today?” – the question does not come up head on, as in ordinary families. The habit of coping with everyday difficulties on your own benefits family relationships. You have to rely only on your own strength. If you can’t hammer a nail, call your husband for an hour; if you don’t know how to bake pies, buy ready-made ones.
“Whose turn is it to bring coffee in bed?” The dilemma is irrelevant for those who have chosen the guest marriage model. Every man for himself, and that suits everyone. No one owes nothing to nobody. Self-service mode is enabled by default.

Separation heightens feelings

“How will he (she) meet me? Is he waiting? Are you bored?" – the candy-bouquet period is in full swing. Each other's advantages are clearly visible from a distance. Grievances are forgotten faster in the absence of the one who inflicted them. Constant interest in a partner is guaranteed: the aura of mystery surrounding his life outside the family nest does not allow him to sleep peacefully at night.

Feeling of freedom

Guest relationships between a man and a woman exclude the possibility of total control. Navigating independently through life involves a number of pleasant bonuses:

There is still time for yourself. No one expects to be home for dinner by 7:30 p.m. and “not a minute later.” Fishing or beauty salon? The choice is yours, not your significant other’s, who has definitely found something to keep you busy for the whole evening.
No one encroaches on personal space. Smoke on the balcony, play computer games or hang out on social networks - no one will say a word. No lectures on the topic of proper and useful pastime. Password on your phone? Please! You have every right to personal secrets.

New trends

There are new trends in the areas of marriage, family, reproductive and sexual behavior in post-Soviet states, and in the world in general. In modern societies, significant transformations have occurred in the marital, family and sexual behavior of people; biological, reproductive normativity is no longer reduced only to procreation. Often the emphasis is on recognizing the inherent value of sexuality and the variability of its manifestation. The spread of alternative types of marriage and equating them with official marriages leads to the problem of identifying marriage as a legal and social institution, vagueness in the fulfillment of marriage roles, the time of their beginning and expiration, the scope of rights and responsibilities of spouses.

Both in the countries of Western Europe and throughout the post-Soviet space, the role of registered marriage is decreasing, and, accordingly, the role of alternative marriages is increasing. In the modern mass consciousness of people, there is a fair amount of confusion of concepts and ideas associated with the concept of the term “marriage” itself. What is marriage? Marriage is a legally formalized, free and voluntary union of a man and a woman, aimed at creating a family and giving rise to mutual rights and obligations.

An alternative marriage is understood as a long-term union of a man and a woman who do not intend to legally formalize (or do so formally) the intimate, property and other relationships that have developed between them. An alternative marriage presupposes multivariate behavior of partners, the possibility of having joint offspring and caring for them, and the possibility of financial support for one of the spouses by the other. Thus, only that family union of a man and a woman that is sanctioned by the state will be correctly considered marriage, i.e. which is registered with the state civil registration authority. Those who legally register their marriage receive the status of husband and wife. All other alternative “marriages” are actually ordinary cohabitation, which is passed off as a marriage relationship. Modern civilization has at its disposal many options for alternative marriages, from which today you can choose the one that is most suitable.

Depending on the types of innovations in existing formal or informal norms of marriage relations, researchers identify a number of types of alternative marriages (cohabitation). Each of them can exist in its pure form or combine characteristics of several types at the same time. Let's look at the most common types of alternative marriages.

Pros of guest marriage

Keeping the romance alive. Spouses meet rarely and do not have time to become a habit with each other. Living separately, they do not witness many of their partner’s shortcomings, which sooner or later will make themselves felt when living together. They are free from the stereotypical images of husband and wife that modern society imposes. The beloved does not turn into an overgrown lout with a beer belly, and the beloved does not retrain into an unkempt cook in a robe with curlers. Thus, disappointment has no place in their relationship. At every meeting, both of them experience the feeling of freshness and novelty of the first date.
Overcoming everyday incompatibility. The ship of love will not crash into everyday life if each spouse deals with this mundane issue alone. In a traditional family, although division of labor is assumed, not each spouse is ready to fulfill their responsibilities, creating conflict on this basis. Living separately from each other eliminates these problems. Daily cooking for hungry mouths and cleaning will not turn a woman into a slave with disheveled hair. And no one will shake a man’s nervous system by constantly reproaching him for not being able to hammer a nail into the wall, or for having socks scattered throughout the apartment.
Lots of free time. A guest marriage allows the husband and wife to spend more time alone. General affairs and family responsibilities will no longer prevent a man from going out for drinks with friends, and will give a woman more time to go shopping and beauty salons. In addition, there is time to pursue a career, because sometimes it takes much more than 8 hours a day and 40 hours a week to become successful.
Less quarrels. While remaining pleasant guests to each other, the spouses do not have time to bring the tension of their communication to the boiling point. Being free in terms of meetings, spouses always control the emerging conflict. But if they understand that there is too much stress and harmful experiences in their relationship, then another separation will allow the storm that has begun to subside. Left alone, everyone will have time to think, look at the problem with fresh eyes and come to a constructive solution.
Doesn't harm business. If a man and a woman are careerists, then a guest marriage is an ideal solution for both. In this case, they have more opportunities to implement their own business, and they do not waste any time or effort on the problems of cohabitation.
No problems with property. As a rule, economically established individuals enter into guest marriages. They both already own personal movable and immovable property, which simply makes no sense to divide between two. They are wealthy, have their own living space, and stand firmly on their own two feet. In this case, the spouses are solely responsible for their own household, without laying claim to someone else’s.

USEFUL INFORMATION: Lines of inheritance: what they are, how the property of the deceased is inherited according to them

Zone of love and togetherness during a guest marriage

First, let's define what is meant by the concept of guest marriage. A guest marriage (or extraterritorial marriage) involves a relationship between two people that is legalized in the same way as a regular marriage. In a guest marriage, the spouses are officially husband and wife, have a stamp in their passport and a common surname by mutual desire.

The main difference between an extraterritorial marriage and an ordinary union is that the spouses live separately from each other and meet at any agreed time. Most often they spend holidays, vacations or just leisure time together, but they do not have a common household, house or apartment. Each spouse has a separate home and is the owner of their territory.

The husband and wife in a guest marriage spend the period free from meetings entirely as they please. Often such a marriage is confused with civil cohabitation or even defined as an open relationship. However, it is not. In some cases, sex with other partners does occur, but this is the exception rather than the rule.

In general, guest marriage is often seen as an alternative to traditional marriage. Typically, this type of union is preferred by people who value their freedom and independence. Some of them are so-called marriage-phobes, that is, those who, for some psychological reason, are afraid to create a real family. After all, we usually don’t know how to maintain love in a marriage. And many are sure that living together does not contribute to the development of feelings, but, on the contrary, kills them. In the course of gray everyday life, all the novelty and sharpness of sensations are erased, and spouses gradually lose their love and stop appreciating what they have. As a result, people who feel this way come to the conclusion that a separated marriage can be an ideal option to save the relationship.

Disadvantages of guest marriage

Like any phenomenon, guest marriage has not only positive aspects, and, interestingly, most of the disadvantages have the same roots as the advantages. For example, the absence of a negative mood and the ability to regulate their bad sides makes partners not ready to see and accept their spouse completely. So, after a few years, shocking discoveries arise, and someone may be afraid of an outburst of rage or a hysterical attack.

All the romance of a relationship begins to crumble as soon as people spend more time together. Remember how nice you are in the work team and how quickly relationships deteriorate if you need to stay late, and the longer the delay, the more unbearable the situation. So here too, two people learn to withstand a certain level of tension and explode if it is exceeded. This eliminates the possibility of developing relationships.

When children appear, the format of a guest marriage often ends - some choose to move in together, others get divorced. This is also due to social foundations, social disapproval, as well as the child’s own lack of understanding of why this happens in his family (after all, most families live together). In addition, for psychologically normal formation, upbringing should occur simultaneously by both parents, and not by alternately instilling various truths. Constant gossip behind your back, gossip and questions in an inconvenient form can undermine your emotional state. Some will have the strength and ability to withstand the attacks of society, others will begin to put pressure on their partner. Social isolation of everyone who is different has always been there - the question is how much people are willing to endure it.

If a person does not have a huge need for personal space, then living separately can leave a feeling of loneliness in the soul. That is, formally a person is not alone, but when friends’ families gather for the holidays, he is forced to remain alone, just as alone in the evenings and with problems. Of course, some people just want to be left alone and stop demanding stupid adherence to traditions. But if the second person agrees to a guest marriage, having inside at least a drop of a need for traditional interaction, then over time this need not only will not be fulfilled, it can grow to the size of a neurosis.

A guest marriage does not provide a feeling of daily complete support; it is impossible to hug another person after an unpleasant telephone conversation because for this you will have to fly several planes or go out into the yard. The warmth and closeness of some moments is valuable precisely because of its availability in the present without postponing for later. It is very difficult to understand that the need for a hug at night will be satisfied in a week, when it is needed now.

Guest marriages of stars

Representatives of creative professions, as a rule, choose guest marriage, and there are several reasons for this. Firstly, sensitive creative natures do not tolerate infringement of freedom, and secondly, in the artist’s uncertain schedule there is hardly room for a full-fledged family.

Kristina Orbakaite and Mikhail Zemtsov, Russian Dialogue

Thus, “weekend marriage” is successfully practiced by Kristina Orbakaite and Mikhail Zemtsov: the spouses rarely see each other, but they are raising a daughter together. They have been together since 2005.

Olga and Igor Krutoy, “South Federal”

Olga Krutaya has been living in a guest marriage with composer Igor Krutoy since 1995. The couple sees each other only during vacations in Miami or Monte Carlo, but they are happy with this arrangement. As Krutoy assured in an interview, their feelings after so many years do not fade away only due to distance.

Vladimir Vysotsky and Marina Vladi, “Stunned”

Vladimir Vysotsky lived in a guest marriage with Marina Vladi for 12 years. The musician’s wife lived in Paris, and he lived in Moscow, but their relationship remained warm until Vysotsky’s death. The lovers could talk on the phone for hours or suddenly break away and go to meet each other.

Katie Topuria and Lev Geykhman

According to the media, Katie Topuria had an unsuccessful experience in a guest marriage. The “A-Studio” vocalist married businessman Lev Geykhman from Los Angeles in 2013, but decided not to stay in the USA.

Later they had a daughter, Olivia. The businessman often visited his family in Moscow, but journalists claim that Topuria became interested in rapper Guf, which is why the couple finally broke up. However, this information has never been officially confirmed.

Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter

Actress Helena Bonham Carter lived in a guest marriage with director Tim Burton for more than 13 years. At first they lived in different countries, then in neighboring houses. This measure was necessary due to the hot temper of the star spouses and constant quarrels. The couple felt comfortable in their guest marriage, but eventually separated due to Burton’s constant infidelities.

Guest marriage: FOR

A new type of marriage may well help preserve the moral values of love, marriage, and family for a long time. It helps solve relationship development problems such as:

The destructive effect of routine and everyday life;
Limitation of personal space and time;
Excessive dependence of spouses on each other, which is expressed in reproaches and constant questions;
The husband’s loss of interest in his wife as a woman, arising from constant observation of her in the role of a cook and housewife;
The wife’s loss of interest in her husband, who does not take care of himself and is annoying with his endless lying on the sofa with the remote control in his hands.

The high technologies of the modern world with the constant development of the Internet, the prevalence of virtual novels and online dating seem to give more and more rights to a guest marriage. Indeed, for people who live in different cities or countries, this type of guest marriage can become the so-called panacea for unification and the best scenario for the development of events. Because not every one of us can leave our country, family and work even to move to a loved one. The choice for such people is obvious: they enter into a guest marriage and thus gain the right to happiness, while finding their other half and without changing the usual course of things. They don’t necessarily have to chase each other to the ends of the earth and sacrifice some of their personal achievements.

In addition, guest marriage is simply an excellent option for mature people. After all, the older a person is, the more established and harmonized his own world is. He has an already formed worldview and a whole set of habits that are no longer very easy to change, let alone completely abandon them. Mature people find it difficult to tolerate any interference in their already familiar daily routine. At the same time, they are happy to spend free hours, weekends and holidays with their loved one, while remaining calm about the safety of their inner and outer world without frequent and aggressive outside intrusions.

Marriage with your own apartments often becomes an ideal option for people of creative professions (singers, artists, writers, composers, poets, etc.), as well as such public and busy people as businessmen or politicians. With frequent business trips, road trips, concerts or filming, this type of marriage is the best way to maintain relationships and even brings some stability to them.

“Disadvantages” of official marriage for men

Inability to have (close) relationships “on the side.” Most women do not want to be “in a second role” and do not want to meet “married men” at a time convenient only for them, and to be alone on holidays and weekends.
The presence of a mother-in-law as a factor worsening the relationship with the spouse. Since, according to the mother, the son-in-law does not treat her daughter (wife) properly. And he doesn’t listen to his mother-in-law’s everyday advice either. There are rare cases when mother-in-law and son-in-law are great friends and “live in perfect harmony” together.
A catastrophic reduction in free personal time. This is especially reflected in meetings with friends and girlfriends whom the wife does not favor. As the “experience” of family life increases, these meetings become extremely rare or are reduced to “nothing.”
Constant reporting of your affairs and whereabouts. Not every man agrees to such a compromise solution and control. For the most part, men are quite freedom-loving and independent individuals. Often this is the reason that leads to family discord, quarrels and divorce.

The essence of relationships

History knows a lot of approaches to creating a family and the issue of the legality of the union. As a rule, social traditions undergo changes due to political and economic changes in society. Thus, for a long time in Russia, marriage was considered official only after the wedding in church, as evidenced by certain records and documents.

After the revolution of 17, registry offices took on the leading role in creating a family, and only after state registration, at the request of the spouses, wedding ceremonies were held.

In both cases, marriage meant living together and having children. The period of the collapse of the USSR was characterized by a preference for liberties in relationships, the emergence of civil marriages, or rather cohabitation, which did not imply any legality at all. The society of our days has “stepped” even further, diversifying the options for family relationships. This is how fictitious marriages appeared, open, involving sexual relations with different partners, temporary, guest marriages.

A guest marriage is sometimes called extraterritorial, because this form of relationship involves spouses living in different territories without running a joint household. At the same time, registration with the civil registry office is mandatory.

Family relationships in this case may involve spouses living not only in different apartments, but also in different cities and even countries. At the same time, they can spend leisure time together and have children.

Often, a guest form is a forced measure related to the work or citizenship of one of the spouses. However, there are couples who, having the opportunity to live together, still prefer this option of union. This is due, first of all, to the self-sufficiency of the modern woman, who is able to provide for herself and does not want to be burdened with family household chores.

It is worth noting that a guest marriage, in addition to the peculiarities of accommodation, is in many ways similar to a traditional one. It means:

maintaining fidelity between spouses;
mutual psychological and moral support;
co-parenting;
possible financial and household assistance.

Despite the fact that guest marriage is often a conscious choice of young people, this form of relationship has both pros and cons.

The advantages of an officially registered marriage for both parties

Official registration of marriage is a procedure that consolidates the union of a man and a woman at the state level. Further family life from a legal point of view is regulated by the Family Code (FC RF), as a result of which spouses receive an expanded range of powers:

Represent each other's interests before government agencies. For example, a wife may be involved in arranging pensions and subsidies for her husband, or vice versa. In most cases, a notarized power of attorney is not needed;
If you combine two salaries, you can save a lot. Family budget expenses for food do not increase much, but more money remains for other needs: travel, repairs, education. If spouses have loans and other debt obligations, you can put aside the salary of one of them to pay off, and live on the income of the second;
If the husband or wife is in the hospital, the other party will be allowed in without any problems during the hours allotted for communicating with patients. In particularly severe cases, doctors even compromise the daily routine and may even allow the spouse into the intensive care unit;
The rights of children in marriage are reliably protected. Paternity is assigned automatically, and in case of divorce it is easier to collect alimony;
Opportunity to participate in government programs to support young families. With their help, you can purchase housing on preferential terms or take advantage of subsidized mortgage interest rates.

Official marriage in Russia, with the right approach, can be beneficial to both parties, regardless of financial situation. There are common cases when one spouse earns more, but the second is engaged in household chores, which also requires attention and effort.

Women married to less wealthy men can also feel comfortable, having provided themselves with a reliable rear, because the opposite sex often tries to do everything possible for the home. Nowadays, girls who earn well are not uncommon, and for men with low incomes this can be beneficial in its own way.

The most important thing that should not be forgotten is the feeling of unity: after registration at the registry office, relations in a new unit of society develop to another level, and the spouses feel more secure

USEFUL INFORMATION: Gift tax between relatives

Masters of their territory

A guest marriage is an officially registered union between a man and a woman with further separation, provided that mutual relations are built on a contractual basis.

The concept has blurred boundaries of criteria. Despite the lack of a clear definition in the legislation, common unifying features can be identified:

legalization of relations by the civil registry office, obtaining a certificate;
separate residence, including in different cities or countries;
lack of living together;
separate budget, independent management of finances without the consent of the other half;
spending time together according to a convenient schedule in any format (vacation, weekends, certain days);
division of child support responsibilities between two parents;
building relationships based on the moral aspect, including mutual respect, love, protection of the partner’s personal space. It is assumed that the issue of marital fidelity is resolved at the discretion of the parties.

This format of relationship contradicts the foundations of a conservative approach to the institution of family, but is popular among people who value freedom, personal space, and protection from living together.

This is the choice of marriage-phobes – men and women who, on a psychological level, are afraid to create a classical unit of society. This option is often used when legitimizing relations with a foreigner, as well as people of creative and liberal professions, business representatives, and young people.

Advantages and disadvantages of guest marriage

Each apple can have its own wormhole, so you should be attentive to everything related to creating a family. Such relationships have many nuances, which have their own pros and cons. Long-distance communication has its positive aspects. The advantages of a guest marriage are its following positive aspects:

Ease of relationships. In this case, we recall the well-known expression that the further, the dearer. However, life practice shows that sometimes relationships between spouses at a distance strengthen the marriage. If feelings for each other are true, then they are not afraid of any obstacles. The fictitious couple will not stand the test of distance; the spouses will file for divorce before misunderstandings arise.
Flexible personal schedule. It is very convenient to live with the feeling that you are the master of your destiny without any serious obligations. During a guest marriage, you feel like an unfree person, but at the same time a free bird. Even with a stamp in your passport, you can plan a party where you don’t have to invite your significant other.
Career growth. Very often personal problems get in the way in this matter. In this case, the sword really has two ends, because many employers emphasize the family values of their employees. Even a guest marriage will do in this case if the manager is sensitive to such things. At the same time, the family will not prevent an avid careerist from climbing the career ladder, distracting him with minor everyday problems.
Vibrant sex. The intimate side of the life of any family often depends on the energy that exists between the couple. Quite often, a husband and wife who love each other at a distance get the greatest sensations from intimacy when they meet. In this case, the fact that the spouses manage to miss each other and dream of being in the same bed is triggered.
Romance. Each meeting is a kind of honeymoon, because the spouses do not have time to get tired of each other, and also know that they will soon separate again. Therefore, in the allotted time, they completely belong to each other, try to please and delight.
Easy relationship with children. What could be simpler than to come once a month or year, shower your child with gifts, play for a week and leave? This is much easier than spending every minute together, educating and instructing. Such parents become the most beloved in the world, because they give off only positivity, a feeling of celebration, and there is simply no time left to swear.

Ease in relationships is good for the time being, so in the future it is worth thinking about the following disadvantages of guest marriage:

Difficulties when having a child. A baby in such a family may be born unplanned for the husband and wife. If the couple has serious feelings, they will continue this pregnancy. However, with a guest marriage, it will be difficult for a woman to wait alone for the birth of a child. The future father will also lose a lot, because this period in family life is the most exciting. The child's perception of the situation. In this case, it is quite difficult to explain to the child why his parent lives separately and appears occasionally. He may rebel, reject his spouse, not want to communicate with him, and harbor a grudge. Also, in the future, this can lead to serious psychological problems - the inability to create your own full-fledged unit of society, resentment towards the whole world and distrust of people. Inability to provide assistance. Very often it is necessary for the husband to hammer a nail and the wife to prepare borscht. In a guest marriage, such a desire is rarely fulfilled, because each spouse is busy with his own problems. Proper distribution of responsibilities when running a joint household often strengthens relationships. Jealousy. When your significant other is always in the field of view, it is difficult to blame her for insincerity. During a guest marriage, thoughts about the infidelity of a loved one can capture the consciousness of a husband or wife who is prone to such suspicions. Scandals due to jealousy are the most common reason for the breakdown of a guest marriage. Loss of family values. During a guest marriage, the question often arises of who owes what to whom. After such reflections, the conclusion comes that spouses are free individuals without obligations. Communal problems. Love is love, but bills are sometimes unpleasant to see even when living together. During a guest marriage, it is quite difficult to solve financial problems without any conflict situations. Public opinion. The meaning of idle conversations is difficult to change if they are widespread. Gossip sometimes has such a negative connotation that it can infuriate even the most balanced person in the family with a desire to live apart.

Guest marriage for women

Women by nature are more inclined to create a strong family and home. But in the modern world, women have the opportunity to develop professionally and be financially independent. This gradually led to the fact that there is no desire to give in to a marriage partner, change one’s habits, or sacrifice personal comfort.

Guest marriage is suitable for those women who are comfortable alone, and who prioritize independence from a man. This autonomy allows them to feel more important.

A guest marriage for a woman is needed when she reaches adulthood and does not want to get used to the habits and character of a man in a new marriage. In this case, living separately is the best option for a calm, comfortable relationship.

Often those women who have minor children from previous relationships adhere to separation. They are in no hurry to move on to a traditional marriage until they are sure that her chosen one and the children will not find a common language.

How to give birth and raise children in a guest marriage

The main thing to do is to agree “on the shore”. Before you have children, discuss as fully as possible with your spouse the process of raising, caring for, and providing financially for a child. If the couple reaches an agreement on this issue and strictly follows the agreements, then there will be no problems with children in a guest marriage.

For example, a child can live half the week with mom and the other half with dad. The family spends weekends and vacations together, travels, communicates and enjoys the time spent together.

Sick leave due to the baby’s illness can be alternated, or paid for by the nanny. During the most difficult time - maternity leave - the father takes on the function of supporting both his baby and his wife until she can go to work. Or dad can go on maternity leave for several months himself, because legally this is quite possible, and in many European countries it is also often practiced.

Is it worth entering into a guest marriage?

First, you should figure out what kind of relationship you are going to build with your significant other and whether your ideas about a guest marriage coincide. Discuss which of you sees the pros and cons and what exactly they are. Only subject to confidence in the fidelity of the spouse, the presence of desire on both sides, and the ability to exist comfortably with oneself. If you have doubts about the correctness of the decision to enter into a guest marriage, it is better to discard this option and either look for another partner or make some kind of compromise.

On the other hand, a guest marriage is quite a convenient and profitable thing, so it’s up to you to decide on its conclusion. You should feel comfortable in this relationship, appreciate all its advantages and accept its disadvantages, and most importantly, be happy.

The meaning of guest marriage

What are the advantages of guest marriage for women and men?

For men

It’s hard for a man to tolerate a woman’s nagging, but he has strong feelings for her, and apart from everyday issues, there are no problems in the couple.
Husband and wife live in different cities.
The man was already married, and experiences negative emotions about this approach. Guest marriage provides variety, as well as the opportunity to prepare for living together.
A man wants to prolong the novelty of a relationship.
Suitable for a man who is jealous of his personal time and freedom of movement. More often this applies to creative people.

For women

For many women, guest marriage also has a positive meaning

There are no disagreements in everyday life. A woman does not feel obligated to constantly cook, do laundry and do other household chores in double volume.
There is still a place for romance in a woman’s life; everyday routine does not “devour” relationships. The spouses have enough energy for dates and pleasant surprises.
A woman has more time for herself. In a traditional marriage, a woman gradually develops the feeling that she no longer belongs to herself. Guest marriage involves more personal time.

Speaking about both sides, we can say that a guest marriage is an ideal option for people who are accustomed to a bachelor life, workaholics and other individuals who are not ready to radically change their usual lifestyle

An important condition is that this must be the need of both parties, who feel mutual attraction and love, but are not ready to live together with someone

A very convenient option when meetings do not require special ingenuity or time, and the spouses live on the next street or even in neighboring apartments. However, with love and trust, even living in different countries will not be a problem.

To summarize, we note that any marriage union has the right to exist if it completely triples both parties. Many people are simply unable to get along in traditional relationships, but they feel happy and show maximum care for their partner while living as a guest marriage. Everyone chooses the ideal option for a harmonious relationship.

Psychology of guest marriage

In general, psychologists do not consider guest marriage a pathology. This should be perceived as one of the possible relationship formats that is suitable for a certain type of people. For example, a guest civil marriage is no different from those relationships when people just go on dates.

However, usually the dating period ends with the official registration of marriage and the beginning of life together. This does not happen in a guest marriage. Psychologists say that for people with a certain character, guest marriage can be comfortable as a format for a long-term relationship, while other people may find it difficult to cope with the difficulties of living separately. One way or another, it is important that both spouses are satisfied with the state of affairs - then a guest marriage can well be considered one of the options for a normal relationship.

Who is suitable for a guest marriage?

When planning a guest marriage, you should take into account the personal characteristics of both spouses. What character traits can interfere with a happy guest marriage?

If one of the spouses is jealous, it is better not to try to live in a guest marriage. If you live separately, it will be more difficult for you to control your spouse, so you will have to trust. If you tend to suspect your spouse of cheating without real reasons for this, in a guest marriage you will constantly be nervous and unnerve your loved one.
Striving for maximum intimacy, tendency to dependency. If you focus entirely on your partner in a relationship, you will find it difficult to live separately. For a successful guest marriage, you need to have many hobbies and a wide circle of acquaintances so that you have something to do while your spouse is away.
It is believed that a guest marriage is usually less comfortable for a woman than for a man. Women are usually monogamous, so they tend to be jealous more often, and they also seek intimacy more often than men. Moreover, for many women the standard is the classic patriarchal family, which is almost impossible within the framework of a guest marriage.

People with other character traits will be able to live harmoniously in a guest marriage. Who is this relationship format suitable for?

Freedom-loving people striving for independence will certainly appreciate the benefits of a guest marriage. This type of people cannot stand constant control from others and does not want to bind themselves with many obligations.
People who do not seek to become dependent on a partner. Such people treat relationships very easily and are quite painless about breakups. Relationships for them are not the whole life, but only part of it. They perceive their spouse as a partner, and marriage as a comfortable and mutually beneficial cooperation.

When should you not enter into a guest marriage?

If you decide to enter into a guest marriage, consider whether this format of relationship is suitable for your character and individual characteristics. A guest marriage is only good when both spouses are happy with it. In what cases can guest marriage be considered a problem?

Psychologists say that guest marriage is the norm if everyone is happy with this state of affairs. At the same time, if people do not live together because circumstances force them, a long-term guest marriage can traumatize the psyche. This applies, first of all, to people who live in different countries. Distance and long separation have the ability to destroy even the strongest relationships, because calls and correspondence can never replace live communication. Such a guest marriage should be considered only as a temporary and intermediate stage, and living at a distance for years will be quite difficult.

Guest marriage can also become a problem, which couples resort to on the verge of breaking up, wanting to take a break from the relationship. The situation will be especially difficult when one partner initiates such a measure, and the other wants to live together. In this case, the period of guest marriage will be extremely painful for the second partner. Long-term cohabitation creates a mutual dependence between the spouses, which remains even when the couple moves on to a guest marriage.
Sometimes people who decide to have a guest marriage actually want a traditional relationship, but are afraid of intimacy. Spouses often do not want to work on their relationship, so they succumb to fashion trends and try to live in a guest marriage. In this case, the partners are unlikely to be satisfied with the guest marriage: it is better to try to understand themselves and build a traditional relationship.