Problem-free child
Before this, my son and I didn’t talk much—there was no time.
His childhood and adolescence occurred in the 90s. Then we lived in a small town in the Novosibirsk region. My husband and I earned money. All efforts were spent on providing children with a warm home, clothing, and education. They came home from work and fell asleep. There was no upbringing at all. I just knew that my son reads a lot of books. At the age of ten or thirteen, he re-read all the works of Jack London and Alexandre Dumas. In general, he often read the classics, studied English, the American version and the classics. I knew that he was studying at the lyceum with grades four and five, and solved all his life problems himself. He always helped around the house. That was enough for me. Yes, yes, it was not a child, but a gift. Moreover, he could even fight: he was not afraid to stand up for himself if they tried to offend him.
However, he wasn’t friends with girls, and that didn’t even bother me. On the contrary, I thought: “Hurray, no problems with love. The son is not amorous. No early marriages." As I say, he was so trouble-free that I didn’t even know his class teacher at school by sight: there was no need to go to parent-teacher meetings.
And Zhenya, it turns out, thought from childhood that I was not ready to fully accept him. He now says: “Mom, I was afraid to tell you that I am gay. I was afraid that you would abandon me."
I found out about this when he went to study in another city and lived with my sister. He confessed to her, but for her this information passed not through her heart, but through her mind. She took it calmly, and my son knew that she would arrange a conversation with me about it as needed. My sister called me and told me.
For me it was naturally stressful. I was worried about how society would perceive my son. What will people say about me because of my son? I was so worried that I told my husband about it. For my son, my husband is a stepfather; he came into the family when Zhenya was three years old. He replaced his father, raised him and raised him, and always treated him kindly. Surprisingly, the husband calmly accepted the child’s orientation - without questions, without scandals. He said: “Well, gay, so what of this?” He is a real, strong man, he was involved in professional sports in his youth. Apparently, this helped him cope with stress with dignity. I was in shock.
I was completely illiterate in this matter, at first I thought that something was happening to the child, because of which he needed to be locked up in the hospital, since he was handicapped, sick all over the head and physically, as I thought then. This was my attitude - that he was just a sick person. And I began to think what should I do with a sick child. Cure him? I understood that this was impossible.
Since I didn’t understand the difference between transsexuals* and gays, I sometimes asked my son: “Maybe you should change your gender?” I could not perceive him as a full-fledged person. And he answered: “You don’t understand, I’m not a transsexual. I am purely gay, I was born this way. I just hid it for a long time.” At that moment, I sincerely believed that this was contrary to nature. I even had thoughts that my child would simply not live. Can you imagine? I was ready to kill him - that’s how I didn’t perceive him. It was a shame for me. I cried and cried and cried. If anyone asked me anything, I cried like I was mentally unstable.
Accepting my son and the situation in which I would need to live permanently took about a year and a half. To fully understand what was happening, I began reading literature and talking to my child. This helped me. But it also helped a lot that I am a mother. The maternal instinct in me is very strong. Love for your child is the highest power in any situation.
*The term “transsexual” is considered incorrect; it is correct to say a transgender person, a transgender man or a transgender woman. Transgender is a condition in which a person's gender identity and/or gender presentation does not conform to cultural and social expectations associated with the sex assigned at birth. The term is used to refer to a wide range of gender identities.
Concept gay wagon4
These are the same gays who don’t care at all what role they play. They miraculously combine the features of both passive and active homosexuals, easily adapting to life circumstances. According to research, it is gay generalists who make up the overwhelming majority among men of homosexual orientation.
Wentworth Miller
Doesn't matter if you're gay or not
A year later, the son earned money and went to Moscow to work as a fashion model.
I came home from Moscow for the New Year. Outwardly he has changed a lot. He became more well-groomed and stylishly dressed. In our provincial town he stood out from the crowd. My husband behaved as if nothing had happened, and this bothered me a little for a while.
The son then complained of feeling unwell. He began to lose consciousness. We examined him and it turned out that a tumor had grown near his pituitary gland. That is, I received shock from one piece of news, and then stress from his illness. I had to take it all together.
At first, doctors said that the tumor was malignant, but a mother’s word was the strongest, like the word of God. On the day when my son had surgery in Novosibirsk, I went to the Ascension Cathedral and told God that I was not ready to lose my child. I need a son, and I am ready to accept him (anyone). The threat to his life was more important than the fact that he was gay. He had to be saved. After the cathedral I went to the hospital. The course of the operation showed that the tumor was benign, and the neurosurgeon said: “Your son will live.” And at first they didn’t even give him three years to live. A miracle happened.
Little by little the understanding came that life is the way it is: we are born different. I began to look at the whole situation from a different point of view. I realized that we cannot prevent homosexual people from being born. If they appear in this world, it means that it is so that we are better and more tolerant of people who are different from us. Nature cannot be changed, it can only be accepted or not accepted. There is nothing random in nature, everything has a reason.
Now, when some kind of ridicule of such people begins on social networks, not only the maternal instinct is triggered in me, but also a deep understanding that everything is harmonious in this world. I always say: “Gays are not born from each other. We are the ones who give birth to them - heterosexual parents. Why did you decide that such children would not be born in your family? What, gods, can you program this world yourself?”
It was hard for my son too. Plus he lost his job. Due to illness and surgery, her career as a fashion model paused, and then depression began to interfere with her. He is stuck in a small Siberian town. Along with my career, I had to give up my dream of leaving Russia to live in Europe or the USA. He thought that he had no future, no opportunity to find his other half. By the way, for him, having a loved one and starting a family with him has always been the main goal of life. It remains so to this day. Broken physically and mentally, less than a year after the operation, he attempted suicide.
I wanted to help him, and we turned to a psychoanalyst. The first thing that helps to cope is family, love and understanding of loved ones. Well, they gave him drugs, but not for long. We all supported him: mom and dad, aunts and uncles, my friends - everyone was for him. I bought him books about the meaning of life, about the universe - Blavatsky, Roerich, Coelho, and he read them. My first education was medical school. However, wanting to better understand my son, I entered the university and received a higher education in psychology. I can work with children with mental disabilities. Closer to the age of 50, she received another higher education – medicine.
Over time, he found himself a guy with whom he dated for a long time. I, like my husband, adequately perceived this fact. I was glad that he had a loved one. In addition, he acquired a circle of LGBT acquaintances, and it became easier for him.
By the way, no one from his and my close circle showed negativity towards him. My son is a very sincere and kind person, beautiful in soul and appearance. It's simply impossible to hate someone like him. Moreover, he communicated with people of different genders and sexual orientations. Sometimes he brought his gay friends to visit us. My husband and I did not focus on their sexual orientation. Everyone had something to talk about.
how to recognize a gay
“Straights” are most surprised by the “supernatural” ability of gays to instantly identify their own kind, no matter how hard they try to hide their affiliation with the “theme.” This sixth sense, supposedly inherent to all gays from birth, is called “gaydar” - from the words “gay” and “radar”. Of course, in reality there is nothing supernatural about this ability - it’s all a matter of developed observation and training. In fact, we must remember that the gay world is no less diverse in terms of human types than the straight world, so there is no reliable way to determine a person’s sexual orientation (especially at first glance)! What we wrote below is not advice on how to “glue together” a nice guy. Rather, clues that help determine that you and your potential new acquaintance have the prospect of a closer relationship than “strong male friendship.”
Handshake and look “Three types of people can be distinguished by their eyes - spies, drug addicts and homosexuals” - this statement by an unknown author is quite controversial. However, gay people do look into each other's eyes and shake hands longer than straight people. Forget about external signs (for example, a wedding ring on your finger) and look the guy straight in the eyes. Look closely for a few seconds, without blinking, as if you want to burn a hole in him with your gaze. If he lowers his eyes, it means he is afraid of what might happen if he looks at you as intently. If he looks away, then, most likely, he is not interested in you or this is ostentatious indifference. If he answers you with the same knowing look, then you have hit the nail on the head! Skirmishing with your eyes is the first step towards closer acquaintance. In the same way, if you are interested in a guy, then try not letting go of his hand from yours when shaking hands a little longer than usual, or first shake it firmly, then release it slightly, and then squeeze it harder again, while looking straight into his eyes.
Appearance Now that even “straight” guys have begun to sometimes take care of their appearance, it has become much more difficult to distinguish the wheat from the chaff. Most gays (those who want to make a good impression) dress very well, are neat and have a fashionable hairstyle. Clothes and haircut are the most important thing. It is known that it is often gays who usually start a new direction in fashion or style. Gays have style. Most of my “straight” friends don’t have it. In addition, there are a number of “clues” that are usually perceived in the mass consciousness as attributes of gay people: tight jeans from a well-known company (for example, Levi's 501 or Wrangler) and the same T-shirt, a baseball cap with a visor sticking out in front forelock, a mesh shirt or T-shirt, in the summer - super short denim shorts with fringes at the bottom, highlighted hair, earrings in the ears, hair styled with mousse, a noticeable smell of expensive eau de toilette, etc. Of course, none of these signs individually, or even several of them together, may be completely unrelated to “blueness,” nevertheless, their presence makes you think!
Intonation and gestures Some of the men are a little “feminine.” An overly drawn out “a”, soft modulations of the voice, smoothness of speech - all this adds up to what is usually called “blue” intonations. This is one of the surest signs; almost all gay people I know can hear these shades in their conversations. The same applies to gestures. Manners manifest themselves differently for everyone. This can be intense gestures, smooth hand movements (which is almost always absent among “straight people”), and extraordinary flexibility of the fingers. Notice how the object of your attention holds a glass or cigarette. How he sits down or stands up. How to take off and put on outerwear. Of course, this does not mean that the man is painted and behaves like a prostitute, but believe me, there is something elusive.
Ring on your finger
Another sign: is he single? Most gay men don't get married, so if a man is over 30 and single and doesn't date much (if at all), then he's probably one of us. By the way, even married gays very rarely wear wedding rings. It has been noted that “married gay men rarely talk about their wives, more often about their children.” Speaking of rings, I remind you that there are at least two sure signs of belonging to the gay movement: a ring made of any metal on the little finger of any hand and a ring made of gold of three colors on any finger.
Direction of gaze Watch the guy whose orientation you are interested in. When no one is near him, who does he look at? If he pays most of his attention to men, then... remember who you are watching?
Feeling If you are an openly gay man and fully accept yourself for who you are, how comfortable do you feel in the presence of a stranger? If you are closed off and don't want anyone to know the truth about you, do you get nervous when a “stranger” is around? I noticed that I felt completely free in the presence of a gay man.
Discussing “women” Some gay men believe that in order to pass as “straight,” one must discuss the behavior of “women” with other men. In such conversations, they make banal comments, but with a twist. Instead of talking about women, they like to talk about the idea of a woman, as if relationships with her were just some kind of abstract idea.
Unexpected friendliness Willingness to help for no particular reason, for example, holding the door if you are walking with a large bag (which a “straight” person would never do), or the close attention of a salesperson in a clothing store may imply a desire to get to know each other better. However, remember that the attention of salespeople in stores may be their professional duty, but if a handsome guy you don’t know gives you his hand to help you jump over a puddle, this is a reason to check for other signs!
Smiles Just smile at the people you like - believe me, even non-gay people feel good when people smile at them. And if the guy also answers you with a beautiful radiant smile, then you will be doubly pleased!
Read lips Ask the guy you want to “test” to spell out a difficult word for you. People usually use names to name letters. It was noted that gays will use predominantly male names (Grigory-Evgeniy-Ivan-Dmitry-Alexander-Ruslan), and “straights” will use predominantly female names or interspersed (Nina-Alena-Timofey-Ulyana-Rita-Anastasia-Lena).
Turn around Imagine that you are walking down the street, lost in your own thoughts, and suddenly you look up and see the guy of your dreams hurrying towards you. Don't worry! Keep moving! Having caught up with him, start counting to yourself: “one... two... three.” On the count of three, turn around! If he knows this method and is interested in you, he will turn around at exactly the same moment. Keep walking and repeat this exercise again. If he turns around again, you can safely come up and introduce yourself!
Chapter 2
Have you often noticed signs in your friend that made you think: “He doesn’t happen to…”? This article will help you find out who your friend is.
1. Earring in the right ear ! This sign is known to a very wide part of society. This is why an earring in the right ear is almost impossible to see, at least in ordinary public places and on the street. Some gays wear earrings not in their right ear, but in their left... but you shouldn’t rely on such a naive fact. You also need to pay attention to the fact that if at the same time as the earring in the right ear, there is more than one earring in the left ear, then the meaning of the right earring disappears! I would also like to note that there are various religious and tribal signs that oblige you to wear an earring in the right ear. So, for example, an earring in the right ear of a gypsy means that he is the only son in the family.
2. Pinky ring. Purely theoretically, the ring should be worn on the right little finger, but it can also be worn on the left. There is often an opinion that the little finger on the right hand means that “the guy is already busy with the guy”, on the left - that he is free.
3. Appearance. Many gays strive to dress as stylishly and fashionably as possible, sometimes even ahead of fashion! Unusual pants, embellished jeans, a low-hanging coat, hairstyle of the devil of what color and styled with gel, high-heeled boots and narrowed ones a la “Cossacks”.
4. Gay people tend to look into each other's eyes and shake hands longer than non-gay people. Well, this is already clear to us: you want to touch someone you know that you like, or catch the eye of a “handsome guy” who happens to be on the bus/subway with you... Forget about external signs (for example, a wedding ring on your finger) and look closely, without blinking, straight into the guy's eyes. If he lowers his eyes, it means he is afraid of what might happen... If he looks away, then most likely he is not interested in you, or this is ostentatious indifference. If he answers you with the same knowing look, then you have hit the nail on the head!
Very often there are cases where someone looked at someone for a long time in the subway and people even smiled at each other, but then it was time for one to leave and so this look did not lead to anything. Such cases do happen, and many are offended by their own helplessness. There is only one piece of advice: don’t be ashamed, but try to come up and get acquainted or at least start talking, starting with the phrase “How to get to...” - after this phrase, you can already begin to load the person about traffic jams or incidents in the subway... then remember that you saw “him” somewhere... If the person is ours, from the third second he will understand what’s what and keep up the conversation.
5. It is more difficult to recognize a gay person alone than in a group of gay people , in particular if the gay person is next to his lover! If your suspect is in the company of other gays, you will immediately understand everything... If he is alone, then you need to pay attention to who he is watching and at whom he often casts fleeting glances: guys or girls. There should be no more questions here. According to numerous experiments: the best place is indeed: the metro - the exit from the escalator.
6. Another clue: is he married? When a man reaches the age of 28 and is single and rarely dates (if at all), he is most likely one of us.
7. Some of the men are a little “feminine.” Some have a lot, some a little, and some have no such traits at all. Watch how he holds a glass or cigarette. How he carries himself when sitting or standing.
8. Some men believe that in order to pass as a “straight man” they must discuss the behavior of “women” with other men. In such conversations, they make banal comments, but with a twist. Instead of talking about women, they like to talk about the idea of a woman, as if relationships with her were just some kind of abstract idea.
9. The unexpected friendliness of a stranger. All of a sudden, the stranger begins to communicate with you a lot: much more than with anyone else. This is noticeable when a new person joins the team: and either someone from the already established team begins to stubbornly “make friends,” or the newcomer himself chooses someone with whom he would like to communicate from the new society.
10. Smiles. They speak volumes. Straight people hardly smile at each other. Among them, especially now, they are simply BOOM anti-pigeon. God forbid someone somewhere shows some slight sign! Of course, here you cannot take into consideration friends who have known each other for a long time.
11. To determine the orientation of the “suspect”, you can also conduct a small test - play the game “deaf telephones” with him. During a telephone conversation, you need to pretend that you didn’t hear something, for example, the name of the street and ask the interlocutor to spell it using names. If male names predominate, then it can be argued that he is gay.
Most likely there are only a few signs, or maybe none. However, some signs are also present among straight people. So, for example, it could be a terribly mannered voice or gestures with a hand that holds a cigarette.
Proportions in finger length
To make a more accurate “diagnosis,” it is possible to apply the scientific method developed by psychology professor John Manning from the University of Lancashire, England.
Place your right hand on a piece of paper. Trace with a pencil - an outline will remain. This is where you need to measure your fingers. First, determine the length of your index finger in millimeters - it is usually twisted at the temple. Then the nameless one - the one wearing the wedding ring. Fingers are measured from tip to hollow. Now divide the length of your index finger by the length of your ring finger. You will get a certain number - some have more, while others have less than one. It is this that will reveal the whole essence, no matter how you hide it.
In men whose index fingers are much longer than their ring fingers (this must be determined not by eye, but only after measurement - after all, the fingers are located in a semicircle and it is impossible to accurately correlate their sizes at first glance), Manning writes them down as gay or as someone who sympathizes with them. And lesbians (at least with some degree of probability) - women with very short index fingers. Research has shown that the greater the difference between fingers, the more attracted a person is to same-sex love. People with identical fingers (the proportion is approximately equal to one) are overwhelmingly normal. In terms of orientation. True, according to surveys of scientists, they highly welcome oral sex. And same-sex love, in principle, is not disgusting to them. In an exceptional case, equal-fingered animals could dare to experiment.
The proportions of the fingers, scientists believe, are formed in the womb, when the fetus is about three months old. The index finger grows thanks to the “male” sex hormone testosterone, the ring finger - due to the “female” estrogen. But even this method does not give a 100% answer; in people exposed to periodic force loads, the index finger may lengthen, so first ask if the person is involved in sports. Simply anomalies in human development are also possible.
As you can see, there is no clear way to identify a gay person; each person is individual. But attention, together with the above signs, will help you. If you want to catch someone’s impulses in a crowd, then you need to be observant, and even more so, send your impulses!
Chapter 3
This test will help you find out who your friend is. Or maybe you should check it out yourself...
1. He overemphasizes his masculinity . The closet gay wants to look like a tough guy. He loves to chat about sports and can tirelessly talk about his sexual victories - most often the victims of his charms are women whom you have never seen. 2. He despises the female sex. Women, from his point of view, are the embodiment of stupidity and worthlessness.
3. He is a confirmed bachelor . “There is no doubt that a heterosexual man can remain unmarried after 35,” says Quantos. - But rather as an exception. If a friend who has acquired gray hair and a bald head tells you that he still has not found his ideal, then be on your guard.”
4. He loves contact sports . The Blues are crazy about broad-shouldered athletes, especially football players. Well, if your friend especially admires a particular player, then he is almost one hundred percent gay.
5. He criticizes the girls you date . If he has some kind of nasty thing ready for each of your girlfriends, and he can give you endless arguments against marriage, foaming at the mouth, he is simply jealous and wants you to belong to him alone. 6. He gets married hastily. Only a naive person believes that a married man cannot be homosexual. Often young gay men are horrified when they learn about their own sexuality, and believe that a woman can save them.
7. He loves "manly" films . Don't expect a gay guy to appreciate the acting talents of Tom Hanks or Dustin Hoffman. He prefers the courageous handsome Mel Gibson or the darling Tom Cruise. 8. He openly expresses his hatred of homosexuals , which, according to Quantos, is the surest sign of “gayness.” According to his calculations, 90% of men who constantly make anti-gay jokes, or even more so punch them in the face, are closet gays.
Same family
I did not hide from friends and family that my son was a different person.
I told those who do not accept my son: goodbye. I stopped being embarrassed to walk next to him. He always took care of his appearance. He looked well-groomed and attractive for a guy, which is why they sometimes shouted obscenities after us. People are illiterate on all sides. Like pigs who live in their own dirt, and it seems to them that this dirt is the best. And they don’t see the world behind this puddle of mud. There were no hard feelings. I knew that these people would regret their stupid words tomorrow, and tomorrow they would have children and grandchildren like my son in their families.
Zhenya is so reasonable that I never worried about him - in the sense that he knows how and with whom to behave. He carefully chooses his circle of acquaintances. Doesn't keep degenerates and two-faced people around. All his friends are the same as him: open, decent, sincere. Real ones. No masks. At the beginning of the 2000s, he was attacked near a regular club where he was relaxing with an acquaintance. Strangers, among others, stood up for my son. Guys and girls. No one took the side of the homophobe. In short, the gays won!
His entire personal life passes before my eyes, and I rejoice with him when he finds someone and worry when he fails. When he was young, he had a relationship for seven years, but the man was married. The son was burdened by the inability to have a full-fledged relationship with him, and he decided to break up with him, despite his strong feelings. After that relationship, for several years he unsuccessfully tried to find a family, but received only mental pain from the fact that he was used or tried to be used purely for sex. And when he realized that he could not fulfill his dream, he closed himself off from contacts so as not to traumatize himself with another disappointment. That's why he didn't have any relationships until recently. You see, he wants to live in a family, and not just date. He needs a family, like all people.
Two and a half years ago, my son and I moved to Novosibirsk and live together in our own apartment. I got a job in one of the specialties I received. Employed in the medical field. In my free time, I visit my daughter to spend time with my beloved granddaughter. My husband stayed in our hometown. Zhenya has more opportunities here. Here he feels more comfortable, including in terms of his personal life. Made several friends. He calmly introduces me to his gay friends, and I treat them in a friendly manner. His best friend lives with HIV.
Concept gay passive3
A characteristic feature of the so-called passive gay man is that he is assigned a female role, both in sexual relations and outside of them. These young people fully identify with the female gender and are the “receiving” party in sex.
Jim Parsons
Looking at a passive gay man, it is not difficult to notice feminine facial features, a sophisticated style of clothing, and a soft timbre of voice. They are the ones who tend to coyly and flirtatiously, and even “pout their lips” like a woman. They are considered to be driven and easily suggestible people who, in addition, are easily influenced by the dominant partner.
In homosexual society itself, the attitude towards liabilities leaves much to be desired. Often in gay couples, the active one easily makes important decisions, completely disregarding the opinion of the passive lover. And yes, many are sure that the responsibility for quality sex falls entirely on the fragile and feminine shoulders of liabilities. After all, it is they who must please their active partners in every possible way, relegating their sexual needs to the background.
What is latent homosexuality5
The scandalous uncle Freud mentioned latent homosexuals in his works in the distant past. So, a latent gay is most often called a person who, for a number of reasons, is embarrassed to admit to himself his homosexual orientation or interest in members of the same sex.
There is an opinion that among latent homosexuals there are quite a large number of maniacs, unbalanced individuals and rapists. This is due primarily to irritability and mental disorders as a result of their homosexual dissatisfaction. You can understand that there is a latent gay in front of you by a number of signs:
- A person is quite negative and at any opportunity expresses a pronounced hostility towards representatives of sexual minorities;
- By all means he tries to prove to the people around him, but first of all to himself, the so-called “normality”. This is often expressed in numerous promiscuous heterosexual relationships;
- Carefully follows the latest news from the LGBT+ community, never missing an opportunity to criticize and humiliate people of non-traditional orientation;
Matt Bomer
- He cannot imagine his sexual life without anal sex, which causes inconvenience to his heterosexual partner;
- Regularly breaks the law and demonstrates his “brutality” in public in every possible way;
- Without mincing words, he often talks about his desire to destroy (punish) all persons who have at least some connection with sexual minorities.
There is a particularly dangerous subspecies of latent homosexuals who, expressing persistent hostility towards gays, hunt them down and often decide to commit dangerous crimes. Their victims, as a rule, are people of the same gender.
