It doesn’t matter who you work as, a waitress or the head of a large branch of a company. Your colleagues may turn out to be assholes, and no salary will pay off the damage nature has caused to them. Gallap research has shown that 51% of people who work full-time hate their jobs and environments, have a negative impact on overall company productivity, and suffer from a variety of physical and mental disorders. One of the main reasons for the notorious contempt for work is colleagues who make Vesuvius burn in the ischial hills. Fortunately, you can fight these people and even defeat them.
The first rule of a good working day: do not start meaningless dialogues with those with whom you do not intend to drink brotherhood. Even asking the routine question: “How was your day yesterday?”, you can get a stream of unnecessary information, complaints and whining. After half an hour, you will find that you are stuck listening to how rude your clients were yesterday. So I politely ignored the chatterbox in the morning, the whole day was free. "Good morning! Have a nice day!” is quite enough.
What if the problem is more serious? After all, there are some people who consider it their duty to make stupid jokes, comment on your appearance, and sometimes even openly shit on your soul. It is difficult to refrain from communicating with such people, because they provoke you, so you will have to enter into confrontation.
Marina, 26
My supervisor was supposed to help me, but in fact she asserted herself against my background: she assigned me to complete an insignificant report, which in the end no one needed. She found a mistake in the middle and told me to correct it. I redid it, she checked it again, found an error in another place and sent it back for rework. Each report could take three days, and then she would suddenly announce that it needed to be done in a different form altogether. She commented on it like this: who took you such an idiot here anyway. The men could very well discuss how I look in front of me. Why don't I wear dresses? Whoever marries me like this could make some tea. I snapped endlessly, but I couldn’t stop it.
Boundaries are what defines you as a separate person, gives you an understanding of where your space ends and someone else’s begins. This is a set of rules that you set for yourself and others, and it is called: “This is how you should treat me.” People often understand setting boundaries as something physical, such as trying to hug without permission. However, emotional boundaries are also important for every person. For example, they reprimand you when you don’t ask, or interfere with your work without your knowledge.
Distinguishing your needs from the desires of strangers is difficult, especially if you are used to constantly pleasing people. If you feel that you bend more often than you would like, it means that your boundaries are no good. What to do to show annoying colleagues who’s boss:
I'm quitting, I'm not getting along with my colleague
Hello!
Today I submitted my resignation from work of my own free will.
I have been working for the same organization for four years. She came to replace a colleague who was on long-term sick leave at the time, and was very welcome. Before this, I had been looking for a job for a long time, but here I found everything I needed. And I worked with pleasure, and I liked my work.
Everyone also praised the old girl, spoke well of her, and looked forward to her coming back from sick leave. I was even afraid that as soon as she left, they would remove me as an unnecessary replacement, but they quickly explained to me that the boss had long wanted to expand the staff and would not send me anywhere. Great! The two of us are very good. She is a personnel officer, I am a secretary.
The girl came out, we met, it turned out that we had a lot in common, but only in our personal lives, not in work. Even before her release, I saw her documents on the computer and noticed that literacy was very poor, incl. and computer.
And so I gave up. This happened a couple of months after its release. Once again, hearing her dictate the text of a statement to someone, I butted in like an idiot and hinted that it was impossible to write like that, it even sounded illiterate... It’s my own fault, I should have been silent, it’s her job, but I can’t hear illiterate speech , read terribly composed letters written at random. I have innate literacy, and I will write every letter, paying attention to each case ending. It’s a shame to send clumsy messages to other organizations...
I realized my mistake immediately and admitted it (though I admitted it to myself), and not to my colleague. In response to my remark, an unfinished statement flew to my desk and was said in a raised voice: “That means I’m illiterate!” Lord, forgive me, I didn’t expect such a reaction (((And I drew conclusions for myself for the entire period of working with her.
After this incident, she didn’t talk to me for SEVERAL DAYS, then I was the first to decide to make peace, to hell with everything, bullshit, we’re working together))) And it took a few more days for the relationship to be almost completely restored. The man refused, difficult to respond and touchy. It felt like I had offended her entire family.
So, the subsequent years of work were very difficult (I confess, not everything was always so bad), but I constantly “bowed in.” My office neighbor took absolutely everything personally. For example, I sit down my piece of paper and ask: did you happen to see it ON MY DESK? The answer was this: YOU SAW THAT I DIDN’T TOUCH ANYTHING! Over time, I began to clarify: YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU TOUCHED THE LETTER, MAYBE YOU ACCIDENTALLY SAW WHERE I COULD PLACE IT?
For more than three years, there were several conflicts, the cause of which was “substitution of concepts,” or, more simply, distortion. I cannot explain why she did and said this way and not otherwise, obviously, this was her decision, but I was not happy with this situation. One day I asked her to help me - due to health reasons, I could not fully perform my work. But I asked for insurance in advance in such a delicate matter. It was promised. But the day before the scheduled operation, she informs me that she is taking the day at her own expense. I didn’t understand at all: how could this be, you promised, I asked?! In the end, I was hoping you were just leaving me!!! In response, a tirade on abstract topics: exchanging an apartment, we need to do it before June...What does this have to do with it? Why on this day? I pulled the reason out of her very quickly: she simply forgot about me. Such “forgets” took place if I asked.
So, in fact, we came to the last moment, after which I wrote a statement. I went on vacation and showed what needs to be done in my absence for me (mail, incoming documents). Many people do this, and we did it if someone was absent. You’ll put off yours and do it for someone else, because you can do yours later, but your partner needs to do it without delaying, because you’re responsible for someone else’s, and this is serious... I was gone for 3 days, I come and see that nothing has been written down, not registered. I rolled my eyes: how can this be? Answer: I had a lot of work, I simplified the moment, distributed documents without registration... As always, I promised one thing, but did it as it turned out... Everything would be clear if the phrase began not with defensive expressions, but with the words “Sorry.” The conflict grew like a nuclear mushroom. She just screamed, not hearing me and hearing only herself...
We sat in silence for 2 days. And today I wrote a letter of resignation.
Following my treatise, I would like to clarify a tiny point: I in no way consider her a bad person. She’s just the way she is... And it was by working in tandem with her that I learned to be flexible, to be flexible, and to understand that sometimes you have to turn away. But it didn’t help. However, I believe that you need to learn to be flexible and be able to swear. It is very important! You can't mix work and personal. My colleague constantly got personal in conflicts, I constantly heard from her what I really was like. When a storm was brewing, I tried to smooth out the corners, joke, calm things down, because I realized that I really needed this job, and my colleague couldn’t cope with the irritation, so I’ll sort everything out... But this time I can’t remain silent for several days , just feeling with my skin how I'm interfering.
I wrote sincerely, expressing my thoughts “in their pure form,” without embellishing or showing off. I'm sorry that this happened, I'm left without work. She can live in a state of war, and I am simply afraid of getting sick.
I am 39 years old, I have been working as a secretary (typist, assistant) since I was 18 years old.
Sincerely.
How to behave at work to get along with colleagues?
Unfriendliness in the team. Main reasons
Let's look at the key reasons for quarrelsomeness in teams. This is important for understanding the problem and finding solutions:
Contrasting one’s own “I” with the needs of the team
There are individuals who, psychologically, seem to merge with others and are clearly aware of their interests. And even if they don’t try to help others, they at least don’t interfere with them, don’t oppose themselves to the needs of others. But it happens the other way around. A person who has stable conflictual relationships with colleagues from the very beginning opposes his own “I” and other people. There is a persistent division between one’s own needs and the needs of others, one’s own benefit and the common one. If such a person depicted the team and himself on paper, then the person himself would be in one part of the sheet, and the rest in another. And there would be no connections between them.
Lack of ability to collaborate
Collaboration can often produce greater results than solo efforts. And almost every person can make an effort in a common cause, receiving their own benefit. For example, each employee contributes to the company, but in return receives a share of the overall profit or product that would not be available to him without the cooperation of others. In the opposite situation, a person is able to understand this in theory, but in life he does not know how to correlate his own interests with collective ones, and is not able to cooperate. This is where the main conflict arises. Such a person does his best to interfere with coordinated work, irritating others.
Using Conflicts to Strengthen Yourself
Often conflicting individuals use confrontation to assert their own importance and realize personal goals. This is a way of behavior that is used unconsciously. A person is not able to change it, even if he tries.
Uncooperative individuals are often unable to see their own shortcomings and problems, blaming others for conflicts.
Often, awareness of the reasons for incivility helps to understand conflict situations and change behavior.
How to get along in a new team
Now let’s look at a situation where a person finds his dream job: with a good salary, career growth, and similar interests. But this is only half the battle, because you still have to figure out how to get along in the new team and get along with your boss.
Your future coexistence depends a lot on how you behave from the first day of work in a new team. Some prepare for “war” ahead of time, while others don’t think about it at all, believing that a sparkle in their eyes and a beautiful suit are the key to success.
In any case, the first day of work with new people is stressful. You will have to get to know them, remember their faces, names, and delve into the intricacies of the labor process. Stay calm and remain confident in your abilities. Watch, trying to figure out who is who. Identify the most authoritative employees who are considered by other colleagues and management. It is also important to notice those who like to “muddy the waters.” There is an opinion that women start gossip, but this is not true. Men are no less involved in this.
In the first days of work, no one expects high achievements from you, so you should not grab onto everything and try to complete the task faster and better than others. Take the time to become familiar with the work process and learn how the company is used to performing various tasks. This will show that you are an interested and serious person.
If at your previous place of work you were considered a professional and were taken into account, this does not mean that here too you should now give out advice left and right. Few people like “know-it-alls.”
If you notice that someone is called “Sanych”, and someone is even called by their nickname, this does not mean that you are allowed to do this. Familiarity does not lead to good things. Address new colleagues by their first and patronymic names or simply by their first names; only over time will you be able to move on to closer relationships.
Don’t be ashamed to ask old-timers for advice on something, to find out how best to complete a task. Don't be afraid to admit if something isn't working out. Everyone started and everyone has the right to make a mistake.
Keep your distance, remain yourself, then people will certainly appreciate it and accept you into their company.
Try to get closer to your colleagues, look for common interests. Non-work situations, including smoking breaks, also contribute to rapprochement. A great way to demonstrate what you have in common. If you don't smoke, then going to lunch with your colleagues is not the worst reason to get closer. Ask where there is a place nearby for a snack, where employees themselves are used to going for lunch, offer to go together. If a company holds corporate events, then it’s worth attending them, even if you don’t want to.
Don't let others get on your head. If from the first day you allow all the tedious and boring tasks to be pushed onto yourself, then this will soon become a habit, and you will often start staying late until everyone goes home. If someone asks for “help” with an urgent task because they are rushing to a date, respond politely but firmly that you also have plans for the evening.
You can’t please everyone right away; sometimes you will meet a colleague who dislikes you and turns others against you. There is no point in starting a “war”; you cannot win against everyone in any situation. It’s better to approach such a person and ask directly why you are not satisfied with him. Usually people don't expect such directness, it takes them by surprise. Of course, there is no guarantee that after this he will become your friend, but next time he will think first before starting a “war”.
Be yourself, be honest and open to others. And in this case, the new place of work and the team will bring you joy.
