Unfortunately, everyone has at one time or another had to deal with the rudeness and aggression of other people. Of course, there is little pleasure in this. And the reaction to an insult can be very different - from silence to outright obscene dialogue with the offender.
Rudeness is an attempt to verbally humiliate a person and thus rise in one’s own eyes and in the eyes of people watching the scene of swearing. It turns out that a person who speaks rudely simply wants to assert himself and prove to the whole world that he is not an empty place, and his opinion should be taken into account and respected.
Very often boors are driven by a feeling of fear. Such a person is afraid that someone will hurt or offend him, and he will not be able to give a worthy rebuff. Therefore, he is the first to “get into trouble”, expressing his complaints and not allowing the interlocutor to come to his senses.
It also happens that rudeness is a reaction to some kind of mental wound. In this case, at the slightest encroachment on personal space, you can hear such a stream of abuse from the offended person that you involuntarily begin to answer him in his own words. And then this person begins to be rude to the other interlocutor, and thus the insults are passed along the chain.
Such a chain can only be interrupted by those who know the techniques that allow them to defend themselves against unfounded insults and put the offender in his place. It is hardly worth remaining silent and “swallowing” the insult. After all, it is known that unexpressed emotions can cause somatic diseases, such as gastritis, ulcers, headaches, etc.
However, unleashing a stream of abuse on a person is also not recommended. Psychologists advise using one of three methods.
1. Polite stupidity
This method can be applied to colleagues, strangers or elderly relatives. Its essence is to ask clarifying questions to all rudeness. By the way, this method can also be included in job interview techniques. At the same time, speak deliberately politely and calmly. For example, if they say to you: “Well, sit here...”, look carefully at the interlocutor and clarify: “What do you mean?” This can lead to some confusion for the offender. If he answers you: “I mean, you took up all the space!”, then ask: “Do you want to say that you don’t have enough space?” And so repeat your opponent’s words ad infinitum. Don't add any words of your own, just clarify his phrases. Usually, with such tactics, the offender is missing for a long time - he turns around and leaves.
2. Consent
The essence of the second method comes down to agreeing with the rude person’s claims, and then asking him to help solve the problem that has arisen, or simply switch to another topic. Let’s say you go out for a walk with your dog, and an elderly granny begins to lament: “You’re walking the animals again, the whole yard is already littered...”. Answer: “You are right! And in one country, owners are required to clean up after their dogs. It’s probably worth introducing such a rule here too, what do you think?” After such an answer, the neighbor will stop grumbling and switch to a normal conversation. And if you ask her for advice, for example, where is the best place to buy groceries, you can rest assured that the next time you meet, she will behave politely and without aggression.
3. Search for meaning
The last method is useful if your boss is regularly rude to you. In general, you can react to rudeness from your boss in different ways: you can not respond to his words, but then lash out at your colleagues, you can tell the boss whatever you want and proudly quit, and, finally, the best way to react is to answer the boss in this spirit: “Sorry, but I can’t work normally when people talk to me like that. Of course, you can fire me, but most likely it would be much better to find a way to cooperate? Not every person would dare to say this to the boss’s face. But by overcoming yourself and taking risks, you can win the respect and trust of your boss, and your colleagues too.
If none of the methods helps you pacify the boor, then make an effort over yourself and get away from the eyes of this person. You shouldn't waste your time and energy on people who like to swear and be rude. You still won’t be able to convince them, but a spoiled mood can negatively affect the whole day. Try to switch your attention to something pleasant, and you won’t notice how quickly the unpleasant incident will be forgotten.
How to deal with rudeness? The best psychological techniques
5
(1)
We encounter rudeness and rudeness almost every day. It seems that there is not a single polite and friendly person left around, and aggression has become the only argument in all life situations. Over time, through trial and error, you learn, at the very least, to resist offenders and defend your interests. But what to do if the people closest to you use rudeness and rudeness as a manipulation technique? Will you really have to endure and come to terms with the unenviable fate of an eternal “victim”? Of course not! With the help of simple techniques, you will learn to fight back against anyone, emerge victorious from disputes, and even extinguish any conflicts in the bud.
Aggression and rudeness have become the norm in the everyday life of millions of people. Even the most peaceful and kind person can turn into an angry neurotic under the pressure of aggression from others. By the way, it is the most peace-loving people who most often become victims of aggressors. Why? Precisely because such people cannot stand up for themselves and give a worthy rebuff. And manipulators and aggressors of all stripes always choose the weakest as a victim. You can try to limit communication with unpleasant people, but such individuals exist and will always exist and you will have to interact with them, preferably for your own benefit. How can we still find decent responses to rudeness and stop reacting to unpleasant insults? First, let's look at some general recommendations:
– Learn to notice attempts at insult in a dispute . We all have our weak points. Manipulators, boors and simply unpleasant aggressive individuals try to inject more painfully, put pressure on these weak points, and evoke negative emotions. The scheme is simple: the aggressor begins to insult, and the “victim” instantly reacts to these insults. The aggressor perceives negativity addressed to him completely calmly, as if he were enjoying a pleasant performance. In the end, you yourself end up losing. The abuser intentionally induces feelings of guilt, fear or shame in the “victim” in order to use these feelings to their advantage. Your task now is to determine which words, phrases and topics cause a storm of discontent and a wave of aggression in you.
– Don’t lose your temper during an argument . If you start responding to the offender, you have already lost the argument, despite the correctness of your arguments. The more you scream and get angry, the worse the result. Your opponent will be able to accuse you of being groupy and intemperate, and you will feel guilty.
- Don't raise your voice . You must show your opponent that his rudeness does not bother you at all. Speak in an even and calm voice, even if your interlocutor starts shouting, trying to provoke you into a response.
- Keep distance . Do not allow the offender to come close, thereby invading your comfort zone. If possible, keep the maximum distance and stop all attempts by the boor to come closer.
– Keep a “sober head.” Remember that all the cruel and hurtful words of a boor are just an inept attempt at manipulation. The offender tries to inject as painfully as possible, cause unpleasant emotions and achieve his own goals. But when he sees that you do not succumb to his provocations, victory will be yours. Most likely, the aggressor himself will begin to get irritated, but his irritation will resemble the emotional reaction of a small child whose favorite toy was taken away, and not the response of an adult.
- Let the insults fall on deaf ears . Starting a meaningless and exhausting argument with mutual insults is the stupidest thing in the world. The result of such “communication” will be moral and emotional exhaustion and a terrible mood for a long time. Do you need it?
Of course, coming to terms with all the hurtful and cruel words is always difficult. But it's quite possible. Let's look at the most effective psychological techniques
Did you like the article?
Is it possible and how to fire an employee for rudeness?
5585 Page content The Labor Code of the Russian Federation does not contain an article providing for dismissal for inappropriate behavior of an employee. But what should an employer do if, due to boorish behavior, rude attitude or scandals of an employee, clients, colleagues, and ultimately the common cause suffer?
This can be regarded as a violation of labor discipline, for which dismissal will be lawful.
We will tell you in this article how to dismiss a boor by legal means, so that later there will be no problems with the case being considered in court.
There are no special norms in the labor legislation of the Russian Federation that would require employees to “behave well” in the workplace. This is implied as if by itself. However, since rudeness involves a subjective assessment, it cannot be documented.
The character of an employee and his methods of communication are his own business as long as they do not conflict with the requirements of official documents, such as:
How to respond to rudeness at work
Hello, my dear readers and blog guests! Since childhood, we have been instilled with politeness and good manners towards other people.
Having matured, every person knows how to behave in society among friends, with elders and at work.
True, not everyone can calmly react to rudeness in their direction.
And if you can answer your best friend with a couple of rude phrases, knowing that he will understand his mistake and will definitely apologize, then at work things are completely different.
Rudeness is generally not applicable to a person, since it is an expression of one’s own bad manners, a desire to show one’s rightness and privilege over others. Typically, such rude behavior can ruin the mood for the whole day. and what to do? If the person sitting next to you is trying with all his might to hurt and insult you, he is an ill-mannered boor.
Often such people can rarely answer for their words, believing that they are absolutely right in everything.
Count the buttons, gentlemen.
Don't you have the impression that rudeness is already off the charts?
Vladimir Romek:
In any case, it is not getting smaller, and sometimes it really seems that technical and social progress have only exacerbated the problem. An excellent nutrient broth for rudeness is anonymity. The Internet provides a wealth of opportunities in this regard. Hiding under nicknames, we turn into rude people and start a quarrel for no reason. The business environment is also changing. More than once I have observed how, at training seminars, company managers convince psychologists that rudeness and verbal aggression are the best way to manage personnel. And this is nothing more than an automatic reaction, an atavism inherent in the animal world. Calm, constructive communication requires much more effort and even special skills. But this is a human choice, and, unfortunately, not everyone makes it.
Rudeness flourishes in conditions of irresponsibility. A network user, an owner of a company that is uncontrollable and not subject to anyone, an official whose decisions cannot be challenged, the security of a noble person and the person himself - they all feel impunity and therefore are rude more often and more sophisticated.
The portrait of a modern boor is complex. This is not necessarily a person of low culture. Someone who speaks several languages can also be arrogant. Psychologists believe that the reason is not the level of culture, but fear. This may sound paradoxical, but a boor is always a coward who in his soul expects some kind of meanness towards himself and tries to prevent possible aggression. The illusion that everything is arranged according to the “win or lose” principle, that you can only win at the expense of another person, by humiliating or robbing him, corrupts everyone.
What is the usual reaction to rudeness?
Vladimir Romek:
It hurts, upsets and angers. However, the opinion poll “Levada-pink fog”. Learn a few simple phrases that can be applied to any boorish statement. Here's the first one. “Everyone is different, lives differently and reacts differently to different events.” For example, this dialogue.
- Why are you poking my tomatoes with dirty fingers?
— Different people check the ripeness of tomatoes differently.
- Yes, you’ve already crushed all the goods for me!
“You can’t even touch some tomatoes with your finger; they immediately spoil.” (Counting the buttons on the blouse). Try adding sarcasm to the dialogue.
— Why are you staring at my car?
— Different people park their cars differently. Yours stands so that it is impossible not to notice it.
And here is the second universal phrase: “Some lasting effects of my work can only be discovered after a considerable period of time.” Imagine being unfairly reproached by your boss.
“You don’t know anything, but you want a lot of money.”
— Some people highly value my level of competence.
— I didn’t notice any competence, but I pay money regularly!
— Some of the effects of my work are felt after a considerable time.
It would not be amiss to briefly supplement these phrases with objective information about your activities that have benefited the organization. And so that there is not a single gap in the psychological armor, learn one more sentence: “Products of different quality usually cost different money.” It is beautiful in its obviousness and will force the boor himself to find answers to the questions that torment him. For example, they tell you:
— Why is the same carpet around the corner worth twice as much?
— Products of different quality usually cost different money.
“You haven’t lifted a finger, and yet you’re already demanding a lot of money.”
— Services of different quality usually cost different money.
The point of using the “pink mist” is that the boor drives himself into a dead end. And you, instead of getting annoyed, will learn over time to even enjoy such verbal battles. Sometimes it is enough to say the cherished words to yourself in order to calm down and refrain from retaliatory rudeness or aggression.
So, different people behave differently when they find a drunk and naked father in the house. (I’m talking about Ham and Noah.) Some of the effects of their actions appear after a considerable time, giving rise to the development of applied behavioral psychology. Probably, completely eliminating rudeness from our lives is an elusive task; even God could not eradicate the rude offspring. But learning to resist while maintaining equanimity is a completely achievable task. Although, of course, goods of different quality cost different money.
A comment
Mikhail Rosenblit Candidate of Sociological Sciences
Remember, the USSR was called “the country of watchmen”? I am by no means idealizing the past; they called it that way for a reason. But in those days, boorish behavior was ridiculed and resisted, including by the media. How, for example, the image of the building manager from “The Diamond Arm” is unpleasant. The viewer was instilled in every way: it is impossible to behave this way. And now rudeness is becoming fashionable and becoming the norm. Aggression is learned from childhood. The child chooses this behavior when he sees that it is generously rewarded. Adults also behave shamelessly if they understand that this bears fruit and provides certain privileges in society. The image of a successful boor is literally imposed on us. Serious media figures on the pages of newspapers defend their opinions in terms that could get you a candelabra. How do talk shows work? Screams, insults, including from the presenters. And read the headlines: “Shock! The singer showed everything!”, “The famous actor told who he lives with.” It is unacceptable to be interested in such things, and most of us do not want to be aware of someone else's personal life, because this is a gross invasion of our world, destroying its psychological integrity. But we come across such information everywhere. As a result, we get used to the idea that rudeness is the style of successful, noticeable people, and decent behavior is the lot of outsiders.
How to stop rudeness: 7 tricky tricks
Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: Boors and rude people can ruin our mood for a long time.
Unfortunately, no one is safe from such people.
And here it is important not to fall for their bait by starting to shout back, but to correctly avoid the blow, turning the energy of the screamers against them.
Boors and rude people can ruin our mood for a long time. Unfortunately, no one is safe from such people.
And here it is important not to fall for their bait by starting to shout back, but to correctly avoid the blow, turning the energy of the screamers against them.
There are 7 quick-acting techniques on how to get out of this situation as a winner and even save the relationship, if this is important to you. Technique 1 If someone is yelling at you, make an effort to remain calm and remain calm.
We recommend reading: Fire safety in warehouses
Your behavior will provoke anger in the screamer, but it will quickly subside. She will be replaced by a feeling of guilt for her defiant and aggressive behavior.
