Open relationships are becoming more and more popular, and the number of marriages is rapidly declining, giving way to cohabitation without official registration, but some women still hope to get married. However, the partner does not always share the views of the potential bride, trying to avoid the topic of marriage by any means.
24SMI will tell you how ladies can understand that a man doesn’t want to get married, and why they shouldn’t judge hastily and one-sidedly in this matter.
I said it myself
Some representatives of the stronger sex immediately make it clear to their partners that they cannot be counted on as a future spouse - the institution of marriage is not for them, regardless of the reasons for such views.
Oddly enough, even after hearing such statements, women often retain hope that the man they love will change his mind about the wedding, and continue to persistently press, looking for signs of imminent capitulation. Such tactics, as a rule, lead to exactly the opposite result. What to do is up to the woman to decide - and without the coveted stamp, happiness is possible.
What does a woman smell like?
We are not talking about perfumes, but about smells that we read unconsciously, that is, pheromones. Our emotions smell. Any dog will confirm that it immediately senses human fear or aggression. Unconsciously, we also read people’s states: “I didn’t like this one right away,” “But that one is so nice!”
Women's cheerfulness, happiness, desire to inspire and love are the energy fuel for men's development and accomplishments. He can’t get enough of it, he just wants to be close.
A stylish hairstyle, correct facial features and an ideal figure will not help drown out the smell of hostility, fatigue, dissatisfaction, resentment... “And what women! It's mind boggling. And pretty, and smart, and dressed beautifully. And I don’t understand what men want!” - the head of the dance club from the movie “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” was perplexed.
It is important to take care of yourself and your health. But appearance is not the main virtue of a potential wife. You should want to live next to her. Emotional depth and inspiration from intimacy incredibly inspire a man.
Narrow circle
The partner persistently refuses to introduce the chosen one into the inner circle. Doesn't introduce him to friends and parents. And he himself is not eager to sit with his possible mother-in-law and father-in-law over a warm conversation and a mug of aromatic tea. This seems to be a clear sign that the man does not want to get married.
On the other hand, it is possible that the intended life partner is embarrassed by his own relatives and friends, knowing what sins they commit. And in front of his beloved’s parents, he himself is afraid to “make a fool of himself.” Let him gather!
Why doesn't a man want to marry his partner?
Now is the time when people think that freedom is a value, but love is not so much. Therefore, many people live in a civil marriage, as cohabitation is usually carefully called. It seems that they are together, but it seems that everyone is free. Tired of it - we separated, no need to go to the registry office and file for divorce. As if the hardest thing when breaking up with a loved one is going to the registry office to get a divorce certificate.
Very often, a woman enters into a civil marriage because she wants, but does not know how to really get married (in the sense of officially, with a wedding and registration). She expects that the man, having gotten used to her, will want to make the relationship official. And her hopes are confirmed by the fact that sometimes some men actually do this. But this rarely happens, because the idea of official marriage is not attractive to all men.
Or, perhaps, it would be correct to say that for the majority she is still attractive, but it is better not here and now, but somewhere else and later. Why waste your youth, these golden years, on a boring marriage: pots, diapers, quarrels with your wife, a screaming baby, lack of money and a vacation with your mother-in-law in the country? When it’s much more pleasant to “just live”: no children, no problems. The woman you like is here, at hand, she is sweet and helpful (she still hopes for a stamp in her passport and strives to prove that she is what you need), you don’t need children, especially not a mother-in-law. Sometimes a man agrees to have children if the cohabitation turned out to be successful: just to maintain the status quo. This is all to say that many men, entering into a so-called civil marriage, do not want to get married at all. What for? They have free (or very cheap) full board, including sexual services.
Why doesn't a man want to marry his partner?
But why do girls agree to this? Do you really want to appear to everyone and yourself as the most modern and independent? It would be better to think that a guy, having entered into cohabitation at the age of 25, will successfully end it in ten years, having become a good professional and an independent person, he will want to change his life, throwing away his old trampled slippers and his old, tired lover. And so he, young, handsome, self-sufficient, with a car bought with money saved thanks to cohabitation, goes to look for a princess, and his former “common-law wife” can only bite her elbows, cry into her pillow and ask: why doesn’t the man want marry her, such a devoted cohabitant?
That's why he doesn't want to, because she's his roommate. And at 35 he is no longer fresh, he will find something better, but love... Well, love has passed...
That is, simply put, the partner does not want to get married, because he already has everything that a girl could offer him only after the wedding, and a little more: the right to get up and leave when she’s tired of her or something better comes along.
What to do if a man does not want to get married, but insists on a “civil marriage”? It would be better to politely advise him to turn his lip back and decide what he actually wants: marriage or “freedom.” In the first case, there is an official marriage, it protects the rights of any person, including possible children, and, so be it, the girl agrees to consider the proposal. In the second, he is already free. Why change anything?
There are many reasons why a man does not want to marry his partner, but the main one, perhaps, is that he does not want to change anything.
Point of view
Frequent quarrels with a partner and a man’s reluctance to compromise even on small things can also indicate an unwillingness to enter into a marriage. Reluctance to change for the sake of a loved one is an obvious sign for a girl that it is too early to make matrimonial plans.
Or he simply has his own point of view, which the man tries to defend, realizing that, as practice shows, compromises ultimately do not suit either side. The ancient proverb about giving a finger speaks about small concessions. And the reluctance to adapt to please your partner is honesty, because, as you know, people never change.
Reason No. 1. Fear of responsibility
Some young people have difficulty taking responsibility for their own lives, let alone the lives of their spouses and young children. They believe that when you are young you need to go out and have fun, and you can start a family at a more mature age. One of the reasons for this phenomenon is that they are afraid of losing their own freedom, which is quite reasonable: many women deprive their husbands of the right to choose, and they cease to be self-sufficient individuals after several years of marriage.
Important : marriage adds responsibility, but if it is divided equally between the spouses, married life will be even easier than a single existence.
In such a situation, the task of a woman who wants to encourage a young man to take a serious step comes down to showing that she is capable of helping him in any endeavor.
Reluctance to marry due to fear of responsibility
In second position
Another sign that you shouldn’t dream of marrying this individual is a clear preference for the company of friends over her company. If a man wants to spend a day off in the company of friends, for example, fishing or hunting, only returning to the lady of his heart in the evening, then it is worth thinking about the achievability of family happiness with such a gentleman.
On the other hand, this may simply indicate a difference in psychology. For a man to be completely happy, he does not always need to talk for hours with his chosen one - it is enough that his beloved is nearby. There is only one solution - explain yourself!
I've been dating a guy for 5 years, but he won't marry.
Hello, I’m 30 years old, no children, dating a guy 3 years older. We have been together for 5 years, although mostly there was only great sex and friendship, he met with others too, without really hiding it, but I hoped that it was not serious. A couple of times after quarrels, he suggested breaking up, but I settled everything so that only he would be there. At the very beginning of the relationship, he paid little attention to me, he could not call for weeks, so I tried to make him jealous, he was really jealous and since then periodically pesters me with questions about what I had, reproaches me for infidelity or readiness to cheat. When I accuse him of infidelity, he says that he is a man and did not promise me anything. It so happened that we began to live together and for more than six months we were very happy, he abandoned all his passions for me, said that he had never had anything like this with anyone, that he loved me very much, and even finally said that he wanted to marry me. But then he was forced to return to his parents and after that he quietly began to move away from me, calling less and less often or not coming at all. I was afraid to admit to myself that he again began to behave the same way as before. I suspected that he had someone, but it turned out that he began dating again with one of his former passions, and also dated some others. In response to my questions, he remained silent and insisted that everything was fine. Then by chance I found out about everything, found the strength to hear the truth and created a scandal in order to finally find out everything. In response, he humiliated me and said that I was not his wife and that I had no rights, that I was not interested in him, and goodbye! I was very worried, then I calmed down and resigned myself, I even felt relieved. But three weeks later he came to me again when he realized that I might have someone. I couldn't refuse him. After that, we started sleeping together again, he was jealous of potential suitors, and imperceptibly after 2 months we returned to our previous relationship, only he does what he wants and does not report, but he demands fidelity from me and is jealous, does not want to let me go. When I demand to know what he is going to do next, he replies that he is not ready to answer yet and he needs to think. I’m mentally tired of waiting all the time, I’m afraid that he won’t decide soon or won’t decide at all, but time is running out, I want a child. I wanted to break up with him, but I don’t have enough willpower, because after all, he is dear to me, I can’t even get angry with him. Sometimes I imagine that I broke up with him and am dating another man, and he sees this - and at the same time I feel not triumph, but pity for him, as if I had betrayed him. Maybe it's my low self-esteem, although he always told me that I was a very beautiful, smart girl. I am under his strong influence, he occupies my thoughts. Everyone around me says that I don’t need such a man. And I don’t know whether it’s worth further pushing for him to get married? Or break up completely and try to build a new relationship with someone else? But it’s scary to start all over again... What should I do?
We have been dating a guy for 5 years. What should I do?
GuruTest
For some girls, marriage was and remains an end in itself, despite the changed foundations and values in society. The main argument, as a rule, lies in the notorious “this is how it should be”, in complete and unconditional belief in stereotypes and similar things: not all ladies, if you ask them what attracts them in marriage, will be able to clearly and distinctly answer.
Men for the most part are not delighted with such prospects, and they can be understood. How else can you feel if you are still too young and not ready for marriage, either morally or financially, at the same time, one way or another, you need a relationship, but you are besieged only by girls who are manically eager to get married as soon as possible and who do not consider alternatives at all?
You can, of course, for your own peace of mind, declare to each passion: I don’t intend to marry you, and that’s that. But the girls themselves will not appreciate such honesty, and gradually the man will be forced to realize that the stigma of a bachelor, whom no one wants to date, is hopelessly stuck to him.
So what should a man do if he doesn’t want to get married, but needs a girl? If you can’t find a lady who shares her position on marriage and family, you’ll have to get out of it—lie, postponing the long-awaited event for one reason or another.
Even suspecting that the desired marriage may never come, many ladies still secretly hope that they will be able to re-educate the man so that he himself desires marriage. Needless to say that in the majority of cases, such attempts to “remake” an adult end in at least nothing, and at most, in wasted years of life?
In this article, we share with you the real story of a failed bride: we hope our reader's experience will convince you to stop and make the right decision.
Anna, 34:
I never particularly strived for a relationship, as long as I can remember: while the girls vied with each other to share the details of their love affairs, I was captivated by books. Mathematics is my passion, so I stayed in libraries until I was eighteen.
Later, of course, there were some frivolous affairs, but that was the end of it: time after time I realized that relationships, and especially marriage, were not very interesting to me.
Everything changed when I turned 25: for this mini-anniversary, my friends and I decided to throw a party, where a lot of people ended up gathering, including those whom I didn’t know at all. There, in general, I met Anton, whom we will talk about now.
It, of course, was not love at first sight (this, in my opinion, is only suitable for dreamy young ladies), but later I realized that until that moment I was indifferent to the opposite sex because I had not yet met my person.
To be honest, I was not able to really understand how my opinion regarding marriages, weddings and other tinsel, which until recently seemed like something like entertainment for narrow-minded people, changed so dramatically. But I think that there is nothing surprising in my feelings: probably all women eventually think about marriage. This question came to me at some point.
The catch was that Anton didn’t even want to get married “at all”: every time I started talking about it, he skillfully changed the subject. None of my efforts helped: even from a simple discussion of marriage, Anton shied away like hell from incense, all these years finding new reasons that supposedly prevent us from being one family.
Now our relationship is on pause: Anton suggested living separately for a while, and I did not interfere. I don’t know what will happen next, but I think I need to leave. My only regret is that I spent so much precious time on the wrong person.
As you can see, the real story of the “failed bride” only confirms that it is almost impossible to re-educate an adult and force him to go against his personal beliefs. A man who doesn't want to get married may try hard to tell you what you want to hear, but in reality won't even come close to deciding to start a family.
However, if you still want to try to persuade a man to marry, you should consider several options at once: an integrated approach will almost certainly be more effective than just one thing. There are 7 tricks: they will definitely help you push a man to get married.
Tell us what you think about this: what, in your opinion, is the main reason that men do not marry their partners? Is it possible and necessary to somehow influence this? Why?
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22.02.2019 01:33
