Why is it so important to earn trust after cheating?
If those who entered into relationships on the side are ready to answer questions about what happened, then it may take a long time before they are believed again. We have witnessed that this is not easy for most people.
However, unanswered questions become an obstacle that prevents spouses from getting as close as they would like. Many people feel that they cannot trust their husband or wife if the latter refuses to answer their questions
To be trustworthy after cheating has occurred, the cheating spouse must be sincerely repentant. “How can I trust that they will be honest in the future if they are not willing to tell the truth about the past?” James's honest talk about his love affairs played a significant role in my trusting him again.
In fact, his sincerity served as a foundation for my trust that was not there before. Thanks to his willingness to answer all my questions, I began to rely on him more than before his adventures on the side.
If you want to earn trust after cheating, make sure that your actions match your words. For example, one husband, trying to reassure his deceived wife, told her: “Now you have nothing to worry about.” However, he did not tell her when he would come home or where he was when he came home. Although the meaning of his speeches boiled down to one phrase “Trust me,” his actions, however, provided a lot of food for mistrust.
Sometimes a single event can restore trust and confidence in a person in him or her. One husband, who completely lost confidence in his wife after her affair with another man, spoke about an incident that occurred six months after the end of the relationship.
She got a call from the guy she was having an affair with. He hoped they would start dating again as the noise died down. The woman, ordering him “not to disturb her anymore, said: from now on she is a faithful wife to her husband and values her marriage. And, more importantly, she told her husband about the conversation. Thanks to her sincerity, her husband was convinced that he had not trusted her again in vain.
Should I forgive my husband's betrayal?
This is a very controversial issue. There can be no advice here. Whether or not to forgive betrayal is up to you to decide.
The first reaction, as a rule, is to cross out everything that happened and kick the husband out of the house, forgetting him forever. This behavior is understandable and somewhat justified, but it is not the best option. Women are overly emotional creatures. There is a high probability that a few days after an angry breakup, you will want to see your husband, talk, and you will begin to get bored.
You definitely need to talk to your spouse, no matter how unpleasant and painful this topic is. Try to understand his motives, find out why he did this.
It may be that you began to neglect yourself, stopped paying attention to your loved one, and got bogged down in everyday routine. Understand that everything has a root cause, it needs to be found out. Another important point will be how much the spouse regrets his actions. Evaluate his readiness to break off the relationship with his mistress (if it was long-term) and the actions he takes to reconcile with you.
The best advice would be to try to calm down as much as possible and not make any drastic decisions until you cool down a little. This takes time, you need to be prepared for it. Your adequate and balanced reaction will be a big plus and will earn respect from your husband. You may need to take a time out and go somewhere for a week to analyze well and draw adequate conclusions. It’s just very important that you don’t go to your mom or friends for this, and don’t let strangers in on your family difficulties until a final decision is made.
How to forgive betrayal and earn trust
When people try to earn trust after betrayal, in most cases their path is not strewn with roses - but with thorns. At times, faith grows stronger and trust seems to increase, but then doubts take their place again.
I'm much better now than I was a year ago. I am almost sure that the former closeness will be established between us again, but sometimes I still doubt everything - about us and the rest. Even though I trust more now, I don't know if I will ever trust as much as I did before the deception.
People are often hesitant to trust their partner again after cheating for the following reason: they believe that by trusting, they were naive and do not want to make the same mistake again. Their concern is somewhat justified by the fact that their trust may have previously been based on a belief in the myth of monogamy.
It is built on the assumption that they will never have to face the phenomenon of extramarital affairs. Building trust depends on understanding that every married couple needs to talk about the phenomenon of extramarital affairs.
To earn the lost trust after cheating, they should make it a rule to find out the opinions and attitudes of their spouses towards monogamy, and not silently wonder what they think about this matter. For example, James honestly admits that he finds other women attractive and desirable.
His sincerity allows us to discuss what he experiences when he is not seduced by their charms. Thanks to an honest conversation, it becomes clear to me: yes, it’s true, I know him, and therefore it’s easier for me to trust him.
Many people are trying to decide for themselves the question: is it wise to trust a husband or wife after they have had a relationship with a third party? The answer, somewhat vaguely, is: “It depends...” It depends on whether they are aware of the relationship they are in with their husband or wife and whether they understand what is going on between them. It depends on whether they always confide their thoughts and feelings to their spouse or whether they mostly have to guess what they are thinking and feeling.
If you want to earn trust after cheating, the only way to stop guessing about the true state of affairs is to know it. However, knowledge of the true state of affairs may not be as comforting and reassuring as someone might have thought. What if you have to fight doubts? But you can’t arrange life in such a way that it will always be good. The question is what line of behavior to choose so that your soul finds peace.
So one woman, for example, was very worried because of the suspicions that gripped her that her husband was not indifferent to the charms of a certain person from their circle. They discussed this issue and agreed on the following: they do not need to specifically address this topic, but if one of them asks about it, then answer each other's questions honestly.
When she finally plucked up the courage to ask him about her suspicions, her husband admitted: yes, he sees that he is increasingly attracted to that woman. However, he managed to resist the temptation. Although his wife felt some anxiety at his words, she was glad that she asked him.
His sincerity lifted the weight from her soul, because she was afraid that her husband would not tell her anything. So the wife was convinced that they would not betray their obligations to honestly answer the questions posed.
How to learn to trust your husband again after cheating?
Name : Galina
I am 31 years old, married for the second time. I separated from my first husband three years after the wedding. He was drinking. When I met my second husband, he seemed ideal to me. He doesn’t drink or smoke, he’s handsome. He accepted his son from his first marriage well. In short, I thought it was LOVE FOR LIFE. He was the only child in the family, he was spoiled and he did not help me around the house.
Well, I thought the main thing is that he doesn’t drink and brings money into the house, and I can handle the rest myself. I gave birth to his son, but apparently, due to his youth, he did not show much care for the child. I also carried the children on me. Then, apparently, having nothing to do, he began to go to his friends, and then I began to notice that he was paying attention to other girls, I even caught him several times, how he pressed one, then the other, and he told me lied to my face that it seemed to me, I really thought, through rose-colored glasses, maybe it really did seem.
And then he cheated on me at every opportunity. He told me this when I found other people’s women’s things in our car after several years of my torment and suspicion, but I kept everything to myself, rarely gave him scandals, he said that I was making things up for myself. I thought maybe I was fooling myself, I found explanations, then the hair on his clothes, night calls, delays at work, etc. I just decided that when our child together grows up, I will leave so that I can get a job, since I suffered because of that that she was financially dependent on him. After his next spree, I sent him away. We lived separately for a month.
He abused me in every possible way, did not pay child support, although he knew that I had no money, even to feed the children. And then he apparently realized that he had lost us forever and panicked. He began to go and give gifts. Then I went to the hospital, he looked after me. when we lived separately, I got a young man. He was in a creative profession (his second husband works in the police, which has its own specifics. He does not show his emotions). And this one was completely different, sensitive, you could talk to him heart to heart. In short, I fell head over heels in love.
I thought I had found a kindred spirit. But he was not ready for a serious relationship. He was a little younger and apparently still wanted to go for a walk, or I again put on rose-colored glasses and came up with something for myself. He also had problems with alcohol... Also not exactly what I need for a calm family life. But still, I experienced with him that feeling that I didn’t have with my real husband even at the beginning of the relationship. In short, I myself started looking for meetings with him. When I went to bed with my husband, I imagined him. Because with him I have never felt so good in bed with anyone.
Several times when my husband was away, we met with him, I kept hoping that he would take a step towards a serious relationship, but this did not happen and I stayed to live with my husband. He was texting, and one day my husband got into my phone and saw that we were communicating. He made a scandal and I promised him that it wouldn’t happen again, but we still communicated, I wanted him to feel what I felt. when he came in the morning with the smell of perfume, and came up with various excuses, / He obviously felt it, he suspected scandals.
When I realized that family would not work out with that guy, we stopped communicating, but I remembered him for a long time, my husband was there all this time. , I thought that since he wouldn’t need me, no one would need me, although... I gave birth to my husband another son, although he wanted a daughter. I thought this would strengthen our relationship. It turned out that during pregnancy I lost my job. Now I am financially dependent on him again, the baby is only a month old, I am at home with three children. He is not greedy with money, we have everything. Now he pays for my studies at the institute.
In short, lately he has started meeting friends again and staying up late. He knows that I’m dependent financially and I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be patient. He almost doesn’t approach the child, he’s started to disappear more at work, and he’s in no hurry to go home. He doesn’t have many days off and these days he tries to relax with friends and he doesn’t care that I’m very tired with the child. He says, “this is your problem.” He might offend if I make a scandal and don’t let him drink with his “friends.” He stays up past midnight. I'm very hurt and upset, I'm crying. but he doesn't care.
It seems to me that he is cheating on me again, although I have no evidence, perhaps he has become more careful and does not scatter evidence as before, constantly disappears somewhere, answers questions evasively. In short, I am tormented by suspicions, and he seems to be mocking me. Doesn't take me into account. I say, if I start hanging out with my girlfriends and come home late drunk, will you tolerate it, he says no. And he behaves and knows himself this way. that this is bad and hurts me, or makes me angry on purpose. I say let’s break up, I can’t trust you, there were so many lies.
He doesn’t want to, he says that everything suits him and that it’s my own fault, I’m screwing myself up. How can I again believe that during drinking sessions with friends he will not cheat again. I’m scared, I’m afraid that no one will need me with three children, I’m afraid to be left alone, they don’t want to take me to work with children. And I worked in a store. You won’t earn much time, who will the children be with? So I endure, although I want to run far and forever. I suggest we live separately, he doesn’t want to. I try not to think about it. but still, when he disappears somewhere at night with friends, you want to howl. How to learn to trust him and is it worth it? Maybe it turns out that the same rake is happening again?
How to earn trust after your husband cheats - women's advice
To achieve this, everyone is able to effectively combat their suspicions. But at the same time, one should not succumb to the unrealistic idea that none of the spouses would ever find the other woman or man attractive. Instead, one must admit that it is possible that their husband or wife will feel attracted to another person, and not be tormented by doubts about what to do.
The benefit of a conversation on this topic is not only that the position of the spouses on this issue will become clearer. Discussing hobbies reduces the likelihood that someone will give in to them. After all, we will mainly talk about what probable and undesirable consequences passion will lead to.
When a person is inclined to have an affair, his or her thoughts usually linger on the possible pleasures. Hidden feelings, compared to those that are recognized and discussed, are more attractive and exciting. When secret desires are exposed to the cold light of day, their appeal eventually fades.
All couples, married or unmarried, should recognize that passions are inevitable and discuss how to deal with them. If you want to earn trust after cheating, you need to do it before outside relationships become a headache. If the specter of affairs on the side haunts neither the head nor the nervous system, then the relationship between the spouses becomes strained.
Because of this, the husband and wife may never be able to develop trust in each other. As the relationship develops, they must constantly express their opinions regarding monogamy and talk about their hobbies to others.
Here is another circumstance in which social factors play an important role. Since the practice of frank discussion contradicts the generally accepted code of silence, it is much more difficult for couples to discuss the issues mentioned above, which is necessary for a trusting relationship to be established between them.
And since the myth of monogamy perpetuates the belief that loving and faithful couples will not have an affair, it discourages discussion of such an important issue. Most people would prefer to resolve this issue once and for all. However, discussing the subject of monogamy is a long process. One conversation on this topic or one promise will not solve anything here.
How to believe in love
The article provides only those answers that relate to frequently asked questions, and all others will be answered if they are described in the comments.
How to believe in God's love
Everyone comes to faith in God in their own way. You can independently learn to believe in it and love it; without faith the soul dies. Faith is considered to be a relationship with God. Understand that God's love is in everything. God is love. His love and patience are endless for us.
How to believe in the love of a girl at a distance, a husband after his betrayal, a woman
To begin with, forgive, banish thoughts and fantasies on this topic. If a person repents and swears love, give him a second chance. You can only believe in a girl’s love from a distance by trusting, it is impossible to test your feelings, only time will show true love.
How to believe in a guy’s love again after betrayal and breakup, if you don’t already believe it
Relationships are built on love; if you have this feeling, you need to forgive betrayal. Start a new relationship after a breakup, forget past grievances, think that this simply did not happen. The guy, in turn, must do everything possible for complete forgiveness, protect, and care. Do not immerse yourself in your grievances or experiences, live in the present.
How to believe in love, sincerity and tenderness, advice from a psychologist, personal experience and a real life story
Let the person closer, give him the opportunity to prove that he is serious and determined. There is no need to remember the past in which you were offended. Not all men are ready for betrayal.
Galina Khmeleva: “At the age of 17 I met Anton, then I thought that this was the love of my life. A real feeling for which I am ready to give my life. Like all teenagers, we walked a lot, went to the movies and cafes. In the evenings he accompanied me home. 5 years later we got married, the feelings were the same as at first. Love, passion, emotions.
I couldn’t get enough of him, and neither could he. And six months later, I accidentally found out that he had another one. I couldn’t forgive him, no matter how much he asked, we broke up. After that, I couldn’t build relationships for several years. And only when I forced myself to forget, to look at men from a new perspective, to admit the idea that not everyone is a traitor.
I was finally able to communicate with the stronger half of humanity and accept courtship. The main thing is to understand in time that life passes. If you spend it on grievances and memories from the past, you can forever remain alone, without a future.”
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What to do to forgive betrayal
The best advice would be to let the man leave the family. If you see that he remains in the family and understands that he has stumbled, it is important to correctly go through the stage of forgiveness.
3 steps leading to a healthy relationship will help you forgive your husband and forget about everything:
- Getting rid of your own guilt . It is necessary to understand that the husband has destroyed trust. Stop beating yourself up for what happened. Both spouses are to blame; you cannot put the entire burden of responsibility on one.
- Analysis of relationships with your spouse . A wall of silence will not help you get through a difficult stage. Communication has healing properties. If you share your experiences and try to find out the reasons for your loved one’s actions, you will take another step towards restoring your marriage. To talk frankly, avoid reproaches, accusations, and high-pitched tones. Imagine that you are at a session with a psychologist and share the most frank.
- Creating strong bonds . Focus on the positive aspects of your married life. Remember pleasant family events, arrange romantic dinners to add a touch of positivity to your marriage. Over time, the betrayal will be forgotten and positive emotions will come, the relationship will normalize.
Remember that it will not be possible to trust your husband and love him again right away. Specific deadlines vary from person to person. In practice, it takes more than a year to create a healthy climate in the family. It is important to be patient and the goal will be achieved.
