Why is the ex-husband interested in the life of his ex-wife?

Most often, when a husband decides to leave for another woman, it ends in divorce and the destruction of everything that he has built with his wife over many years. Spouses have to share everything they acquired during their life together.

And at this moment the woman has a question about what to do when her husband leaves for another woman. You can start persuading him so that he doesn’t destroy his family, or you can just calmly let him go and let him go. But how can a woman not lose heart in such a situation and should she make attempts to return him back to the family.

The woman also asks questions about how not to withdraw and how to survive such betrayal by her husband. Therefore, it is worth considering the question of what to do if the husband left the family for his mistress. If it’s about a mistress, then you still need to survive your husband’s betrayal.

Many psychologists believe that a husband leaving the family is a very difficult life situation that must be overcome. If your husband left for his mistress, then you can slowly eat yourself up, constantly cry and torment yourself for the fact that he betrayed you so much. Feelings of resentment and anger at the husband and his new woman, as well as guilt and fear of being left alone, can take precedence over other emotions.

In such a situation, your husband hurts your pride, self-esteem, and self-esteem. And in such a situation, it is very important to calm down, pull yourself together and not make mistakes. It’s worth thinking carefully about it, because no catastrophe happened, there are still relatives and friends who not only love you, but will always support and help. Life doesn’t end there, so you just need to be able to survive this period of time.

Reasons why a husband might leave the family

And then this happened in your life, your husband left for his mistress, and you are tormenting yourself with the question of why he did this. Psychologists believe that a man can leave his family for various reasons, but they still identify several reasons that are most common. If you can know the solution to a problem, it will be much easier to prevent it.

The man has lost interest in you. Family life becomes monotonous from everyday life, problems and work, passion is dulled. Relationships can easily be ruined by routine and monotony. To avoid this, you need to constantly dilute your family life with bright colors and impressions, add new emotions. It could be a picnic or a romantic dinner. Always remember your appearance, which should be ideal, and treat your husband with tenderness and love.
There is no sexual relationship between you. Remember that sex is more important for a man than for a woman. If a man is satisfied, then it will be very difficult to seduce him. There should be variety in your intimate life, and sex should not be on a schedule. You need to not only love your husband, but also see masculine strength in him.
Financial plan problems. The modern world is ruled by instability, which at one point confronts any man with financial problems. This could be a job loss or a small salary. A wise wife will always support her husband, even in such a situation. You need to convince him that these problems are temporary, give him confidence in himself and his abilities. There is no need to nag the man at this moment, start constant quarrels, and reproach him. It is worth remembering that one day another woman may appear in his life, who will bring peace and comfort into his life, and then new opportunities will open up for him. And you will be left wondering why he decided to leave you.
You have different characters. If you have a difference in life values, you have lost respect for each other, and have stopped restraining your emotions, then the relationship between you will gradually begin to collapse. All warm feelings begin to be replaced by irritation and alienation. Even if your husband loves you very much, due to constant scandals he will decide to leave you. To avoid this, all problems must be resolved peacefully and calmly. You shouldn’t remain silent about problems, you need to look for compromises that can satisfy both of you. The husband should go home happy. Therefore, it is only in your hands to make sure that your husband always wants to return to you, and not go to the bar to relax.
Your appearance. Very often, after marriage, a woman stops taking care of herself. You don’t need to think that your husband doesn’t care what hairstyle you have or what you’re wearing. If your figure begins to change, your hair is always untidy, without makeup and manicure, then your husband will not stay with you. And then you will only have to complain that your husband left you. A self-respecting wife would never allow such an outcome. You need to always be positive, well-groomed and blooming, and then your husband will not go anywhere.
Relationships with my husband's relatives. When a woman gets married, she should treat his relatives with respect. As soon as you can find a common language with his mother, you will immediately receive 25% of family happiness. But if there is discord between you and your husband, and your mother-in-law is against you, then the family will not live long. You need to make friends with his mom. Remember that you have nothing to share with her, both you and she want happiness in the family. Don’t forget about other close relatives, because if a large family gathers around the table, it will be wonderful.
The husband has lost his leadership position. You should remember that the leader in the family should be a man. You don’t need to insist on your own all the time and make sure that the last word is only yours. No man will tolerate such an attitude. A man will go to the woman who will make him understand that he is the leader and head of the family. Remember that the husband is the head, and you are the neck. Wherever the neck turns, the head will turn.
Infidelity on the part of one of the spouses. The last most common reason why husbands leave the family is adultery. According to statistics, more than 10% of families break up precisely because of the infidelity of one of the spouses. But if you look at this problem, you will see that betrayal also does not arise out of nowhere. Its foundation begins due to dissatisfaction in family life. If you just suspect your husband of cheating, then we advise you to read about the signs that your husband is cheating.

I told him about my exes, but he up and left - a real-life story about women’s mistakes

My name is Polina, I graduated from university two years ago with a diploma in economics. I want to share my sad story.

This may sound immodest, but on the course I was the most beautiful girl and an enviable bride. My parents and nature gave me an attractive appearance, a chiseled figure, and luxurious long hair. Mom works as a chief accountant in a construction company, dad runs a small but quite profitable business. So I always had the best outfits, and I had income for a fun pastime.

In the third year, a new guy, Bogdan, appeared in our group; he transferred from another university. Tall, handsome, athletic, in general, all the girls liked him. He was not one of the timid ones, he immediately laid his eyes on me and began to show all sorts of signs of attention - he sat next to me during lectures, constantly looked in my direction, tried to make me laugh, and gave me compliments one after another.

Finally the day came when Bogdan matured and asked if he could take me home after class. I agreed, I was flattered that such a handsome man appeared among my suitors. We not only walked to my house, but also went up to the apartment. When I invited Bogdan to stop by for a cup of coffee, he ran into the store and bought a strawberry roll. The dessert turned out to be delicious, we had a nice chat and said goodbye until tomorrow.

I allowed the new gentleman only to look after me, without kisses and hugs. True, after a couple of months she herself could not live without him even a day. I wanted Bogdan to hold me close to him, like once when we got caught in the rain. To whisper pleasant words in my ear about how pretty I am and how much he likes me. I fell madly in love; this had never happened to me before.

When I realized that my beloved was ready to take the relationship to a new level, I didn’t want Bogdan to get the best girl of the course so easily. I began to tell him how other guys were hitting on me, what expensive gifts they gave me. I didn’t invent anything, this is how it really happened - one boyfriend gave me gold earrings for my birthday, another suggested going to Europe for Christmas, a third made dates in the most luxurious restaurants.

I thought that after my hints, Bogdan would begin to show similar signs of attention, and not just take me to the cinema or to a pizzeria once a week. But he reacted extremely sharply and stopped communicating with me, during lectures he deliberately sat on the opposite side, tried not to meet me, and ignored any of my attempts to have a serious conversation. This is how the entire fourth year went, in the fifth we were preparing to defend our thesis, we rarely saw each other and at the time of our meetings my ex-boyfriend did not show any interest in me.

The worst thing is that two years have passed since graduation, and I still love him very much. We both work, through mutual friends I know that Bogdan got a decent position and receives a good income. I also know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and I secretly hope that maybe he still loves me? And if not... I understand that it’s my own fault, I really want a common future with this person and I’m ready to fight for him, but is it possible to return everything? How to make him fall in love with you again?

Author's opinion:

It’s good, Polina, that you realized your guilt. You acted meanly, telling your guy about your past boyfriends and their gifts. And Bogdan behaved like a real man who has self-esteem. He didn’t create any scenes or showdowns, but simply began to ignore you. It is important for any man to understand that a woman needs him himself, and not what is in his wallet. In your case, the popular proverb worked: “As it comes around, so it will respond.” But it’s a pity if you both really suffer from such a development in the relationship, so try to sincerely talk with Bogdan and explain everything.

Thu, 17 Oct 2020 23:14:23 +0300

@ Oksana Abramovich

What psychologists do not recommend doing

All advice from a psychologist if your husband has left begins with a warning about what you shouldn’t do.

You cannot constantly call your husband, write messages to him and look for even short meetings with him, and you also cannot scold or condemn him. If you behave this way, then your husband will distance himself from you even more, because he will feel like a bird in a cage, and will want to break out of it and from you.

You cannot burst into tears, regret what has passed and forget that you need to take care of yourself and your family. Don't make yourself a victim and don't blame your husband for leaving. His departure is not the end of the world, because if he closed the door behind him, then another one will certainly open at that moment. There will be other relationships ahead of you, but for this you need to take control of you at this moment. You need to continue doing what you have been doing and what you love to do.

Do ex-husbands return to their wives after divorce?

However, they will be happy to support the wife’s initiative to divorce.
Amazing, isn't it? But how a man’s life will change after a divorce will be a complete surprise for him. And not always pleasant. Stereotypes about divorce have not been revised in our society for a long time, but recently the behavior of men who have experienced the loss of a family is of serious interest to psychologists. It is generally accepted that a woman, without financial support and a strong male shoulder, falls into a prolonged depression and cannot return to a normal rhythm of life for a long time.

Over time, he will see the child less and less, which will only make things worse for the child himself. Divorce is rarely amicable. Most often these are scandals, quarrels and resentments. At the same time, it is very difficult to leave emotions and, as they say, think with a cool head.

And even after a divorce, when passions seem to have subsided, many decisions are made based on emotions or in the wake of old grievances. One such decision is to refuse the help of a spouse.

Men tolerate their defeats very poorly and when they realize that they are not able to support their family, they sometimes disappear without thinking about the consequences.

It will take time to reflect and realize the mistake. How much depends on the individual.

Why are they coming back? Ex-husbands return after divorce for the following reasons: It also happens that relationships are restored due to several of the listed reasons.

If a man loves his children, then he will try to give them maximum attention. At the same time, he will be interested in what conditions they live in and whether they have a new dad. Therefore, the life of the ex-wife

Every fourth divorced man in Russia marries his former wife.

Your ex wasted no time - he met another woman and started a family.

What motives could he have to remind himself again?

In everyday terms, you can understand: a woman who was once abandoned by a loved one, because of which she suffered for a long time, is probably maliciously pleased to know that he, it turns out, also suffered and was sad all these years, and did not live happily ever after with a new wife!

What does the version that the phrase about memories leads to look like? The man left you, but then began to repent.

He probably can’t forget about you, so he periodically reminds you of his existence.

This means that somewhere deep down in his soul he still hopes to get you back. What if you haven’t forgotten him either and won’t mind meeting him again, but who knows what else could happen.

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I have the same situation, periodically my ex pokes around on my page on social networks, just silently.

Apparently, he is testing the waters regarding the situation in your personal life: are you free or not.

Don't you want to figure out what's going on between you and him? It seems to me that this should be more important to you than “what is going on between him and person X”?

artemalex90 27 Aug 2020 So, of course, they also communicate, they have a daughter together, this is not a secret to me, but still sometimes it seems to me that he shows too much attention.

Signs that your ex-husband wants to return to you: Tips All of the above suggests that it is too early to put an end to your marriage.

Perhaps if you start on a new line, things will go differently.

First of all, decide on your feelings; you shouldn’t fool a man because of your indecision.

When you see the first signs of attention, directly tell your ex-husband that you are not sure that you are ready to reciprocate his feelings.

Is it possible to bring back a departed husband?

When a family breaks up and the husband chooses to leave the family, the question arises in every woman’s head - how to return her departed husband and whether this can be done. Before you begin to solve this problem, you should analyze the current situation and answer the following questions for yourself:

Is there any anger in your heart towards your departed husband, and can you forget his betrayal and forgive him?
Will you be able to continue living with him in the same house, trust him and make plans for a future together? Even if he returns, will your relationship be filled with harmony, and what will you think about every time he goes on a business trip?

How to deal with your own curiosity?

Perhaps, adults in most cases understand that their partner, if he is over 20 years old, probably had some kind of relationship with the opposite sex. In any case, the person was actively interested in this or there were some attempts.

Of course, maybe you were lucky and no one was there. So why delve into the past? You need to answer yourself the question: “What is the goal?”

. How will this information benefit you? If you now have excellent emotional contact, then why subject the relationship to unnecessary tests?

Talking about ex-wives/husbands is especially dangerous. Do you really want to know what happened between them? Maybe you want to listen to complaints and outrage? Or, on the contrary, sweet memories that will make you doubt yourself?

To build any healthy relationship, you need to focus on the present.

If the husband left his family because of his mistress, with whom the relationship had just begun

Sometimes a woman may have a slightly different situation, when a relationship with her mistress is just beginning, but the same question arises - what to do if her husband left for someone else. How to survive such a situation - everything is simpler here, because their connection has not yet been established, feelings are unstable, and perhaps he just feels passion for her. It could be a young girl who liked the maturity or just his money. After all, she is still young and attractive, and your husband just likes sex with her and her appearance.

He has an animal instinct, because a young girl is an unearthly creature for him. This is exactly what male psychology is. And when they start living together, the situation will immediately change, because a person cannot be perfect. While they had sex and went to restaurants, they were blinded by blissful feelings.

Life together is not a fairy tale, and it does not only involve sleeping, eating and making love together. Family life and years spent together, you need to constantly get used to each other, experience both disappointments and joys, and at the same time preserve true love.

As soon as the husband begins to live with a new girl, the same family problems, differences in interests, inability to maintain a home, and much more will be revealed to him. It is at this moment that he learns the whole essence of his new chosen one. The mistress, in turn, will not want to adapt to him; she will need him to indulge her. But your husband will want to return to the life he left. In this case, the problem of his return will be resolved on its own. But then you will be faced with another question, how to cope with the pain that he caused and whether you need to forgive him after such a betrayal.

If the husband left for someone else with whom he had been in a relationship for a long time

A man is in no hurry to leave his family, even if he has a permanent relationship on the side. Therefore, in order to understand why your husband left for his mistress, how to survive this time, you will need to understand yourself and determine when the discord between you began. It is worth remembering that he would not have left a quiet life, because a man begins to cheat when he is not satisfied with family relationships. You will have to remember at what point this crisis began and why he decided to leave.

There may be many reasons for this - routine sex, a long period of marriage, your appearance, which you have neglected, and much more. Then you will have to pay attention to yourself, take care of your figure, change your wardrobe and image.

There is one more important task that you will have to solve. You will need to sort out your own feelings. Will you be able to forgive him and continue living with him? If you decide that he needs to be returned, then other men will have to appear in your life, but without long-term relationships. Remember that you are sexy and charming, and men also pay attention to you, then a sense of ownership will awaken in your husband. In a short time he will realize that he has lost you and will look for a reason to return.

Your mistress considers your husband successful, she trusts him and wants children from him. Even if a man has a permanent mistress, he will not rush to leave the family. Most often, they are kicked out by their wives who find out about the betrayal. If you want to save your family, then do not rush to kick him out, and do not file for divorce, such actions will not bring benefits to you. You will need to remain calm, and then you will understand that your strength is returning.

Psychology of men after divorce

If your husband left the family because of another woman, but does not refuse to communicate with you, this does not mean at all that he still loves you. Take a closer look at him and his behavior. In the case when he promises to come help and does not come, without even bothering to call and warn that he will not come, his feelings have cooled down, and only out of the kindness of his heart he agrees to help you. Don't waste the best years of your life on him, hoping that he still loves you and will come back soon. Forget about him and move on with your own personal life. But if his new passion does not want your communication or she has some problems, and he prefers to help you, then everything is not so smooth in his new family. If you have managed to forgive him and want to return him at any cost, surround him with care, become an understanding, affectionate woman with whom he has so many connections. And very soon he will return home. They don't give up on good things...

Your ex-husband constantly calls and asks how you are living, if you need his help, he definitely dreams of returning home. So it depends only on your desire when this happens. But don't agree to take him back too quickly. Let him realize that you respect yourself and are giving him one last chance, so he should appreciate it. Otherwise, he will perceive your surrender as his personal victory and decide that you are crazy about him and will forgive everything he does. You must respect yourself, otherwise in a few years everything may happen again.
If a man continues to take care of you, pamper you with small gifts, and has become much more affectionate and attentive than when you lived together, he is again trying to conquer you. The ex-husband who was caught cheating in this way tries to make amends, hoping that everything can still be corrected. And the man you broke up with because he disappointed you tries to convince you that you were in a hurry to break up, and demonstrates how good he is and deserves your love.

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When conversations with your ex-husband on the phone drag on, and the calls themselves are heard more and more often, and he repeats how pleased he was to hear from you, he dreams of being nearby and renewing the relationship.
Trying to do things together that unite you does not indicate his desire to return. He may still have feelings for you, but not strong enough to renew the relationship. In this way, he controls you, creating the illusion that he has everything under control and not wanting to give up the feeling of stability that you gave him.
When any conversations between you, one way or another, come down to discussing why you broke up, he has not yet realized why this happened and wants to understand how to get everything back on track. A man's pride does not allow him to admit his own mistakes. Only you can understand this situation. If you need him, make it clear that you don't mind trying to start over and subtly hint where he was wrong. If you want to get rid of him forever, stop communicating altogether.
If he often asks your mutual friends how you live, who you communicate with, he is interested in learning about your status. On the one hand, it could be ordinary jealousy, when feelings have not yet cooled down, and in this case there is every chance of returning him, and on the other hand, it can be a sense of ownership, as they say neither to themselves nor to people.

Until you get rid of thoughts about your ex-husband, you will not be able to build a new relationship and find a worthy man. Talk to an experienced psychologist: he will be able to explain to you the reasons why you want your husband back, and will help you move on and build your life in a new way.

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Advice from a psychologist on how to forget your husband and survive his departure

And then the day came when your husband decided to leave you. And then the woman decides to gather all her will into a fist, start a new life and forget about him, but immediately faces a lot of problems. After all, they have a lot in common - children, home, property. And you can’t just forget everything in one minute. And at this moment she is faced with other issues that are also of particular importance. What to do if your husband left for someone else? How to survive? A psychologist's advice can help you leave your husband in the past and move you into a brighter future.

You will need to occupy all your free time, be on the move more, arrange meetings with friends. You can start playing sports, go to the pool or to the gym.
You cannot be overcome by despondency, it will destroy everything. All sad thoughts need to be driven out of your head. Thinking should be positive, and in unpleasant situations you should look only for the good and be happy with what you already have.
Now you can pay attention to how many men are around you. You can start flirting and meeting people, going on dates.
Forget about your departed husband, don’t call or write to him. Don't even let him solve problems related to children.
Get rid of all his things, throw away all his gifts, change the decor of the house, change the furniture and interior.
You can make an appointment with a psychologist, he will help you discover new strengths and regain calm.

The dangers of talking about exes

Comparison and competition

When a person talks about his past relationships, his (her) current “love” begins to automatically compare himself with the image that is depicted in his (her) imagination.

A person begins to doubt himself, feelings, and so on. This causes anxiety and fears. In order to somehow drown them out, a person may begin to demand proof of love. In a word, your “ex” appears in your relationship, with whom you need to virtually “compete”. Do you need it?

Jealousy of the past

People have very well-developed imaginations. When you tell something, the other person immediately begins to imagine it in detail. So you told me that you had someone else and a vague image appeared in the person’s head. They began to tell more and the image began to come to life.

If your couple has a good imagination, then it is very easy to imagine yourself having sex with another person. That someone else's arms are hugging you, someone else's lips are kissing you... For many people, this picture will be like betrayal.

Everything is clear with reason, but you can’t control your emotions. At this moment, virtual “betrayal” appears in your relationship, with all the ensuing emotions. Confidence drops, jokes begin, hidden aggression begins, and so on. Do you need it?

Using information about those who were in quarrels

During quarrels, people rarely hold back. A quarrel is a small war, and in war all means are good. You said something in a surge of frankness, and then it is very difficult for a person to resist using it in a quarrel. Are you ready to constantly bring up the past? To have someone else in your relationship? Do you need it?

Having children can bring your husband back

Most often, after their husband leaves, women begin to blame their mistress and manipulate his children. This could include prohibitions on communication, regular reminders and constant demands for finances, because the law will still be on their side.

When it happens that the husband leaves the child, the woman remains very depressed. Even if she finds out that her husband has someone else, she will decide to leave herself and the situation will only get worse. You should remember that you cannot save a family just because of a child, because a family should be created only on love and mutual understanding. Think about how long your family could last just for the sake of children.

At the time of divorce, you must file for alimony. Even if your husband says that he will still help you or left everything to you. You don’t know what kind of relationship they have and what his new passion’s needs are. In addition, she may prohibit helping children. And don’t think that you don’t need anything from him and that you can handle it on your own. Extra money will never hurt you.