When he really doesn't pull it off. How can a strong woman build a relationship? Previously, marriage was built on a powerful economic foundation: women did not work and could not survive without men. But today we are not talking about survival.
I am always surprised by the formulation “A strong woman is one who can do everything herself, is successful and wealthy.”
In fact, this can be said about any mature person who has ceased to be a child and does not play the role of a victim in a relationship. Although I understand where the misconception comes from. Previously, marriage was built on a powerful economic foundation: women did not work and could not survive without men. But today we are not talking about survival.
In most cases we have the same rights, and professionally we sometimes find even better uses for ourselves.
Times and conditions have changed, but in our culture it is still believed that a woman is an infantile person, weak, helpless, sacrificial. She is waiting for a “savior” who will feed her and entertain her.
Although, before building a serious relationship, a woman owes it – first of all to herself – to develop as a person, get a profession, and start earning money. This will be her inner support, a guarantee of self-respect. And it’s nice for a mature man to see not the victimized Thumbelina nearby, but a reliable partner on whom he can rely.
THE WORD “STRONG” IS CONFUSED WITH THE CONCEPT OF “HARD, UNBENDING”. BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT A MATURE WOMAN, BUT ABOUT A TEENAGE GIRL. A MAN IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS.
Tamer of men
The word “strong” is sometimes also confused with the concepts of unyielding, militant, tough, authoritarian. But this is also far from the true meaning, because it characterizes, albeit not a little girl, but a teenager - rebellious, attacking and opposing.
Such supposedly “strong” people often remain lonely, and it’s clear why. Any man will feel uncomfortable around them, because he always has to take the position of a father who raises, fights, breaks and spends a lot of time and effort on this.
For a man, this means living with the eternal fear of depreciation. He is constantly under attack and testing his strength.
What decision did you make? How long have you been thinking? Was it implemented effectively? You can often hear: “Well, he’s procrastinating again! What a man! I would have done everything long ago!”
What does such competition imply? Only that the best is always one and there is no way for two people to survive in a common territory. No way to be recognized by each other. This model is still far from a mature relationship.
The man got lazy, what should I do? How can a woman stop pulling everything on herself?
This article is a continuation of the article “Don’t pull a man, you are not a draft horse.”
So, in the first part, I described in some detail one of the main ways when, little by little, a woman turns from a girl with a man chasing her into a real draft horse. And this “draft horse” pulls everything on itself and for this there is no gratitude from the man. The man has become completely lazy, does not help the woman around the house, does not make decisions, and, moreover, this role of the woman worsens the relationship with the man significantly.
If a man sees a woman as a “horse” who pulls everything on herself, then he may sometimes even be afraid of such a woman, respect her for her strength, but this is not romantic love. (fear and respect are not always).
Let's go through a little about the reasons that cause this behavior and briefly the algorithm for getting out of the situation. Let's understand why a man got lazy and what to do about it? In this article I will describe methods on how a woman can stop burdening herself with everything.
First. Start appreciating yourself and your life .
So a girl starts doing something for a man or for a man.
First it is excessive information, then excessive thoughts about a man, and then the unnecessary actions themselves. Where does this come from? In the first part I wrote about this in detail, read HERE .
Without going into too much depth, the girl, consciously or not, believes that a man’s life is more important, more interesting and more valuable than her own .
If it were different, then the girl would certainly listen to the man and his problems, but she would not perceive this information as something that she must decide, help the man, or even listen too much. (Not listening to a man at all is, of course, too much, or excessive selfishness).
If it were different, then the girl would not interfere in the man’s life (even if at first she thought that someone had treated him unfairly, etc.), but if the man asked her and considered obviously an authority on some issue, she may have given advice. (once or twice, rather than pushing through your decision)
In general, it turns out that for a girl, a man’s life is like some kind of movie or computer game, where everything is much more interesting than in her real life. After all, there you can raise a successful businessman from an ordinary infant, save him from alcoholism, cultivate initiative, etc. What is the life of a simple girl like? Boredom!
To rephrase this, the girl simply doesn’t value herself. She doesn't appreciate what she has. She does not value or does not consider her life and her development important and interesting. .
Otherwise, she simply wouldn’t have much time to understand too much detail about a man’s life. If you want to start appreciating yourself and taking care of your life, I recommend Anastasia Gai’s book “How to Change Your Destiny and Start a New Life.”
And such women need to constantly, for several months, remind themselves that the life of her man (husband and other people in general) cannot be more interesting than her own life.
Even if it doesn't seem like it. Even if a man catches crocodiles and sharks, and flies to the moon in his free time, it still cannot be more interesting than your own life.
You need to understand that if you think that someone’s life is more important than yours, then this is wrong and sooner or later will lead to the destruction of your life.
This is the same as watching TV series or playing computer games for years and thinking that this is an interesting life, but your own life is not at all interesting.
But there (in a man or in a movie, it doesn’t matter) life is someone else’s and is often fictitious in many ways. And your life is your life.
Everything you have done for yourself will improve the quality of your life significantly. And it doesn’t matter whether you deal with appearance, work or understanding the psychology of men. (not only and not so much a specific man, but in principle everyone)
So, you need to try to value yourself and your life. You need to periodically remind yourself that the most interesting thing in the world is changing your life . There may not be crocodile hunting or spaceflight in your life, but that's your life, not men's. (or even children)
The return on what you invest in yourself or a man is incomparable. The contribution to a man's life that benefits the relationship with him is not very large. Then the return begins less and less, and then the efforts quite quickly begin to lead to the fact that the relationship only gets worse.
If you spend time and effort on your life, the quality of your life will improve significantly. If you put effort into understanding men, you will have wonderful relationships with men. (Invest in yourself to please men, not in a man. Going to the gym for a year is investing in yourself. Constantly pushing a man to go to the gym is investing in a man.)
And here I want to remind you of the fine line. You need to do something for a man, and sometimes you need to do a lot. But the man needs to help, and not as if it’s you. In the example in the first part, it is clear that the girl is not so much helping as she is worried about issues that do not essentially concern her.
Second. Stop doing things that your man didn't directly ask you to do. .
For now, at this stage, I suggest not changing your behavior too dramatically. This is fraught with unnecessary outbursts of emotions. Start by not doing anything that is not directly asked.
He asked directly - of course, the first thing he did was come up and ask. Everything is relatively simple here. You either do it or you don't.
But sometimes this is a hidden request from a man. This is where failures occur very often.
M. – “I’m so tired at work today. Worked 4 hours more. Then he swore, then it rained and in the end no one came..."
This phrase is also, of course, a request, albeit a hidden one. At a minimum, a man asks for sympathy and a man’s request is for a man to be listened to.
In the context of the relationship, it could be anything at all. From having a drink to having a big dinner or having sex.
And the first thing you need to get used to is that such phrases are hidden requests . I don’t know why, since it depends heavily on the couple, on their previous relationships, mutual behavior, etc.
A hidden request is not at all the same as a direct request..
For example, the words of a man at the beginning of an acquaintance:
- “Come to me, I’ll show you my new renovation”
Or phrase
- “Come to my place and let’s have sex”
These are completely two different things. Although their content may be about the same thing. I repeat that the same meaning in different words is often completely different things.
The same thing applies to hidden requests.
A man can hint, complain, etc. about something, but this is not at all the same as asking directly. I would say that it is not at all the same .
So what should I do?
The first and most important thing is to simply stop doing what was not asked at all.
Your husband may not ask for your advice. (And normal advice requires a lot of time and effort to understand the situation), and you gave it before. Stop doing this.
The husband may not ask for or even want support, but you give it. (For example, listening too much about him, about his affairs, etc.)
Your husband may not ask for a couple dozen more things that you regularly do for him.
Write these things down, re-read them, and stop doing them.
It doesn't ask and you don't do it. For some women, this is a huge breakthrough in a relationship and sometimes a huge effort to refrain from doing everything for a man.
Believe me, the relationship will immediately become better, even from such a simple action.
Example.
Let’s say that a man complains that the work is hard, the pay is low, etc. Read about how men manipulate and ask for pity in the book “12 Secrets of Managing Men.”
You often give him advice and even convince him of something. Let's say that he deserves a better job, that he needs to look for it, write a resume, go for an interview, etc.
You spent a lot of time convincing a man to write him a resume, etc. But did he ask you for this? No, at least not directly.
Therefore, it is better to shorten the dialogue to:
M. – “The work is hard, the pay is low.”
J. - “Well, yes, sometimes it’s not easy for you.”
And that's enough in 95% of cases.
The second thing is to stop guessing in response to hidden requests. Let the man formulate directly what he needs .
The point is to “stop guessing” in response to hidden requests.
Let’s say a man complained about a hard day, as in the example described above. Usually there is some standard algorithm for how a woman begins to harness herself.
There are different variations, but I will give a few examples.
M. What a difficult day today was...
J. I told you that you need to look for another job. Let's go to the job search site right now. Look here for suitable vacancies, etc.
M. What a hard day it was today.
J. You're whining again. Real men don't whine. They behave like this and that way. You act like a man. Tired at work and nothing. You rested and do something at home, etc.
M. What a hard day it was today.
J. What happened? This one didn’t do it and didn’t call? Here's a goat. When he comes to visit us, I’ll tell him everything.
So, the man is clearly asking for something when he complains about a hard day at work. You need to write down standard reactions (I gave humorous examples) and write another algorithm.
For example, this one.
M. I'm so tired at work. I had to stay late, etc.
J. (after listening a little). Yes, you had a hard day.
There is no need to cling too much to his emotions, as if you were forced to stay late at work and your boss was yelling at you.
There is no need to try to place him somewhere else in a different job or even to push him so that he looks. (If you settle on your own, if you look for it yourself, if you ask to find it, then one thing. If you pull a hippopotamus that doesn’t want to lick it out of the swamp, then another.)
I'm not suggesting that you go from one extreme to another. Of course, it is advisable to listen to your husband.
Of course, if he asks, then you can give some advice or help in some way.
But if you have been dragging everything on yourself for a long time, then it is better to stop taking hints for a while and do something only at your husband’s direct request. (and not always).
Third, start minding your own business..
If you did everything right and stopped partially burdening your husband and children, then you should have freed up energy and time. (for children, these tips can be partially applied depending on their age)
And then start minding your own business. I don’t know what you will do and most likely you yourself don’t know at the beginning.
Try reading for 30 minutes a day.
Maybe you will start communicating with your friends more often.
Maybe you go somewhere alone to take a walk and sit in a cafe.
Then, as you move forward, other goals may arise.
Maybe you want to go to the gym.
Maybe you want to learn something.
There might be something else.
The main thing is to start doing something. Let it be small, but regularly. Then add something else small or expand the first one. It is possible that you will have no interest in something. Let's say that there is no desire to read every day. But something else, on the contrary, will interest you.
And so you go about your business. And here your man may try to pull you somewhere you don’t want to go. Let’s say he says that your passion for flowers doesn’t bring you money and it’s better to do something else. And you will understand how his advice “improves” relationships. If you need help and support, please contact us for Consultation , I will be happy to help.
So, in a few months you can go through these three steps completely and even get used to the new behavior a little. And you’ve made it about halfway to stop dragging a man on you.
And this is often enough for the relationship to simply take off to a new level, the man to become much more active, and the woman to be happier.
Try it and you will definitely succeed.
Article protected by copyright and related rights. When using or reprinting material, an active link to the women's website sun-hands.ru is required! Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.
When he really doesn't pull it off
Some girls protest: “Yes, I would be glad to give my husband the initiative, but you really can’t rely on him!” And they forget that living with this is their personal and, perhaps, unconscious choice.
I sometimes see couples: she is mature and accomplished, she has a profession, housing, income, social contacts have been established. He is indecisive, probably financially dependent and not internally separated from his parental family. Naturally, the question arises: what did our lady find in this “boy”?
There is usually one reason - the girl had to become an adult early. She skillfully coped with difficulties and grew up smart, but deep down she still wants to be that girl who was not pushed on the swings, not carried in arms, not fed enough candy. And then this infantile man appears. He is still, at forty and a half years old, being nursed, and he seems to be able to give our woman back the childhood she missed - he now lives in it!
At first, in such an alliance, our heroine compensates for what she did not receive, and although the burden of arranging a life together falls on her shoulders, she turns a blind eye to it. But the boy constantly demands his mother, and this is an expensive role. Investments stop paying off, relationships begin to crack at the seams. And instead of saving them, it would be good for a woman to take care of herself - to live out what was left unlived in childhood, with a psychotherapist, and not at the expense of her partner.
Should he be stronger?
Many accomplished women believe that they need a more decisive person than them. But often this is just an attitude, and there is no point in trying to fit the relationship into the frigid form of “woman is the follower, man is the leader.” Couples in which the emphasis is placed differently also have their own powerful resources.
A woman may show more masculine qualities, but if this is in her nature (everyone in the family is Amazon to the seventh generation), there is no point in wasting years of her life on psychotherapy and trying to change herself. A more passive partner complements such an active one.
And he won't necessarily be a mama's boy. A man, due to his temperament or upbringing, will allow a woman to “lead”, and, what is important, he will do this consciously.
Two (independent) in one boat
But let’s say a strong woman meets the same man. What's happening? Let me say right away: by this adjective I mean “mature.” Those who are able to independently make choices and decisions, adapt in some places and be firm in others.
We are not talking about those who demand: “Everything will be as I said” or “This is who I am and I’m not going to change.” This is about something else - about the imposition of will and destructive competition in a couple. Such relationships resemble the struggle of two teenagers, although many adults exist in them.
Clear signs that a man is interested in a woman.
It is generally accepted that it is men who make their choices in relationships. In fact, in most cases it is women who diplomatically develop the situation in one direction or another. When communicating with an involuntary gesture, men reveal their true feelings for the opposite sex.
1. Raised eyebrows. When we meet people who are pleasant or unpleasant to us, we raise or lower (frown) our eyebrows involuntarily. If a person is interesting to us, attractive, we raise our eyebrows slightly, but if the person is unpleasant to us, we greet him with a frown. 2. Mouth slightly open. It indicates that the interlocutor is of interest. The man will automatically open his mouth for a very short time until he meets his gaze with the object of interest to him. 3. Open facial expression. If someone is interesting to the male half, then this will be reflected in the facial expression itself; it will be open, friendly (raised eyebrows, open mouth, smile, joy in the eyes). Every facial feature will indicate that they are happy to see you. 4. He will try to get your attention. Any beautiful gesture, original and bright act will indicate that he wants to stand out from the crowd, so that you will pay attention to him, since he is an individual. 5. He involuntarily straightens his hair from time to time. When a man definitely likes a girl, he involuntarily begins to straighten his hair with his hands, and does it too often. With this gesture he is also trying to please. 6. His eyebrows are slightly raised when you speak. If his eyebrows are raised a little when you start talking, know that he likes you, finds you attractive and unique. When, when talking to you, your significant other looks at you as if nothing had happened, his eyebrows are motionless, his gaze is somewhat distant, this indicates that he is not interested in what you are talking about, and neither are you. 7. If he adjusts his socks when we meet. If, when meeting you, he suddenly starts adjusting his socks, this 100 percent indicates that he is somewhat excited, wants to look better in your eyes, because he really likes you. 8. He obviously “scans” you, your figure. If a man scans you intently, while clearly making it clear, he wants to say that he really likes you and considers you as his potential sexual partner. And he appreciated your figure in the first seconds of the meeting. 9. He boasts of his merits, abilities, and good figure. This may seem funny somewhere, but in this way he is trying to show that he is suitable for you, he is handsome, talented and has a good figure (i.e. he fits perfectly).
Read also: “Who needs me, at 37 and with children” - Do you need you for yourself?
Truly strong, mature people and their unions are rare. Still, the main family scenario in the post-Soviet space is still very different: manipulate, survive! Under the USSR, everyone was brought up in such a way that it would be easier to manage. But you can't control mature people.
They understand too well what they want, you can’t force too much on them, and their union is distinguished by the fact that neither one depends on the other. A woman, for example, can confidently say: “I don’t need this man to survive, he’s just important to me. I feel good with him, but I can be happy alone. I don't panic at the thought that we will break up. Yes, it will be sad, yes, it will hurt, but not the end of the world.”
IN AN ALLIANCE OF THE STRONG, NEITHER OF THE PARTNERS NEEDS THE OTHER. A WOMAN CAN SAY: “I FEEL GOOD WITH THIS MAN, BUT I CAN BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM.
When two such people meet, each of them understands their feelings and intentions. He realizes how valuable the other person is to him and openly lets it be known.
This is why the patterns of “not calling first” or “keeping your partner in constant tension” do not work - they are very primitive and involve manipulation.
In conflicts, mature partners do not try to prove their point of view and make the other accept it. They recognize the value of everyone's opinion and work together to find a solution, but in extreme cases they can split up to do what everyone thinks is right. And even if one makes a concession, this happens without compromising his values and internal integrity.
A mature partnership is an agreement between two adults who are physically, economically and psychologically separated from their parental families. They, a man and a woman, are sexually attractive to each other, interesting as individuals, and have something to share.
And, most importantly, they are able to accept the weaknesses of their loved one, not hit in sore spots, and do not demand compliance with their ideal. This acceptance is the key principle.
Why do men wait to propose?
Dear L.!
Your situation is quite typical, and many girls are familiar with it, so it’s worth understanding it.
If we exclude cases when guys meet without having any serious intentions in advance, then there will be several significant reasons why the long-awaited proposal does not come from them.
1. As a rule, a guy delays answering when he is not entirely sure of his choice. It seems that he likes the girl, but, on the other hand, something bothers him about her (and it exists), or he lacks something (and he would like that too...). In such a situation, he needs to decide on a compromise, and this is precisely what takes time.
2. Another reason is that the guy is not economically settled and feels that he is not able to provide for his future family, as seems right to him.
3. But there are completely different reasons. It happens that it is difficult for a guy to part with fantasies about meeting all the girls. After all, when making an offer to one, you have to “kill” all the other candidates.
4. There is a type of guy who simply cannot decide to take such an important step in his life. They are either indecisive by nature, or they are over 30 and are already accustomed to living alone, having developed the “bachelor syndrome”.
5. Etc.
One way or another, what to do?
It all depends on the reason. If this is the first, then you need to be patient and try to find out through Shadchanit
what bothers him. And it is quite possible that this can be solved. It is quite possible that a conversation with an experienced mentor will help him understand what is really important, where compromise is appropriate and what is not. If this is the second reason, then you should talk openly and clarify together the economic side of your future life. In other cases, there is little that can be done to help, and it is not clear whether it is necessary...
In any case, if you both follow the Jewish Tradition, then do not let these meetings last more than two months. And even if you lead a secular lifestyle, never, ever let a guy bully you for more than six months.
How to do it?
At the next meeting, find the right moment and simply, gently, “push him to the wall”: I see that you are not confident in the possibility of building a close relationship between us. Therefore, with great regret, I have to relieve you of such a difficult decision...
Don’t be afraid of losing him, because if he really ends the relationship after this, it means that this is exactly what he wanted to do, but just didn’t dare...
But if the reason was only that the guy couldn’t muster the courage to propose, then moderate “pressure” will help push him to the right decision.
May G-d hear good news from you.
Best regards, Asher Kushnir
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“I’ll definitely do it in an hour... Or now, I’ll just surf the Internet and pour myself some tea.” In the early 90s, psychologists drew attention to the phenomenon of “procrastination” and gave it a proud scientific name - procrastination. Simply put, shirking from affairs and obligations. A procrastinator takes on urgent things at the last moment, and sometimes later.
To one degree or another, this state is familiar to almost everyone: we are all a little procrastinators. I’m tired, lazy, I don’t feel like it... To some extent, such “internal resistance” to things is normal. However, procrastination becomes a real problem when it becomes permanent. A person in such a state drags on until the last minute, and then a little more.
When it turns out that all the deadlines have already passed, he either “throws off” all obligations, or tries to complete the work in an unrealistically short time (which often means giving up food, sleep and rest). It is clear that such a lifestyle is poorly compatible with successful work or study, and those around them prefer not to have serious affairs with those who are capable of “screwing up” all the deadlines.
Typically, procrastinators are divided into those who scold themselves, calling themselves lazy and sluggish, and those who deny the problem itself: they say, it’s more convenient for me - when deadlines are tight, I become incredibly efficient. But psychologists see completely different motives behind their behavior. Laziness is generally a very conditional excuse. A lazy person is simply uninterested, he has no motivation to do what he seems to be supposed to do. The question remains why he put himself in conditions where he is expected to do activities that are completely uninteresting to him, and how to change this.
The second excuse of procrastinators: “It’s more convenient for me” also looks very dubious if you look at a person who does not eat or sleep, trying to complete a large project or write a thesis in three days. Is this really convenient?…
The true causes of procrastination, according to scientists, are as follows:
Lack of motivation. The person is not interested in what he is doing. His parents forced him to enter an institute whose profile was completely uninteresting to him. He found a job that he secretly considers meaningless. The worst case scenario is that he is depressed and doesn't care. The last version should be considered just in case, but it has nothing to do with procrastination, but with medicine. “Motivational” reasons need to be carefully weighed.
Since studying is really not interesting, perhaps it’s worth transferring to another university? Or come to the conclusion that a diploma in itself is a good goal, and for the sake of it you can master not very exciting disciplines. If a boring job gives you income that is vital, perhaps you shouldn’t quit and “go nowhere.” In this case, come up with small rewards for yourself for every unpleasant task. But an attractive goal should still loom on the horizon: decide what you would really like to do and what needs to be done for this.
Fear of failure. Such a person stalls for time because he is afraid of summing up the results. Perhaps he is held back by the fear of mistakes - if you do nothing, then you certainly won’t make mistakes. Then you can tell everyone how talented and, alas, lazy you are. Oddly enough, a person suffering from excellent student syndrome can become a procrastinator. He is so afraid of showing himself to be imperfect and making a mistake somewhere that he prefers to be scolded for what he hasn’t done. The only cure here is to gradually accustom yourself to the idea that everyone has the right to make a mistake. Sometimes it is useful to remember mistakes that have already been made, after which the world did not collapse, loved ones did not turn away, and nothing terrible happened in life.
Another, more exotic fear is the fear of success . The self-esteem of such a person is usually low and he does not allow the thought that he is worthy of victory. Perhaps his parents did not value him too much, or there were failures in his recent past from which he still has not recovered. What prompts him to “close” the path to success for himself, who is unworthy. This requires emergency resuscitation of self-esteem. It is worth remembering your own victories, big and small, more often. You can even start a “Success Diary”. Your leitmotif should be the phrase: “I am worthy of this (worthy).”
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How should you look and behave so that your man does not even think about another woman? How to be happy in marriage, and how to meet your soul mate? Professional astrologer, co-host of the popular program “Let's Get Married,” astropsychologist Vasilisa Volodina talks about this and much more “Even if a man himself cannot say with certainty what kind of woman he needs, the stars will tell you everything about it down to the last detail,” she says.
Do they need smart and beautiful people?
There are enough examples around when men lay down their lives at the feet of not the most beautiful and intelligent women, sometimes they live with outright bitches, but... they love them, without at all trying to change their existence. Any woman will have a friend or acquaintance with his own bouquet of similar stories, where each of the women tyrannized him or played the role of a victim whom he constantly cheated on. There are also lovers of frivolous fools, and eternally rejected admirers of unavailable ladies...
Such relationships seem unsuccessful to friends and family. And for the man himself, they are valuable and correct, from the point of view of true needs. And most importantly, he loves his “imperfect” girlfriend.
“Every man has his own image of the Ideal Beloved, to which he strives, often without realizing it. Ask any of them what an “ideal woman” is, and the answer will be a standard set of qualities. Something like “smart, beautiful, unquarrelsome and not greedy for money...”. The details may differ, but the basic criteria will be approximately the same for everyone,” says Vasilisa Volodina. “They are dictated to a man by his mind, his theoretical understanding of himself and the world.
In fact, a person is not guided only by reason in love and relationships. Passion is not born from thinking, “Yes, she is pretty, sexy, smart, and suitable for falling in love with.” On the contrary, at first a man likes a woman, he falls in love or something deeper, and then he mentally collects the arguments for and against - “she’s good-looking, although she’s a little harmful, she demands gifts, she’s rude to her mother, but... she really, really likes her.” , I’m ready to go to the ends of the earth for her.”
“In general, a man does not choose his beloved with reason, not with “common sense.” A man falls in love, feels a woman as his own, obeying instincts, inner impulses, about which he himself knows little. These special instincts whisper to him - SHE is the one who matches your deepest aspirations... By the way, this applies not only to men. The beautiful half of humanity falls in love just as instinctively and no more intelligently.
By the age of 30, a man already understands what kind of women he is attracted to, and has a couple of “fateful loves” under his belt. But he is still familiar with his true needs only at the level of sensations and guesses. He is almost unaware of them. Watch out for men's reservations! Real desires break through in randomly dropped phrases “how I wish you would...”, and not in a thoughtful monologue “a normal woman should be...”.
Fortunately, these vague impulses hardly change throughout a man’s life—he is always “drawn” to women of the same type. No matter what kind of girlfriends our hero chooses in the past, there is always something that unites them all - appearance, manners, biography, temperament - common features.
That is, a man is always “pulled” in the same direction, his internal needs are constant.”
