Home » Relationships and family » Husband 10 years older: the pitfalls of marriage and its advantages
12/23/2020 Valentina No comments yet
Greetings, dear readers!
Relationships with a ten-year difference no longer cause surprise to others. They say that such relationships will not last long, while the spouses are accused of commercialism, and no one takes love into account.
See also “How to maintain love in marriage and live in a harmonious family?” Probably, none of you will argue with the fact that the union of two people is a joint creation that both need to work on. Most often, maintaining love in a marriage requires small and basic actions that we stubbornly forget about over the years.
There are certain stereotypes regarding... But you can’t fit everyone into one size fits all. In this article we will look into relationships when the husband is 10 years older.
Why do women love older men?
There is a category of women who consider serious relationships only with men 10 or even 20 years older. There is nothing surprising. Young ladies are attracted by maturity, intelligence, prudence, wealth, and life experience. We don’t take commercialism into account, but rather remember the expression, all ages are submissive to love.
It is known that girls develop faster than boys, so they are not interested in being with their peers; they dream of a person with a rich inner world. There is nothing wrong with this if the expectations are met. But it also happens that difficulties begin at the beginning of family life. What should you expect?
Requests for help Write your story Hello. I don't know how to live on, to be honest. With every breath it hurts more and more, I want to howl, the fact is that I fell in love, fell in love with a man 15 years older than me. Very much, I think about him every minute, in general, all my living space is occupied by him alone. I do not know what to do. how to tell him about your feelings, and is it worth it? I’m afraid that he will reject me, laugh at me, but the thought that I can’t have anything with him makes me want to commit suicide, in the evening loneliness eats me up, there are no friends, NOTHING. I am completely alone with my pain, melancholy, loneliness. With your love. Why doesn't your heart stop when it hurts so much? or it's my soul that hurts. It’s very sad that you can’t change anything, I’m still tormented by my doubts to no avail, I cry over snotty melodramas, thereby finishing myself off. Support the site:
Christina, age: 19/02/14/2013
Responses:
Hi, Kristin! You know, I have a similar case, only he is 22 years older than me. This really means “nothing will work out”! Only he knows that I love him. I confessed to him because at first I lost my head over him and in a fit of positive emotions I wrote him a letter. There were no bright confessions, I just wrote that I value him very much and respect him, that I always I think about him and everything like that. He just told me later that I was still small and stupid, but he didn’t say anything rude, we still communicate very well. And how is your lover’s marital status? If he’s single, then I think , maybe it’s worth trying to talk to him. Well, if you’re married, draw your own conclusions! How do you even communicate? And it seems to me that a person, especially an adult, will not laugh at feelings if he has experienced love in his own skin at least once! It depends on the person! Therefore, it is difficult to say how he might react.
Clear Day, age: 20 / 02/14/2013
Sun, my beloved man is 12 years older than me. True, I met him when I was older than you) I don’t know what to advise you. You must make the decision yourself. God bless you. I will pray for you and for that man.
Tatiana, age: 32 / 02/14/2013
The girl loves an “accomplished man.” And my peers are jerks without prospects, a lottery. How feminine it is. And of course, a separate choice: to live without feelings, or to suffer? The heart is not always right, and I am not always right when giving advice. And it will be as it will be. Everything is transitory, you need to gain experience and appreciate it. You will only be 19 once in your life, and if you want to be happy, be it!
Prosha, age: 38 / 02/14/2013
Is he married? You can try to talk about your feelings, even if reciprocity is unlikely. And remember - life cannot be focused on one person, no matter how wonderful this person is.
From Flame and Light, age: 23/02/14/2013
Kristina, without knowing your situation and what kind of relationship you have with this young man (it’s hard to call him a man, because he’s almost my age, and I consider myself a girl), it’s difficult to advise you anything. But! The age difference definitely cannot be an obstacle in a relationship. You are no longer a child, he is far from an old man... What is the problem? I hope he is not married and, having fallen in love with you, will not leave his wife with a small child? I am married for the second time, the first husband was 12 years older, the second 10. There were never any problems due to age. Although, probably, the interests of a young girl and an adult man may be different, it is important to be able to give in and understand... Christina, a woman sometimes just needs to be brave in her relationship with a man, to be able to take the first step. Think about what you are risking so much if you hint about your feelings. After all, this does not mean hanging on his neck or dragging him into bed.
Autumn slush, age: 31 / 02/14/2013
I understand you, I experienced this myself at the age of 16, he was 17 years older and also married. Of course, things didn’t go further than communication with him, and years later I’m glad that I didn’t approach him and confess my love, because the man turned out to be not as ideal as he seemed to me in my dreams. On the contrary, now I understand that nothing would have worked out with me like that. Although I suffered for 2 years after it. Maybe you are idealizing him too. Think about his shortcomings - we all have them. If you don’t see them, then you are idealizing them. I know your pain when he can’t get out of your head 24 hours a day, you dream about him at night and you breathe in him. Your situation is further aggravated by loneliness - I had friends with whom I could cry. Maybe tell your mom, but don’t keep it to yourself anymore. I know how corrosive this condition is. Well done for creating a topic here, but talk to someone else close to you - mom or sister, grandmother, I don’t know who your loved ones are. If everything is so serious, talk to him, maybe you will feel better - and if he rejects it, it seems to me that it will be easier. Then it turns out that he is not as ideal as you imagine. Would the person you love be able to reject you or laugh at you, especially if he laughs, it means he is no longer worthy of you, then you love him in vain. And if he also has some feelings for you, that’s even better. In any case, you will know how to act. If he rejects you, it means you did everything possible to be together, but he made his choice and you continue to live, forgetting him. It's not that deadly. There are still a lot of guys around. One more thing - I ask you not to watch melodramas - you already feel bad from unrequited love, and here you are adding fuel to the fire by watching these films. You yourself already understood this, since you say that melodramas only worsen your condition. Better watch a comedy, a humorous program. Everything will be fine with you, the main thing is to resolve this situation and understand whether you can be together or not. In any case, everything will be fine.
Torima, age: 26 / 02/14/2013
Principle. What is yours will not escape you. And if it’s someone else’s, it won’t stick to you. And if you want to take someone else’s, what is truly yours will be taken from you. What an unjustified waste of mental, physical, and spiritual strength. Love? Substitution of true feelings. But what really? Maybe boredom, unfulfillment (I have no friends, NOTHING). Friendship is a philia, one of the manifestations of love. Eros is another manifestation of love. But they are in harmony with agape, the highest form of love, love for God, for people. We also love our dreams and often find ourselves in illusions. It is pleasant to live in illusions, but they do not last long, they are fleeting. Your unrealized eros requires an outlet. And as people say, hormones play, and here HE was, well, caught by chance, if he hadn’t been so different. Eros doesn't care. But the spirit is able to control eros, otherwise expect trouble. You need to use willpower to stop thinking about this person. Yes, by force of will, switch attention to something else, to achieving goals, for example. But you have “nothing”. Right. Set goals. Love cannot be a goal - it is a state, a feeling. Love is giving. What do you want to give to this man, what can you give him? You can't give what you don't have. (I have no friends, NOTHING). Is this something you want to share? You want to take, take attention, tenderness, warmth, care. So give it all to yourself rather than looking for a lifesaver in the form of another person. What else do you want for yourself? Give it to yourself. "I do not know how". So find out. When you learn to live and live happily regardless of the attention of other people, then what is YOURS will stick to you. And everyone will benefit from this. And your feelings and emotions are simply indulging your weakness. It’s just that we weren’t taught at school how to competently manage our feelings. But learning at any age is an honor. So there is an opportunity to start right now. "Who am I?" “Where am I going?”, “Why am I here?”, “What do I like?”…. Finally get to know yourself. Success on this wonderful path of self-discovery.
Tala, age: 40 / 02/14/2013
I have the same situation, I fell in love with a man who is 18 years older than me, I’ve been in this state for three years now, of course I was tormented, I was suffering, I was wondering whether it was worth revealing my feelings to him…. I fell in love as a student, and now I work with him - we are both teachers, only in different disciplines and we see each other less often... so... almost the same thing, but I’m not going to get into a loop, I never even had such a thought!!!)) I just wish he is happy, I want him to do well, but if we are not together, then this is our fate, then it is better for both of us...)) my faith in God helps me come to such conclusions, if not for her, then there would be maybe she committed suicide, which is really just terrible!!! interrupt your life, not knowing that eternal torment awaits you there after such a death...!!! What aggravates the situation, it seems to me, is our lack of understanding that many people have serious conditions and sooner or later they go away, but it seems to us that this is for life)) I now understand that I had to suffer for three years, and now it seems that I am being released from these torment)) it’s just that my feelings have become purer, more beautiful, I just love him simply as a person close to me, with whom God brought me together for spiritual benefit, and therefore I no longer suffer or suffer, I just live and know that if after all God wants to unite us, he will do it, and if His will is different in my regard, then I just need to agree with this)))) that’s all!!!))) so everything passes, this too will pass))) you need to think about it in general about the meaning of life, maybe it is not in this person, there is much more to its meaning... and also... these feelings that we experience, feelings of pain and so on - they are not normal - there is such a thing as “psychological dependence” on a certain person... (just one day, not so long ago, I accidentally came across a site where I found answers to almost all the questions that tormented me, it turned out to be very simple))) so I propose a site where you can find psychological help and generally understand and understand something in your feelings))) so no suicide!! we just sometimes lack a little information, that’s all... and we’re already getting into a loop!!))) life doesn’t end at 19-20 years old, but just begins!!)) the main thing is what’s inside us, we more often than not simply suffer from internal emptiness, from internal worries, torment, so something in the external world may not be worth moving mountains, we just need to have harmony inside, then it will be easier for us to relate to what is happening outside))) here is the link https:/ /dusha-orthodox.ru/biblioteka/hasminskiy-mi-o-lyubovnoy-zavisimosti.html maybe it will help, and in general there is a lot of useful things on this site, I suggest you engage in somacognition to find a solution to your problems)
Zinochka, age: 20 / 02/14/2013
Christina, my husband is 30 years older than me, I’m 28. We’ve been living together for 10 years. And age has nothing to do with it. We went through a lot together and I don’t regret it one bit. And I can tell you that grown men will not laugh. They understand everything. Kristinochka, be happy, if God wants you to be together, you will be. And so trust in GOD and don’t make a mistake yourself. Good luck Love and God bless you.
Klianna, age: 29 / 02/14/2013
Firstly, without constantly communicating with the object of love, it is impossible to recognize him. Most likely, you fell in love with the ideal you came up with. A real person may not be at all what is expected of him. Secondly, such an age difference initially poses a lot of obstacles, different age interests, acquaintances, goals in life, etc. Thirdly, you can try it. What's wrong with being rejected? But solve your problem once and for all, stop filling your head with nonsense. And maybe you’ll finally switch to finding a peer with whom it’s easier to start a family. With a man 15 years older, this is practically impossible. You might just be wasting your time. So think about it, is it worth it?
Evgeniy, age: 39 / 02/14/2013
Well, I know it hurts, but when lovers break up...
Herman, age: 17/02/14/2013
Does he need you??!! After all, if a person loves, he does not try to become something in the life of another without his consent. You just need to understand whether he needs you. If not, be glad: your “love” will have to pass the test of the strength of feelings. If this is love, you will respect his desire not to see you or date you. Regarding the possibility of being together, it is possible if it really improves your destiny. If this does not make you an object of male lust. There is no need to sit over melodramas and torment yourself. Advice: go to him, explain it directly, don’t be afraid that he will laugh: courage has never been a reason to laugh. Just don’t show feminine weakness by talking about how bad you feel without him... Say it, and you can no longer wait for his words: a man’s heart can be seen in his eyes. If it’s not clear, ask again: did you understand correctly what he needs or doesn’t need. And if you need it, don’t forget to ask for what reason. The fact is that your bodily cleanliness is much more important than the so-called “feelings”. And bed is not a guarantee of female happiness - not to mention family happiness. If he needs you, then he needs all of you: not only the body, but also the soul. If only the body - he doesn’t need you. Because what hurts you - your soul - will remain in contempt. Find someone who, first of all, will feel and love your soul. Then she will be happy with you. But there are few such people among atheists who don’t even believe in the soul. For example, such a person may say: “It’s not your soul that hurts at all, but your psyche is bad...” - such a person will not understand feelings. Therefore, you need a person with a rich personality... - is this the object of your temporary passion?.. I am writing to say that I myself once “fell passionately in love.” Now I assess this as a clouding of the mind with a touch of romance and my own fevered imagination. At such moments, the advice: “Think 100 times before...” is useless. We just have to wait. Time will heal all the sorrows of the heart, because they will be forgotten. Everything is temporary, except Eternity.
/ , age: / / 02/14/2013
Don’t be shy. Admit it. Today is Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to be afraid of his reaction. But you will already know how he feels about it. Moreover, if he is not married, then it’s much easier. But tears won’t help your grief, that’s understandable. Normal people don’t laugh at feelings, they accept these very feelings, both positive and negative... especially sincere ones, which is rare in our time.
Fairy, age: 24 / 02/14/2013
Honey, I'm dating a man 15 years older. I’m also 19... everything is fine with us.. Don’t be afraid.. You don’t know what’s in his soul... My Antosha also didn’t know how to say it, I had to admit it first.. if I hadn’t done this, maybe nothing would have happened … You try. It’s better to regret what you did than what you didn’t do.. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF...
Ray of the Sun, age: 19/03/28/2013
And I fell in love 16 years older than myself... I don’t know what will happen next... I really want it to start... But I’m absolutely in love with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lyalya, age: 18 / 06/04/2013
Well, I think there’s no need to be afraid and come up and say it straight
Elizabeth, age: 13 / 01/06/2014
I have been married for 8 years and my husband is 14 14 years older than me, at first it was unnoticed that I was sitting at home with the children and then I went to work, that’s when terrible jealousy began, why do I dress like that, why do I arrive late? Before that, I knew him as a strong man and now everything has changed so much, I notice his gaze when young guys look at me, although I don’t pay attention to them, I see how hard it is for him, it hurts his male ego, and it’s doubly hard for me because of this when I got married and didn’t think there could be such problems she’s jealous of everything, even her work, she wants her to stay at home, so think well, it’s too late for me to change anything
Dina, age: 26 years old / 11/05/2014
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Possible difficulties when a man is 10 years older
If you prepare for possible troubles in life, they will pass with minimal nervous loss.
First of all, you should not ignore the opinion of relatives on one side or the other. Often where the man is 10 years older. Phrases like he is old enough to be your dad have their place. If a girl is determined, she will ignore such expressions.
The spouse's parents may also show dissatisfaction, especially if they remained on good terms with his first wife. Constant pressure from relatives can cause scandals in the family, and sometimes a break in relationships.
Jealousy is common in such couples, and both partners experience this destructive feeling. The husband is jealous of his wife's young friends, while she does not want to share him with the past. A woman deliberately provokes a man to jealousy. This happens when she lacks his attention.
If a woman seeks dependence on her husband, then this option is suitable. A man 10 years older will take the reins of power into his own hands, and may not even want to take into account the opinion of his wife, because he knows better what to do in a given situation.
The husband, who is 10 years older, considers it his duty to tell his wife how to dress properly, about manners, what to do and what not to do. Such behavior will offend a mature personality, which will lead to serious discord in relationships.
The advantages of such a marriage
Let’s move on from possible problems to the pleasant moments that precede marriage with an age difference.
Men who marry much younger women begin to take extra care of themselves. They lead an active lifestyle, pay attention to their own appearance, and try to be interesting to their other halves. It's nice when people improve for each other.
The big plus is that an older man is wealthy. He built a career and is now reaping the fruits of his labor, receiving big money for it. In this case, the woman does not have to think about her daily bread, because she is fully provided for. Isn't this what many girls dream about?
But even if you are wealthy and you have no need to think about money, it still doesn’t hurt to think about the future and approach financial issues responsibly. “The Master of Personal Finance” will help you manage your finances correctly and increase them.
Increase your finances!
A husband 10 years older usually has his own home. A woman will not have to solve pressing issues that sometimes make her head spin. An older husband knows how to make his woman feel protected in every sense.
An older man will become a true friend you can rely on. He will give practical advice and support in difficult situations.
As for personal matters, an older person has a lot of experience in courtship. He does not skimp on gifts and knows how to make his woman happy.
Difficulties in relationships
The most insidious problem is the difference in interests and varying degrees of emotional maturity. The fact is that your boyfriend may be too busy and you won't see each other for several days. You, of course, realize that he is working, creating a future for you, but at the same time you will begin to experience discomfort because you do not feel his warmth, his attention, his presence.
Here is a useful article that will help you build strong and harmonious relationships. Learn to give your chosen one the right compliments. Believe me, men need them too.
It often happens that your boyfriend is so distant from you that you start looking for attention from other guys who. All this will eventually lead to constant scandals, quarrels, scenes of jealousy and, finally, separation.
These are the main problems that girls who date guys much older than them may encounter. We all remember the great words of the poet: “All ages are submissive to love!” Don’t forget them and, if you love, don’t leave! The heart cannot be deceived if the feelings are real. In case of any difficulties or problems, go forward, break through the walls, then your union will be even stronger and unshakable.
Tips to help prevent possible problems
Do not lose yourself in the life of your loved one, completely accepting his rules. Sometimes women give up interests, work, communication with friends in order to please their partner.
Before legalizing the relationship, you should discuss the issues that concern you. If the future spouse takes them with hostility, you should think about whether it is worth marrying a person who is not ready to compromise. It’s hard to go through life with a man who limits your freedom of choice.
Despite the confidence emanating from a man, a woman must understand that he can also be vulnerable. Age leaves an imprint on the worldview, so you need to praise your husband often and show him love and tenderness.
Boost his self-esteem by complimenting his appearance. Pleasant words from a loved one always lift your spirits. Don't forget to share intimate moments, tell him how wonderful he is, and so on.
Never compare your spouse with other men. This infuriates even a balanced person. If you notice that something is wrong with his mood, be sure to ask the reason for the disorder. Despite the age difference, do not hesitate to give advice; your spouse cannot know absolutely everything; suggest what is best, but do it tactfully without pressure.
Is it worth entering into an unequal marriage?
There is no clear answer to this question. Each person is an individual with his own store of knowledge, therefore relationships are built according to an individual scheme. Age does not affect family happiness; it reflects the desire to be together.
Marriages are created and broken up at the same rate, and little depends on the age of the husband and wife. Lack of love and unwillingness to be with a person is the main reason for the breakdown of a family.
Interestingly, it is easier for men to radically change their lives than for women. It’s not for nothing that they say that gray hair is a devil in a rib. If you have met a soulmate who is 10 years older and are confident in his feelings, hold on to this person, regardless of any obstacles.
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What will happen next?
If a girl needs a “dad”, and a man dreams of a wife who is 2 times younger than him, then the union promises to be successful. Intimate life will fade into the background. The natural rhythms of sexuality of a husband and wife whose age difference exceeds 10 years will coincide by the time the spouse is over 40 years old.
You run the risk of growing old ahead of schedule: becoming like your spouse, acquiring his habits and outlook on life. Or, on the contrary, your lover will want to appear younger and more stylish to match you.
Will he allow you to become an important part of his life? If he is used to deciding everything without exception on his own, then problems with cooperation in a couple may arise.
Such a man has a strict work schedule, time for rest and ways to implement it are initially planned. The companion should only join him. He won’t even think about the fact that you want to spend time outside the city and barbecue in the fresh air near the river. The gentleman had long ago decided that this weekend he would relax with friends in the sauna.
Finding free space for a young wife in an apartment can sometimes be very difficult (“This is my favorite blanket, I always cover myself with it when I lie down to take a nap”).
The second option is also possible: the man so badly wants to become a spouse and does everything to ensure that the girl does not break up with him. But infringement of one’s own needs and demands will still make itself felt. The chosen one will not be able to constantly “toe the line.” He will begin to get angry and accuse his beloved of cold-bloodedness, selfishness and indifference.
