If the art of kissing and understanding how to have sex in a car is still more or less clear, then sex in a movie theater is a completely different level, which not everyone will dare to reach. This is a public place, there may be other people around, you only have a couple of chairs at your disposal, and only a couple of hours of time.
But just imagine. While other cinema guests are casually staring at the screen, eating a mediocre mass-produced movie with popcorn, your heartbeat quickens, your head is dizzy, your breathing becomes erratic, all your thoughts are confused, because you are beside yourself with the best physiological cocktail - testosterone plus adrenaline.
Sex in a movie theater is so sweet and so hot because you can't. This is an absolute revelation even for the most experienced people with intimate experience, so at least once in your life you should commit this crime. To minimize the likelihood of being caught or the risk of completely losing your entire erection from fear, we explain how to organize probably the best date of your life.
Sex that won't happen at home
My married friend Irina once told me at a bachelorette party that one day a tempting and promising idea came to her mind to somehow diversify her sex life, which had fallen into routine. The usual sex according to the evening-TV-shower-bed pattern was boring to the point of stupor, something urgently needed to be changed. Changing your husband is not an option. Husband Vadik was relatively new and could still serve for some time. The change in orientation also did not arouse enthusiasm. So, it was worth changing the surroundings.
Irka came up with the idea that she would become a sexy angel for the evening. For these purposes, the usual route from the office to the house was adjusted, a raid was made on a sex shop and a number of acquisitions were made: - white down wings - one pair; - nipple covers, with rhinestones and tassels - one pair; - fishnet stockings and white lace underwear of a style that is appropriate only in one specific situation of a very intimate nature - one set. Gloves, again with lace, were included with the underwear. Suitable shoes were available at home. In front of the mirror in the fitting room, Ira felt like a fatal beauty and a big sex star at the same time.
In a euphoric frenzy, Irka flew home. Scenes of the most frank plan were spinning in my head. How in the evening she will put it all on herself, shake the tassels on her nipples, look with a languid look over her shoulder, behind which there are fluffy wings, her husband, smoking with excitement, will rush after her to the end of the world into bed and - ehhu! — then something absolutely unimaginable and completely indecent happened...
...The harsh reality slowly began to penetrate Irka’s bright dreams, as soon as she crossed the threshold of her home. The wallpaper in the hallway was decorated with fresh felt-tip pen scribbles - the result of my daughter's creativity; from the neighboring apartment came the usual sounds of a ritual evening drinking session with a predictable scandal in the epilogue, and the bedroom wall was firmly occupied by an antediluvian red carpet with frayed corners. A strong feeling immediately arose that such a habitat was categorically unsuitable for angels of passion. They are not found here, they do not survive! And the very idea of Mexican passion in this interior looked somehow unconvincing, or something, somehow inappropriate.
However, all these considerations did not shake Irina’s will to win. In general, her life credo is to bring any stupidity to a victorious end. Having buried her purchases in a secluded corner, Irka hastily cooked dinner for the hungry family, put the child to bed, and told her husband to wait in the bedroom - just don’t fall asleep, otherwise you’ll bitterly regret it! - and headed to the bathroom, so that later she could appear before his amazed and delighted gaze in all its splendor and splendor, in gift wrapping, so to speak. So, nipple covers, quickly fix your makeup, fasten your wings, put on stockings, shoes, gloves - you're done. Your exit, queen, orchestra - out!..
...Irka barely had time to dash back into the bathroom, hearing shuffling steps along the corridor. An insurmountable blockage materialized in the face of the old mother-in-law. When my grandmother suffered from insomnia, she had a cute habit of hanging around in the kitchen until the last moment with an unlit cigarette in her steel teeth, sipping a soothing concoction from a bucket cup and scanning television channels in search of something patriotic and uplifting. The path from the bathroom to the bedroom was clear from the kitchen, like a market square with a fire tower, and Ira had no chance of slipping through unnoticed.
To tell the kind old lady, Antonina Petrovna, hang out in your room for now, because I’m a bitch today - it was somehow awkward. An angel who sweeps Khrushchev's undershirt with heels out of the bathroom and briskly scratches into the room past the refrigerator squeezed into the corridor, of course, could send her mother-in-law to a specialized sanatorium for a long time, but... Irka refrained from such a bold experiment for reasons of humanism. Running into a room in a robe and saying, honey, please, I’ll put on my wings - it’s completely ridiculous. All that remained was to sit in ambush and wait for the right moment to decisively rush into her husband’s arms. However, it was still impossible to move on to violent sex while the mother-in-law was awake.
In general, the magnificent sex angel sat on the toilet lid for about forty minutes, dejectedly folding his wings, and then, swearing and cursing the housing problem, he freaked out, put on his husband’s spacious robe in order to somehow disguise his wings with shoes, and sadly trudged into the bedroom, Through clenched teeth, wishing your beloved mother-in-law good night. Vadik, of course, had been asleep for a long time, snoring unerotically and muttering something in his sleep. Of course, Ira and her husband sorted it out: he was mercilessly awakened, the wings were hastily mounted behind his back, the shoes were put on even earlier, and in the end the romance took place. And it’s not that he was hopelessly spoiled, no, but... somehow he didn’t live up to it.
* * * * *
A lot of home sex, to which people try to add zest, in rooms with familiar sofas and cat hair on the worn carpet, often looks like those stockings from cut-off tights that my friend Masha did for herself at the age of fifteen, trying to be sexy for her first boy. Well, let's say, rose petals scattered around the room. Romantic - shock! Everything is fine, but then clean it up. Well, the night is over, the romance is over, dear, a broom in the teeth... Yesterday - a princess, today - hmmm... a cleaning manager.
Or handcuffs. Mmmm, same topic! And everything would be fine, but... what do we usually sleep on? Plush sofas, beds with solid headboards... and where to fasten the handcuffs? The people, of course, are being driven out, yes. I know the story of how a friend tied her husband’s hands with her straps to the legs of the sofa. And don't laugh! There was nowhere else to go, but I still wanted raisins.
And so, sometimes, the hunt is extreme, you miss the courage... but where to catch it, this courage? We are already too spoiled for a bench in the park, we want comfort with hot water, and somehow our latitude is not conducive. Rent a hotel room for the night? It’s better, but it’s still a shame. The same bed with a solid headboard, the same mirrored wardrobe, bedside table, checkered blanket. No courage.
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But there are places created and specifically designed for the realization of the wildest sexual fantasies. These are Moscow chain mini-hotels “Podushkin”.
I visited them a couple of times as a client, when I had a whirlwind romance with a tender and in love Moscow boy, who, at thirty, alas, still lived with his mother. And I was there on a business visit when we were filming a video for YouTube. There are many of these hotels, about twenty of them, located in different areas of Moscow, so no matter where you are, Podushkin will be nearby.
I saw some of the numbers. It was really nice to be there - clean plumbing, fresh sheets, brand new furniture and at-mos-fe-ra. You know, despite the controversial reputation of the hourly hotel, I can say that this is a decent hotel for decent people. This is a hotel for those married couples who are tired of their usual home beds and routine; for lovers who need romance; for those who have been together for a long time and have long lost their courage.
“Podushkin” is a place where you can make different kinds of love.
True, different. Whichever one you want. Rooms - well... for the most desperate fantasies! Here, let’s say, for those who like it rougher. By the way, there are many different “themed” rooms in the hotel, and I highly recommend them to lovers of extreme sex. Still, it’s unrealistic to recreate this at home. Of all the variety, I will show only two here so that you understand what I’m talking about. These are the “Gothic” rooms on Kashirka and Novy Arbat:
Fans will appreciate it. It’s incredibly cool when you can just so easily get to a place where there is everything for your hardcore fantasies...
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Unusual numbers. Have you ever made love over an abyss? Flight and nothing else exists... And in a prison cell? Well, let's say, a strict guard, a search and... It's simple. This is Podushkin. Places for unconventional love. Rooms on Novoslobodskaya (Abyss) and Fili (Butyrka):
There are many of them, different, unusual. Japanese room, “Garage”, “Iceberg”, “Kaleidoscope”, “Gym” rooms, a room separated from the neighboring twin room by a huge window with curtains on both sides, which allows you to count on an unexpected and pleasant development of intrigue...
* * * * *
Rooms for those who lack romance. Tenderness, passion, maybe the first great love in your life? Or your wedding night? Or you are not a family, but you have been having an affair for a long time, and he calls and says: “You know, I have two plane tickets and six hours of free time...” Novoslobodskaya metro station, a room with the promising name Love is. And Kashirka, a room with the ambience of the nights of the east - Bukhara.
Beautiful, is not it?
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And, you know, there are those who want completely new sensations. This happens when people have been living together for a long time, when there is no longer jealousy, and you really want something new. For example, invite another one. Or one. Or a couple. There is nowhere to relax, and not everyone is ready to bring someone into their home, onto their bed, into their little world, which is only for two. And for such visitors, Podushkin offers rooms of “increased capacity.” New Arbat, Komsomolsky Prospekt, or, say, Taganka:
There's enough room for everyone.
* * * * *
Sometimes you want to be a femme fatale and seduce your man again. Beautiful lingerie, wine, body bending at the pole, Mylene Farmer... classic seduction. Many rooms are equipped with striptease poles (Novoslobodskaya, Oktyabrskoe Pole):
Probably, sitting in some office in the morning, it’s nice to have a little secret * * * * * And also, do you know what’s good about “Podushkin”? They thought of everything. Even paraphernalia for sex. Handcuffs, whips, masks... And there are also sex toys that are extremely inconvenient to store at home (children, parents, nowhere), and some things are needed only from time to time, so, as a highlight. Let's say a sex swing. Or special poufs for sex in very intricate positions. Or grab bars in the shower, especially to make it comfortable. Or the topic in general is sex machines. Some rooms are ready to provide you with all this. Without these things at home, where else can you try them? The rooms are very different, from inexpensive, but clean and cozy, to premium for a wide variety of fantasies. Absolutely all rooms can be viewed in great detail on the website - there are photographs and even 3D panoramas. Well, the most important thing. For those who doubt and who are uncomfortable. The Podushkin Hotel is a chain structure and has maintained its brand for fifteen years. This means that, firstly, cleanliness and hygiene are monitored here. Secondly, the staff is well trained, polite and tactful, no one will look askance, and in general, you will be “forgotten” as soon as you leave there. And thirdly, here you can feel real concern for visitors, for whom such an unusual and necessary service was invented and created. Well, for those who are embarrassed, I will say, as an experienced person in these matters, “girls” are usually not taken to such rooms, as I showed, there is simply no need. Girls, believe me, I’m experienced, are taken to much less entourage rooms.) Podushkin is a hotel where love is made. And you can be whatever you want! ;)
© Ekaterina Bezymyannaya
We explain what to do if you are caught having sex in a public place
“Prospect Mira”, in honor of summer and the season of love, finds out what the legal consequences of sex in a public place can be.
What's happened?
You, succumbing to passion, had sex in a place that was not entirely intended for this, and you were caught. Or you are planning to do this, but are wondering what it entails.
What is a public place?
The very concept of “public place” is not given in Russian legislation, although the phrase is used.
For example, in Part 1 and Part 2 of Art. 20.20 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation, public places include children's, educational and medical organizations, all types of public transport, cultural organizations, fitness and sports facilities, streets, stadiums, squares and parks.
The list in the same article also mentions “other public places” without specifying what exactly is meant by this. This may include, for example, a children's playground and the entrance to a residential building.
Some objects and territories that usually do not belong to them (for example, a clearing) can also be temporarily recognized as public places when mass events are taking place there, as well as your personal car parked in a crowded place.
In the decree of the Government of the Russian Federation “On the minimum rates of royalties...”, in turn, dance floors, discos, clubs, bars, cafes, restaurants, cinemas and exhibitions are considered public places. It’s not so simple with them, because, as a rule, all this is also private property.
In general, a public place is recognized as “any objects, places where there are or may be people who can become unwitting witnesses or participants in illegal actions at any time of the day,” summarize, for example, on the website of the prosecutor’s office of the Kemerovo region.
There are many such sites - a year ago, Prospekt Mira compiled a list of seven non-trivial places for sex in Krasnoyarsk, which included Central Park, the cinema hall of the House of Cinema, a hill and others.
Last year, an even more unexpected place appeared - the Fourth Bridge, where, in pursuit of diversity in relationships, a Krasnoyarsk couple indulged in love. The process was filmed by passing motorists.
We wanted to go on the balcony. Is a balcony a public place?
If the balcony is shared and you share it with neighbors, then yes. In addition, it must be used by agreement of all owners, that is, formally, in order to have sex on a common loggia-balcony, you must obtain the consent of all owners.
If the housing is rented, then a particularly moral or squeamish owner of the apartment may attract lovers for “using the premises for other purposes.”
But if the apartment and, accordingly, the balcony are your property, then no, this is not a public place. For example, the anti-tobacco law does not prohibit smoking on your balcony or loggia for this reason.
On your territory, you can, in principle, do whatever you want, within the limits of the law. But not everyone may like it. Once in Novosibirsk, residents of one of the houses were outraged by a girl who was sunbathing on her window “naked” (actually in her underwear). The police told reporters that, in fact, there was nothing to complain about here, since the girl was sunbathing at home, and not on someone else’s windowsill.
However, especially harmful neighbors, if they try, can cause trouble. According to the same anti-tobacco law, for example, they can ban smoking on loggias if they prove that it brings them moral and material harm. If someone witnessed your passion on the balcony and was dissatisfied, then in order to punish you, he will also need to prove the harm received from what he saw.
Okay, how will we be punished?
The concept of “sex” also does not exist in Russian legislation, and formally it is not prohibited to engage in it in public places - the main thing is not to show off.
If you are caught in a car, on an embankment or in a park, then you face punishment under Article 20.1 of the Code of Administrative Offenses (petty hooliganism, that is, “violation of public order, expressing clear disrespect for society, accompanied by obscene language in public places...”) . It provides for a fine of 500 to 1000 rubles or administrative arrest for up to 15 days.
Private establishments such as nightclubs, cinemas, bars, which have such comfortable and spacious toilets, can also set their own rules, including a ban on sex in the toilet. The administration of the establishment cannot fine you for it (only authorized bodies have the right to do this), but it is quite possible to demand compensation for damage to property if it happened in a fit of passion.
A fine and 15 days - you can endure it for the sake of love and experience
In fact, it is not always possible to limit yourself to petty hooliganism only. If at the moment of passion you were drunk, then this is fraught with another fine in the amount of 500 to 1,500 rubles and, again, administrative arrest for up to fifteen days (Article 20.21 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation).
And sex, for example, in a cemetery is also covered by a criminal article - 244 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation (violation of the bodies of the dead and their burial places). Moreover, since at least two people participate in sex and by consent, sanctions can be imposed on a more stringent point - “acts committed by a group of persons by prior conspiracy.” The maximum penalty is imprisonment for a term of up to five years.
Remembering the couple from Torzhok on top of the church - their actions, in theory, could also attract an article on insulting the feelings of believers (148 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation: a fine of up to 300 thousand rubles, imprisonment of up to three years and much more).
Finally, if a child witnessed your public sex, then theoretically this falls under Article 135 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation (indecent acts without the use of violence against a minor). Punishment ranges from compulsory labor (up to 440 hours) to imprisonment (maximum three years).
What if it's sex with a prostitute?
Clients of priestesses and priests of love are not subject to additional punishment - using their services is not prohibited by law. But for sex workers themselves, there is an administrative fine in the amount of 1,500 to 2,000 rubles for engaging in prostitution (Article 6.11 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation).
I don't feel like going to public places anymore. Will this be easier in offices?
The rules set by the company apply in the workplace. For some, sex and office romances are expressly prohibited in internal rules or even in the charter. The employer cannot fine for violations, but it can apply other sanctions - deprivation of bonuses, or even dismissal.
It is important to remember here that in many offices (as well as in public places) service cameras are installed, and the whole process can then end up on some video hosting site.
