Why being a single mom is cool: 12 advantages

I am a single mother. How to continue to live

My name is Alesya. I am a single mother. I, in the fifth month of pregnancy, broke up with a man whom I had loved for 6 years. A week before the wedding. He didn't prepare for the wedding in any way. And I suggested not getting married, and he said, “Okay.” It turned out that he had a mistress who was not bothered by the fact that her lover had a pregnant bride. At that moment the world collapsed. My world. It was as if I was in a field. One. Naked. And I don't know where to go. I am a psychologist by training. And I always wanted to help people solve their difficulties. But I needed help. I’m walking down the street and it’s like everyone is laughing: “Haha, the man left her. Haha. She will meet old age with a cat. She's unworthy, she's fuuuuuu"

Some laugh, others regret. Still others don't care. What about me? And I feel like I’m in a field, alone, naked... God. God. This is hell. I could no longer just live, I began to survive. I stopped perceiving life, everything was erased. I stopped living, I needed to survive. After a divorce, separation, infidelity or betrayal, I perceive it as a survival situation.

Well, what should we do now? What to do about it? How to continue to live?

• Recognize the fact. Don't deny the obvious. Don't hide bad emotions. Don't pretend that everything is fine. After all, not everything is good, right? Everything went to hell after all. Good bad. He broke-up with me. He left. He's still good. He cheated, He doesn't want to be with me. and I myself am to blame for this. I'm in pain. He is a goat. I cannot think badly of him, because He offended me. He changed me, he has a child, he feels everything. I will live this life without him. Maybe he'll come back? After all, I am nothing for him now, I have done so much like no one else.
• Don't sleep with men to prove to yourself and to him that you are wanted and will be wanted. And please don't sleep with married men in order to gain some kind of remote revenge. These men really love offended women, just for once. But you will be even worse than you were. Tested for myself. Tested 13 times to understand that these men - married, young, without principles, fat and old - they will not be able to burn out the feeling of abandonment from you. They will emphasize this in every possible way. You can handle this yourself. “The struggle for survival is a deeply personal matter that cannot be tolerated when others interfere with it.” Good bad. He is pretty. I like him. He openly says that I am needed. I'll go on a date with him. only for sex. Well, okay. I want sex, I don’t have a man, I’ll go too. I need sex for my health. I'll go for a walk with the child or alone. I feel lonely, will do. As a last resort, let's eat. But I won’t sleep with someone who’s married. Maybe I’ll also take my husband away with someone before the divorce and I wouldn’t talk. Why not?
• We need to live in the new reality. For a new reality, new rules.
• It is a dangerous decision to live for the sake of a child.

To be continued…

Package of documents

The social protection department at the place of registration must collect a package of certain documents:

• a statement that must be written according to the established template;
• original birth certificate of the baby;
• passport (with a copy attached) and the woman’s work book (certified by a notary);
• a certificate certifying that the child lives with his mother (has a specific sample and is issued by the housing office);
• a certificate confirming the mother’s income (including payments for the last three months);
• certificate in form 25 (issued by the Civil Registry Department);
• card account or a copy of the book from the Sberbank account.

New in blogs

In the previous article

we analyzed the classification of the most common forms of single mothers.

Now let's talk about the public bonuses of this phenomenon.

I’ll make a reservation right away who I consider to be loners. Legally, a mother is considered single when there is no entry in the column about the child’s father. All others are not considered singles. Although they live alone with their daughter, son, and grandmother. In the classical sense, a single mother is any mother who raises children herself without the presence of a father. A single family is any family where one parent is involved in raising the child. Let's stop at this definition. Because it is more correct.

On the Internet you can always find a lot of lamentations about the terrible and terrible trials that befell the unfortunate mothers who were left alone. The calls to help and alleviate their difficult plight, including through legislation, are also expanding and growing every year.

And here I wondered - if their situation is so difficult, then according to all sociological laws it would be natural for the reduction and disappearance of this institution of underfamily. And her transition into a complete family. Where everything is relatively normal and not so hopeless. Of course, there are problems, but they are not that bad. However, the trend is completely opposite - and social development is moving towards an increase in underfamilies. Moreover, it is progressing at a critical pace. Back in 1989, 7-8% of mothers were listed as single mothers. In 2002 there were already 12%. In 2010 – 18%. There has been more than double growth in two decades. But these are only official singles - in the column of which the father does not appear. And mothers whose father is registered in the document and who do not live with their father are officially considered an incomplete family. The number of single-parent families in Russia has grown to 30% in recent years, said Pavel Astakhov, Commissioner for Children's Rights under the President of Russia. But these are only official figures, which, as is known, are either overestimated or underestimated depending on the current political situation on the data. The real figures are that almost half of the families in the Russian Federation are single-parent families. Consisting, as I already said, of a close-knit trinity - mother, child, grandmother.

Let’s ask ourselves: what is it about non-families that is so attractive?

Before you start answering him, a little statistics. A little higher, I determined that any single-parent family will be considered single. Consequently, a single father is also a non-family. This is also a problem. But there is one significant nuance here. How many single fathers do we have? Let us turn again to the statistics and see that there are much fewer fathers raising children than single mothers. An order of magnitude less. Vanishingly smaller. According to the head and founder of the Association of Single Fathers “Mapulechki of Moscow” Nikolai Belousov, no one knows how many such dads live in Russia. The Ministry of Health and Social Development of the Russian Federation confirmed to RIA Novosti that regular registration of this category of fathers is not carried out at the federal level.

However, statistics still exist. According to some data, out of 150 single parents, 149 are mothers and only 1 is a father.

Think about this number. There are 150 times fewer single fathers. A family where a father raises a child is the exception rather than the rule.

And each of those reading has heard horror stories about how our single mother and child are underestimated and disliked. And the allowance for payments to a single mother is due... It’s scary to say - 50 rubles a month. Is it possible for a single mother to support a child with that kind of money, the mother shouts, waving her child like a flag.

And if you agree, look blank and mumble something like - how can you live on this, shame, guard, impossible, the state doesn’t monitor, etc. - you are a seasoned deer. There's just one problem. The mother is usually alive, did not die of hunger, and looks pretty good. And the child is also quite well-fed. And this is all at 50. Inconsistency. The fact is that this is only one of the benefits. And there came a whole string of goodies. And the first of them begins when the mother has just become pregnant - she is already entitled to benefits. The truth is also not big. But the further the more. Next, it’s a little more serious - receiving maternity benefits. The so-called maternity payments. I think many business leaders of various businesses groan because they hired a modest girl. And a year later, she is pregnant and she is supposed to pay maternity benefits.

And there is already a considerable amount, somewhere around 150 thousand for 150 days.

Go ahead.

A one-time benefit for the birth of a child is approximately 15,000 rubles.

Monthly child care benefits.

Monthly child benefits can be supplemented with targeted payments. For example, in Moscow, it is common practice to pay breastfeeding mothers extra for food, provide access to a dairy kitchen, and provide free prescription drugs to children under 3 years of age. Amounts to 40% of the average salary. within the previous 2 years. The minimum monthly payment for caring for the first child is 2,576 rubles, for the second – 5,153 rubles. Maximum - about 16,218 rubles. with maternity payments up to 1.5 years.

Also, if the father is in military service, then the mother receives a monthly allowance for the child of a soldier undergoing military service. Its amount since February 1, 2020 is 10,528 rubles .

Maternity capital - given for a second child and only to mothers. It can be spent on a limited number of cases. The size is indexed. In 2020 it was 453 thousand rubles.

Some regional authorities pay mothers additionally to the existing maternity capital. This is from 30 to 200 thousand rubles.

After 1.5 years, compensation payments are already made to certain categories of citizens in the amount of 50 rubles. This is the remainder of maternity payments.

If a family needs housing, they can join a special queue for low-income people and, after their turn comes, use the apartment for free under a social lease agreement. This is stipulated in the Housing Code (LC) of the Russian Federation. Social mortgages are also provided at a reduced cost.

If more than 22% of family income is spent on utilities, the family is eligible for a subsidy. The percentage may vary in different regions (for example, in Moscow it is 10%). The subsidy is provided to both owners and tenants of housing for 6 months, after which documents must be submitted again.

According to Art. 217-219 of the Tax Code (TC) of the Russian Federation, low-income families are entitled to tax benefits and deductions. Personal income tax is not charged on one-time targeted payments. A monthly tax deduction is provided for each child in the family, and if it is not full - in double amount.

Today in Russia a monthly allowance is provided for a child until he reaches 16 years of age. If the child is studying in a general education institution, then up to 18 years of age.

The second child to more significant amounts:

• Maternity benefit – 100% of salary.
• One-time payment at the birth of a child - 15,000 rubles.
• Monthly care up to 1.5 years - min. 5436.67 rub.
• Matkapital.

And now the same thing with some advantages from above - for single mothers. What they are entitled to:

Social goodies

• Free baby trousseau sets for newborns;
• Compensation for the difference in the price of food for a child under three years old;
• In-kind assistance and benefits if the child has not reached the age of three;
• Free dairy products for children under two years of age;
• Exclusion of children under one and a half years old from the number of residents of the apartment when calculating fees for cleaning and removal of solid food waste;
• Free medications for children under three years of age.

Labor

• When staffing is reduced at an enterprise, a single mother with a child under 14 years of age does not have the right to be fired - even in the following cases: if she is not suitable for her position, when there is a change in management or when access to state secrets is terminated. True, in case of repeated serious misconduct or liquidation of the enterprise, a single mother still has the right to fire;
• When an enterprise is liquidated, a single mother has benefits: she is required to be provided with another job, and the current manager of the single mother is responsible for employment;
• If a single mother is forced to care for a sick child, she must be provided with benefits. For inpatient treatment, the amount of this benefit for a single mother depends on her work experience. For outpatient treatment, a single mother's benefit is usually paid in full during the first 10 days of sick leave, and then in the amount of 50% of the salary, regardless of the mother's work experience;
• If the child is under 7 years old, sick leave is paid in full. If the child is already over 7 years old, only 15 days of sick leave are paid, if, according to a medical report, the period of treatment does not need to be extended;
• The right to additional leave without pay for at least 14 days, which this benefit allows single mothers to take at any convenient time;
• Single mothers with a child under 5 years of age do not have the right to work at night, overtime, or work on weekends and holidays without their consent;
• Single mothers with children under 14 years of age have the right to establish part-time work at their own request;
• Single mothers have benefits when hiring - a potential employer does not have the right to refuse her because she has children. Refusal to hire must be accompanied by a detailed description of the reason for the refusal.

Other benefits

• Children of single mothers can use the massage room for free if there is one in the children's clinic;
• Children of single mothers attending school are entitled to two free meals a day in the school canteen;
• Single mothers have benefits when paying for the education of their children under 18 years of age in art schools under the Ministry of Culture (30% discount on tuition fees);
• A single mother has housing benefits if she has 1 or more children and is under 35 years of age. In this case, the single mother participates in the “Housing” target program for 2015-2020;
• Children of single mothers have the right to priority admission to preschool educational institutions, as well as a 50% discount on their maintenance in preschool institutions;
• Single mothers have a privilege to receive vouchers for their children to a children's sanatorium at least once a year.

And that's not it. Regional authorities also have their own different payment programs. I know a lady who has registered for her disability and now only receives 14,000 a month for disabled people from the Moscow government.

According to information from advanced scammers, every woman needs to decide who she will become as a single mother. The first option (scheme!) is to use official family benefits. When there is a legal registered father. The main social goodies end here in the region of 1.5 - 3 years. The main peak of divorces occurs at this time. That is, an advanced fraudster will use all the services of her husband. And then he throws it and puts it on Aliki.

Here it is necessary to understand the first basic axiom. Alimony is always the main and main income of divorcees and fraudsters. Compared to them, there are different social benefits - that’s right, a bonus to alimony. THE STATE HAS NO RELATIONSHIP TO ALIMONY itself - IT does not pay it from its budget. It only monitors the turnover so that money flows from the pockets of fathers into the pockets of mothers. Therefore, the mother will always look for the milk deer. From him she has a solid, guaranteed income of 25% of his salary. up to 18 years of age for a child. Plus children's speculative bonuses, reaching up to 100% of the father's salary. The second basic axiom says that money from alimony always goes to support the child. All scammers stand behind this speculative formula, repeating it like a mantra. This mantra, meanwhile, is cast in the letter of the law. In practice, very little reaches the child. Or it doesn’t even get there at all. Everything goes to support the mother. Because there is no mechanism for monitoring the expenditure of alimony. Nobody is going to implement this. Which always encourages fraudsters to commit alimony lawlessness, due to their complete impunity and the impotence of the legal sphere in this matter.

The second option (scheme 2) is working with mixed schemes. The father should not be included in the documents until about 3 years of age. Use bonuses for a single person to the maximum and when the main goodies have dried up - finally register a legal father. After which his mother abandons him and adheres to scheme 1.

Third option (scheme 3) – A single mother never enters her father into the registry. Having received the complex of social benefits due to her from the state, she declares her father to be several people at once, who, to varying degrees, hope for something and support her, including financially. The mother leads the lifestyle of a domestic prostitute.

I will explain other schemes later. In general, a depressing picture emerges which suggests that the majority of men in the Russian Federation and neighboring countries fall into the category of deer that are bred according to different schemes. Every second man, regardless of position and education, can end up on alimony payments. To avoid becoming one of them, study the materials of the movement and improve your literacy in family matters.

But there is a way out! The father can be replaced by other representatives of the stronger sex. “There are things that a boy can learn from men that he should not learn from his mother,” says Varvara Sidorova. “The mother’s task is to provide the child with a man from whom he can learn the necessary things. This could be a grandfather or some family friend. A mother can find a good section or circle led by a man. The mother must understand very clearly that there are things that a woman cannot give, that only a man can give. It is also true for a girl that she needs a father, because a girl learns her first skills of communicating with men in childhood, when she communicates with a man, preferably with her father. But if there is no father, then the child must be given male models. In addition, the mother should be very careful about what she says about men to the child. And the child’s mother should not say under any circumstances that “all men are bastards.”

Stepfather

Naturally, most single mothers strive to arrange their personal lives. Sometimes they succeed, and then a husband appears in the house, and for the child a stepfather. But this can cause problems. For example, a child begins to be jealous. After all, before all the mother’s attention belonged entirely to him, but now a stranger appeared in the house, and the mother switched to him. The son or daughter sees that the mother and this man communicate, are affectionate with each other, they feel good together. This causes dissatisfaction and resentment in the child.

But if the mother, seeing this, begins to pay too much attention to her child, then the husband will become jealous. He will feel slighted, relegated to the background, and will believe that this little man is preventing him and his wife from belonging to each other.

The hardest thing in this case is for the woman. She is forced to constantly be torn between both, to divide her attention between them. This requires a lot of tact, patience, endurance... It happens that the child wins and the stepfather survives from the family. But if the mother remains unhappy as a woman, then this is also not good for the child.

“A lot of things are passed on to the child from the mother,” says Varvara Sidorova. - If the mother feels unhappy, if she believes that her loneliness is a sign of her inferiority, then the child will think the same. Therefore, a mother, first of all, should think about her outlook on life, her mental health, and take care of herself. Ultimately, she does it for the child too.”

Mother's happiness

A child raised by a single mother may hold a grudge against his father all his life. No matter what his mother tells about him, in his soul he feels some kind of inferiority. Having matured, he can reproach his mother for not providing him with a complete family. Even mature, accomplished people remember growing up without a father; this trauma lives in their souls all their lives. The lack of paternal influence affects even in adulthood.

Yes, single mothers have many difficulties. But maternal instinct is one of the strongest. He tells the woman to become a mother at all costs. And each makes her way to fulfilling her natural task, no matter how her life turns out in the future.

Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru

When is the status revoked?

In some cases, the status of a single mother may be removed. This occurs in connection with various events, often depending on the type of benefit or allowance that is established for the mother.

After removal of the status, the payment of any monetary compensation, the provision of concessions and special benefits ceases.

The most common reasons for this event:

1. Paternity has been officially established (by a court decision, a joint agreement and filing an application with government agencies, etc.).
2. The mother was deprived or limited in her rights to raise.
3. The child has reached the maximum permissible age ( 18 years , or 23 if he was in full-time education).
4. It has been proven that false information was provided in documents for obtaining status and benefits.
5. The baby was seized and transferred to state care;
6. The mother or child herself died.
7. The woman got married.
8. The baby is adopted by another man.

Video: Talks about who has the right to receive the status of a single mother, what benefits and concessions are provided for by Russian legislation.
To determine who is considered a single mother by law, it is necessary to establish in which area the woman plans to receive benefits. This is due to the fact that there is no single concept of the term, and for help in the tax, social or labor areas, various requirements are presented to the mother.

To assign status and receive benefits and concessions, you must contact the social security authority or your place of work, having previously completed a package of mandatory documents.

How to obtain single mother status.

To receive all privileges, a woman must formalize her status. To do this, you need to get a certificate from the registry office, which will be needed to obtain a certificate (cancelled in many cities of the Russian Federation).

A single mother must contact social security or the MFC with the following documents:

• statement;
• children's birth certificates;
• certificate in form 25;
• confirmation that the child lives with the woman (certificate of family composition).

The application is considered no longer than 1 month, after which the woman will receive a certificate.

A single mother is considered such until the child reaches adulthood. However, at the regional level, the timing may vary.

Thus, in Moscow, the benefits granted to single mothers are granted until the child turns 16 years old, but when studying in a comprehensive school, they are extended until the child is 18 years old.

In some regions, support for a single parent is provided until the age of 23 if the child is a full-time student at a higher education institution.

The question often arises whether a mother is considered single if she is married . In the case where the child is not adopted by her spouse, the woman can continue to enjoy the benefits of this category.

A mother ceases to be single if her husband officially formalizes the adoption of the baby. It will not be possible to return the status back, even after a divorce.

What benefits and tax deductions are there if a single mother gets married?