The Power of Sexual Abstinence: "Not having sex was a big relief"

Why sex is so important for an adult

It's not just single people who feel the urgent need for sex. The reason for a long absence of intimacy may be the departure of a loved one, a serious illness, or deliberate abstinence for some reason. At the same time, the process of sex itself is extremely important for the human body. At the moment of intimacy, biochemical processes occur, on which hormonal levels depend. Today everyone already knows that disruptions in hormones can develop fatal diseases and psychiatric illnesses in humans. Here we are not talking about attacks of aggression or the development of depression, everything is much more serious. A surge or lack of production of certain hormones can trigger the development of cancer. At the same time, it is during sexual intercourse that a large amount of the hormone of happiness is produced, on which not only the achievement of a feeling of euphoria, but also the speed of the aging process depends. Including, this hormone is one of the best pain relievers.

A long absence of sex in life causes sensations on the physical level that can be compared to withdrawal symptoms in drug addicts. When they come is a matter of time.

Considering the fact that the whole issue here comes down to hormones, sexologists and scientists say that there are a number of things that can replace sex.

Foreign press about Russia and beyond

“In a world where you can find a sex partner faster than you can get a pizza delivered, finding romance has never been easier. Yet despite all that swiping right, a surprisingly large number of people don't have sex at all—not for religious reasons or because they don't get asked out, but because they think abstinence makes them happier. Some have never had much interest in sex, while others are taking a break to resolve personal issues, recover from bad relationship experiences or change their approach to relationships,” writes The Guardian.

“Catherine Gray, author of The Unexpected Joy of Being Single, gave up sex for a year in 2014. “Between the ages of 16 and 34, I was alone for no more than a few months,” she says. “I felt incomplete without someone else by my side and constantly craved approval. I had hit rock bottom and felt terribly broken after the end of a six-month relationship, so I decided to give up sex and dating for a year.”

“Although deleting dating apps from my smartphone was like “giving up drugs,” abstinence turned out to be a huge relief. “Instead of doing what my boyfriend wanted, I discovered what I liked, developing a love for yoga, photography and travel. I started dressing differently and no longer cared about attracting men. I began to perceive myself as a person, and not as a girlfriend or sex toy.”

(…)

“Comedian Eleanor Conway told people her three vices were alcohol, drugs and men. “I’ve always had an addictive nature,” she says. In 2014, she gave up her first two vices — “and my drinking behavior carried over to Tinder.” It's so easy for a straight woman to go on dates and find casual sex. (...) However, over time, with all these couples, too much came. “Dating became a burden, and any sex I had as a result was bad. The more sober I became, the more difficult it was to give in to casual acquaintances. (...)

“In 2020, she announced abstinence for a period of 10 months. “Surprisingly, it was a huge relief. I stopped seeing men as sex objects and women as competitors.” Conway found that her platonic relationships with men and women improved and she was able to focus on her career. She is now open to sexual relations, but knows that they will only begin if she has a real connection with a man,” the article says.

“Voluntary abstinence appears to be more common among women, but men can also become tired of casual sex. Tom gave up sex 18 months ago after his abusive relationship ended and he joined Alcoholics Anonymous to deal with his addiction problem. “I was promiscuous when I was drinking,” he says. “But I made the decision to start abstinence to promote my recovery.” He soon realized that he was using casual sex to mask his loneliness. Abstinence gave him the opportunity to deal with these emotions and improve other aspects of his life. (...) Although he admits that he sometimes misses sex, he believes that it is not worth risking his newfound happiness. “I will only have sex again if I know the relationship is right for me. A while ago, I dated someone for a few months, but we never slept together. It's good that we realized the relationship wasn't going to work before we complicated things with sex."

“Many people believe that a short period of abstinence is enough, but others make it a way of life. Shirley Yanez gave up sex in 2005 after serious health problems led to a hysterectomy. (…) “The best part of abstinence is the lack of distractions. I can fully focus on my passion, my purpose and my work,” she says. Over the past 15 years she has founded a business supporting British manufacturing; She also offers life coaching services to homeless people and youth. “I talk to young people about the mental health benefits of abstinence,” she says. (…) Yanez is not closed to sexual relations in the future, but they are not a priority. “Even though I never look for sex or a relationship, my lifestyle seems to make men more interested in me because they see it as a challenge,” she explains.

(…)

“People who are not in a relationship may feel like an outsider when they choose abstinence, but this feeling is often magnified for couples making this decision. (...) Amy and her partner Harry have not had sex in more than 6 of the 7 years they have been together. “It was never an important part of our relationship, and when he was stressed at work for a few months, he no longer wanted sex,” she says. “I felt relieved because I had never enjoyed sex.” Since then, the couple has been in a partnership - full of tenderness, but not sex. “Every evening we cuddle in front of the TV and in the morning when we wake up. He always kisses me when he comes home from work,” she says. They love spending time together and feel like they are soul mates. (...) “, the publication says.

“(…) According to Ammanda Major, head of clinical practice at relationship charity Relate, a relationship without sex can still be 'real' - provided, of course, that both partners are comfortable with the idea. “Most people want their partner to love them and care about them, and there are many other ways to experience this other than sex.” As for single people, Major says casual sex may be fun for some and not for others. “Sometimes a period of abstinence can provide time to reflect on what you really want for yourself,” she concludes.

How can you replace sex without harming your health?

Of course, every adult knows that masturbation helps relieve sexual tension and excessive arousal. However, all experts in the field of sexology argue that it is often impossible to engage in it, and not always possible. In addition, there are a number of things and products that are quite capable of activating the production of the necessary hormones that will relieve nervous tension from prolonged abstinence, without harm to the entire body.

People whose lives involve long-term abstinence from sex should first of all take care of a specialized diet that is aimed at increasing the level of a hormone such as serotonin. Products that contain a large amount of amino acids are suitable for this task. These include: grain bread, milk, fish, broccoli, chocolate, bananas and figs. These are the foods that should be present in the daily diet in small quantities.

Psychologists from England conducted their research on how to replace sex. Their work concluded that the right music is quite capable of increasing the amount of serotonin and relieving sexual tension. For such purposes, only cheerful musical compositions that evoke joyful associations in a person are suitable.

Another group of scientists from the same European country, studying ways to increase serotonin, found that a straight back and feelings of pride contribute to this. According to them, work or personal successes that evoke a feeling of pride in oneself bring the amount of serotonin to the same level as after intimacy. Accordingly, those who suffer from a lack of sex urgently need to start climbing the career ladder and doing good deeds.

The expert explained the reason for the emergence of a new sexual orientation

Not all colleagues agree with the bold statement of the deputy chairman of the All-Russian Association of Sexologists. Sexologist Petr Pomozov assured MK that behind the decision to abstain from sex for most men - if we talk about representatives of this sex - there may be many reasons hidden that they simply do not want to talk about.

“The main question is what exactly pushes a person to refuse intimacy,” explains Pyotr Anatolyevich. - It could be impotence, fear for the future, fear of starting a family, fear that the girl will reject him, in the end, a mental state.

- And if a person himself declares that he is not interested in sex simply because he has other priorities, why not believe him?

“I know a lot of guys who say they don’t want women, don’t want to start a family. They are now over 30, even over 35 years old. As a rule, these are mama's boys. It is easier for them to engage in masturbation than to create problems associated with relationships with women. But can they be grouped together and called asexuals? I doubt. Indeed, entering into a relationship with a woman today is not so easy. To do this, you need a free apartment, you need to look after the woman. But our pace of life is intense, and not everyone is ready for it.

- But there are people who do not experience sexual attraction?

- There are very few of them. But they always have been and will be. This is not a “new orientation.” But refusal of sex, as a rule, is not associated with this. What pushes people to this - we need to understand each specific case. I would say that in our country the reason is usually economic. Having a woman is expensive. You need to be well endowed. Do you need an apartment? Needed! Do you need a car? Needed! You also need to take him to the theater. And this, by the way, is 5-7 thousand rubles. And the salary can be only 30 thousand. Men are sometimes simply ashamed to admit that they have no money. They ask him: why don’t you have a woman, why don’t you get married? So he’s forced to come up with something, and he comes up with: oh, I’m asexual!

— Can we say that a group of such people has formed?

— I have never met or seen such communities of interests. It’s too early to say that this is some kind of direction. As for refusing sex, the situation is interesting. Because, take, for example, the 60s. From an economic point of view, everything was much worse: there were no apartments, no cars, nothing at all. We all lived in a one-room apartment together - and it didn’t matter, we still had sex somehow! And now there are too many conditions, everything has become too complicated... Most likely, the brain develops some kind of rejection.

— Why can teenagers and young people refuse sex? Their relationship with money is simpler; most are provided by their parents.

- There can be many reasons. They don’t love anyone, they haven’t met that same woman or man yet. Many have a fear of AIDS, of responsibilities. Young people are afraid of potential fatherhood. You can take anything and build it into a reason for refusing intimacy. Everyone has something different. But in general, if you go to any school, schoolchildren are now having sex at the age of 12-13.

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Some say that no one has ever died without sex, and they can live without it for many months. Others, after a week of abstinence, climb the wall and say that life without sex is not sweet. Why is that? And what can replace sex, if such a need arises?

First, let's try to figure out what sex actually gives us. Why is it pleasant to do it, and why does a person become, frankly speaking, dependent on it?

Scientists say that sex triggers powerful and diverse biochemical processes in our body. Hormones that provide pleasure (dopamine) and improve mood (serotonin) are produced in large quantities, and during orgasm, endorphins (the so-called “hormones of happiness”) are released into the blood, causing a feeling of euphoria. It is because of this set of psychotropic substances that sex is called a remedy for depression and the safest tranquilizer in the world.

Fortunately, these hormones are not only released during sex. Masturbation helps relieve sexual tension. And she's not the only one.

How to Increase Serotonin Levels

1. Go on a special diet. In order for serotonin levels to increase, you need the amino acid tryptophan, which is rich in bread, bananas, chocolate, figs, regular sugar, as well as milk, fatty fish and broccoli.

2. Listen to a funny song. Anyone who is afraid of gaining weight on a tryptophan diet can take advantage of the work of the English psychologist Thomas Camorro-Premuzic. This inquisitive scientist studied how music changes the level of serotonin in the blood of listeners, and even came up with a formula: S (serotonin level) = P (pitch) + Pos (positive) + T (tonality) + BPM (tempo) + I (pleasant associations) ). The title of the most serotonin-inducing composition went to the song “Wake Up Boo!” by the Boo Radleys. However, Camorro-Premuzic was somehow not interested in the opinion of Russian music lovers.

3. Stand up straight. In 1994, scientists proved that serotonin levels increase high social status and a sense of pride. The boss has more of this hormone than the subordinate. The entry of the Russian football team to the European Championship caused an increase in the level of serotonin in the blood of our compatriots, while in the British, on the contrary, it decreased. And the easiest way to instill a feeling of pride, and therefore increase serotonin levels, is to always walk with a straight back. After all, pride is associated with good posture, so by straightening up, we automatically become more confident in ourselves.

4. Take a pill. As a last resort, you can increase the level of serotonin in the blood with the help of medications: 5-hydroxytryptophan, which is involved in the formation of the hormone, or its reuptake inhibitors, such as Prozac. In addition, alcohol increases serotonin levels, albeit briefly.

How to Increase Dopamine Levels

Delicious food. Dopamine is unpretentious, its level increases from the very fact of eating, and increases no less than from having sex.

Have a smoke. If you smoke, know that nicotine also promotes the production of dopamine.

Go shopping. In 1995, scientists from the University of Kentucky studied the effects of shopping on women using laboratory rats. It turns out that in rodents that become accustomed to a new interesting cage, the level of dopamine in the blood increases - they get pleasure. The same thing happens when shopping. Moreover, the amount of the hormone depends not on the number of purchases, but on their anticipation.

Join the game. It doesn’t matter what it will be: preference, paintball or participation in the program “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”. The main thing is that some kind of prize looms ahead.

How to Increase Endorphin Levels

As for endorphins, besides sex, there are plenty of other things that contribute to their release.

Sweets, especially chocolate. It is not for nothing that a brand of chocolate was even released in France, which is advertised as a “Substitute for Sex.”

Opiates - heroin and morphine, synthetic endorphins - are the most dangerous substitutes for sex, and you should not experiment with them. In addition, the body, receiving endorphins from the outside, stops producing them itself. Therefore, if you stop taking drugs, a period of depression will occur.

Sport. The amount of endorphins released during sports is comparable to their amount after sexual intercourse. First of all, this applies to bodybuilding and martial arts, in which physical activity is maximum.

Stress. After resolving a tense situation, the body also produces endorphins. Stress can be anything: hard work, completing a difficult level of computer games, hunting... or, for example, spanking. According to Novosibirsk biologist Sergei Speransky, the level of endorphins after 30-60 blows with a rod on the gluteal region increases several times.

Art. Watching a movie, visiting an exhibition, listening to music and even your own creativity leads to the release of endorphins.

Money. On one of the forums, the girl stated that she agreed to give up sex if she was paid for it. For each day of abstinence. And what? Money, it also causes euphoria...

And finally, laughter is a simple, cheap and safe way to get hold of “happiness hormones.”

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