Anna, good afternoon!
This is how life works: everything flows, everything changes, including you, your feelings and your relationships. The psychology of relationships suggests that those qualities that we like in a person at the very beginning are often the ones that irritate us later. Why is that? After all, at first we like the fact that he is different from us, and then when we communicate a lot, it is this difference that begins to irritate. After all, there must be flexibility in communication, you have to give in, make compromises, put your point of view aside.
And I perfectly understand your confusion. But in order to understand what Anna is for you, you need to understand many internal motives. Of course, Anna, I want to ask you a lot of questions: Have you really stopped loving him? Or is it simply a new period of your relationship with this young man and this requires inner work from you, but you don’t know how to make the relationship better? Are you upset because the feeling has gone and an explanation is needed, but at the same time you don’t want to hurt the person or hurt him? After all, there was a lot of good in them and you mutually developed each other, warmed each other, smiled? Or is it more important to remain “good” and let it somehow resolve itself, but I won’t start the conversation first, so as not to seem ungrateful and callous?
There are many questions, and probably the most important one: “Anna, what exactly do you want?”
If you understand that you cannot treat him as before, then the adult solution is a conversation: sincere, frank, feminine.
The first thing to do is set the time for the conversation itself. “Sergey, we need to talk to you, when can we do this?”
Secondly, you need to define for yourself what will be a good result of your conversation with the young man. Perhaps this will be that you indicate your feelings and desire to maintain friendly relations with him. (Of course, you should be prepared for the fact that he may have his own plans and understandings. In any case, you need to respect his feelings).
Then you start the conversation with sincere gratitude to both him and your relationship. “Sergey, I am very grateful to meet you and everything that happened next to you.” Then identify your thoughts and feelings. “I want to be honest with you, I don’t feel the same way right now and I’m starting to get annoyed about it. I thought for a long time - I made the decision to break up, not because you are bad or I am bad, probably we both grew out of this relationship... On the other hand, I would be glad if we could maintain our relationship with you. Although I understand perfectly well that at first it will be difficult for both me and you. I don’t know how they behave in this situation, but it is precisely because you are valuable to me that I decided to tell you the truth.”
Anna, you need to realize that a breakup hurts. And very often we suffer not from our true feelings, but from what we feel in relation to what we feel. those. when we start to get angry because we no longer love, or feel powerless because our partner is annoying, or we reject our pain.
Well, if you nevertheless decide to develop this relationship further and look at your partner with different eyes, then another honest conversation will be necessary. A conversation about what works in a relationship and what doesn’t. And don’t forget the main question: “What do I want?” After all, you are the most important person in your life. Anna, good luck to you.
Marina Polyanskaya, psychologist, coach, trainer, Minsk
Polyanskaya Marina Vasilievna, psychologist in Minsk
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Happiness is fleeting, but life is long. Therefore, it can accommodate not one, but several heartfelt affections. As a result, the words “I stopped loving you” are uttered much more often than we would like, and require one hundred percent readiness in any circumstances. And to do this, it’s worth taking a closer look at the situation, not forgetting to look into the most secret corners of yourself.
What to do if you stop loving a guy?
Talk frankly with yourself. You need to figure out whether you love him or not. After all, the words that you convey to him later will definitely hurt, despite the carefully chosen wording. Therefore, first express everything to yourself and only then decide to move on.
Sort the words into sections. Before starting a conversation, you must be 100% sure of what you will say. Don’t invent anything as you go, but plan it in advance - every phrase, every comma, so that you can calmly reach the point of your unloved relationship.
Think about the place and specify the time. A conversation like this requires the right environment. Don’t start it at home – neither on yours nor on his territory. Don’t invite him to your secret place, so as not to escalate the situation. A suitable option is a calm, uncrowded cafeteria, where you can sit down and quietly discuss everything, and then immediately leave, allowing him to sit still with a cup of cooled coffee.
Gently prepare your partner. To do this, it is enough to speak directly about a serious conversation, and not frighten with mysterious hints. You can phrase it this way: “I have a serious conversation with you. When will be more convenient for you? Please set a suitable time."
Talk only about yourself. Remember: this is not a dialogue, but a statement of fact that you must tell your ex-lover. Nothing more, so do most of the talking yourself. If it doesn't work, listen to him.
Answer in detail. If a guy wants to know the reason for leaving, give a detailed answer, do not remain silent, shrugging your shoulders in surprise. It’s better to let him hear everything from you, and not from strangers. And try not to lie. Deception will instill doubts in him and cause complexes.
Give him the right to choose. If your ex gets up and turns around, don't delay any longer - let him go. He needs personal space to understand your difficult decision. And if he wants to have a conversation, ask him to ask questions without emotion or shouting. React with restraint.
Set new boundaries. That is, outline with him what is now possible and what is unacceptable. Consider next steps: for example, when to pick up things if you lived in the same apartment.
What to do if you stop loving your husband?
First. First, firmly decide what it is: an age or family crisis, fatigue, poor health, problems at work, dissatisfaction with salary, resentment or something else. This is extremely important, since crises happen even in the most close-knit families. For example, after a year of living together, the birth of a child, or children leaving for independent life. In this case, you need to recognize the problem, and not wave your sword baldly.
Second. Think about it: is it worth getting a divorce? After all, leaving will be equated to escaping not only from your husband, but also from your family, problems, and yourself. It’s better to try to change the situation by starting with something small. For example, from your own hairstyle. Your spouse will change behind you, and then the family situation will change. Is it worth risking an established way of life, comfort and a loving husband for the sake of incomprehensible fleeting moods? After all, in the end you will come to the same thing again: a family (albeit a different one), a second half, whom it is not a fact that you will love each other.
Third. Take a closer look: maybe jealousy just woke up in you, and against its background there is indignation and everything else, including dislike? Then return your husband to resolve your own internal conflict. How? This is a separate topic for conversation, because there are many ways to bring a family together without harming your loved ones. But if because of this there is discord, scandals and humiliation in the house in front of the children, then, of course, it is preferable to separate. As quietly and peacefully as possible.
Fourth. Don’t judge yourself for not loving the person you voluntarily went down the aisle with. Such is life and things happen in it. Don’t consider yourself inferior compared to your friends, even if they have full-fledged families. It’s not a fact that something worse isn’t going on behind the walls of their apartments. You just managed to recognize the problem in time and stop it, but they didn’t. Therefore, it is still unknown who is really lucky.
We have been dating a guy for 2.5 years. A month ago he said that he stopped loving me. This news was unexpected for me, because I thought that everything was fine with us. I cried, didn’t know what to do, I loved him very much, I was in a lot of pain. He left, thought and returned. He said he was wrong. He said that something was missing that was there at the beginning of the relationship. After some time he said that he fell in love with me again. It seemed like everything was fine after that. We went home for 10 days (it had been planned for a long time). And then something wrong started: he says that he misses me, that he can’t, how he wants to see me. But I don’t miss you, I don’t miss you as much as before - we communicate normally, make plans, work, but I don’t count the days until the meeting as before. For the first time in three years, I was not happy when I left home; on the contrary, I cried that I was saying goodbye to my parents. We quarreled just before the meeting and quarreled so much (but I felt that I loved him), I didn’t respond to his messages the whole evening (this had never happened before), that the worst thing was that I didn’t want to answer. When we met, there was not the same trepidation as before. He talks about the wedding, about what he wants with me. And I don’t know if I want this now. It's as if something was missing. When I imagine him with someone else, I don’t feel unpleasant, I don’t care. Became sharper.
It seems that I have fallen out of love with the guy
Ada, hello! Apparently, the temporary break in relations had its effect. Each of you (your boyfriend and you) had time to be outside of the relationship. In general, this could not but affect both of you. When people doubt their feelings, taking such a time-out is very useful, because then the influence of the object itself goes away, and only you are left with your feelings. At m.ch. there were suspicions that he had stopped loving you. But he could not stand the separation. Perhaps he really loves you and has undergone some re-evaluation of your relationship, or perhaps he is afraid of loneliness. It is difficult, of course, to say for sure. But this forced time-out did not pass without a trace for you either. Now you are not so sure that you want to be with this martyr, you are not sure that you are ready to marry him. Maybe it’s not necessary? If you no longer care, it means that now you do not have strong enough feelings for him to connect your life with him. What if you take a time out now? And try to listen to yourself even more. I will be glad to help you. Write! Sincerely, Olga Akimova Skype tochka.opory24-akimova
It seems that I have fallen out of love with the guy
Hello Ada.
A month ago he said that he stopped loving me. This news was unexpected for me, because I thought that everything was fine with us. I cried, didn’t know what to do, I loved him very much, I was in a lot of pain. He left, thought and returned. He said he was wrong. He said that something was missing that was there at the beginning of the relationship. After some time he said that he fell in love with me again. It seemed like everything was fine after that.
It is possible that the reason for your cooling is somehow connected with the feelings that you experienced when you unexpectedly learned that m.ch.
stopped loving you. I can imagine that you had many different strong emotions. Perhaps in the way you experienced that period there were elements of disappointment, loss of a sense of security in the relationship, maybe even trust, fear of a repetition of sudden pain. These feelings are very painful and traumatic. It is possible that your reaction is an unconscious attempt to protect yourself from pain. It can help to analyze your relationship with your partner in order to understand what happened in your relationship, what did not satisfy him, and how it happened that it happened unexpectedly for you. Do you know how to talk to each other about what doesn’t suit you, what you both lack in the relationship? This can help restore lost trust and ease the fear of the same situation happening again. If you need help with this, please contact us for a consultation via Skype. Sincerely, psychologist, Lola Makarova.
It seems that I have fallen out of love with the guy
Hello Ada! Please tell me, did you talk to the guy about the reasons for his past decision, did you tell him about the feelings you experienced at that moment? How could you yourself describe the feeling you experienced when you found out that you were no longer in love? Are you offended by the guy for this incident? Perhaps your current reaction is the result of an offense that you have not yet been able to live and let go of. Or maybe not, maybe you really stopped loving this person, became disappointed in him and lost trust. However, relationships that last more than one year often reach a dead end, feelings cool down a little, there is no longer that excitement before a meeting, waiting for a call, the desire to constantly surprise and delight, to be nearby. Try one simple trick: imagine that you broke up and this person is no longer in your life, he won’t call, won’t hug, won’t wish you good night. You have your own life, without him, he has his own. answer yourself three questions: how do I feel now? What do I think about when I imagine this situation? what do I want to do at this moment? I’ll be glad to hear about your thoughts and feelings! And also various feelings and emotions (and even their absence) can be worked out in an individual online meeting. Regards, Anastasia
They say that even the most sincere love begins to fade by the end of the third year of a relationship. This is because during the first months of a relationship, pheromones are produced in our blood, which attract us to another person. After a year, the chemical effect is no longer so strong and if you and your boyfriend do not constantly add wood to the fire of your love, then it will gradually become weaker and weaker.
You can warm up feelings not only with positive emotions, but also with negative ones, which is why many couples, a year after meeting, go through a period of quarrels over trifles. Don't be surprised if after a few months of your relationship you feel cold towards your guy. Most likely, a turning point has come when you need to decide what to do: break up or give your feelings a chance to rehabilitate.
Stages of Grief
No matter how you react to the situation, time must pass for everything to be forgotten and you can live a full life. Do as you see fit, take time to suffer. You and your psyche need this.
We cannot change the natural course of life. Just as it is impossible for smoke to appear without fire, it is also unthinkable to part with a husband or wife without experiences, suffering and grief.
Every person goes through 5 stages, which await you too. The duration of each period depends not only on how close the man (or woman) was to you, but also on personal qualities and mental characteristics.
Even if you yourself realized that you had fallen out of love with a person, the consequences of a frank conversation would come as a shock to you. Changes in life, changes in habitual attitudes, loss of traditions, the unknown. It is impossible to prepare for a breakup. The first reaction is always shock. It’s as if reality has slipped out from under your feet, everything has changed, you are not in control of the situation.
Next comes the stage of denial: “This couldn’t happen to me,” “Everything will get better,” “He just needs time, he will love me again.”
Then comes hatred and aggression. You begin to blame yourself and others, try to understand the reasons, worry about what you didn’t do, what you didn’t think about before. There is a complete re-evaluation of everything and a lot of thoughts about improving the past, which can no longer be returned.
Next, depression overtakes the person. In this state, he feels pain most acutely. Memory, as luck would have it, begins to reveal only positive aspects, all the negativity is forgotten, but you slowly let go of unpleasant information.
Then comes acceptance and only sometimes, first more often, and then less and less often, do you remember the past. Life is slowly returning to normal, and you are again ready for relationships and love.
No matter how much we want, each of us must go through these stages in order to be reborn and become ourselves again, worthy of love, tenderness and understanding.
Should I tell the guy?
Before you tell your guy that you don't love him anymore, think carefully. After all, after these words there will be no turning back: your relationship will most likely begin to fall apart, because no one wants to be with a person if the feelings are not mutual.
Perhaps you just felt like your love was starting to fade. In this case, you and your boyfriend need to experience some vivid emotions together. You can invite him to go somewhere together or add variety to your intimate life. Vivid emotions and new impressions often revive relationships, but not always for a long time.
That is, you will have to constantly come up with new ways to entertain yourself and your spouse so that your feelings do not cool down. Are you ready for this? If you don't value the relationship that much and the person starts to irritate you, it's unlikely that you will be able to cope with your dislike. In any case, do not make hasty decisions that you may regret. Give yourself time to think about the situation and try to love the guy again.
Looking for flaws
Love is blind, and a tender, pleasant relationship between two people turns a blind eye to all the shortcomings of the partner. Now that you know that there was no love on his part, think about his not the best qualities. How did he treat you when you were sick, when you asked for the necessary, feasible help? How did you treat your relatives, did you maintain connections with your beloved friends? A partner can be an ideal lover, but physical intimacy alone cannot build a real, strong relationship.
Need more tips on how to stop loving a guy who doesn't love you? Think about what your love is based on, why he is better than others. Or maybe suffering for your beloved guy is just an illusion, a desire to feel sorry for yourself, to attract attention. Perhaps, in order to forget the object of your love, you just need to relax, relax - visit a spa, spend an evening with friends at karaoke, lie on the beach or unwind at a ski resort. Change your surroundings, switch to thinking about good things, and the unrequited feeling will leave your heart.
How to love a guy again
Have you decided to try not to rush things and try to awaken your feelings? Great, then start immediately to get your love back. The first thing you need to do is go back in time and remember why you fell in love with your boyfriend.
You can even go to the place of your first date and walk around there, bringing back memories. Maybe you just forgot how happy you were to meet you and how fascinated you were by his attention and by him? After your memories are stirred, you need to carefully analyze your current relationship. Think about what good they bring you and what causes negativity in you. If there is clearly more good, then you should not throw away these relationships. Try to look at the guy with different eyes, for example, imagine that you are strangers.
Talk to your friends and discuss your boyfriend with them. You will see that some of them are not averse to creating a couple with him, because for them he is an attractive and interesting young man. Finally, pretend that you still love the guy. That is, act as if the feelings have not cooled down. Keep going on dates with him, taking care of him and talking about love. Perhaps after a while everything will really return to normal, and your love will flare up with renewed vigor.
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An article about why a man no longer loves. Having learned the 9 main reasons, you will understand what to do if a man no longer loves you, or how to prevent this from happening.
What to do if a man doesn't love you anymore? You can give up, blame yourself, your parents, the state, everyone around you and yourself, suffer and engage in soul-searching and self-flagellation. Or you can diagnose the emerging disease, find out its causes and try to eliminate them. Moreover, now almost everything can be treated.
Are you ready to find out what reasons can lead to a man no longer loving you? Then read on! You will find nine good reasons that are slowly and surely killing the love of your chosen one for you. Don't make these mistakes too often now and forever. Amen!
A MAN NO LONGER LOVE BECAUSE OF FEAR
You probably know how strong the feeling of fear is. When we are afraid, we cannot focus on anything other than the feeling that worries us. Fear definitely has no place in a relationship, but if it appears, you can expect trouble.
So, let's look at the first three reasons why a man may fall out of love. They are all based on fear. Fear feeds and supports them, occupying the place reserved in a man's heart for love. When might this be your story? If you are very assertive, overly down-to-earth and like to tell the truth to your face. And now more details.
- Frequent manifestation of initiative . What’s wrong with this, you might think, knowing, for example, about this peculiarity of yours. A man does not like to be led. When they try to actively guide him, to persuade him to take any actions, actions and decisions, strong resistance arises in him. You switch sides and eventually stop being a friend to him. He cannot relax with you, because you need to always be on guard and defend your right to do as he sees fit. Over time, this struggle becomes too exhausting and boring.
- Inability to believe in change for the better . If things are not going well, it is difficult to maintain a cheerful and optimistic mood. But it is necessary. In moments of crisis, which we all experience, men feel doubly depressed because they place greater responsibility on themselves. Such periods are accompanied by a bad mood, low vitality, and lack of self-confidence. This is a test for you. Don’t give in to the temptation to hang your nose or, even worse, broadcast negativity, let’s call it that - you will become even better in his eyes. If you give in, you will go over to the enemy’s side.
- Say everything from the heart . A dubious quality in a relationship, which will more often bring trouble, both immediate and long-term, rather than benefit. Men also do not like it because it makes them tense and take a defensive position, as in the first case with pressure and the desire to manage and command. You must have a good filter. Sometimes you need to say something directly, and sometimes you need to remain silent. Otherwise, you can turn from a wise companion into a strict supervisor who notes every mistake and certainly does not forget to express his opinion on this matter.
If you thought that men are afraid of women with such qualities, then this is not entirely true. Rather, they are afraid of finding themselves in a difficult life situation next to a woman who does not support, but, on the contrary, increases fears and tension. And women know how to overshadow any good life situation with such behavior, because always, if there is a place for good, then there is also a place for bad. This topic was touched upon in this recent article, which I am pleased to invite you to read at this link.
A MAN NO LONGER LOVE BECAUSE OF IRRITATION
Well, none of us like irritants! We wholeheartedly disapprove of our neighbors when they suddenly start loud renovations at the wrong time, screaming cats and cats who have March in their hearts, and a slow-running computer. In fact, there are so many irritants in our lives that only a sincerely happy and enthusiastic person can ignore them. But happiness is not happiness without harmony in relationships, no matter how you look at it.
How to determine whether you are at risk or not? It's simple. If you strive to spend as much time as possible together to the detriment of all other male interests, you are often dissatisfied with something and do not have common interests with your chosen one. Are you ready to learn more about three reasons why a man no longer loves, based on irritation? They are in front of you!
- The desire to always be together . It is believed that introverts enjoy spending time alone with themselves more than extroverts. But even the latter, with their great love for company and communication, need personal space and time to be alone with themselves, when no one bothers them. This is the first. And the second is that the more a man pays attention to you, the less attention remains to his affairs. At first this may cause subtle anxiety and dissatisfaction, but then turn into outright irritation with you.
- The habit of being dissatisfied with everything . Such women can initially make a good impression on men, since you need to work twice as hard with them. So it's more interesting. But this is only at the beginning. Over time, the high bar of your expectations will be seen as an object that requires too much effort and attention. If it is really very difficult to please you, but you can be indignant about almost any reason, then it’s time to think about adjusting your behavior.
- Conversation in different languages . Opposites do attract, but do they stick together? For the successful existence of an alliance, either the initial presence of a common language and understanding, or the desire to create them, is important. Women and men are very different, as are their interests. But a sincere desire to better understand each other and have common interests works wonders. It is worth noting that you need to be open to new things and be able to be sincerely interested in what your chosen one likes.
These reasons really lead to disastrous results, because they all cause and accumulate irritation in your man. In the first case, due to the lack of personal space and the difficulty of doing one’s business and responsibilities. In the second - because the price is too high to make a woman happy, and this is exhausting. And thirdly, due to the lack of common interests and topics of conversation, which make communication strained and unpleasant, as well as an unwillingness to correct the situation.
A MAN NO LONGER LOVE DUE TO DECREASED INTEREST
Life changes everything, and especially the intensity of feelings. It is sometimes higher, sometimes lower, and this is natural, because our life is cyclical. But how to prevent an unnatural decrease in interest in yourself, a fading of feelings? After all, in this case there are no guarantees that everything will return to normal. In order not to become uninteresting to your man, you also need to avoid three mistakes. They are found in women who do not feel what kind of support and role a man needs most, behave very predictably, and also stop taking care of themselves, believing that the man is already completely in her power.
- Inability to adapt to a man . Is it possible to imagine a better couple than one that not only looks in one direction, but also senses what support the other may need at the moment? Mixed feelings caused by misunderstanding and even resentment are definitely not good for the union. It is important to be able to read the state of other people in order to understand what behavior and words would be appropriate now, and which would not be at all. Trust your heart and intuition more: they will lead you to the right conclusions.
- Lack of novelty . You shouldn’t try to make every day together special: it’s very energy-consuming. But you can add your own spices and seasonings every day: then you definitely won’t be bored! Moreover, the woman you love, whom you know well, but not 100%, will always be more interesting than the one who has been studied from A to Z. Men are conquerors. That is why it is important to leave room for maneuver in order to be more interesting to yourself, to those around you, and to your loved one. Surprise and reveal different facets of your personality, within reason, of course.
- Neglecting self-care . This is a very common mistake among women, caused by a desire to relax, and often causes feelings to cool down. Taking care of yourself when you are in a relationship with a man you love is especially important. Be that as it may, any man is not only pleased to see his companion blooming, beautiful and well-groomed, but also to understand that this is partly done for him. All this lifts your spirits and energizes you. The man receives an unspoken compliment and enjoys your attractiveness.
It is these three mistakes that, like weights, drag your relationship down. Therefore, try to periodically reason and analyze less, and listen to yourself more. It will become easier for you to understand the people you know, you will feel where it is better to invest your energy today, and you will be happy to maintain the temple of your soul in order and cleanliness.
It is important to know all these mistakes, as well as enemies, in person, because they are the ones that become an ever-increasing portion of the ointment in a relationship with a man. I hope this article has helped you understand your strengths and weaknesses. Now you know what you can and should focus your energy on. You always need to start with yourself. We can change the world around us with our behavior and thinking. So let's start with self-love, respect and greater opening of intuition: then many of these mistakes will disappear by themselves 
I think you might be interested in these articles:
- Rules for a successful quarrel, or how to quarrel correctly
- Sexual energy
- Relationships are like a game: 3 biggest mistakes
Thank you for attention.
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