Mother's love. I don't feel anything for my child

Lack of maternal instinct

Maternal instinct is the norm of female behavior towards her own child. It manifests itself in care and concern for him, as well as love and tenderness.

But it is also known that 7-8% of women do not have this feeling. What could be the reasons for this?

Women with developed hearing and vision

Or the so-called skin-visual women.

In ancient times, such women went hunting with their husbands. They could not give birth to children and did not experience any feelings for children. They were used to protect those giving birth. In fact, this is a mental disorder, because... A woman’s body, as a rule, contains a certain gene that is responsible for the formation of the maternal instinct.

The human psyche is divided into vectors. Men have developed several vectors. The female sex is a multi-vector creature. With the birth of a child, the maternal instinct awakens in her. Voice of the beast. Child's protective system.

Girls who have developed several vectors are a rare and quite cruel phenomenon. They are capable of murder and act mainly by emotions. But they were the ones who helped the human race survive. Acting on impulse, they saved entire tribes.

Existence of childless populations

Each person contains a “package” of genes and chromosomes responsible for conceiving children. Some people (both men and women) lack such functions. That is, they cannot have children. At all. With such deviations, these people cannot love children. As a rule, they treat them indifferently.

Delayed maternal instinct

This is the presence of an “unawakened” maternal instinct. There are many myths that the voice of the beast will awaken in the mother immediately after giving birth. Or in a day. But it happens that feelings do not awaken immediately.

Here are the reasons that may lead to delay:

difficult childbirth;
medicated childbirth;
C-section.

After suffering, a woman does not immediately feel love for her child. Instinct comes within a few days, and sometimes even months...

Psychological absence of maternal instinct

It often happens that parents pay little attention to their children, dysfunctional families or busy work...

Looking at such an attitude, the child develops a not very good memory. As a result, such children are not eager to have children. Subconsciously, protecting your creation from “dislike” and disappointment. As if saving them from disappointment.

Signs of lack of maternal instinct

Many women believe that love for their baby will come to them immediately after its birth. And they are deeply mistaken about this.

The instinct begins to develop at an early age, but reaches its peak 7 months after birth

This means that immediately after discharge from the hospital you will not feel great love and reverent attitude towards your baby.

The main signs of a lack of maternal instinct

Reluctance to be near the child. Anger and hatred appear, the woman does not need the emotions that the baby can give.
Feeling tired when performing activities related to caring for the baby. Any hassle does not bring any pleasure.
Lack of tenderness towards the baby. The woman tries to spend less time with him.

In order not to experience negative feelings towards him after the birth of a child, during pregnancy planning it is important to analyze: is it your desire to give birth, or dictated by someone.

Of course, you can raise a child without loving him. It’s just that the family will carry out the duties assigned to the woman without much enthusiasm.

The main signs of a lack of maternal instinct

Why don't you have feelings for your child?

Psychologists identify 5 main factors due to which maternal instinct may be absent. And only understanding the reason will allow us to take a serious step towards solving this problem:

Unplanned pregnancy . Carrying out the same actions to care for a child is not enough to awaken maternal love. And if the pregnancy was unwanted, it will be very difficult to force yourself to love your baby.
Difficult birth . When a woman gives birth to a child naturally, she feels her baby: albeit through pain, but then comes relief and euphoria. During a caesarean section, the expectant mother does not experience this. The child does not pass through the birth canal and does not stimulate the emergence of maternal instinct.
Lack of maternal love in childhood. If her own mother did not pay due attention, did not show love and care, it is likely that the woman will not be able to give her baby these warm feelings. She just doesn't know how to love her child. There is no need to compare yourself to other mothers. Each family has its own special atmosphere and interaction between parents and children.
Reluctance to breastfeed. Many psychologists are confident that putting a baby to the breast immediately after birth contributes to the emergence of maternal love.
Postpartum depression. After a woman becomes a mother, her life changes dramatically. Self-interests fade into the background, new worries, worries, and sleepless nights appear. All these factors lead to mental disorder - depression, which brings with it the absence of maternal instinct. It is unlikely that you will be able to get out of it on your own. This requires in-depth study with a specialist in this field - a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. It is quite possible that after recovery you will be able to place love for your child in your heart naturally.

Why there are no maternal feelings for the child

Childfree and childhate - what kind of life position?

These two definitions came to us from the West. They mean “freedom from children” and “hatred of children”, from the English word child - children, free - freedom, hate - hatred (childfree, childhate).

People with such positions in life are deliberately childless. They don't want to have children. “Haters” would generally like to destroy them. But unfortunately the law does not allow it. How do these people motivate their choice? What are they doing?

In their free time, they travel, enjoy various activities, and love animals. But in no case do they want children (refers to childfree). At the same time, children are often called insulting names, and mothers are given the nickname “ovulyashki”, “ovulyahi”. How does a person come to such a position? In what ways? After all, everyone is born with the same ignorance of the world.

Teenagers who came to childfree

They justify their path by saying that babies are evil. Sometimes obscene language plays with different colors in words. Among teenagers, few treat crumbs adequately. Most often the mood is aggressive.

If you interview the majority of positioners, then you can trace back a more or less difficult childhood for each, in which there are younger brothers or sisters. Against the backdrop of resentment towards parents, adolescence takes it out on children.

In general, it’s not for nothing that this period of life is considered the most difficult. Rearrangement of the psyche, puberty... Such childfrees leave hope that over time they will understand a lot and reconsider their views on life.

Girls under 22 who came to childfree

Here, as a rule, offended feelings manifest themselves. Unsuccessful love, pregnancy and abortion, ugly breakups. All this is quite difficult to bear, especially for girls. But they just need time for rehabilitation. In most cases, everything goes away.

Those who came to childfree in adulthood

Most often women. They usually hide it, but most likely they are childless. And in order not to talk about their problem left and right, they hide behind this position. Because nothing more remains.

Childfree – propaganda from Europe

Europe... Many people want to live by European standards. Receive high salaries and travel. Currently, homosexuality and the desire to live “for oneself” are flourishing among Europeans...

The same thing is happening in Russia. If people after 40 years old cannot be broken, then youth, please. The lack of children is “introduced” so that people give birth as little as possible. Smaller army size. Fewer patriots. Ideal puppets.

This type of childfree is usually educated people. They think a lot, read books, and engage in various activities. But they don’t want to “multiply.” Some even undergo vasectomy and sterilization surgery.

It is difficult for ordinary people to communicate with this layer of society. They tend to criticize all children and parents, commenting that the latter have no brains...

Childhate - child haters

Aggravated childfree position. They promote the non-birth, sterilization, and killing of children.

They believe that since they are of no use, they are not needed in this world. Moreover, most of them have a negative attitude towards all people, believing that they will always teach them about life and preach childbirth.

What to do if there are no maternal feelings for the child?

Good afternoon, dear Raisa. You are wonderful!!!

Your desire to understand your feelings and yourself is certainly admirable.

Be kind to yourself. Yes, your attitude towards your daughter now is not what you would like. But the maternal instinct may not “unfold” immediately. Your feelings are clear and understandable. The situation of having a baby is completely new for you. And it’s quite normal that you don’t feel any tenderness and trepidation right now. Your fears are natural. As soon as you gain experience, you will feel easier and calmer. And that same love will come and you will be infinitely happy that you have a daughter, and maybe not only her. Now you try to treat yourself more calmly, do not demand from yourself what you cannot give. Just live and enjoy every day. Time is inexorable. The day will come when you will smile at the uncertainty you felt when your baby was born.

Every day when you wake up, tell yourself: “I am the most wonderful mother in the world for my daughter. I experience different feelings - these feelings are mine and I accept them.” Take care of your daughter as best you can. If you need help or advice, contact your loved ones. Look for communication with moms like you or moms with more experience. You will see that many people experience feelings, sometimes even such seemingly terrible feelings as anger, and do not suffer from it. Man is multifaceted and unique. It is important to accept yourself, your feelings, thoughts.

And the main thing is that nature, God, if you like, takes care of you. You have all the resources to be a Mom. Hormones, biochemistry, etc. and so on. - all this works for motherhood. After all, the Lord God chose you to bring your daughter into the world. This means that he also made sure that you are the best mother for your child. You can give her everything so that she grows up in love and harmony.

When you feel negative towards your daughter, please put her in the crib or any other safe place for the baby and step away, count to 10, take a few deep breaths in your stomach and exhale - suck in your stomach. Do an eye exercise: up and down, left and right, and in circles, or comb your head.

Now go back to the baby.

When you manage to leave your daughter with someone close to you, REJOICE, enjoy this moment to the fullest, you deserve it. After returning home, thank mentally (or out loud, if you want), kiss your child that she gave you such an opportunity to be alone with yourself or with your husband or with anyone else. And don't forget to thank your relatives)))

Your physical ailments will go away if you just don’t want to make them bigger” and you constantly concentrate on feeling unwell. A woman has strength. God gives according to your strength.

Love, health and patience to you!

Best regards, NK.

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Maternal instinct

We doubt that it is possible to formulate an unambiguous and only correct definition of the concept - maternal instinct, since it is somewhat abstract and means something different for each person, depending on social and psychological maturity, level of education, moral standards of behavior, etc.

A little history

In different eras, maternal instinct manifested itself in different ways. For example, in the 17th century, children were treated without special manifestations of love and care, and when a child died, they considered it God’s punishment and did not suffer at all and were not sad about it. There are cases in history when the birth of a child was a tragedy, and death, on the contrary, was a joy. And only at the beginning of the 19th century did the maternal instinct begin to manifest itself in women. In the modern world, many can define this concept as the immense love of a mother for her child, her guardianship and care, as well as her effort to create the best and safest conditions for the life of her child.

What influences?

The maternal instinct appears in women when she is born; it is the woman's relationship with her mother that shapes her future attitude towards her child. But many women may never understand this happiness, and all because of the pressure placed on them by society and its environment. For example, when the birth of a child is condemned by loved ones, a woman on a subconscious level tries to get rid of her newborn child. This behavior is often called the lack of maternal instinct. Let's look at a few facts that will help you figure out why many women lack maternal instinct.

In the modern world, the presence of maternal instinct is not a mandatory point, since this is not the only role that a woman should fulfill. But this does not mean that care for the child will be shown to a lesser extent.
Maternal instinct is not always good, since sometimes such care manifests itself as mania. Custody can be so destructive that it only harms the child. Because of this, the baby may develop neurosis, low self-esteem and serious mental problems.
Many women experience postpartum depression, which manifests itself in a negative perception of a new life that has changed dramatically with the birth of a child. Also, the lack of maternal instinct is influenced by the large distance between mother and child, for example, if the mother decided to leave for work and the like.
You cannot judge the presence of maternal instinct based on a woman’s attitude towards other people’s children.
The maternal instinct in women has nothing to do with the ability to care for a child. Such knowledge can be obtained from books, the Internet, advice from other mothers, or from practice with other children. Feelings and the ability to change a child's diaper are in no way related to each other.
Many girls are afraid that with the appearance of a child in their lives they will plunge into pacifiers, diapers and stop feeling like a beautiful woman. But this is not at all true. Children feel great when happy parents are next to them, remember this.
If you lack maternal instinct, this does not mean that you are a bad mother. You will also take care of your child, give him medicine during illness, help with homework, but only without excessive care and excessive care.

Our whole problem is a society that creates right and wrong decisions, condemns many for their actions and punishes them for their decisions. But sometimes the opinion of society is a herd instinct, so people who believe that if a woman does not have maternal instinct, then she does not love her child are wrong. These are completely different concepts; every mother loves her baby and is ready to do many things for him.