reasons, signs, how to get rid of feelings of envy

What is envy?

What is envy? This concept has many definitions. In Ushakov’s dictionary, for example, it is called the desire to possess what others have. From a scientific point of view, it is a socio-psychological complex of different models of human behavior, his feelings that arise towards people who are more successful, both materially and intangibly. Interestingly, envy can be a feeling and an emotion.

An emotion is considered when it arises on an unconscious level as a reaction to a certain action, the subject does not last long, leaves without a trace (does not leave a negative imprint on a person’s life). These emotions are not easy to hide from others, they are difficult to control, but the mood does not deteriorate for long. But if envy visits a person very often, then he becomes a slave to this feeling, into which the emotion develops. And it’s no longer easy to get rid of it, even with the help of specialists.

An envious person consciously lives with this destructive feeling, hiding it behind a mask of indifference. Such a person is actually not welcome in any society or company.

Is it worth admitting to envy?

In some psychological sources you can find advice to admit to the object of your envy that you are experiencing it. Svetlana Mesnikovich does not support this idea and recommends that it is better to open up to a psychologist or a close friend you trust:

— By telling a person directly that you envy him, in essence, you are expressing your dislike to him, and this destroys the intimacy and trust between you and causes wariness. Today he’s jealous, and tomorrow he’ll burn down the hut (I’m exaggerating, of course). But the one who has admitted envy in himself should least of all be feared and shunned. Because as soon as you fix that you envy, the feeling loses its power over you. You begin to control your feeling.

Let the next step be an attempt to “melt” envy into respect and admiration. To the one you envied, you can say: “ It’s great that you showed me what to strive for!”

", "
Now I understand what a really cool business plan should be!
" By acknowledging and learning from someone else's success, you strengthen your relationship with that person.

Black and white feeling of envy

It's no secret that everyone envies differently. In the language of psychologists, this is a “benevolent” and “evil” manifestation.

The feeling of white envy is the desire to possess what others have. However, without wanting to harm anyone. That is, an envious person is friendly. In addition, such envy can become motivation for new achievements by the envious person.

Black envy is not such a good feeling as the previous type. It can destroy an envious person from the inside and reduce the quality of his life. Envying the success of others, such a person wants harm to those towards whom he has a negative feeling. He gloats during other people’s failures, and someone else’s success angers and darkens the life of the envious person.

How to deal with envy?

Of course, it is best to close your heart to negativity. But anything can happen in life. If such destructive

the feeling still sprouts, then you need to fight it. For this we recommend:

Engage in self-development - set clear goals, become a strong and independent person, realize your uniqueness. It is worth remembering that all people are different, each has their own potential, opportunities in life, and their own mission.
Learn to control your emotions and feelings - you should not allow negativity (dissatisfaction, irritability) to take over.
Increase self-esteem - an adequate assessment of your own potential and clear principles help overcome envy.
Learn to analyze the situation - sometimes a person envyes blindly, imagining the ideal life of others. But in reality, everything may not be as it seems.
Learn to set priorities - you need to appreciate what you have in life. We must strive to achieve more, but without envying other people's benefits and success.
Switch - if you are overcome by a depressing feeling, you need to direct all your energy in the right direction. This could be work, hobbies, meditation, sports, etc. Such distraction is an effective way in our fight.
Use the help of specialists - sometimes a person cannot cope with the problem alone and a good solution would be to turn to specialists.

Signs of an envious person?

With its signs, envy in a person can be detected without much difficulty. Facial expressions and gestures, behavior patterns help with this. Namely:

envious people smile strainedly, but without hatred and hostility;
eyes are full of sadness and sadness;
there is no sincerity in facial expressions;
head tilted to the side, wandering gaze;
squinting of the eyes for no obvious reason;
attempts to cover with hands;
the envious person takes closed poses;
detachment from the interlocutor;
restrained and constrained movements.

If we talk about the behavior pattern of an envious person, then he:

intrigues against people of whom he is envious;
gossips;
ingratiates himself, behaves like a best friend;
own existence, keeps all problems secret;
does not openly enter into confrontation due to his inadequacy;
has suicidal tendencies.

An envious person often suffers from neuroses, mood disorders, infantilism, passive aggressiveness, hysterics, etc. In such cases, it is often impossible to do without psychiatric help.

Why do people envy?

Why does a person envy? This manifestation is explained:

unmet needs;
lack of funds;
self-dislike;
lack of success in life.

Much depends on the upbringing and attitudes of parents instilled in childhood. If a child does not know how to accept himself as he is, was deprived of parental attention and warmth, was punished for any disobedience, and was not given the opportunity to dispose of his own toys, things, etc. at his own discretion, then he will grow up to be a complex person. self-critical person, incapable of being happy. And such people are often overcome by envy of the well-being and success of others.

These individuals live by constantly comparing themselves to someone else. They see the good in other people's lives without noticing it in their own.

Getting rid of negative feelings

How to stop being jealous of others? Awareness of the problem is already the first right step on the path to deliverance. The following are the steps:

Finding out the cause - searching for and eliminating provoking factors. It is possible to solve the problem independently or with the help of a specialist (psychotherapist).
Auto-training and performing special exercises - there are special techniques to help cope with destructive feelings. For example, you can write down on a piece of paper and hang it in a visible place everything that could lead to envy. This stimulates the fight against negative manifestations.
Self-control is a difficult stage, but quite doable. It is necessary to monitor “attacks” and analyze the signs of manifestation. When someone else's success causes dissatisfaction or irritation, you should distract yourself from these emotions in any way. Any positive impression will do.
Change – this stage requires a change in thinking. It should only be on a positive note.
Development, personal growth - those who are complex, limited, and unsure of themselves often become envious. By overcoming these shortcomings in themselves, people become less vulnerable to such negative feelings.

What needs to be done to protect against damage and the evil eye

It is extremely difficult to jinx a sincere believer

Faith in the Lord protects you from negativity. A person who lives according to God’s commandments is under the protection of the creator. Constantly wearing a cross and reading prayers daily helps protect oneself and family from the influence of evil entities. Faith can relieve bad thoughts and self-hypnosis.

Orthodoxy preaches modesty. The less a woman or a man exposes their personal relationship with their spouse to the public, the less envy from the outside. For a believer, the best amulet is a cross.

There are no special prayers for the evil eye, envy and damage in the prayer books. The Church calls not to see in every evil person a sorcerer, a healer. In this case, the subconscious will not play a bad joke on a person. It is self-hypnosis, belief in the unusual abilities of the people around us, that leads to psychosis, breakdowns, loss of sleep and appetite.

What about the jealousy in the comments?

Those who study their inner world are convinced that the feeling of envy is multicomponent: it contains sadness, anger, frustration, resentment, jealousy, and dissatisfaction with oneself. Of course, in order to see and experience all these emotions, you need to find time for yourself and your loved ones to be alone. But many modern people, who are always in a hurry, have no time for soul-searching.

“Instead, we actively “merge” envy into the virtual space,” states the psychologist. — Look how many people hang out on Internet resources and social networks, where they make sarcastic comments about other people’s successes. You read and only have time to state the conclusions inherent in envy: good salary and high status - “ It is known who “promoted”!” He gives an interview - “sticks his head out”, “shows off”! Won the competition - “Who on the jury is so ignorant!

— But maybe this is good - people are letting off steam...

“In some cases: when a person is very angry, and a painful issue for him has just been raised on the Internet, he sat down at the computer, wrote a post and returned to normal business - this is a really safe outlet for emotions. But when envy is directed at different objects and this is repeated again and again, a person splashes out all the power of feelings and thoughts and sooner or later becomes empty. In addition, unconsciously cultivated envy can lead to so-called psychosomatic diseases. Envious people often suffer from digestion problems, develop stomach ulcers, and suffer from liver and kidney function.

Incredible facts

Do you think
someone is jealous of you?
Look out for the following signs. Almost every person has experienced envy at some point in their life.

This is a natural emotion that is sometimes difficult to avoid.

Essentially, envy is the fear that we may lose something or someone. For this reason, we try to do everything possible to prevent loss.

And although we can control our emotions, we cannot control the emotions of another person.

When someone is jealous of you, this person tries to get into your soul and control you, since it is difficult for him to manage his emotions.

Here are 8 main signs that you have black envy, and how you can fix it.

How to get rid of envy

4. They imitate you

Anyone who envies you wants to be better than you, but at the same time the same as you. He may imitate your way of speaking and dressing to make himself feel better.

Instead of getting discouraged, motivate them to find their own path.

. Encourage them when they do their own thing.

Show them that they don't have to be like you to be the best, that they can be themselves.

5. They compete with you

Envious people are often competitive because they want to be the only one to reap the rewards of success because they are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove their superiority

Although you may feel a burning desire to put them in their place, avoid unhealthy competition and do not engage in it.

. Not playing this game will make them less likely to want to continue.

6. They rejoice in your failures.

An envious person will secretly rejoice when you make mistakes, when you are reprimanded or corrected at work or at school.

f. Although they may not show it, they often enjoy your failures.

Accept your mistakes with dignity. You can always remind them that mistakes are part of life. If you don't get upset, they won't get the pleasure they expect.

7. They gossip behind your back.

Envious people will always find a reason to slander you behind your back. They may say nasty and hurtful things about you.

In this case, it is best to talk to them openly

. Since envious people rarely confront anyone openly, having a serious conversation about what they are doing will make them think about their behavior or stop.

8. They hate you

If there is a person who hates you for some unknown reason, most likely he is jealous of you. This can be difficult to come to terms with, since it is unpleasant for any of us to think that someone hates us for no reason.

It is not always safe to arouse strong feelings in your co-workers. True, many consider office romances even useful, they say, the work productivity of the colleagues involved in them increases. But if one of your colleagues is inflamed with black envy towards you, you will not end up in trouble. However, you can fight envious people. The main thing is to know how. “They’re just jealous of you...” is a phrase we often hear from friends and colleagues if they want to reassure us. Have you been unexpectedly rude? That means they are jealous. A friend said indelicately: “I would like your problems...” He is jealous. A colleague criticized me at a meeting. And he’s right there! A universal answer that does not explain anything, does not help anyone and does not give any effect other than temporarily strengthening self-esteem.

To envy as an adult means to constantly live in a complex system of comparison. Yourself with others. Others - with you. At the same time, the social environment actively pushes us towards such a comparison. How can I ride the subway when the same manager from my department drives a car? I work as hard as I can, deny my child new markers and finally buy a “ten”. For a couple of days (weeks, if I'm lucky) I'm happy and cheerful. But the fact is that another girl in our department has a foreign car. Dad gave it to her. I don’t have a dad like that, it’s impossible to save any more, and I’m starting to quietly dislike her. Because I forget an important psychological rule: it is impossible to satisfy needs completely!

Moreover, it is dangerous. After all, our needs are a motivator, an impulse that gives us the energy to move, develop, and earn money. If a person has everything, then only one thing remains - to come up with a desire that is, in principle, impossible to fulfill. For example: to help everyone in need, to find the meaning of life, or something similar - philosophical and lofty. Not everyone succeeds. Remember the series “The Rich Also Cry...” And they really do cry. And how. This is because beauty does not guarantee happiness, wealth does not equal security, and even a beloved child brings not only joy, but also a lot of other emotions.

What to do with all this?

Let's consider ourselves people “psychologically advanced” and fight the feeling of envy that poisons life. It is very important to work on it consciously and remember the following. First of all, we are all going to die. Regardless of the number of achievements, money and cars in the garage. Secondly, we are equally defenseless in the face of fate. Anyone can slip on a banana peel and become disabled (ugh). We are all on the same page when it comes to serious matters. As soon as you manage to “catch” this feeling, the feeling of envy disappears.

Envious people (not such “advanced” people as we) really attack and quite often. There are three main ways to deal with such situations.

Disguise

When using this method, you need to stop demonstrating your well-being and complain as often as possible. For anything - for an unsettled family life, for the inability to master the simplest things... For a woman, a complete refusal of cosmetics and replacing a fashionable haircut with a “goodbye to youth” hairstyle is especially effective. Perhaps in this case the “gap” between her and the envious colleague (from the latter’s point of view) will decrease and the aggression will weaken. The downside is that the “masker” will feel defeated. This often entails a depressed state, loss of interest in work and other joys of life. After all, an important psychological law has been violated: violence against one’s personality, as a rule, has negative consequences.

In general, this method of behavior should be left as a last resort. It's never too late to apply it.

War

Well, it's clear. We do our best to demonstrate our own successes and achievements, make ourselves beautiful, share happy moments of family life with colleagues, and show photographs from Jamaica. Desired result: the opponent begins to experience negative emotions of such strength that his behavior becomes inappropriate. Psychological law: the stronger the emotions a person experiences, the more difficult it is for him to maintain his chosen line of behavior. If we irritate our opponent, our chances of winning increase.

In this case, the victim of envy (in this case, the attacking party) must behave with restraint. Her job is to wait for her colleague to make a real mistake. You can also go to your boss and hint that you are very concerned about your colleague's behavior. No accusations or reproaches. Only friendly concern for a friend and the affairs of the company, to which his unpredictability can cause serious harm.

The method of eliminating an envious person is quite difficult and ethically dirty, however, it works almost flawlessly.

Indifference

Let us proceed from the fact that all people exist in this world for something creative. Maybe we encounter envy in order to teach tolerance or demonstrate to others how to take care of our parents. It is unlikely that we will know this for sure about the people around us. However, it is safe to say that there is positivity in every person.

If we follow this path, then we take two steps: the first is to look for the positive, the second is to internally “let go” of this person. Well, God bless him. Forgot. We distance ourselves, and, most importantly, stop living the same life with him. And then the envious person no longer influences your state of mind. You don’t discuss anything with your colleagues or management. Moreover, when they try to talk to you in the style of: “Look what she did.” Answer calmly: “Come on, it happens to everyone. I got used already". At the same time, inside there is complete indifference - not ostentatious. You really don't care because you have your own inner life.

This method has another very valuable effect. As soon as indifference sets in, as soon as we “disconnect” and forget about the aggressor, a psychological law begins to operate: we cease to be an attractive victim for the attacker. The envious person stops pestering us.

Based on materials from Elite Personnel

It is human nature to compare ourselves with other people. A successful family life, career growth, wealth, beauty or good health - these are not all the things that can cause an unkind feeling in a competitor. If you come under the energetic attack of an envious person, you can seriously suffer, especially if the envy is black. What to do if you are envied and how to repel the “arrows of negativity”?