Give reasons, don't scare
Scary stories will make a child worry unnecessarily, but will not teach him how to behave in a critical situation. Focus on safety rather than potential threats, avoiding vivid or emotional details that will only increase fear.
- It is necessary: “Don’t go into the forest without adults - you can get lost there and get lost,” “Bad people can steal you.”
- Don’t: “Don’t go into the forest - there are women, evil wolves and maniacs there,” “Bad people will take you, take you to a scary basement and keep you there in a cage, and then eat you.”
Where do children come from - how to tell your child “about this”
Evgeniya Ladochkina |
12.12.2014 | 2101 Evgenia Ladochkina 12/12/2014 2101
Parents usually put off such conversations as long as possible. But sex education is a normal part of a child's development. How and when to tell your child where babies come from?
Telling your child that they were brought by a stork or, even worse, found in cabbage or on the street, is not worth it even at a very young age. Imagine what a shock the beginning of adolescence will be for a child who has spent his entire life believing in stories about the stork and the cabbage. On the other hand, it is important to protect the emotional and psychological health of your baby and not introduce him to the wisdom of sexual life before he himself becomes interested in this topic.
Let's try to figure out how to teach children about sex, based on what they are able to understand at a certain age.
2-3 years
At this age, children begin to notice the difference between boys and girls. Do not be alarmed if the child begins to pay attention to his genitals and ask why they are not the same as those of his brother Pasha or sister Katya.
React to such questions calmly, and especially do not scold the child, so as not to instill in him a complex and teach him to perceive his body as something shameful and dirty. Explain to your child that women's and men's bodies are indeed different because they were designed that way (by God or nature).
3-4 years
"Where the babies come from?" – at this age, most children are puzzled by the question of their birth.
Draw the child’s attention to the fact that all living beings reproduce: a cat gives birth to kittens, a duck gives birth to ducklings, you have one. Children of this age will not understand all the intricacies of reproduction, and this information is not yet relevant for them. Without going into too much detail, tell your baby that he came from your belly, where he lived until he was big enough to be born.
5-7 years
Preschoolers are interested in the birth process itself. Explain to him that you and dad loved each other very much and began to live together, hugged and kissed a lot, that’s why he appeared in mom’s tummy. And then, when he was ready to be born, he crawled out of his mother’s belly through a special hole between her legs.
8-9 years
At this age, it’s time for children to know the words “penis” and “vagina.” If you wish, you can read sex education books together, where the differences between male and female bodies are shown in pictures.
The baby is ready to learn more details about the process of conception: “Inside daddy there is a tiny cell called a sperm, and inside mom there is another cell called an egg. When people love each other very much, their bodies come together, and daddy's sperm enters mommy's belly and meets the egg. That’s how you turned out.”
10-12 years
Depending on your child's individual development, between the ages of 10 and 12, they will begin to notice their body changing. Explain to him that this is normal, that you also went through this. Tell your child again what awaits him over the next few years.
At this age, a growing child is ready to learn about all the details of sexual intercourse.
Your child has most likely already learned that sex is important in a person’s life from the media or from peers. From TV, for example, he may hear something about rape. We have already explained to the child that sex is an important part of a love relationship. Now let's tell him that rape is when one person forces another to have sex, and that is completely wrong.
Talk to your child about the changes that occur during puberty. Also, be prepared to discuss sexual topics that your child learns about from the media.
12-13 years old
At this time, teenagers form their own values. Try to talk with your teenager more often about difficult issues, explain to him that the information he can learn from other sources is not always correct.
Explain to your child that he should not have sex because one of his classmates has already tasted this “forbidden fruit” and that this will not make him “cooler” or “more mature.”
If you do not consider yourself a liberal parent, explain to your child why chastity is important, that virginity should not be given to the first person you meet, even if it seems to him or her that this is love for life.
The main thing is not to invade the child’s personal space too aggressively, otherwise he will completely exclude you from the circle of those initiated into his affairs.
How to answer difficult questions?
It is not always possible to come up with answers to a child’s questions about sex right away. It is also impossible to predict what exactly he might ask. Let's look at some common questions that may catch you off guard.
Your three-year-old daughter asks, “What is this?” And he points to his younger brother's penis.
How to react? You might want to quickly change the subject and put your baby in a diaper. In this case, it may become taboo for a little girl to talk about certain parts of the body. Instead, you can simply say, “This is how boys are different from girls. It's called a penis, and you have a vagina." Don't be surprised if this question comes up again and again until the child sorts everything out in his head.
You're standing in line at the store and your toddler asks, "Why is my penis getting hard?"
If such a question arises at an inopportune moment, promise your child to answer it a little later. When you are alone with him, say, “Sometimes this happens. Very soon he will become soft again.” It is very important to return to the answers to such questions, then your child will be able to trust you and not be embarrassed to ask something similar.
Why do adults have hair there?
Just say that it is quite natural for adults to have hair between their legs. And in men, they also grow on the face. Add also that when he grows up, he will have the same thing.
SexChildrenChildren from 3 to 5 years oldRaising children
Choose your words carefully and control your emotions
The child reads the emotional mood of the parent, so you need to tell the story calmly, and not strictly or excitedly.
Try to avoid words that can be interpreted in more than one way. For example, “stranger” is unlucky, and here’s why. If you tell a child that he should be wary of all strangers, he will simply begin to be afraid of new people. And ill-wishers will be able to use a simple trick: talk about yourself and stop being a stranger. In addition, sometimes danger to children can come from people they know.
It is better to tell your child that the world is multifaceted and people are different - both acquaintances and strangers. Teach him the rules of personal safety that cannot be violated:
- " Don't be afraid to express your emotions ." If a child doesn’t like the fact that someone is cooing with him, hugging him, sitting him on his lap, or trying to kiss him, he should say so directly. Even if it's a family member.
- “ You have personal boundaries, they cannot be violated .” Explain what sexual integrity is. And be sure to ask your child to talk about strange behavior on the part of adults - acquaintances and strangers.
- " Don't be afraid to say no ." If a stranger simply approached a child on the street and started a conversation, offered to get into his car or go on a visit, he should be able to give a clear refusal.
- " Listen to yourself ." If a child does not like an adult, he may not communicate with him without a twinge of conscience.
What should not be allowed?
- Ignore questions. Even if such conversations greatly confuse and confuse you, take a break. Try to conduct the dialogue in your head first, talk to a psychologist. The baby should never feel guilty. This is quite normal and is due to the formation, the need to understand the environment.
- You should not read articles and books. The baby does not yet understand abstruse terms. Such sources say nothing about love, pleasure, desires. The child will not understand dry scientific explanations. He needs to explain in simple understandable words.
- An adult of the opposite sex talks to the child. When a baby asks his mother about his own birth, it is better for the father to continue the discussion. It is easier for a child to talk about intimate topics with someone of the same sex. He associates himself with this person and will be able to better understand the information. When the child grows up, he will be able to contact this person with sexual questions.
- Do not touch on this topic if the child does not ask anything. Often children are silent not because there is no interest, but because it is very great and exciting. All psychologists say that when the baby reaches the age of three, you need to talk to him about the origin of life.
- You shouldn’t evade the question in every possible way and tell the baby that it’s too early for him to know about it. This really doesn't need to be talked about before the age of three. This is a period for other information, because the baby is just beginning to learn about the world around him and the relationships between people.
- There is no need to take the conversation to a very serious level. When you explain that children are being born, you should not go into details, much less tell them that the birth process is very painful and scary. Free your baby from such concepts as Caesarean section. Don't teach him concepts like erections and sexual positions. Everything has its time. Your child should only know that he is the fruit of the great and pure love of his mother and father.
- Avoid violent topics. However, the baby should not be overly careless and trusting. Don't go into details and intimidate him. Just forbid your child to go somewhere with strangers, despite the fact that they treat him very well and offer him sweets. The child must understand that no one has the right to touch his physical body. If someone has offended him, it should not remain a secret and he should tell his parents everything.
So how do you tell your child where babies come from? You can simply say that babies emerge from mom’s tummy as a result of the great love of two people: mom and dad. If the baby asks: “why?”, “why?”, say that this is what God wants.
Agree that the process of conception is an incredible miracle, and we ourselves do not know why we come into this world. Therefore, the issue is quite serious and will be discussed at an older age in philosophy classes.
It’s wonderful when a baby grows up not alone in the family and has brothers and sisters. Then he can watch for himself how the mother’s tummy grows and how the fetus moves. Be sure to let him feel how his brother or sister moves.
The older the child, the more detailed explanations he will need. I think that children see the relationship between mom and dad and understand that they love each other. It’s good when the baby sees how the mother breastfeeds the baby. This helps to treat the topic as a natural process.
If your child grows up in love and care, he will strive to create the same strong family in the future.
Let your child dream up
Anika Turchan / Lifehacker
Ask questions and ask for answers. For example: “What do you think will happen if you touch the fire?” or “Which person on the street seems like a bad person to you? Why?" The child will remember his independent conclusions better, especially if you praise them. In this way, you will bring him to an awareness of the situation, and will not simply establish prohibitions.
How to behave in an awkward situation
The scenario of a person’s life begins in the family. The child will treat his other half the same way parents treat each other. If you want your son or daughter to have a happy family life, show more often that mom and dad love each other. Give more warmth and love to each other and your child. Then his life will become much happier.
When a father does not show his feelings for his mother in the presence of his daughter, she will not understand what a man’s love can be. There is a very high probability that the girl will become afraid of men, or “go all out,” constantly changing sexual partners.
Good relationships with the opposite sex cannot come “out of nowhere”; they come primarily from the family.
You always need to explain the situation. Let's say the baby took you “by surprise.” He may be surprised and even scared. In this case, do not remain silent. If you can't find the words right away, talk to your child a little later. When he is not yet three years old, it will be enough to tell him that mom and dad are just playing.
If an older child saw the scene, it must be said that this is how adults show love for each other. The child must understand that there is nothing bad or shameful in what he saw.
Don't turn safety discussions into serious conversations.
It’s better to talk about the rules casually while you’re going somewhere, having lunch, or getting ready for bed. You can even turn the explanation into a game, so it will be easier for the child to remember.
For example, play “You can - you can’t”, as in “Edible - Inedible”. Throw the ball to the child and name the correct and incorrect actions: if it is done safely, the ball should be caught, if not, thrown away. At the same time, be sure to periodically change roles so that everyone can lead.
In addition to conversations and games, you can watch cartoons and read children's books with rules. Such an entertaining form will captivate the child, and he will be more willing to learn safe behavior.
Teach you to ask questions and ask for help.
Ask your child to ask questions when something is unclear or unfamiliar to him. Answer them calmly, even if he asks something that you have already talked about several times. Remember: your main goal is to teach your child safe behavior, and not just give him information.
If you are not around, suppose because the child is lost, he should know which adult he can turn to for help in kindergarten, school, on the street, in the subway, and so on. Explain that among strangers there are people you can trust, such as uniformed employees - salespeople, bank employees, police officers, doctors. And if they are not nearby, it is better to seek help from passers-by with children, grandmothers or married couples.
Important: do not scold your child for screaming on the street. He should know that there is no shame in making noise and running around, and if some unknown uncle or aunt tries to take him away, he should attract attention to himself.
Why you need to tell your children a love story
The child should feel the love of his parents, but know that he is not the center of their Universe. This is fine. Otherwise, he will begin to blame himself for his parents’ quarrels and feel responsible for their relationship. Let the baby know that mom and dad were really looking forward to his birth, and there was a time when he was “in mom’s tummy,” or he wasn’t there at all. But mom and dad already existed and loved each other.
At first it is difficult for the baby to understand all the nuances. It’s unclear to him how this is, it hasn’t happened yet at all. But over time, he will understand that there was a time when mom and dad and even grandparents were also children. And as he gets older, he will learn to put little stories told by adults together. But, most importantly, he will carry the model of his parents’ relationship throughout his entire life.
There is no need to be shy about expressing feelings for your partner in front of your son or daughter. After all, we are often embarrassed to hug our husband or wife again because the baby is nearby, but we are not at all afraid to quarrel in front of him. Let him have more positive memories.
Children can listen to the story about how dad met mom, how he kissed her for the first time, what flowers he gave her as a fascinating fairy tale.
