Every mother has unforgettable memories of holding her first child in her arms for the first time. How a tiny warm lump looked at her through the eyes of a great sage, how a mother’s heart overflowed with warmth and love. And often a woman wants to relive all this again and give birth to a second child. If this desire comes consciously, then along with it comes the time for decisions. And the first of them will have to determine the age difference between the kids .
It is difficult to say what interval between children is optimal, and at what age the eldest child will accept a brother or sister without any problems. It all depends on the specific family, but, nevertheless, parents should take into account some psychological characteristics of children at different age periods .
The difficulties and joys of raising children of the same age
If a couple decides to become parents of similar children, then they will face many advantages, but also no fewer disadvantages. The mother’s body, which has passed the test of the first pregnancy and childbirth, does not have time to properly recover before the second pregnancy. It is to be expected that your health will not be at all prosperous. But, in addition to the stress of pregnancy, a woman must also take care of her older child, who still requires a lot of attention. He often climbs into his arms, plays outdoor games and has absolutely no intention of making allowances for his mother, despite her rounded tummy. It is very difficult to explain to a child between the ages of one and two that his mother is pregnant, since he still feels like a part of her and does not intend to part with her under any pretext. Therefore, the problems during the period of separation, when the mother is in the maternity hospital, are quite understandable. After all, at this age, neither caring grandmothers, nor a cheerful dad, nor the most beloved nanny can replace her.
But still, the greatest difficulties await a woman when she arrives home and is left alone with her two treasures. This is a real test of endurance. The rhythm of life speeds up three times for her, and the first six months resemble a marathon, where a woman simply does not have the right to show weakness.
But there are also quite tangible advantages. Many parents of the same age note that their children do not have feelings of jealousy . This is understandable, because the older child is just beginning to explore the world and the younger one for him is nothing more than another interesting event in his life. Saving money on clothes , which very quickly passes from the eldest to the youngest, is also important In addition, children of the same age, growing up, find many common points and over time get along well , playing with common toys and learning from each other. Often it is the younger children in such families who are very developed intellectually because they constantly strive to reach the level of the older ones, who, although not much, are still more developed.
Mom's health
If you want your children to have a 2-year age difference, then the most important thing to think about is that you need to prepare for conceiving a second baby when the first one is a little over a year old. Before planning a pregnancy, do not forget to visit a doctor and take the necessary tests. This is necessary in order to ensure the health of your reproductive system after the first birth. As mentioned above, the female body recovers after pregnancy over several years (also take into account the duration of breastfeeding), but, by and large, you can give birth earlier. This should be your personal decision, made after consultation with your doctor and based on your own health data.
If the age difference between the children is from 2 to 3 years
For a woman’s body, the optimal period between pregnancies is 2–3 years, when the reproductive system is completely restored . The older baby is already quite independent, knows how to do many things and even tries to take care of himself. It would seem that it’s time to please yourself with a doll again... But even here there are pitfalls.
At the age of 2–3 years, children develop an important and necessary sense of ownership. This is a very important crisis period, when a gradual separation of the child from the mother occurs. For the first time, the baby begins to realize the importance and steadfastness of his own desires. But, nevertheless, he never ceases to be small, and with the appearance of the youngest in the family, he will definitely remind you of this. Children's jealousy can take on bizarre forms: from ordinary hysterics or imaginary regression (when an older child, who knows how to go to the potty and feed himself, suddenly begins to pee and spit porridge) to real illnesses, when the desire to attract mother's love leads to frequent illnesses "on out of the blue."
If the age difference between children is more than 10 years
Child psychologists believe that ideally, the age difference between children in a family should be small. If it is only one year, this is not always good for mother’s health. Therefore, the optimal option is 2-3 years. In life, not everything turns out “according to the textbook”; reality is often far from ideal. There are a huge number of families where the first-born is 10-15 or more years older than his younger brother or sister. What should a woman who has “decided” on such a scenario be prepared for?
- Of course, there will be people (among those close to you or complete strangers) who for some reason will not like this fact. You will be asked tactless questions that (if you think about it) have no answers. For example: “What guides a woman who decides to have a child at this age?” After all, you are already over 35, right? Or: “Why didn’t you give birth before?” It turns out that to the last question, you have only two possible answers: 1. “It didn’t work out.” "You are in your second marriage." There is no third option.
- many will complain that now “health is no longer very good and age is making itself felt. But this means not sleeping at night for a whole year.”
- Most likely, you no longer have children’s things and toys from your first child and will have to buy absolutely everything.
- an older child, who has been the only one for a very long time, may be wary, or even aggressive, about the appearance of a younger child in the family.
- your parents are no longer young, and you can’t count on their help.
- Most of your friends already have grown-up children. And a friend of the same age with whom you are “in the same position” will not be nearby.
- you will have the feeling that you absolutely do not remember how to pick up a baby and what to do with him.
- While your eldest child was growing up, science “did not stand still” and views on the development, care and nutrition of the baby changed. You have a lot to learn again.
When the oldest child is already 4 or 5 years old
The most painless period from a psychological point of view can be considered the period when the first child is from 4 to 5 years old. Very often, children at this age themselves begin to ask their parents about the secret of their birth. Therefore, pregnancy during this period can come in handy. The baby will see for himself how a new life grows and develops, and this will help him answer many questions for himself. In addition, for boys at this age, the mother’s pregnancy will help lay down a general model of attitude towards a woman, respecting and appreciating her as a mother .
The climax of children's anticipation will be the very bundle that you bring from the maternity hospital. You will be surprised to discover that a child who was small until recently becomes an adult, independent and caring older brother or sister . Girls aged 4-5 years actively begin to play role-playing games like “mother-daughter”, while boys, not without interest, try on the responsibilities of an older brother. And with the appearance of a small child in the family, the eldest gets the opportunity to realize his need for independence.
In essence, the age difference is not that significant , and all the above arguments are secondary. In the first place should be a feeling of enormous maternal love, which, like a soft blanket, envelops all the people dear to her. And everyone should be touched by their mother’s hand, not even allowing the thought that someone is loved less. Therefore, the decision to have another child should be based primarily on the fact that all children will be gifted with love and affection equally. Because mother's love is not divided - it multiplies!
Category: Child planning Topics: pregnancy, second pregnancy, second child, similar children, childbirth Link to material: One happiness is good, but two are better. What should be the age difference between children?
Age difference between children: what parents should do
Whatever the difference in the age of children - 5 or 15 years - conflicts and struggle for parental love are inevitable. You will have to learn to solve new problems and help children improve their relationships. Listen to the advice of experienced parents:
- Help children achieve mutual understanding. Do not judge if the older child clearly has a negative perception of the little “competitor.” Be patient. It may take months for him to accept the fact that he is no longer the center of the universe. Try to react calmly to possible “revenge.” From the cradle, teach your baby to respect his older brother or sister.
- Don't delegate housework to your older child. There should be certain responsibilities, but schoolchildren are already overloaded with studies and clubs. They need to communicate with their peers. It is a big mistake to often entrust an older child to look after a younger one. Don't deprive him of his childhood. If possible, hire a nanny.
- Take care of your children's personal space. If the older child has to live with the younger one, this will not improve their relationship. And if the children are of different sexes, then this option is extremely undesirable. The ideal solution is to give each child a separate room. If the apartment is not large enough, then the baby can easily live with his parents, but a child of 10-15 years old cannot. A teenager deprived of personal space may take revenge with bad habits.
- Make time for your older child. There is no need to convince him that he is already big and independent. These are just your illusions. Dedicate at least an hour of time to your older child, and it is advisable to spend at least 20 minutes alone, without the baby. Don't forget to be interested in school, lessons, relationships with peers. Let's understand that you still love your child.
- When planning your leisure time, consider the interests of all family members. Let the children express their wishes regarding the holiday and try to organize leisure time so that everyone is happy. You can find activities that are interesting for both children, or you can plan different activities.
The jealousy of the older child will subside if he realizes that he is just as important and loved as the younger one. He will be able to build healthy relationships in the family, with peers, and in the future - with his own children. But don’t go to the other extreme, don’t deprive your baby of your care. Learn to clearly plan your time and your actions in relation to your children.
Age difference 1 to 2 years
The minimum age difference is the difference between children from 1 to 2 years old. The decision to have children one after another is usually made by women whose first pregnancy occurred after the age of 30, but would like to have more than one child.
The most important disadvantage in this situation is the short interval between births. Doctors recommend a pause of 2-3 years between the first and second births. By this time, the mother’s body will already have time to get stronger, and it will be possible to plan another child.
The advantages include the same interests among children and the absence of competition between them. Psychologists say that before the age of 3, a child does not yet feel like he is the only one. Therefore, the struggle for parental attention will be minimized.
Savings can also be noted as an advantage. Clothes, toys, and a stroller will be passed on from the older child to the younger one. Also, the mother has recent experience with a newborn, which she can easily apply with her second child.
Significant age difference
The difference between children 5 years and more is a big difference. The mother’s body has already recovered after childbirth and the eldest child is already an adult and independent. Mom can return to work and even make a breakthrough in her professional activity during this time.
As for children, there will be no rivalry between them, since the children’s areas of interest are completely different.
The disadvantages include the spoiling of the younger one, since all the attention of the household is switched to him. Often adults forget about the elder, considering him too old. Because of this, the child will become distant from the parents, and problems may arise.
Due to certain problems, many couples cannot afford to choose when to conceive their next child. Therefore, if you have such an opportunity, then our website www.svadbagolik.ru advises you to weigh all the pros and cons regarding the timing of the birth of your next child.
Average age difference
The average age difference is between three and five years. It is considered optimal in all respects. The woman’s body has already recovered and is ready for a new pregnancy. Also, the older child is already showing independence and therefore the mother has more time to care for the younger one.
The disadvantages of such an age difference include the jealousy of the older child towards the newborn. The older child begins to consciously understand that it is not only him who receives attention and care.
Also, from the point of view of a mother’s career, such an age difference is not the most suitable option. The woman has just returned to work, and it’s time for her to start another maternity leave. During a long period of maternity leave, a woman loses her professional skills, which can be difficult to restore later.
