What to do first?
No one will say that it will be easy for a husband to bear the thought that his wife became pregnant or has already given birth to her lover, and, naturally, registered the child as her legal spouse. What to do first? To understand the algorithm of your actions, you need to be alone. A man is advised not to rush into everything when the unpleasant news becomes public. However, you shouldn’t hide your emotions either.
Allow yourself to be alone with your thoughts and negative experiences that are probably raging inside. Throw them out in the safest way possible for yourself and others, such as hitting a pillow or even throwing darts at your wife's photo. However, then sit down and think for yourself about your future life.
- Think about yourself first: what kind of future are you willing to face and what sacrifices are you willing to make?
- Then pay attention to your wife's behavior. How exactly did you find out about her pregnancy from her lover? Does your wife herself repent and what is she asking you for? This is important because if your wife confesses and wants to stay with you because her lover is no longer interested in her or he left her, then these facts should be taken into account.
We do not advise you to be a noble prince who wants to save the family for the sake of the child. All this will not give the desired results. Undoubtedly, your desire to think about a child who is also not yours is very noble. However, you will have to live with the woman who cheated on you. The child will perceive you as mom and dad, who are models for copying behavior. He will see that you hate each other, that your wife humiliates herself in front of you, and that you constantly harbor a grudge against her because of something. The child will absorb all this, which will not be beneficial.
It’s better to live with one parent, but a happy one, than in a family where everyone hates each other! Therefore, first of all, think about whether you are ready to forgive your wife for cheating and, perhaps, even for the fact that she is trying to give you someone else’s child.
If you are still ready to save the family, your feelings for your wife have not cooled down, and you have already become somewhat accustomed to it or want to become the father of this child, then you will have to act in the appropriate direction.
- Since your wife was honest with you and the truth came out at the beginning of the whole story, you will have to be honest with her. If something is bothering you, you are worried, you are not sure about something, then talk about it directly. Also be direct about what you would like to bring to your relationship if your wife wants to save it.
- Since it is not easy to forgive your wife, and the man most likely will not be able to trust her at first, agreements are necessary. What should your wife do so that you forgive her, accept her child and can begin to trust her in the future? These conditions must be put forward in order for the wife to express her opinion. If a woman wants to stay with you along with her child from her lover, then she will be forced to give up some principles and agree to your terms. But remember the following: agreements should help strengthen relationships, and not comfort your own pride! The conditions must be reasonable and not degrading to the honor and dignity of a woman!
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How to proceed?
If you find out about your husband’s betrayal, whose mistress also happens to be pregnant, you are probably overwhelmed with emotions. How to proceed after those few days when you allowed yourself to get angry and blame your spouse and his mistress for all the troubles? Now you need to realize that you need to act and be responsible for the consequences of your actions.
Start with the following:
- Take control of your emotions. Don't do it harshly. Just start to understand that you can be angry and grieve for the rest of your life, but you suffer from it and waste your own time. If you don’t want to suffer all your life, then it’s time to put your emotions aside and start solving the problem.
What you think about what happened depends largely on your desires and feelings. If you still love your husband, then you can think about what pushed him to cheat. It will be more pleasant to think that everything is his fault. However, a man will never go to the left unless certain factors contribute to this. Surely something was not going very well in the relationship between the spouses, which is why the man decided to commit a treacherous act.
The fact that you find out the reason for what happened does not justify the man. Whether he deserves your trust or love is up to you to decide based on how the man will behave and whether you are ready to forgive him. However, you should understand that if you forgive your husband too quickly, he will not “learn” his lesson and will not appreciate your nobility.
Why don't many men return to those who beg them to? Why do men more often choose calm women than emotional ones? Why can a man mercilessly turn away from the one who cries because of him? The answer is quite simple: men are logical creatures and they do not like being pressured for pity.
Women are emotional. This is good when you need to show a man how interested you are in him, or to be creative in order to create your own unique external image of a lovely lady. But when it comes to solving serious issues, emotions only aggravate the situation. And since men are more realistic and down-to-earth, they don’t like it when a woman starts to have her head in the clouds and push for pity. A man will prefer someone who knows how to balance between emotions and logic. Therefore, it is necessary to keep your emotions under control.
It's actually not that hard for a woman to achieve this if you believe it. Just calm down and understand one fact: it is better to see, accept and understand what is already happening than to brush it off with your hands in the hope that the unpleasant thing will disappear. With your emotions, you try to brush aside the unpleasant. But how can you make death disappear (if a person has died) or a child appear (if you are not pregnant). Reality needs to be seen and accepted, no matter how unpleasant it may seem to you. Balance between reason, when you understand what is happening, are clearly aware of where you need to retreat and where you need to push, and emotions, when you can simply be happy about something or have fun discussing pleasant topics.
Keep your emotions under control. Men prefer women who know how to have fun and get back into real life, accepting even what they may not like. With pure emotionality, you can only attract an equally emotional and stupid man who will have his head in the clouds, not wanting to face reality. Therefore, learn to think with your head even when emotions overwhelm you. Make decisions based on logic and the realities of life, so that you don’t regret your actions later. This is in your own interests, because a man, first of all, wants to see an adult woman next to him, and not a stupid girl.
So, we've grieved and that's enough. It's time to solve pressing problems.
- Analyze what happened. You should understand how long the man dated his mistress, from whom she is actually pregnant, how the husband treats his mistress and her pregnancy. All the answers will allow you to make the right decision. Of course, you can just leave without understanding anything. However, if it is important for you to understand whether the betrayal was a mistake or an intentional act that lasted a long time, you need to understand the situation.
Have you ever said to yourself: “Why did I do this? I just succumbed to my emotions and didn’t do what I wanted.” Emotions are indicators of exactly how you feel about a particular situation. If you feel joy, it means you enjoy the event. If you feel angry or sad, it means that something does not suit you. Emotions are only indicators of your attitude towards a specific situation, but they never help solve the problem.
Don't give in to your own emotions. Note, do not fight your feelings, namely, do not give in. Understand exactly how you feel about a particular situation; your emotions will help you understand this. But as soon as you start solving the problem itself, disconnect from your own feelings.
Emotions often distort your perception and also cause you to defend yourself rather than solve the problem. Please note that people often make excuses, scream, threaten, cry, snap, and take revenge when something unpleasant happens in their lives. But all this is an indicator that they succumb to their emotions, while they do not solve the problem that has arisen, but simply try to protect themselves and their interests from the enemy.
While you are defending yourself, you are not solving the problem, but are just waging war. You are trying to forcibly humiliate yourself or another person so that only the interests of one of the parties are taken into account. But in this way the problem is not solved, because when the “defeated” person calms down and understands how he was deceived, he returns to solving the problem again. Therefore, do not give in to your own emotions. If you want to solve the problem, and not make enemies and eventually return to the unresolved issue, then turn off your emotions, calm down and soberly realize what you want to achieve as a result of solving the problem.
Make contact with your opponent, understanding that he also has his own interests. “I have to solve the problem,” scroll this thought through your head. And in order to achieve your goal, you must be engaged in discussing the problem, and not in the desire to offend, humiliate or blame someone for something.
Make contact with your opponent to show him that you want to find a compromise that will take into account the interests of all participants in the process. Therefore, you must jointly focus your efforts on solving the problem, and not on defeating each other. If you want to put an end to an unpleasant situation, then you will have to take into account the interests of your opponent, but at the same time firmly and clearly express your opinion. The most important thing is that you do not give in to your own emotions, because you will be fighting, not solving the problem. This in turn will lead to the fact that the problem will not be solved, and your war will never end until you peacefully sit down and talk about what you need to do so as not to return to the issue.
A man will lie and make excuses for his betrayal - this is a reason to think again about how much you need him. If a man admits everything and repents, then you can think about forgiving him.
Separating from your husband is very easy. If he does not break up with his mistress and continues his relationship with her, then this will be the right way out. However, if a man breaks off relations with his mistress and decides on his own about her pregnancy, then you can pause and see how it all ends.
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Should I save the marriage?
A man is not recommended to immediately blurt out the decision to divorce as soon as he finds out that his wife is pregnant from her lover or has given birth to a baby from another. Undoubtedly, this news is unpleasant because of a double betrayal: your wife cheated on you, thereby betraying your love, and then she is still expecting (gave birth to) a child, who in the future should become legally yours. Here you have the right to make any decision. However, if you doubt that you should definitely get a divorce, then think again about whether to save the marriage.
This will help a man:
- Loneliness. It is better to make your first decisions and conclusions alone. Moreover, this always happens under the influence of emotions that cannot be contained within.
- Conversation with my wife. If you still give your wife the right to decide your joint fate, then a conversation with her will be mandatory. Discuss the reasons for the betrayal, what you will do next with the child and your parentage.
- Having children. Do you have any children in your family? If there is, then they will definitely know about another brother/sister. And they will definitely have questions about why the parents separated after his/her appearance. Sooner or later you will have to tell them something. And if there are no children in the family, then a man can think about accepting someone else’s child and raising it as his own. This would even be a good option for solving the problem, especially if the spouses were previously unable to have children or the man has certain problems with childbearing.
- Wife's behavior. Undoubtedly, it is necessary not to decide individually whether to save the marriage, but also to focus on the behavior of the wife herself. Did she leave her lover? Did she honestly admit who she would have a child with? Does she repent of what she did? Does she really need you? Does she personally want to save her family, as can be seen from her behavior? These factors are very important. If the wife does not want to stay with her husband, then he will become not only a cuckold, but also the father of someone else’s child. Not only his friends will laugh at him, but also his wife herself, who will now definitely start walking left and right.
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What to do with your lover?
If a man decides to save a family in which there will be a baby from his wife and her lover, then he should know that some conflict situations related to the real origin of the child are possible.
- Firstly, a lover may know that his ex gave birth to him, and therefore claim paternity. In such a situation, most likely, it will not be possible to save the family, since the lover will be considered the official father of the child who lives in his wife’s family. It is unlikely that a man will like the fact that his lover can come to their house at any time to see the child, and maybe not only him.
- Secondly, you need to decide whether to bring your lover into your family, that is, to forcibly recognize his paternity so that he pays alimony. This question is very important, because in this case the husband must understand that in addition to other people’s money, he will receive constant meetings with his wife’s ex-boyfriend, which can be unpleasant.
- Thirdly, how to prevent the secret from being revealed if the lover does not know about his paternity. In this situation, the wife must keep her mouth shut, and the entire society, environment, even relatives must think that the child was born from both spouses. This will allow the husband to save his face to some extent and avoid questions about why he forgave his wife and is raising someone else’s child (especially this question will be raised by his mother, who will clearly begin to dislike her daughter-in-law for cheating).
- Fourthly, how can one not allow a lover to recognize his paternity after the child is born and it is recorded that his father is the mother’s husband?
Since it will be difficult for a man to forgive his wife for betrayal, his suffering may intensify if a lover begins to periodically appear in his life, from whom his wife gave birth to a baby. This will be unbearable, since the husband will not only begin to suspect his wife of a possible return to her past life when she cheats on him, but will also feel disadvantaged in raising someone else’s child. When a man is officially considered the father of a child, it is easier for him to assert his rights. If the father of the child is a lover, and the deceived husband has to raise the child, then this situation will completely break him.
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wife is pregnant from her lover
Hello, dear friends and girlfriends! Marusya Grelkina continues to write her New Year's stories/
Let's create a pre-holiday mood...
Story three “ABOUT THE GREEDY COLONEL” (I have a lot of respect for our armed forces. It just happened to be a coincidence.)
Stories 1 and 2 were published earlier. Read it, you won't regret it! It will be fun!
Grelkina has not yet gone crazy thanks to her wonderful eighty-year-old mother. In general, I want to urge all girls, girls and women - take care of your mothers! These are the only people who deserve our attention. No husbands, lovers or even children will understand and support you like your mothers! Give them maximum time, buy them fashionable clothes, perfume, sweets and red wine, regardless of their age. As long as your mothers are alive, you will be alive too! So Grelkina Sr. prescribed her daughter the only prescription for all her problems - a young lover! Moreover, oddly enough, the gynecologist, who had never seen grandma in the eye, but only her sad daughter at the reception, agreed with her. And it was like this...
After her fiftieth birthday, Marusya went to the doctor. I decided that old age should be discussed with one of the professionals. Girlfriends of the same age were talking complete nonsense, still dreaming of great love in their old age! Someone more adequate was needed. The cheerful doctor, covered in Soviet diamonds, as expected, was surprised at Marusya’s pessimism, saying, what is old age?! Grelkina decided to repent. Her husband, who still hung around the kitchen, slept with her twice a year, and then as a big favor! He was either out of voice, or out of tone. Well, like the majority of our male population, who all have some kind of outrageous problems with their wives. Many people cannot live with their wives. It just “eats” well! Don't be offended, male audience. You’re not doing well with “legitimate” arousal and lust, only with appetite and subsequent bowel movements, okay. Moreover, as the same gynecologist agreed, it will not be possible to squeeze anything out of her husband, even after consulting a family sex therapist. Firstly, in our country you need to be able to look for it. Secondly, after the conclusion that potency is adversely affected by addiction to alcohol, diabetes, an unsportsmanlike lifestyle and excess weight, little will change. Those. It is unlikely that your husband will attack you with passion twice a week. There are exceptions, but not everyone is lucky. And so, when Grelkina had already decided to bury herself in the ground right in the office, the voice of a depraved cupid spoke through the doctor’s lips: “Why don’t you have a lover?!”
Marusya came out either with a lucky lottery ticket in her hands, or with an indulgence for all time, or with a certificate “admitted everywhere.” This was not just advice. From the lips of the gynecologist, it was almost an order, which, over a glass of red wine, was confirmed by the old mother, taking oaths from her daughter, to tell how everything would go. It’s not clear what “everything” is! And will it pass? This medical lover still needs to be found! And is this realistic after fifty without side effects? I'm not talking about pregnancy...
Although the viability of this prospect was vaguely reminiscent of recent “opera” events. But the living embodiment of this phenomenon was my mother’s friend from the times of either Khrushchev or Brezhnev - red-haired Albinochka. Grandma was seventy-two. As long as Marusya could remember, the surrounding women always sympathized with this mother’s employee-friend because she was divorced. And everyone was looking for her husband. Women can’t sit quietly when someone else is living happily. The albino girl changed lovers as they wore out, and only fainted during periods of their absence. The rest of the time I felt great and had no intention of going to the registry office or leaving the race. The only thing I couldn’t learn was to take money from men.
The albino girl walked masterfully all her life and also knitted enthusiastically. Marusya noticed that in the dress that this red-haired elderly libertine knitted for her, she was a great success. It’s not for nothing that they talk about the energy of the master. If the dress had been knitted by a nun, it’s unlikely that anyone would have taken the bait. Yes Yes! So, wear things for successful night butterflies - pheromones will trample on you. All means are good here! So about the means... The retired colonel, also retired, loved this prostitute knitter. And on a very decent pension. And it was a frosty winter. Grelkina went to the fitting and was surprised at how cold the old woman was knitting. (I can’t even dare to call it that). Marusya asked, how is it possible - there is a lover, but there is no heater, diamonds, mink coat and the list goes on. The colonel is not a freshman, after all. But the mistress had Soviet principles - she loved unselfishly. (Take note, men, who have problems with money. I give it for free!) But this is possible when you are young, healthy and the blood is warm. She even defended her colonel-lover, saying that he has children and grandchildren. Only our women can do this! In short, they made a list of what Albinochka needs. Everything is very real and modest. We decided to test the colonel on a microwave oven and an oil heater. What would have happened without a heart attack! Do you know what he said? That “he’s not ready”! And he brought it to the next date... a pumpkin. In general, I had to resign him. Now the knitter has a new grandfather-lover. Nothing at all - he has a house and a horse in the village. Let's see what surprises.
Recipe No. 3. “How to still make money from the opposite (any) sex without risking your life.” (I’m worried about you too, boys. Especially the young ones with an empty wallet. I just hope your last name isn’t Raskolnikov? Not all of us selfish bitches are out to make money!)
A recipe for average ordinary citizens. Because they are the majority and that’s where everyone starts. The rich and “very” have different tactics, amounts and rates. I didn’t live among them, I don’t know and I don’t regret it!
DO NOT USE A recipe for a normal man who understands that the woman (even his wife) whom he loves and all that must be fully supported. Those. she should eat well and properly, once or twice a week in a restaurant. At least once every two years, relax on the warm sea. Change your wardrobe according to the main items for each spring-summer and autumn-winter new season. That’s what my grandmother said and sewed “Chanel”. To have the opportunity to live, naturally, in a separate, comfortable, own, albeit small, apartment. I don’t mean that both adult children and beloved elderly parents live there. Diamonds and natural furs are also very useful for your wife after thirty or forty. Because natural furs help keep the body warm, and diamonds improve blood circulation in the brain. And with age, health deteriorates, especially in our climate. Not to mention it's beautiful! And, by the way, your sweetie’s work and salary are her personal business!
Well, let's get to the rest of the majority:
- Do not report to your male husband (this is a compliment, in advance) how well and how much you earn. How much does your mother and adult children give you? At least learn to keep your mouth shut about this. It’s not for nothing that in all foreign companies employees have no idea about each other’s income. Less problems.
- Don't demonstrate miracles of economy. And always be prepared to correctly answer the question “what should I buy or give you?” Saying “I don’t need anything” or “this is very expensive” will turn your closet into an antique store. It warms the soul, but lowers self-esteem.
- And don’t let the question torment you: where will He get the money? It will work! And it’s easy! But a woman, in order to earn half of this amount, is forced to work around the clock. And the man will do it with one left hand. Because they were born for this, and we were born for something else. No, well, if your calling is to drive freight trains in three shifts, then go ahead. We other women will be proud of you!
- Make shopping lists - groceries, clothes, travel! A list is a magical thing, a magic wand... And the husband is always reassured by the possibility of choice. A man from this list may buy something, but not buy something... out of spite. Well, let him think that he rules the world. And words-wishes written on paper tend to come true. Test it on sausage and toilet paper, then enter - jeep, villa, yacht... There are verified positive results. Don't be afraid to write, it's not like shooting.
- Real life example. From the recent past... Grelkina’s husband once gave her his credit card. Like, buy what you wanted for a hundred dollars. Marusya simply couldn’t believe her eyes and ears! I was happy. Then, he said, present the check. This was already worse! Marusya got up early and rushed to get the clothes she had been eyeing for a long time and tried on ten times. In general, she did not fit into this financial eye of a needle with her hereditary habits and demands. And from this skirt, trousers, belt, etc. she wasn't going to refuse. Moreover, the card sympathized with her with all its cash. And then Grelkina heard a voice from heaven right at the cash register - divide the purchases and order them in parts. In general, Marusya honestly presented the first check for one hundred to her husband, and simply threw the remaining five in the trash. With a bow, she thanked her boyfriend for the newly acquired “frying pan”, prepared a delicious dinner with cognac and at night... calmly tried on all the new clothes!
Note: Get rid of such a cheapskate as soon as possible. The main thing is that the next one is not an amateur accountant!
- The safest point is to accustom your partners to your requests.
- If I come up with something else or remember, I’ll add it!
In the next story I will tell you about gigolos and semi-alphonsos. By the way, very cute! How to use them correctly and not lose either money or your head!
What should you tell your child?
Sooner or later the child will grow up. And here the question may arise about whether he is the child of the father whom he always called dad. A child may notice that he is absolutely different from his father. He may accidentally hear that he is not his dad’s genetic child. In such a situation, you need to know what to tell your child.
If there is no need to reveal the truth, that is, the child does not ask about anything, then it is better to delay all revelations until the child reaches adulthood. And sometimes you don’t even need to say anything. If a child doesn’t ask, then he doesn’t need to know.
However, if your child has questions, you should not lie to him. Honestly admit that the baby’s father is not the biological father. If the child has a good relationship with his father, then the truth will not spoil it. Moreover, by telling the truth you will show that the child can trust his father and mother; they will not hide the truth.
If a child wants to meet his real father, then he should not interfere with this. It’s good if all this happens when the child turns 18, so that he understands everything that’s happening. Believe me, if the real father knew about the presence of a child, but never showed interest in him, then the appearance of a child in his life will not change the situation much.
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Abortion
If a wife is pregnant from her lover, then she should seriously think about having an abortion - this is exactly what you can read on the pages of many women's forums. However, as practice shows, not all women decide to take such a step. And later they often regret it, because in the end the situation may unfold in an unplanned way and the deception will be revealed at the most inopportune moment.
Some women believe that abortion is a sin. However, it is worth paying attention to the fact that in reality a woman who is thinking about this type of intervention is already sinful, because she cheated on her own husband and, most likely, more than once.
It is worth noting that when deciding on an abortion, it is necessary to pay attention to the presence of the risk of remaining infertile. It is especially dangerous when the woman has not previously given birth. If a woman does not want to become infertile, she must either take risks or look for other ways to solve the problem.
