It is generally accepted that every woman dreams of a family and children; she was created in order to build a nest, create comfort and be a faithful wife and caring mother.
But recently, more and more women have begun to appear who see the purpose of life in something else: a career, a favorite hobby, travel and money.
Where to look for the reasons for such a profound change in women's consciousness?
Psychologists name reasons that can radically change the view of life values among representatives of the fairer sex.
Inflated self-esteem and high demands on the applicant
Many modern girls and women, especially those who have achieved success in business or climbed the career ladder, have clearly inflated demands on the man they want to see next to them.
Such ladies know the value of themselves and their abilities, they are not accustomed to waste time on trifles and see only a successful and strong man next to them.
Probably, such women should slightly lower the bar of requirements for men and understand that there are simply no people without shortcomings.
Reluctance to take on extra responsibility
Business women understand very well what it means to take responsibility, because they constantly do this during work hours. They are independent and decisive, they know exactly what they want from life and what is worth achieving. Family is a huge responsibility, not only for yourself, but also for your children.
Women who are accustomed to taking responsibility and solving problems in a team do not want to overload their lives with additional stress. The habit of controlling everything and everyone in the service does not go away without a trace, so such a lady puts the burden of supporting the family on her shoulders, and she loses respect for her uninitiated and lazy partner, who does not help at all, but only burdens her already heavy burden.
Of course, if one of the spouses constantly takes full responsibility for the family, the second will remain out of work. Therefore, divide your responsibilities equally: in this case, life will become easier, and common difficulties, solved together, will bring you closer together.
SINGLE WOMEN OF THE HIGHEST GRADE. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER? WHY DOESN'T YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?
She has a slender figure, a thin waist, and an elastic butt from regular training. Delicate skin with a bronze tan brought from the southern seas. She doesn’t want money from a man - she already has a prestigious job, her own apartment and just a golden character. Seems perfect? But, do you know what the catch is?
... She is 35 years old, but she doesn’t want to get married at all.
What's wrong with her? - those around you will ask. And they will never know the truth...
He has an above-average income, his own business and a good car. He has a good appearance, he works out at the gym, and when he takes off his shirt, girls want to snuggle closer. Girls hover around him in flocks, trying to lure him into marriage. And he goes... to a nightclub with friends. It says that it is not created for a family.
Everything was clear before. Clear as two. If a girl is not married, it means she is either scary or has a bad character. Or he walks left and right. In a word, there is some kind of drawback. And the single man raised questions. Why is he alone? Maybe some kind of impotent, or even a maniac? This is how it was during my childhood. But in recent years everything has changed.
Have you noticed that smart, beautiful and wealthy people of both sexes are increasingly remaining single? Do they voluntarily and completely consciously give up searching for a mate? Or are they looking, but somehow sluggishly, without much enthusiasm and jitters? I call them major league loners.
What has happened over the past decades? What events turned things upside down? And why don’t people of the highest echelon want to tie the knot? I offer my version of the development of events.
Difficult age
The tendency to postpone marriage until after an education has been completed, a career has been established, and the mortgage has been paid off has played a cruel joke on us. People get married not young, as before, but as adults. These are people with fully formed habits that they do not want to sacrifice, a certain way of life, views. Over the years, it becomes more and more difficult to find a place for someone else in your tired life!
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Do you remember at what age girls are brought to ballet? To shine on stage, little ones come to play when they are still preschoolers. Why is that? Because at this time their plasticity is very high. Doing the splits at 5 years old and doing the splits at 35 years old are two big differences. The same goes for pair formation. You don't have to be mature to understand and accept another person into your life. But it is very important to be flexible. And every year this plasticity is lost. This is probably why people of the older generation say that by adulthood it is better to have two stamps in your passport than none.
Capitalism is the best contraceptive!
This is how Sobchak used to answer questions about marriage and having children. And she was right. Indeed, a society in which there are so many varied pleasures makes the family unnecessary and burdensome. Here, think for yourself. Where could a lonely woman go in the evening 25-30 years ago? At most, for an evening of dances with the derogatory name “Those over 30.” What else could she do? Howl at home at the moon? And now every evening the city opens tens of thousands of doors with pleasures. Cozy coffee shops, bars and restaurants, nights at the cinema, parties in clubs, travel. The nightlife is in full swing. A life in which loners rule the roost. No, why, sometimes even in the light of strobe lights people join in pairs. But only to part in the morning.
This is cekc, dear...
For centuries, one of the powerful stimulants of marriage has been sexual satisfaction. What can I say, just a couple of decades ago our mothers got married as virgins. And dads got their first sex only after marriage. An unmarried woman was a priori considered a woman with an unsettled personal life. A single man could rely mainly on prostitutes. Now the sex life of a single person can be much richer than that of a married person. A free woman can have sex more often and more interestingly than a married woman. Maybe the best of the best are afraid of losing this richness?
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In pursuit of the ideal
Do you know another reason why the best people stay single? Because they are constantly in pursuit of perfection. They bring their career, their body, and their material well-being to the ideal level. And they don’t understand at all why their permanent relationship is in complete disarray. And the reason is simple. Marriage does not require conformity to an ideal. The ability to compromise is important for marriage. The more a person is inclined to achieve perfection, the more difficult it will be for him. Because, out of old habit, he will begin to eat not only himself, but also his partner. Did you put it in the wrong place? Didn't you do that? Not that kind of body? Come on, improve, keep the bar. Conform! But guys, marriage is not about achieving and conforming. Marriage is about acceptance!
Do you know what the bitter truth of today is? The fact is that many beautiful, successful and generally good people in all respects will remain lonely. Don’t try to find a catch in them – there simply isn’t one. They are on their own wavelength, in their own club. In the major league singles club.
Author MORENA_MORANA, vk
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Example of parents
Sometimes the unhappy family life of her parents shows a girl that the family is not support and help, but an unpleasant burden. In this case, she begins to understand that living alone is not so bad, and living together with an alcoholic or parasite will not give happiness to any woman.
Divorced parents, in turn, convince their daughter that real men have long since disappeared, there is no one worthy for her, and that spending her life washing other people’s dirty socks is simply stupid and pointless.
In this case, you need to understand that each individual family is a completely separate world, unlike any other. And you won’t necessarily have the same problems as your parents. Building a harmonious family is hard work, and only two people can do it.
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The reasons we choose a partner are many and complex.
Marriage is a big step. The person you choose as your life partner will impact every aspect of your life in one way or another: your mental health, your peace of mind, how you deal with tragedies and celebrate victories, how your children (if you decide to lead them) will grow and much more. The weight of these aspects of your life, not to mention the countless others you'll share with your partner, forces you to "choose wisely," says Glavred.
However, the reasons why we choose a partner are numerous and complex. Whether you're single or in a relationship, you've probably heard your share of unsolicited marriage advice from well-meaning (and sometimes jaded) people.
It can be difficult to filter out the nuggets of wisdom, and even more difficult to objectively look at your own motivations and see them for what they really are. We turned to relationship experts to identify the most common reasons why people decide to get married, which could lead to relationship problems down the road. But this list is not 100% a guide; The person and reasons you marry are ultimately your choice. Our goal is to help you make smarter choices.
1. Are you getting married because you don't want to be alone?
For those who are afraid of being alone, experts present this counterargument: What is worse, being alone or marrying the wrong person to be with you, simply because you are tired of being alone? Erin Parisi, a licensed mental health counselor, and Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said it's a common problem.
Try not to let this fear stop you from enjoying the current time in your life or how you value yourself as a person. The fear of being alone is rooted in how you value yourself, and your value as a person is not determined by who you are with. Take the time to become who you want to be in the first place, and then find someone who will be excited to be with you because you are already living your best life.
2. Do you feel obligated to get married?
“Once a couple announces their engagement, news spreads, wedding planning begins, and it can feel like an unstoppable, runaway train. At first, it can be easy to get overwhelmed and block out any negative, intrusive thoughts a person may have,” Parisi said. “Even if a person begins to question whether they are making the right choices for themselves, they may feel that what they say will disappoint too many other people,” she adds.
The thought of breaking your future spouse's heart, disappointing your parents, losing your down payment, or being embarrassed about turning down an engagement on social media can create enough internal turmoil to force you into a marriage you're unsure about.
Even before engagement, commitment can take other forms, such as family members telling you that "your clock is ticking" or you feeling like you "owe" your significant other a wedding date because you've been dating for a long time. Even watching your friends get married can create a sense of obligation.
"I think a lot of people think they 'need' to get married when other people in their friend group are getting married," Parisi said. Not wanting to constantly be the third, fifth, or tenth wheel may influence your reasons for choosing to get married.
However, getting married to prove something to someone else—or even to yourself—may lead you to choose someone you otherwise wouldn't have chosen.
3. Are you getting married for financial reasons or for financial stability?
“There are other benefits that marriage provides, such as financial or health benefits or the ability to follow a partner in the military, that can lead couples to marry before they are ready,” Parisi explained.
The reality is that getting married for these reasons can result in you losing sight of core values or personality differences, ending up with someone who doesn't want the same things in life as you, or who doesn't have the same expectations from marriage like you. You.
4. Does age bother you?
“A lot of people have an idea of what they want their life to look like at a certain age, and one of the milestones for a lot of people is marriage,” Parisi said. “For a person approaching the age they have identified as the age at which they “should” get married, marriage may become more important than who they marry.
Disbelief in love
More and more young representatives of the fair sex claim that there is no such thing as love. And if it exists, it is only in films and women's novels. And since there is no devoted, faithful and eternal love, then there is no point in looking for that one thing for which you can sacrifice principles, forget about your career and your own desires.
In this case, only that fateful meeting will help, which will turn your whole life upside down and change your views on the future.
