10 main rules of a real woman

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If you expect to find a worthy man, then you need to match him. No, not by income and material achievements, but by the level of thinking, femininity, culture... As they say, “if you apply, you live up to it.”

In the modern world, many perceive etiquette as affectation, antics and something superficial. Yes, you shouldn’t stick out your little finger when drinking coffee, but you just need to know the basic rules of etiquette. Moreover, it is now in fashion.

We hasten to assure you that the ability to present yourself and good manners are appropriate anywhere! Unfortunately, etiquette for ladies has become overgrown with so many myths that you no longer know who enters the elevator first and whether it is possible to “wear” red lipstick during the daytime.

Not knowing etiquette in the 21st century means spitting against the wind. Today psiho-logika.com will debunk popular myths related to the rules of behavior in society.

Fundamentals of Etiquette

Etiquette helps people behave correctly in any situation and society without causing any inconvenience to other people. Refined manners, correct speech, stylish image - all this plays an important role.

There are several types of etiquette:

the ability to present yourself: a properly selected wardrobe, well-groomed appearance, elegant gestures, pose, posture;
speech form: manners and culture of speech and communication;
table etiquette: table manners, knowledge of serving rules, ability to eat;
behavior in any public place;
business etiquette: negotiations and relationships with bosses and colleagues.

All this together greatly influences a person’s authority.

Rules of good manners for women

First of all, a girl or woman should look good. She must have a neat and well-groomed appearance, clean clothes and shoes, a properly selected bag and accessories.

Among the basic rules, the following should be highlighted:

You need to use perfume wisely. The strong smell of deodorant or even luxury perfume is considered bad manners.
It is better to exercise moderation in choosing jewelry and accessories. A large amount of jewelry or decorations looks too flashy.
You can only preen at home or in a specially designated room, but under no circumstances in public places. In society, you can only quickly look at your reflection in a small mirror and touch up your lips.
A bag on your lap is not the best choice. This is how they sit at the station. It is better to place a purse or a small handbag on the table.

This is interesting: the meaning of the word bad manners

A woman should always behave like a real lady, avoiding offensive remarks, inappropriate flirting and other liberties.

Rules of good manners for every day

Sadly, the times of chivalry are in the past.
They are relevant in everyday life.

Keep your word

Keeping your word means backing it up with deeds. No one respects a man who does not keep his word, because everyone knows the value of his words. A man who keeps his word is respected even by his opponents. They say respectfully about such people: “His word is flint.” If you give your word, keep it. If you suspect that you won’t be able to contain it, don’t give it.

Inform your interlocutor that the speakerphone is on

Firstly, this way you will not compromise or embarrass your interlocutor. Secondly, the interlocutor in this case will not say anything confidential addressed to you personally.

The door is opened by the one closest to it

Please note: according to the recommendations of the London School of Etiquette, a man is no longer obliged to open the door for a lady. This is justified not only by modern trends, but also by a completely logical fact - the time of women experiencing a feeling of helplessness because of fluffy dresses and overtightened corsets is in the past.

People leave the premises and the metro first, and enter second.

This means that you need to let people out first, and only then enter. If you are inside, they must let you out. Trying to go ahead in this case is bad form.

When meeting privately, introduce them by seniority; when meeting for business – by status

In practice it will look like this. When you introduce a girl to your parents, you will say: “Meet Sergey Sergeevich and Anna Ivanovna, my parents, and this is Olga, my girlfriend/future wife.” During a business acquaintance, it’s like this: “Meet, this is Sergey Sergeevich, chief engineer, and Anna Ivanovna, chief accountant, and this is Olga Mikhailovna, our new personnel specialist.

In hospitals and cultural institutions, put your phone on silent mode

It is allowed in hospitals, museums and theaters to set them on vibration if you are waiting for an extremely important call. To receive such a call, leave the room, hall or common room so as not to disturb others with conversation or an active telephone monitor.

Take off your sunglasses and headphones when talking

If your interlocutor is still wearing glasses, you also don’t have to take them off or, if you have already taken them off, put them on. It is also acceptable to remain wearing glasses if the situation requires it. For example, eye disease or dangerous sun exposure.

Be careful about your appearance

We are not talking about expensive clothes, but about a neat appearance. Shoes must be clean, clothes must be ironed. Don't neglect perfume, shaving and trips to the barber. A neat appearance is not only good manners, but also a form of politeness towards others.

The first caller calls back

If you initiated a conversation, but the connection is interrupted, you must call back. When you call first, always ask whether the other person is comfortable talking at the moment. If they call you, wait for them to call you back and make sure the line is not busy.

List of etiquette rules for men

A man should also look elegant, be neatly combed and adhere to the following rules:

Let your companion go first when entering the room.
Do not put your elbows on the table.
When sitting down at a table, first move the chair away for the lady, and then for yourself.
Don't leave your companion alone.
Do not smoke in front of a girl without her permission.
Indoors, in the presence of a girl, remove your headdress.
When getting off the bus or car, give the lady your hand.

A gentleman should not carry a woman's bag, and he can only carry women's outerwear to the locker room. On the street, a man should walk to the left of his companion.

Without the girl's consent, the gentleman has no right to take her hand or arm.

Man and woman

Long-term acquaintance and close relationships do not exempt a man and a woman from observing the rules of etiquette in relation to each other:

When walking, a lady should walk to the right of her gentleman, unless he is dressed in military uniform, which obliges him to salute with his right hand to all officers he meets.
A man should be the first to exit public transport and shake hands with a woman.
If a man invites a lady to ride in his car, he must open the door when getting in and help the woman get in, and then take his seat. The man comes out first: he opens the door and helps his companion leave the car.
Before entering the room, the man opens the door for the woman and lets her through.
When going up the stairs, a man should walk one or two steps behind a woman to protect her if she suddenly stumbles. For the same reason, when going down, he should walk one or two steps ahead of the woman.
Indoors, a man should not sit down before a woman.
Upon entering the room, the man helps the lady take off her outerwear, and upon leaving, he hands her a coat.
A true gentleman always helps a woman carry heavy things, regardless of her age or his own.

A man who is going to propose marriage to his lady must follow the following rules of etiquette:

Don't be embarrassed to admit your feelings. If you love each other, speak about it boldly and without any timidity.
If a girl agrees to marry her chosen one, he should ask her beloved’s hand in marriage from her parents. But it is undesirable that this step should not be unexpected for them. To begin with, of course, the girl needs to introduce the young man to her parents. And only after a warm and relaxed relationship has been established between them can one declare an intention to marry.
After the decision is made, the young people pay a visit to the groom's parents.
The engagement celebration is hosted by the bride's parents. The groom must buy the rings. The engagement ring is worn on the left hand, and the engagement ring is worn on the right.

But what to do if, as often happens, feelings change and the one who until recently was dearer to you than anyone else in the world suddenly ceases to be loved and desired by you?

You decide to break up. Well, it’s your choice, but remember that this should be done subtly and intelligently. The same applies to a lady who decides to break up with her boyfriend.

Be generous - don't break up with your partner when they are under severe stress, such as during exams or probation at work.

Don’t abandon those you’ve lost interest in on their birthday, on the eve of Christmas, New Year, and especially on Valentine’s Day.

Do not forget about a sense of proportion: it is unacceptable to run away from your partners on the sly, and also to arrange a stormy scene of separation in the presence of friends and acquaintances. If you decide to break up with your fiancé (bride) on the eve of your wedding, then the gifts received from him (her) should be returned.

Etiquette standards for children

Raising children must be based on etiquette, because they will have to live in society. It is difficult for children to learn all the rules, but although they should know the most important ones:

Table manners:

sit at the table only by invitation;
eat with your mouth closed without talking;
get up from the table only with the permission of an adult.

Speech etiquette:

always say hello and goodbye;
express your gratitude and respect;
do not interfere in the conversation of older people, do not interrupt them.

Guest etiquette:

invite guests in advance;
do not go to people without an invitation;
visit only in a good mood;
be a guest for no more than 2–3 hours, so as not to bother people.

Having learned these simple rules from childhood, the child will continue to adhere to them in the future.

Myth 1: A woman enters the elevator first

Perhaps the most common myth. An elevator is, first of all, an SPO, that is, a means of increased danger. Therefore, the stronger sex is supposed to enter the elevator first to “make sure” whether it is good enough to carry passengers.

In addition, the instructions for using the elevator say that before entering the elevator, you need to make sure that the cabin is in front of you... so as not to fall into the shaft. It sounds scary, but in fact such cases have happened.

That is why the task of a man is to check and evaluate the elevator by entering it, and then the ladies enter.

Conversational etiquette

Many young people consider communication culture to be an outdated concept, and this is completely in vain. After all, it is speech etiquette that helps to achieve authority and win the trust of others. The list of these rules is quite long:

When entering a room, you should always say hello first. This rule applies to everyone, regardless of age and status - schoolchildren, pensioners, directors or ordinary employees.
When meeting, the man greets the woman first, the junior greets the elder, the late greeter greets the person waiting, and the junior employee greets the boss.
When greeting people of senior status or age, you must stand or sit up. Giving your hand while sitting is a sign of bad manners.
A man should always introduce himself to a woman first. You cannot leave people to their own devices and oblige them to give their names.
After meeting, it is advisable to shake hands. It is impolite to serve only your fingertips.
It is very bad to interrupt your interlocutor. But you can and should express your interest in the subject of conversation.
The rules of small talk allow you to talk about anything you want, but without going into details and avoiding controversy.
It is necessary to monitor the tempo and timbre of your voice: it should be natural, but not tense.

Polite verbal forms and a friendly attitude towards your interlocutor help create a favorable impression of yourself.

Rules for communicating by phone

You also need to be able to talk on the phone. Without seeing your interlocutor, you can say a lot of offensive and unnecessary things to him. But private telephone conversations are one thing, and calls related to the type of activity are completely different.

Main rules:

You should not pick up the phone after the first call, only after the second or third. In the seconds saved, you need to mentally prepare for the telephone conversation by putting aside your business. In addition, if a company representative picks up the phone immediately after the first call, the client gets the impression that the employees have nothing to do and are simply bored at their place of work. But the main thing here is not to overdo it. If you pick up the phone later, the client may become nervous and lose patience.
First, be sure to introduce yourself, name your company, ask the name of the interlocutor and whether he has time for a short conversation. After this, it is advisable to immediately move on to the main issue.
It is necessary to monitor intonation and speed of speech. The voice should be clear, low, even and confident. It would be a good idea to match the pace of speech of the person on the other end of the line.
Don’t forget about polite phrases: “thank you”, “be kind”, “if it doesn’t bother you”.
Unnecessary use of speakerphone is prohibited. The person on the other end of the line immediately notices the difference in sound and begins to worry that someone is eavesdropping on him. This may also be evidence that the company representative is engaged in unrelated (more significant matters) and part-time answering calls.
When communicating on the phone, you must not smoke, drink or eat (chew gum). Although this is not visible, all this is reflected in the speech and looks terrifying.
After using the “hold” function, you should definitely thank the person for waiting. It’s not worth keeping your interlocutor on hold for more than a minute; it’s better to say that after clarifying the necessary information, they will call him back.
At the end, be sure to say goodbye and thank the interlocutor for taking the time to talk. There is no need to apologize for taking up time.

You need to talk to aggressive and demanding clients calmly, but decisively and confidently.

Good manners and business etiquette

If all employees adhere to business etiquette, a favorable atmosphere is created in the enterprise or company in which there is no room for conflicts.

The following tips should be taken into account:

You should never be late for meetings and business negotiations.
Company secrets and confidentiality of data must always be kept.
During a business conversation, you should not peer closely into the interlocutor’s face or lean over him. Also, when communicating, tilting your head to the side is not allowed.
The business card should only be presented with the right hand (even to left-handed people). The person who receives the business card should not hide it in the back pocket of his trousers or crumple it with his fingers.
Do not violate the boundaries of personal space and get too close to a person. The latter feels considerable discomfort. The minimum distance between interlocutors corresponds to the size of an outstretched arm. A person can only let relatives get closer to him.
A guest arriving on business must be seated at the right hand of the owner.
You need to watch your speech. A particularly unfavorable impression is produced by slang words, errors in stress and the use of words with the wrong meaning.
For a compliment you should always thank briefly and simply, without showing false modesty.
You always need to monitor your body position and gestures. It is unacceptable to talk with your legs wide apart, with your hands in your pockets, slouching and gesticulating strongly.

Business etiquette is the rules without which you cannot achieve success in business. They always try to adhere to them, even if there is instability all around both in politics and in the economy.

Rules of good manners at meals

A categorical refusal of alcohol can cause discomfort in people who are not against drinking it.
This is relevant both in a restaurant and at a party.

Do not start eating until everyone at the table has been served.

In a restaurant, this recommendation must be followed to the letter. If you are visiting, you should wait until the hostess or host, who usually puts the dishes on the table, sits down themselves. You are allowed to start eating if the hosts or the person waiting for their portion at the table themselves ask you to do so. The reason for this assumption is that different dishes require different cooking times. While your neighbors at the table are waiting for their order, your dish may get cold.

There should be nothing unnecessary on the table

A telephone, keys, glasses and other household items may be present on the table. However, everything that is not related to the meal should be removed from the table when dishes begin to be placed on it.

It is not customary to pick up a mobile phone during a meal.

This applies to both sending messages and tracking time. One of the reasons why wristwatches will not go out of use. If you need to make a call, answer an important call, send or receive a message, don't do it at your desk. Apologize, notify your neighbors, and move to another room.

It is not customary to say “I don’t drink”, instead say “thanks, not today”

Absolutely abstaining from alcohol can cause discomfort in people who do not mind drinking it. By saying “I don’t drink,” you will set yourself apart from your neighbors at the table, and those who are especially sensitive may feel that you are exalting yourself and belittling them for their “vice.” And this is already perceived as an insult. If you use soft wording, giving up alcohol will be taken calmly. Everyone has the right to refuse a glass of wine this evening, and the reasons can be so different that it is not customary to focus on them.

Don't reach across the table

If the dish or glass is out of your arm's reach, ask your neighbors to pass it on. Before you put food on your plate, ask if your neighbors to your right and left would like it. If they answer yes, serve them first, then serve yourself.

Shared dishes are always passed counterclockwise

This applies, for example, to a salad, roast or side dish. Keep this in mind and comply. But don't call attention to it if your neighbors are not aware of the rule and have set the wrong direction. Embarrassing your dining neighbors is also bad manners.

How to behave at the table

You also need to behave civilly at the table. This applies to both family holidays and dinner parties in a restaurant, cafe or at a party.

Rules of good manners at the table:

Never, under any circumstances, chew food with your mouth open. It looks terrible. Also, do not talk or laugh with food leftovers in your mouth. This is not only unsightly, but it can also cause choking.
Before you put a side dish, salad or appetizer from a common dish on your own plate, you must first offer it to those sitting next to you. They serve themselves food last.
Under no circumstances should you place your phone or smartphone on the table near you. This shows the person in a negative light: he is not interested in what is happening, he is constantly distracted by incoming messages and calls.

The table must be properly set, and all cutlery must be placed in its place.

What are the benefits of following the rules of good manners?

The rules of good manners will teach you how not to become an asshole.
Do you want to know what else is useful for the rules of good manners? If you please. They teach a man to restrain himself and not follow his desires and instincts. There is nothing wrong with consciously following them. Sometimes it is the ability to listen to yourself that helps you achieve success in the modern world. But sometimes it happens that it is not a person who drinks cognac, but a person who drinks cognac. Do you feel the difference? There is nothing wrong with the desire to drink alcohol, but when the desire to drink alcohol subjugates a man, an alcoholic becomes an alcoholic.

The bad thing about this is not that another weak-willed person decided to dislike and unfollow from life. It’s bad that it won’t be limited to a weakness for alcohol. If one does not condemn his bad inclinations, a person will extend his reluctance to control himself to society, going beyond the bounds of decency and what is permitted, causing inconvenience to others. So another asshole appears. There are many examples, and alcohol is only one of them.

Here's the benefit of good manners - no one likes assholes. Having learned to restrain himself and not be led by his desires and instincts, a man makes the main victory in his life - over himself. And others always come after this victory.

House rules of good manners

Many people believe that at home they can behave freely and cheekily. But this is wrong, because parents and children, grandparents, sisters and brothers should show special politeness and goodwill in their relationships with each other. In order for family relationships to be strong and sincere, you need to rejoice in the successes of loved ones, thank them, support them in all endeavors, speak kind words more often and find compromises.

The older generation must be treated with respect.

Parents should also not insult their children, use offensive language, or read their private correspondence.

Rules of good manners at work

If you feel unwell but must be at work, warn and protect your colleagues.
Relevant for office work.

Don't bring food with strong aroma to the office

If you eat in the office and bring food with you, make sure that it does not have any strong aroma. Notice the word "any". What may be a pleasant aroma for some may not be pleasant for others.

Don't send meaningless emails

These include messages containing one word (for example, thank you), a smiley face, or an emoji. They clog up their mail, and if there is a notification about new messages, for example, on the desktop, people have to be distracted to read them. Instead, write “thank you in advance” in your appeal letter.

Don't send work-related messages after hours

In 99% of cases, the question specified in the message can wait until business hours. In addition, the person may not see the message. And if things don’t wait, it’s better to call.

If you feel unwell but must be at work, warn and protect your colleagues

If the situation requires, wear a medical mask. Please inform in advance that it is better not to contact you personally on this day, but to use corporate mail or instant messengers.

Appearance in accordance with etiquette

The ability to dress beautifully is an art that not everyone has mastered. It is the appearance that most influences the first impression.

Bright and colorful things are very striking. They are not appropriate for business style; they can only be worn in informal settings.
Clothes should under no circumstances be vulgar, especially for women. A short miniskirt combined with a deep neckline is the height of disgrace. Only one of the designated elements can be present in the image.
The entire outfit should be elegant. This means that all materials, styles and colors must be chosen with taste.
You need to dress in such a way as to highlight the advantages of your figure and hide flaws.

There are a lot of subtleties and nuances. If possible, you should consult with an experienced stylist or tailor, who will tell you which things fit well, which ones don’t fit well, and which clothes are appropriate in a given situation.

A truly well-mannered person behaves impeccably everywhere: both in society and at home. Since we live in a society, everyone should learn this.

Good tone for ladies. The post is not about foundation

“It is very indecent to go outside without gloves, and you should wear them at home, because... putting on gloves on the street is no less indecent, just like tying ribbons on a hat on the street... *** A young woman should go to bed around one in the morning. In bed - leaf through a French novel. When falling asleep, do not think about anything sad, unpleasant or difficult, especially about murderers, beggars, mice, spiders, ghosts, orphans, terrible diseases and fires. It should be remembered that a clear conscience is the best remedy for a restful sleep. Having indecent dreams is completely indecent for a young lady. In such a case, she should, without being carried away by curiosity to see what will happen next, immediately wake up and turn on the other side. *** The laughter and tears of a society beauty should be beautiful and graceful. The laughter should not be loud, but crumbly. When crying, you can drop no more than three or four tears and watch so as not to spoil your complexion. *** The social beauty’s conversation is conducted in French. You have to speak so quickly and often that from a distance it seems like peas are falling out. Even if she has to speak Russian, she must not pronounce the sounds “r” and “l”. *** When talking with a man, especially a single man, a young lady should not look her interlocutor in the eyes. You should sit with your eyes downcast and only occasionally glance at your interlocutor. *** In general, a young lady should look innocent, but not at all stupid. She must learn to blush at will, that is, to blush when it is decent, and not to blush when it is not proper, for example, if she hears something ambiguous. In such cases, it is best to make a so-called wooden face. *** You should never yawn in public. This is impolite, indecent, and ugly. If a young lady uncontrollably wants to yawn, then it’s better to go into another room. You should do the same thing if you want to sneeze. *** Under no circumstances should you put on galoshes for yourself in the hallway! If there is no suitable gentleman, then this duty is performed by a servant or, in extreme cases, a mother. *** A young lady in a conversation should not mention the devil, midwives, lovers, warts, sauerkraut, mushrooms, radishes, sausage, tail, underwear, gastrointestinal diseases, pigs, beer, bald spots, newborn children and bandages.”

Rules of social life and etiquette. Good tone. Collection of advice and instructions. Comp. Yuryev and Vladimirsky. Published in 1896 in Typo-Lithography by A. Yakobson, St. Petersburg.