Should you fight for a man?

You should never fight for your love. And that's why

5 reasons.

He will never change.

Thought.Is
If he could change, he would have done it sooner. Waiting for that wonderful day when this does happen is like waiting for rain in a drought. This is completely hopeless and out of your control. But by being dependent on his changes, you give up your own happiness. You cannot and should not wait for someone to change someday.

What you can actually change is your attitude. Know your worth and never lower that value for someone who cannot value you properly. Just walk away when you've given all you can and when you've exhausted all your options.

Let him go if you are unhappy and the relationship is not what it used to be. Remember that it is always easier to fall out of love with someone than to wait for someone to fall in love with you. Once you accept that you can't change anything, you gradually become a happier person than holding on to someone who doesn't put you first.

It's better to end this now than in the future.

Think about how unbearably painful you are right now. How the thought of never seeing him again makes your tears flow freely. How willing you are to fight for him, no matter how great the obstacles.

And after that, think about it. His hesitation when you asked if he loved you. His unwillingness to fight for you. His indifference when you asked him to give you another chance. You know it, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself. You are only prolonging your suffering and delaying the inevitable end. Sometimes a complete breakup isn't as bad as you think.

Of course, breakups are quite destructive and messy, but at least you know what to do. You can focus all your energy on healing and restoration. And although it may not happen today or tomorrow, one day you will be okay. At the same time, insisting on holding on and desperately fighting to keep your relationship afloat will leave you depressed every day. No relationship is worth your dignity, your well-being and your happiness.

Simply love is not enough to maintain a relationship.

There are so many other factors to consider. Sometimes the saddest thing is that you have to break up not when the love dries up, but when both people love each other very much.

After all, there are more important things than just being with each other. You would love nothing more than to be with him, but sometimes the cons outweigh the pros. It is wrong and immature to think that love can conquer anything because sometimes it doesn't work. After all, when you love someone, their happiness is more important to you than your own desires. You want him to feel better and if your connection doesn’t give him this, it hurts you to see him unhappy.

Sometimes you let go not because you don't love him anymore, but because you have to.

Just because he's a good person doesn't mean he's right for you.

As human beings, we resist change and prefer old familiarity. We try more to move along the beaten path rather than jump into the great unknown. Likewise, if you've known him long enough, you're well aware of his strengths and how good he is. It's normal to feel like you'll never be able to find someone like him. Plus, you're not sure you need it. At this point, you just want to be with him.

But you need to understand that no matter how attractive he is and how happy you are that you have him, it has nothing to do with saving your relationship. More important is the willingness to be together - which he does not share with you.

As long as you continue to hold on to relationships that aren't working, you won't be able to attract the right person for you. It's no one's fault that your relationship failed. You both tried and were happy for a while, but now it's time to move on and close this chapter. There are other things in this life. Your life won't stop without him.

Love shouldn't be something you have to "try" for.

It should be natural and light. Dialogues should flow effortlessly. Thinking about him should lift you up. You should be the best version of yourself around him. There is no such thing as “trying” here. You put in more effort simply because you feel like you need to. Love is a choice and you have to make it just because you want it.

There are many mediocre things in life, but love is something we shouldn't just settle for. We have to choose it consciously because we want it - and it's definitely not something we should force ourselves to do.

How to fight for love? Is it worth it?

If you think that I will now list ways to fight for love, then I will disappoint you. The phrase “fight for love” has always seemed strange to me. Mexican TV series immediately come to mind, where several main characters constantly win each other over with all possible impossible methods. But our life is not a series.

Well, if you want advice, well...

You can regularly quietly study the contents of his pockets, frantically reread SMS messages, trying to find some hidden subtext in ordinary words, and eavesdrop on telephone conversations. You also need to bend over backwards, but always look your best in order to outshine all his female surroundings with intelligence, beauty and charm: work colleagues, neighbors, former classmates and just acquaintances. And also conjure for days at the stove, study dozens of culinary sites, and suddenly you will be able to get into his heart through his stomach. And the house needs to be turned into a cozy family nest, so that everything sparkles and shines. He must understand that you are an ideal mistress and he will never find another like him anywhere. And you also need to constantly spin around him and not let him go anywhere. And then suddenly he will lose the habit of you. Or he will become interested in someone else, and you will not be around to rush into the fight for his love. And constantly live with the anxiety of losing him, the one and only.

It seems to me that you will get nothing but depression in this struggle for love. And then, is it necessary to fight for something that no longer exists? There is one suitable Eastern proverb: a broken vessel can be glued, but it will no longer be usable.

The very expression “struggle for love” sounds absurd. It is unlikely that love can be won on the battlefield. If a person humiliates you with betrayals and a disdainful attitude, should you just proudly leave him or stay and constantly win a place in his life and heart? It's difficult to give advice here. And could there be effective ways here that will help change the attitude towards you and return love?

Of course, it is very difficult to understand and accept that his love has passed. And let go...

Or maybe somewhere around the corner awaits new true love and a person who will appreciate you and love you not for anything, but simply because you are you. He will love you with all your strengths and even shortcomings. And then you won’t think about how to fight for love, but you will simply love and be loved.

Mutual love and happiness to you!

Philosophy of life and love

Number of words in the article: 564 Time to read: 3 minutes Already read 40

There is an opinion that if, first of all, a man does not fight for love, then he does not love. Everyone has their own perception of love and their own understanding. But how to fight for love? And, most importantly, why?

It often happens that “...When we are loved, we do not love. When they don’t love, we love...” But nothing can be done about this, because, as the people said: “You can’t order your heart.” If there is no mutual love, then how can you fight for something that does not exist? How to fight for love (presumably your own), if this love is not needed by the one you love? Drive the object of your adoration into a frenzy with endless pursuit? Force yourself? But then, this is no longer love. and the highest degree of egoism, selfishness. Sometimes this happens. A young girl knows that she has a secret admirer. And so she begins to “tease” her admirer, deliberately and deliberately showing favor to her other admirers. It is difficult to say what motivates the young beauty. But, it is quite obvious that, to a greater extent, again, selfishness... True, there is not always an understanding that playing with fire is a dangerous game. After all, you can’t look into the soul or head of an unrequited lover. What if he decides to fight for love, or worse, take revenge for his suffering? And here it doesn’t matter against whom this revenge will be directed. Against the “source” of mental torment, or against the “beautiful half” of humanity in general, in principle... Again, as the people said: “Horseradish is not sweeter than radishes.” And this also happens. The lovers quarreled. Having no life experience, not understanding that it is not always necessary to “knock things out,” a young girl (to spite her lover) begins to flirt with other young people, confident that if she loves, she must fight for love. But is it possible to predict how the insulted and offended will fight for love? After all, not everyone perceives the insult in the same way. Some people can torment themselves without splashing out their emotions on others. And, others... can “throw out emotions indiscriminately. Both “right” and “wrong”. Everything here is very unpredictable. Only one thing can be predicted. There will certainly be no winners in this struggle for love The “desired” does not always turn out to be “real”. And of course, thinking that “if you endure it, you will fall in love” is a big mistake. Even if passion appears, it does not always turn into deep love. Well, when it’s just a “game” of passion, then there’s nothing to move on to. This is such a difficult (on the one hand), quite banal (on the other hand) philosophy of love. Philosophy based on paradox. Of course, everyone determines for themselves how to fight for love, and whether it is necessary. This is undeniable. But, still, as the people said, measure seven times, and cut only once... What is cut off, of course, can be sewn back. But will it be “whole and indivisible”, that is the question.

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Is it worth keeping a man? Should I fight for a man?

Girls, admit it, do you read glossy magazines? To be honest, sometimes I stick my curious nose in and leaf through such publications. And some articles frankly amuse me.

For example, articles on the topic “How to keep a man?” are full of all kinds of advice - you need to fight for your happiness, so learn to cook better than his mother, because we all know that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And constantly surprise him by arranging unexpected romantic evenings - wearing erotic lingerie, dancing a striptease and not forgetting to light incense...

This is partly true, but besides food, men need so much more, and you can’t keep anyone away with just delicious borscht. And the aroma lamps make many of them feel sick.

And is this happiness – standing at the stove every day for 6 hours, and then entertaining a man in the bedroom, only for him to come back tomorrow? Will both of them get bored with this “regime” in a month?

So I read advice like this, and a logical question arises: why force a man? Why rack your brains over how to tie him to you more tightly, so that for sure he will never go away?

How not to hold a man

Several years ago, my employee Irina began to complain that her relationship with her husband had deteriorated very much. Their life was more like that of neighbors than spouses. She began to suspect that he had someone on his side. Fearing that he would leave, she decided... to get pregnant.

In the end, of course, he stayed, but for exactly 2 years - he left the family when the baby was a little over a year old.

Therefore, I was convinced once again: if a man wants to leave, he will leave. And why do we need such a man that he needs to be restrained? And if he wants to be with a woman, then even if you send him, he still won’t leave :)

What to do? Or not?

I have a slightly different view of things: a man either wants to be with you or he doesn’t. He is not a calf on a leash that can be kept close to you in this way.

And I understand the expression “you need to fight for your happiness” a little differently - good family relationships are the ability to forgive and find compromises, mutual respect and love. This is not violence of one against another. And both men and women should work equally on relationships, as well as on themselves. And if two people love each other, then no one will have to be held back - both will want to be close to their soul mate. Well, if they no longer love you, then no striptease or aroma lamps will bring back your feelings, and all attempts to forcibly hold on to the other will not lead to happiness.

And as for cooking deliciously... Why not? After all, you must admit, it’s nice to please your man (and yourself at the same time) with goodies without any subtext. In the same way, a man can easily stand at the stove and cook something tasty for the woman he loves.

So love your other half and be happy!

What do you think, is it necessary to keep a man? And what do you mean by “fight for it”?

I think that already on this sensitive issue it is clear that all my further parting words will be addressed to our beautiful and unpredictable female half, where I myself come from. Yes, to be honest, I think that many men, after reading this article, will agree with me. And to some extent, they will even be grateful to me for stopping distraught, desperate women from making fatal mistakes and importunity on their part towards them. And so let’s stop examining this sensitive issue.

I know that the topic of a man leaving is, unfortunately, close to many women and it is extremely unpleasant and unbearable from a mental point of view. I understand women perfectly well that it is actually difficult to just let go of a man who is leaving without hysterics, without tears. It’s difficult to say goodbye to your loved one like this, who once promised to always be there. It is difficult to say goodbye to the magical dream of creating a strong family, which we, women, ourselves came up with. With the departure of a loved one, a part of the soul dies inside... somewhere in the chest area. My soul becomes unbearably empty. I know this pain. I myself felt this pain, which pinched not only my body, but also my skin... it was as if with tweezers it was pulling out one hair of memory, one thread of hope... from a living soul... It’s hard. It seems that your whole world has simply shattered into small crystal fragments that cannot be collected or glued together even with the most fashionable superglue. A woman in this state experiences it differently. It is impossible to say in one word how she passes this pain through herself. BUT believe me, my dear women, it’s good that you feel this pain - it means you are alive and sensual. The only scary thing is that you are trying to hold on to the person who caused you this pain. Why hold on to a man who is leaving? Who did not appreciate the depth of your heart... who did not feel your soul... I know some women who find all sorts of methods to stop a man: some invent pregnancy or do not specifically use protection in order to actually get pregnant; others begin to please the man as much as possible to the detriment of their desires and feelings, making him their god; still others begin to radically change their image and lifestyle in order to become what they dreamed of; fourth - they endure all the antics and humiliation on the part of a man towards themselves, just so as not to leave; fifths throw hysterics and threaten to commit suicide, etc. I have listed only a few methods of how women try to keep a man and they help, but...temporarily. A man who decided to leave - he will leave, if not now, then later, and in addition, at the same time, he will make your life unbearable. He will definitely take some kind of revenge on you for not allowing him to leave right away.

Why become someone you are not? Not only did the man offend you with his decision to leave, but are you also offending yourself by ceasing to be yourself? For what? Your man has decided to leave, so let him go. Good riddance. Let him go quickly. The faster he leaves, the faster a person worthy of you will appear on your path... The path to you will be cleared for a worthy man who will not want to turn in the other direction. On the contrary, he will hold your hand tightly and will not let it go under any pretext. She will not be afraid to fulfill the magical dream of creating a strong family. Let's say goodbye to the departing man. After all, this farewell is your only ticket to a new happy life. Give yourself this ticket. You deserve to be happy.

Olesya RENARD. Especially for the Internet magazine Bullet.NET.

In the first two parts of this article, we talked about how the “weather in the house” affects the severity of a family breakup due to a new hobby. Here we will try to analyze the circumstances under which a man found a replacement for you, and assess the degree of their significance, and also describe the main points of competent behavior of the abandoned woman in this situation.

Where did he find his mistress?

Where and how your man found a new woman also matters, since very often the seriousness and duration of this relationship depends on the circumstances of the acquaintance. In addition, it is important for us to understand your man’s motivation - he was “looking” or “met”, because this is also an important point, reflecting his psychological attitude towards both your past relationship with him and his future.

At work.

If at his work, from time to time, some kind of intrigues and novels happen to everyone, and in general the relationships there are not particularly formal, then we can assume that the next office love story will quickly come to naught. But when the situation developed in such a way that you spent most of your time with another woman, communicated with her, decided matters, participated in some informal events and became so attached that now he cannot see life without her, then things are bad. Very often, it is through long-term joint work that people become closer to each other, and this is not a momentary whim, but a conscious decision - with whom you feel better, with whom you are more comfortable and reliable.

Business trip.

To begin with, it is worth considering how long the business trip was, and how often did these business trips last? If these were private business trips, for example, the last year or two, and they lasted a month or more, then it is quite possible that for him life “there” became more real and objective than life at home. Then he could get used to that life and really began to love and appreciate it more than life in your city and with you. If it was one long business trip, then it is quite possible that this is a “devil in the ribs” in the style of a holiday romance, which sooner or later your husband will get tired of it and he will want to return to his native nest.

On the Internet.

It’s worth noting here - how did he end up in this and what was he doing in those Internet places where people have the opportunity to somehow meet? In one case, he could simply “play around” and communicate with someone for fun, and then one of his girlfriends suddenly became the most interesting and significant. In another case, he could try virtual communication for the first time and immediately become infected with it, believing that it was a “miracle” and a “sign of fate.” It happens that on well-known social networks a man finds some first love or a former beauty classmate, and feelings flare up again - this happens from everyday life, from fatigue and other nonsense. Under such circumstances, it is quite possible to count on the fact that the “illness” will pass and everything will fall into place. But if your husband has been deliberately surfing the Internet for a long time in search of new personal happiness, then you should think carefully - it is quite possible that your relationship ended before he started a new life, he simply prepared for it too carefully.

Chance meeting.

Such an acquaintance should be feared most of all, because the reasons and motivations of each of its participants are most unknown: they may perceive this as a “providence of fate,” or maybe someone simply became interested in the first person they met on a momentary impulse, or maybe your husband and this woman had been “looking” for each other for a long time, being dissatisfied with their family relationships.

So, in order to establish at least some possible clarity and “forecast” for the future, be sure to try to find out all the details of your man and your lovebird, because many of them will help you better navigate the situation and take some measures.

How to behave?

Another point is how you personally reacted to everything and how you behaved with the man. As a rule, there are two types of behavior that can provoke the return of a husband to a greater extent - and both of them are based on maintaining self-esteem and calmness. In the first option, you can calmly say that since he leaves you, “goodbye,” you are not yet ready to forgive and understand, you no longer intend to communicate, and you disappear. The main thing here is to have the will to fight and hold on until the end.

If you understand that you were wrong in something, made some mistakes in relation to your husband, then calmly talk about it, explain everything, say that you ask for forgiveness for this and are ready to correct yourself, that you love him, are ready to understand and forgive him if he returns, and again go into the shadows - then it’s up to him.

The most important thing in all this is no hysterics, ultimatums, tears, calls back, requests or aggression. A person always becomes more irritated by such reactions, and becomes more “stressed” in the good sense of the word when they calmly let him go and disappear from sight. The question immediately arises: “How is this possible? And what about me? Why am I not needed? Why are they not grabbing at me? Let me go figure it out myself!” And thus the man himself takes some action. But the hysterical wife, tugging at him and making scandals, will probably lose in this case - calm, peaceful and comfortable, because it is at this moment that the unfavorable difference between the wife and the new passion will be visible.

On the occasion of the 25th anniversary of television and radio, we continue to talk about the brightest heroes of our reports. One of them is Sergei Turcanu from Moldova, whom our TV viewers helped in difficult times, reports MIR 24 TV channel correspondent Olesya Cazacu.

The young family of Pelenia village resident Sergei Turcanu dreamed of owning their own home, but it is almost impossible to earn money for their own housing in Moldova. The man decided to go to work in Russia. His dream came true, he managed to buy a house, but there was still not enough money for repairs. Sergei decided to leave for Russia for the last time, and this trip became fatal for him.

Sergey came to Krasnoe Selo in the outskirts of St. Petersburg and got a job as a construction worker. We had to sleep on pallets and the food was very poor. Suspecting something was wrong, the man decided to run away, fortunately his passport had not yet been taken away. In winter, at night, on foot through the forest, he went to St. Petersburg. As a result, both legs were frozen; amputation was performed in Chisinau.

Sergei returned to his native village as a disabled person. The Tsurkanu family was on the verge of death.

“In Germany they saw a story about us on TV, they came and helped. They gave us a cow so that we could support our family. They were at our house, looking for a cow together, buying it together,” said Sergei Rodica Turcanu’s wife.

The report about Sergei left few people indifferent. The editorial office received calls from near and far abroad. The family was supported not only with money. Volunteers renovated the house.

“The windows were replaced with plastic ones, they were so rotten that the cold was creeping into the house. The Germans helped with money and labor and completely replaced the leaking roof,” recalls Rodica Turcanu.

Sergei is still the only breadwinner. The wife is not working yet, since a third girl was born in the family a year ago.

“I didn’t have any depression and didn’t have any headaches. I just got to work and did what I could. Maybe someone will say: “What kind of work could this legless man do?” But I will answer that I still worked. He took a walk-behind tractor and went to plow the ground on old dentures. I earned as much as I could,” said Sergei Turcanu.

The first ones were paid for by the state. Uncomfortable and hard, they constantly chafed. The current ones were donated by the same German philanthropists.

“If you put on this prosthesis, you become a robot. And in modern ones I feel good. It matters how the foot fits into them and how they are fixed. No belts or fasteners are needed,” emphasized Sergei Turcanu.

When a person with whom you have been connected for some time by feelings, relationships, family, announces his decision to leave, it is impossible to take this fact for granted. Moreover, if you depend on him for something: love, children, money, apartment, fear of loneliness, inability to live without him, etc.

Regardless of the prevailing circumstances, the departure of a loved one is a colossal stress, and everyone has their own reaction to it. Some people humbly give up, while others frantically try to stop the fugitive. But is it worth keeping a man?

, if he decided to leave? Let go or fight? The magazine for girls Krasulya gives advice.

They say that strong people fight for their happiness, but letting go is for the weak. A very controversial statement. After all, trying to revive something good from the ashes and against the wishes of one of the participants is a rather dubious undertaking. And one can hardly call a weakness the ability of a person to take into account the interests of another, to withstand the test with dignity and find the strength to live on. But we are talking now, of course, not about a permissive attitude - “come what may, and let it roll in all four directions.” In this situation, there is, by and large, nothing to fight for.

The wise say: everything has its time. And you need to fight for your happiness, for a future next to your loved one in a timely manner, and not when the roast rooster pecks. A man never leaves out of nowhere or suddenly. To make such a difficult (and for him too) decision, you need to be mature: think about the consequences, weigh your priorities - after all, he is not his own enemy, so that he can change his mind. During this period of reflective activity (attention!), the future fugitive gives alarming SOS signals to his soul mate. This is when the heavy artillery should be deployed and defensive structures built around the relationship.

It’s stupid to assume that a man who has the idea of leaving will come and lay it out directly: “darling, I’ve had the idea of leaving you, but I’m still in thought, so come on, fight for me, and maybe I’ll I’ll understand that I’m making a mistake.” Of course, he will not say such a thing, although these are the thoughts that are possessing him at this moment. That's why warning bells start ringing to get your attention. They can be very different, but they are certainly noticeable against the background of the usual way of life. A change in behavior, a noticeable chill in a relationship, or even direct hints in the form of lipstick on a shirt.

By the way, our sister has an erroneous stereotype that a man will certainly leave for SOMEONE. It is not always so. Sometimes loneliness can seem much more comfortable than living with a person who in some way does not suit you. Therefore, he can simply leave YOU, without even having a backup option in mind. And this is also certainly accompanied by warning signals, because every person has the right to get a chance for rehabilitation.

However, we often cannot or do not want to see these alarm bells. Sometimes we simply interpret them incorrectly, mistaking them for a bad mood, nagging, harmfulness, revenge, etc. Consequently, our reaction to them is by no means the one that a potential fugitive expects to receive. Thus, instead of fighting to preserve the relationship, you unwittingly push your loved one to make a decision, of course, not in your favor.

And only when the suitcases are already packed does insight come. Late! A bullet point has been made, thought out and approved, and now you are no longer able to change anything. You can scream, make a scandal, press for pity. Become a star in the door or lie down on the rails in front of the locomotive screaming “I won’t let you in!” Threaten, blackmail with your life or children. There are many ways to emergency brake a man who is leaving, and some of them may even work in certain cases. But! Let's face it.

Firstly, such behavior does not characterize you from the best side. This could be the last straw and a real iron curtain if the man still does not succumb to your tricks. It is unlikely that he will want to maintain at least any relationship with you, even for the sake of children or some other connection, and will try with all his might to completely exclude any contact with an unbalanced person. And he’ll cross himself a hundred times for leaving on time. I wonder if you won’t be disgusted with yourself later? Pride is a sin, but you also need to have basic dignity and self-respect.

Let’s say you don’t care what and how characterizes you at this moment. You are even ready to step over yourself just to keep your loved one. But here you need to understand: by stopping a man, you preserve only the appearance (!) of a family, but not a relationship. Yes, he will stay, unpack his suitcase, sit on the sofa as usual, share dinner and even bed with you, but he will not be with you. The man made a decision and left, even if not visually.

One is a calm and balanced representative, he will withdraw into himself and withdraw into himself. The other one, the one that is more active, will appear in all its glory. Now his disgusting behavior, always depressed mood, unfounded claims, regular sprees and binges are not bells at all, but the realities of life. And you shouldn’t be surprised by the derogatory attitude, raised tone and open fists. You yourself allowed a man to wipe his feet on you, you broke him - reap the benefits. And don’t create imaginary illusions that something will change over time.

If this is exactly what you wanted - to have a man next to you “for show”, and life not to seem like a raspberry, then go ahead to the embrasures! Yes, you love him, but in such an atmosphere it’s unlikely that feelings can last indefinitely. Sooner or later, another epiphany will come to you, which will make you bite your elbows with the thought “why did I stop him then?” And if you are not ready to sacrifice yourself for life, then now, having gone through humiliation and mental anguish, it is your turn to prepare to escape. Result: two broken destinies (if there are no children, then more). The question is: why all this?

How many relationships and families could be saved if people stopped acting on emotions at certain moments, and learned to communicate in a civilized manner, listen and hear each other. To understand, forgive and let go is a gift from strong people, which requires much more courage than hysteria and clenching. But by and large, in this situation there is nothing to forgive the leaving man for. After all, the fact that you did not consider the threat to your relationship and did not take timely measures to preserve it is your omission. But you shouldn’t blame yourself, you just need to find the strength to let go (calmly!) and learn to live without him.

According to statistics, every second man who leaves tries to renew the relationship and return to the family. It is clear that these are not the representatives for whom leaving turned into Armageddon. But whether you want to accept it now is a completely different story.