My acquaintances often try to accuse me of overstuffing myself or simply putting on a good face at a bad game, but my boyfriend does not ask me to marry. No, really, I really don't want to get married. I guess I just don't have the value of a wedding.
It seems to me that many people, more often girls, focus on the ring, stamp and married status than on the state of the relationship within the couple.
But I don’t force my opinion on anyone. Do you want to get married? Advice and love to you!
Olga: “Every year I waited for him to propose marriage”
- We have been living together for 15 years, from the outside, anyone who doesn’t know will never think that we are not scheduled. My mother-in-law is coming to visit us, yes, that’s what I call her.
When we started dating, my husband had recently divorced and, of course, did not want another marriage. We were together for 3 years before our son was born. Naturally, every year I expected him to propose marriage to me. I won't lie, I really wanted a white dress and a wedding, and when we found out about my pregnancy, we decided to get married. But some acquaintance of her husband with the same unpleasant experience of divorce advised him not to sign, they say, let her be a single mother, receive additional payments and benefits for the child.
I was upset, but decided not to show it. She pretended that she didn’t really want to. As a result, when the child turned 3 years old, all the benefits ended, but the wedding was no longer relevant. We could have signed, but this is not a wedding, it’s just an entry in the passport. What would this give? Who cares?
My son is now 12 years old. I don’t work, I have a hobby that brings me a small income, but my husband provides for everything else. All these years we have been living together like an ordinary family, only without a stamp in our passport.
For official marriage
My family consists of four people: me, my husband and our two sons, two and five years old. We have been officially married for 8 years, before that we lived together for another 3 years.
My husband and I are both quite conservative and believe that the family must be formalized by the official registration of marriage. It is important for us that all family members have the same last name; this helps to unite into a single whole, where everything is common, including the budget.
Official marriage provides more privileges than cohabitation, because all financial issues between spouses are regulated by law. This makes it easier to overcome financial difficulties and save for something together. These are the advantages of a stamp in a passport that I see.
- Easier to resolve financial issues
For example, a year and a half ago I had an expensive operation in a private clinic. And my husband later received a tax deduction for my treatment without any problems. He did everything necessary himself, I didn’t have to fill out documents or travel anywhere. The same applies to children: he can apply for a tax deduction for the treatment of a child without having to provide any additional evidence of his paternity.
You can also give each other something expensive, and you won’t have to pay tax on it.
- Total budget
My husband is responsible for financial matters in our family. Despite the fact that I have a financial education and am a bank employee, due to my character I am completely incapable of saving money and spend it very quickly. To protect my income, it is more convenient for me to give it to my husband so that he can deal with the further distribution of common funds. Of course, this does not mean that I give every penny and cannot afford anything. I buy everything I need without any problems, I just always let my husband know about it. For example, every year I go on vacation with my friends for a few days, and my husband goes fishing twice a year. We always agree and outline a financial action plan for the coming month. This system suits us very well.
- Legal guarantees
In an official marriage, a woman and her children are better protected from a financial point of view. I have seen many examples of the breakdown of families, where the spouses were in an official relationship and where they were not. And for those who were officially married, the division of property was always simpler, and the woman was necessarily entitled to half of the jointly acquired property. In cases where common-law spouses separated, the woman was left with nothing, especially if she was a housewife.
- Benefits from the state
State programs for families are also important. Only officially registered spouses can use them. They may be entitled to a lower mortgage interest rate. There is also a preferential program for buying a car on credit, which we are just about to take advantage of.
- No problems with inheritance
I also think the right of inheritance is important. In the event of the loss of one of the family members, the inheritance will first be received by his officially registered spouse and children. And this does not require any additional agreements or wills.
So an official marriage is a guarantee of peace of mind for family members if something suddenly gets out of control.
Daria: “There is a feeling of uncertainty about the future”
- In fact, this is a very sore point for me. For my boyfriend, other people's opinions are very important, and among our friends there are no married couples. True, there are no people who have been together for so long; we have been dating for 10 years.
We met when I was in school, then I entered the same university where Zhenya studied. We dated all this time, and after I graduated, we rented an apartment and have been living like this for 4 years.
Photo source: unsplash.com
I would like us to sign, because you often hear unpleasant things from different people. For example, many people believe that Zhenya will not marry because he is not sure that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. Previously, I didn’t attach any importance to this, but every year that we live together, and there is still no marriage proposal, these thoughts take root in my head, and I begin to doubt. Thanks to my parents, they don’t pester us too much about this, but our grandparents are simply attacking us.
Everything seems to be fine: we live together, travel, communicate with friends, but there is a feeling of some uncertainty about the future.
Without a stamp in the passport: TOP 5 couples who did not register their marriage
Many Russian and, especially, foreign stars are in no hurry to register their marriage. Celebrities have been happy together for many years, some even raise children together, and the absence of a stamp in their passport does not in any way prevent them from building a family idyll. 5-tv.ru will tell you who they are - lovers who are in no hurry to get married.
Laima Vaikule and Andrey Latkovsky
Bass guitarist, composer and producer Andrei Latkovsky discovered Laima Vaikule as a singer more than 50 years ago. The celebrities met at an ordinary disco, after which a romance began between them. The lovers separated for a while, but fate brought them together again. The Latvian artist has repeatedly admitted that her chosen one helped her to reveal her creative potential and realize herself on stage.
TASS / Savostyanov Sergey
Anastasia Zadorozhnaya and Sergei Slavnov
Actress and singer Anastasia Zadorozhnaya and figure skater Sergei Slavnov have been dating for about seven years. The stars met in 2008 on the set of the “Star Ice” program. They were partners, and then unnoticed they fell in love with each other. Now they are no longer hiding their romance, but they are in no hurry to go to the registry office. Although a photo with an engagement ring has already appeared on the artist’s Instagram account, nothing is known about the wedding.
globallookpress.com/Anatoly Lomokhov
Natalia Vodianova and Antoine Arnault
Actress and supermodel Natalia Vodianova has been in a romantic relationship with French businessman Antoine Arnault for about five years. Recently, the socialite gave him his second son, Roman. Despite the fact that the lovers have known each other for a long time and have tested their feelings over time, there is still no talk of marriage.
TASS / Sebastien Fremont
Timati and Anastasia Reshetova
Rap artist Timati and model Anastasia Reshetova are raising their son Ratmir. The baby was born about five months ago. Star parents dote on their child and constantly share common photos on social networks. Apparently, Anastasia and Timati are good together, but they do not plan to take their relationship to a new level.
Instagram @volkonskaya.reshetova
Danila Kozlovsky and Olga Zueva
Russian actor Danila Kozlovsky began dating actress and director Olga Zueva in 2020. The union has also developed as a creative one: the couple often works together in various film projects. Fans are eagerly waiting for celebrities to announce their wedding, but the stars themselves are not in a hurry. Some fans suggest that the reason for this is the artist’s former marriage to Polish actress Urszula Malka, which ended in divorce.
TASS / Sergey Bobylev
Earlier, 5-tv.ru named the TOP of the shortest marriages of foreign and Russian stars.
Olga: “You can be a married couple, but live like a cat and a dog”
— We have been living together for 5 years, and together for 11 years. It seems to me that now there is a different attitude towards civil marriage. For me, it is unacceptable to have children out of wedlock. Now we sometimes talk about children, but there is no such goal yet.
For me, Nikita is a dear person, regardless of whether there is a stamp in the passport.
Well, maybe the attitude of those around you is different. What, they say, is a married couple. But, I don't really care about it, to be honest. You can be a married couple and live apart. Or live like a cat and a dog. If people want to disperse, will a stamp in their passport stop them? No.
What does a stamp in a passport change?
Our editor Vika Maltseva thinks about the need for a stamp in a passport.
They say that going to the registry office kills intrigue. They say that adult girls with deposit accounts in banks do not need this. They say that if you put this fatal stamp, in the morning you will catch yourself with an inexplicable desire - to burn your hair with a cheap bio-perm, wrap yourself in an elongated robe and run around the house, menacingly waving a tin ladle.
They talk about this so much and so convincingly that it becomes even a shame to want to get married. A-ya-ay, you are an educated, intelligent, short-sighted woman who falls asleep with a book on her forehead, who pronounces the word “cunnilingus” without hesitation!.. How can YOU dream of stuffy cutlet slavery? Why do YOU need this moral hemorrhoid? WHAT are you willing to trade your freedom soaked in flavored lubricants for?
– Do you know what will happen to you after the wedding? - threatens a twice-divorced friend, clearly not intending to listen to stupid romantic guesses. -You'll hate your man. Almost immediately. Every day you will wake up tired and broken, as if after the hardest drinking, disgustedly look away from his morning erection and silently run to the kitchen. So that there, alone with yourself, drooling at Vanya Urgant smiling from the screen, doomedly gorging yourself on baskets of dried protein cream and filling out receipts for electricity. This is how your life will become. And all because both you and your husband will understand: that’s it! we've arrived! You have nowhere to go. You are lifelong borrowers of a strict lending organization called Brak. You are debtors of your own generous promises...
After such words, one becomes terribly embarrassed for one’s impenetrable denseness. For this old-fashioned, decorated with grandmother’s pendants, the desire to feel like a bride, and not a cohabitant. For the humiliating desire to be “someone”. Because the combination of toothbrushes in one glass is not enough for you to believe: you are with this guy for a reason, for a reason. But I want to believe.
Nowadays, it’s even fashionable to get married quickly and in a hurry. As if a modest wedding is irrefutable proof of real feelings. As if you did this not of your own free will, but just for show – to reduce the number of Valocordin bottles on your mother’s bedside table. In 2013, the top priority is to legitimize your relationship as discreetly as possible. It's like you just sneezed in the middle of an important TV interview.
And God forbid you admit that you really want this damn white dress and guests with boutonnieres - more than going to Rome. That you, no joke, are ready to save for a year even on trips to a cosmetologist, just to save up a wagonload of money for the wedding ceremony of your dreams. That you sincerely like three-tiered cakes, buried in silk and chrysanthemums... Get ready: such confessions will automatically make you the sister of Nastya Volochkova - a smug, empty-headed upstart who kisses her own retouched portrait before going to bed.
Of course, the reasons for the described wedding phobia are easy to understand. Feelings on display are rarely alive. A stamp in a passport does not cement love. A wedding ring does not turn a bow-legged lazy beer addict into a caring hero-lover. A laminated marriage certificate does not help people forgive each other. Globally, this one-time ritual really doesn’t give us much.
But how inconsistent our girls are, snorting contemptuously after the wedding processions and proud of their free position. Those who turn a blind eye to the abusive assholery of their boyfriends for years. Works three jobs, in the evenings collecting the dirty plates of his perpetually unemployed partner near the computer. She considers herself an “almost wife” who regularly washes sperm stains from her “almost husband’s” office trousers. She swallows her resentment, watching him methodically get drunk on her long-awaited birthday.
Why is it so hard to believe: by refusing to get married and keeping your passport clean, you will not become more independent. Independence is basically something else.
If you know how to think independently, defend your choice, make private decisions and take responsibility for them, you will be free with or without a stamp in your passport. And everything else is just punctuation marks.
