It is more difficult for a woman to find a chosen one. It is a fact. Men solve this problem more easily and quickly find a replacement after a breakup. Look, after a couple of months you’re back in a relationship, and six months later you’re married. For women, this journey takes much longer.
How do dating happen? Statistics say that 16% of couples will become close through mutual friends and acquaintances, 21% will build their relationship at work or study, 27% at public events, concerts, 30% will meet online (of which 10% on a dating site), the rest is given to chance meetings and purposeful acquaintance for family relationships through relatives.
Dating site: lottery
Are you looking for communication? Let's go to a dating site.
Still in doubt, but registration was successful. "Where to begin?" - you think and write information about your preferences, interests and the purpose of communication. “A very important point,” I’ll tell you. Women and men have slightly different ideas about why they came to the site. Women often come with plans for a serious relationship. Men with the same frequency look for opportunities for communication, flirting and non-binding meetings.
Not everyone understands this difference in positions, so if sites implement someone’s requests, then they are men. Women make contact in the hope of continuation, but there is none. And it’s no one’s fault that these two poles of life see relationships so differently.
It has always been this way. But the 20s gave a new trend.
Some young men entrust the activity in relationships to the woman: in every 50th questionnaire, the person filling it out invites the woman to write if she liked him, and refuses to be guided by likes as signs of attention to him and a signal to start a relationship. The wording varies from “write yourself” , “I don’t notice likes” to “I don’t write first”.
Tested on myself: is it possible to find the man you need on a dating site?
A correspondent for the Minsk-Novosti agency registered on a dating site and found out what men lack.
There are many resources where people are looking for a couple. I chose the first one that was offered to me by the social network. It contains hundreds of profiles. There are different men in the photo. Here you can sit on a sun lounger with a cigarette in your hand, or with a glass of beer on the street terrace, or with fish of various sizes on the shore of the lake. Some candidates post photos from ten years ago. So don’t be surprised if the brutal, slender, handsome man in the photo turns out to be shabby and with a beer belly when you meet him.
Do you like the photo? Click "heart". If the sympathy is mutual, then the man also clicks “heart”. And the correspondence begins. As a rule, when throwing a test balloon, they write a short: “Hello.”
...Vadim is 35 years old. The potential suitor got divorced two years ago. Looking for a girlfriend. He offered to treat me to ice cream. But at my house, since he lives with his parents and cannot invite him to his place. When she refused a date on her territory, he began to assure: “Don’t be afraid - I won’t pester you! Although all the women who talked to me are crazy about me.” He categorically refused to go to the cafe. This is where our communication ended.
...Sergei seemed smart and businesslike. He is 45. He talked long and beautifully about the fact that he is very picky in relationships with the opposite sex. He assured that he was looking for the one and only. Definitely intelligent and with refined manners. And... he invited me to his home for a closer acquaintance. For a couple of hours, no more. Mom is at work and promised to return soon. When she voiced her desire to treat herself to a cake on neutral territory, he immediately became shy: he was having temporary financial difficulties...
- Doesn't it bother you that I'm married? - asked the next gentleman Yegor.
Indeed, the questionnaire states: he lives with his wife.
— What are you doing on a dating site? - I’m interested.
“I’m looking for a girl,” he answers. - And what? It does not interfere. It’s inconvenient to meet people on the street, but at work everyone is married.
Further monitoring of questionnaires showed that approximately a third of men are married. Well, at least they're not lying...
Another online acquaintance invites you for a cup of coffee. 45-year-old Nikolai is handsome and fit - he takes care of himself and runs in the morning. I agreed to meet at a nearby cafe.
We drink coffee, and he… praises his wife: how good and efficient she is. They have been married for 15 years and have two children. Nikolai is a real Casanova, he changes his lovers like gloves. I broke up with the latter because she found someone unmarried and with serious intentions. Where do they meet? In hotels.
“The prices for the room are different,” says Nikolai. — Some ask for 100 rubles per day. It is expensive. It’s easier to negotiate with the administrator and pay directly for a couple of hours, so the date is cheaper.
- Why do you need mistresses if you have a good relationship with your wife? - I can’t resist asking.
“I’m temperamental,” he admits. “Besides, I love variety.” So are we going with you or not?
I deleted the questionnaire - it became boring, and I regretted the time for such correspondence and meetings. Of course, you can find a man on a dating site. It is possible that someone will be lucky with a serious relationship. There are young ladies who diligently monitor profiles, sometimes for several years, until they find someone worthwhile. But I got the impression that most men go to such sites for fleeting, non-binding meetings. And women play along with them.
Family psychologist Valery Pyastun comments on the situation:
— What are married men looking for on dating sites? Lack of communication and understanding?
— Dating sites are children's games for immature people. Women come to me for consultation who complain that their husband has lost interest in her. Why is this happening? There are two options. A psychologically immature man chooses a mother hen as a companion, like a caring mother: she cleans, washes, cooks, gives birth to children, earns money... At first, this suits him. But! They don't sleep with their mothers. So it turns out that the spouses are gradually moving away from each other. My practice shows: people lack emotional intimacy. Those who seek accessible, easy bodily pleasures will never be satisfied. It's an illusion.
— What should a woman do if she notices that her husband is actively visiting dating sites?
- First of all, you should deal with your fears. Secondly, never allow a man to humiliate you. What kind of women do men love? Self-sufficient. They don’t leave such people, they don’t cheat on them.
— Is it possible to find a decent man or woman, in your opinion, on a dating site?
- I think yes. Unfortunately, barter relationships using each other are more common in our society. Or they are looking for a couple, trying to solve their problems in this way. This is a road to nowhere. Women who are under 30 years old often come to me for consultation. They are in a panic: the biological clock is ticking, it’s time to get married and have a baby. Although deep down they are not ready. Men also face the same problems: they didn’t plant a tree, they didn’t raise their son, they didn’t build a house. A lot of complaints about yourself and others. When there is a deficit of self-love, you cannot build any healthy relationships with the opposite sex - everyone will pull the blanket on themselves. If you want to change something in your personal life, start rebuilding yourself.
What makes a man behave this way?
Which men on dating sites give the initiative to women? There are many reasons for this behavior. Let's look at some of them.
Reasonable precaution
The women on the site are very different. Communication with some may be problematic. Let's take a closer look at them.
- Bored. We will include among them those who wanted to take a break from household chores, work, and study. The information on the page does not correspond to the real state of affairs. They post someone else’s beautiful, catchy photo. They flirt willingly and postpone dates. Their distinctive feature is their reluctance to have a real relationship. Men often leave these beautiful pages disappointed.
- Princesses . As a rule, these are girls under 25, but there are 40-year-old dreamers. The questionnaires contain a lot of lofty words and fancy quotes. Slightly provocative poses in photographs add up to a high level of pretension, lack of depth and a colossal disconnect from reality.
Psychologists warn that by communicating closely with her, you risk causing problems for yourself: who knows how she will later evaluate your actions and whether she will write a statement to the police.
- Kept women. These are mature princesses. The claim to luxury is a distinctive feature of their page. Here the product will be shown at its best: a lot of erotic photographs. Strict material selection.
You will be preferred and given everything when you are successful, rich and single. Don't point out your well-being and they will filter you out themselves.
- Predators. Women with a bitchy character, often with negative experiences with men and an inferiority complex. Tough manipulation from the very beginning, the desire to profit at your expense or to take revenge on your former offenders with your hands.
And only 5-10% of women on dating sites, according to sociologists, are serious about relationships. They are distinguished by their complexes and suspicion. If you see that they are not manipulating you, they speak specifically, and agree to a meeting, then this is exactly this type of woman
All this makes a man be careful. And if you don’t want problems, demonstrate less success, and those who want to profit will disappear on their own.
Alpha male complex
Narcissism, unwillingness to sacrifice your interests, spoiled behavior, the habit of receiving - this is what the contenders for your heart will see behind these words. You are so confident in your irresistibility that you don’t even doubt that there will be those who will write. And so it is.
There are women who, on the way to an interesting specimen, do not limit themselves in terms of funds. And everyone will find what they were looking for.
Fear of rejection, complexes
It's not easy here. Schemes for building relationships have not been worked out. The man seems to say to the woman: “You will lead.” And the decision is hers.
It’s a pity that excellent chances for acquaintance may pass by, women with a patriarchal idea of the structure of the world, who are waiting for a man to start acting on his own.
Reluctance to take responsibility for relationships
If you start, it means you need it - therefore, they will expect activity from you. And a man is not always ready to do this. In this case, he doesn’t really need this relationship at all. The maximum is communication and a short meeting. Rigidity and categoricalness are repulsive, but even here there are women with emotional hunger or those who prefer such an intractable type of man. And may they all be lucky.
First communication
Now let's look at the nuances of the first communication. It is not necessary to wait for the young man to write. You can send a message first. And here many are at a loss as to what to write first on a dating site so as not to scare off the other person. Now we will give useful recommendations on this matter.
How to write a greeting on a dating site and find a good and loyal friend depends on the veracity of the data. If you write without embellishment, as everything is, and be interesting to a new friend, then he will reciprocate. And maybe this first and timid message will be the beginning of a long-term relationship.
What to write on a dating site? Examples
Let's look at examples of women's profiles:
- Simple, but tasteful. “Romantic girl, looking for an interesting conversationalist on any topic. I love humor. I'm not offended by my appearance. My weakness is walks in the forest and fried dumplings.”
- More complete questionnaire. “I’m not petite, but I’m quite okay. I love a cup of coffee in the morning and I just love walking in the rain. I love it when elders are respected. I like to talk about politics and argue. I usually win the argument. I don't like it when people lie to my face. I don’t like peeling potatoes or when the lights go out unexpectedly. If I’m not in the mood, then I say about it right away, so as not to offend people close to me with harsh words and actions...”
Both profiles are unique in their own way and will not get lost on the site. There will definitely be an interlocutor for such information.
How to write a correct profile for a man?
The correct profile of a guy should be drawn up taking into account the recommendations given below:
- For a woman, a man's name plays an important role. It is necessary that the name is not hackneyed and too simple. Foreign names sound good and are remembered. For example, the name Kolya does not sound very good, but Nikolas attracts attention.
- In the column about yourself, try to write the truth. But if a man is a cat person and likes to watch TV series, then it’s not worth writing about it. A woman is looking for an assistant and support, not a girlfriend. The profile of the guy from the village will also be passed by. So what should a man write on a dating site if women are so capricious? Yes, you can simply indicate your age. You need to write about a hobby if it is exciting. Collecting a collection of tanks may be interesting to few people. But scuba diving, traveling - such hobbies will only attract the attention of the fairer sex.
- In the section of requirements for the interlocutor, you should not indicate what shortcomings irritate women. If a girl falls in love, then she can get rid of bad habits, or over time they will not be so annoying.
- It is undesirable to specify the image of the chosen one. If you have a preference for brunettes, that's great. But it happens that it is the blonde who will be able to become the other half for which she was registered on the site, but she passed by the questionnaire. Since the profile states that the man loves brunettes.
- When describing your appearance, it is better to indicate everything as it is. You shouldn't lie about your height or boast about a bodybuilder's physique when your physique is normal. And if possible, ideally, it is better to indicate everything to the minimum than to lie.
- When describing a job, it is recommended to write in modern language. What can you write on a dating site? For example, the position of a police officer can be called a detective, a driver can be called a forwarder, and so on. Girls love newfangled and modern professions.
- You can embellish the financial situation a little. If your current income is not very high, you can write “financially secure” and not “enough to live on.” Any girl, even if she has no financial problems, wants to see next to her a person who can provide for her family. And if the correspondence develops into something more, then you will have to take care of earning money so as not to appear as a liar in the eyes of your interlocutor.
- It is better to write the truth about your marital status, but without details. For example, I had a girlfriend and broke up on a joint initiative.
- You can write about an apartment or a car. But you shouldn't pay much attention to this. Nowadays, a car is no longer a luxury. You can't buy a girl with a photo in front of a car.
That's practically all you can write about yourself on a dating site. In principle, there is no need to indicate anything unnecessary. All you need is a natural photo, truthful information, and tell a little about your hobby. That's all, the questionnaire is ready.
